Hideaway Heart: Chapter 14

SHE DISAPPEARED from view and I exhaled with relief. Only when I heard the bathroom door close did I pull my hands from my pockets. For a moment there, the compulsion to kiss her again had been almost unbearable. In three strides I could have crossed the floor and swept her into my arms, carried her off to bed, and stripped that wet dress from her skin.

My head could be buried between her thighs already.

Stifling a groan, I rubbed my face with both hands as the power flickered, then went off again. And this time, it didn’t come back on.

The bathroom door opened a moment later. “Xander?”

Immediately I moved toward her worried voice. “I’m here.”

“It’s so dark. I can’t see.”

“I’ve got you.” Trained as a combat swimmer, I was used to navigating in total darkness. Reaching the bathroom doorway, I took her by the arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah, it just took me by surprise. And I don’t—I don’t love thunderstorms. I’m actually a little afraid of them.”

“Yeah?” I led her across the hall into the bedroom.

“As a kid, I used to sleep in Kevin’s room during the bad ones.”

“He let you sleep in his bed?”

“No, he made me sleep on the floor.”

I laughed. “Did he at least give you a sleeping bag?”

“Nope. Just a pillow and a blanket. But it was still better than being in my room alone.”

I glanced at the bed. Swallowed hard. “Do you want me to sleep on the floor in here?”

“You’d do that?”

Realizing I still held her arm, I took my hands off her warm skin. “Sure.”

“There’s not much room.”

“It’s more room than I have on the couch.”

She paused. “Do you want to just sleep in the bed?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Xander, come on. Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you. Myself? Not so much.”

She laughed softly. “Okay, fine. You want the floor, it’s all yours.”

“Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I left the room and made my way out to the living room in the dark, my heart racing. Was she nuts? I couldn’t sleep in her bed. It was hard enough keeping my tongue in my mouth when she was standing next to me, fully clothed. How was I supposed to behave when she was lying beside me, wearing next to nothing?

Fuck no. It was out of the question.

My eyes had adjusted well enough to find my duffel bag and root through it for some sweatpants. After trading my jeans for the sweats, I grabbed the little leather pouch with my toothbrush in it and used the bathroom. When I came out, the door to her bedroom was open, but I knocked anyway.

“You can come in,” she called softly.

I entered the room and stood at the foot of the bed. She was already under the sheets, and my entire body yearned to join her, to hold her close during the storm. Take her mind off it with an orgasm or two. “Can you spare a pillow?”

“Of course.” She sat up and handed me one. “There’s an extra blanket in the closet.”

“Thanks.” Tossing the pillow to the floor, I opened the closet and pulled a thick fleece blanket from the shelf. Then I lay down on the rug between the dresser and the foot of the bed, spreading the blanket over my legs and tucking the pillow behind my head. “Night,” I said.

“Night,” she whispered back.

For a few minutes, I just lay there staring at the ceiling, listening to the steady hum of the rain on the roof, punctuated by the occasional rumble of thunder.

“Xander.”

“What?”

“This is silly.” She crawled to the foot of the bed and peeked down at me. “Just come up here.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You can’t be comfortable down there.”

“My comfort isn’t the issue.”

“Come on, we can put all the pillows between us. The Great Wall. The Iron Curtain. Want me to see if there’s some barbed wire lying around?”

“Yes.”

A piercing crack split the air, followed by a roar of thunder that made the floor growl beneath me.

Kelly thumped the mattress. “Get up here, you big lummox. Or I’m coming down there.”

Exhaling, I said a quick prayer asking for strength, then sat up. “Start building the wall.” I grabbed my pillow and walked around to the empty side of the bed.

She placed pillows in a line down the center of the bed, on top of the covers. “There. See? You have your side, I have mine.” She lay back and pulled the sheet up to her chin.

“You decent under there?”

“Define decent.”

“Pajamas. Top and bottom.”

She peeked under the covers. “Then I’m halfway decent.”

I groaned. “What do you have against pants?”

She laughed. “Xander, I’m all the way over here! My leg isn’t going to stray beyond the wall. And you’re all covered up with sweats and a T-shirt. Just get in.”

Taking the edge of the sheet in my hand, I hesitated before peeling it back. Because I knew—I knew—that if I got into that bed with her, something was going to happen. A fucking line of pillows wasn’t going to stop me.

I got in anyway.

Laying on my back, I pulled the sheet to my waist and put my arms at my sides, stiff as a mummy. “Happy?”

“Yes.” She rolled onto her side and propped her head in her hand. “Now let’s stay up late and tell each other secrets.”

“I told you, I don’t have secrets.”

“Oh, that’s right. Xander Buckley: no secrets, no fears. Just telling it like it is.”

“That’s me.”

“You should put that on a T-shirt. XB merch.”

“Maybe I will. I could sell it at the bar.” I stuck my hands behind my head.

She giggled. “So were you born fearless?”

I thought for a moment. “Maybe. Or maybe I was molded that way because I was the second kid. I was always trying to keep up with Austin. That meant I couldn’t be scared of anything he wasn’t scared of. And if he was scared of something, I had to prove I wasn’t.”

“Like what?”

“Like jumping from the garage roof into a small plastic baby pool with like five inches of water in it. He wouldn’t do it, so I had to.”

“Did you get hurt?”

“Fuck yes, I got hurt. Broke my arm.”

“Ouch.”

“I also had a big mouth, so I’d get myself in trouble by bragging I could do shit I couldn’t actually do, but if Austin or anyone else called me out on it, I had to at least try to back it up.”

“What would you say you could do?”

“Once, I said I could fly.”

“Oh no.” She started to laugh.

“It didn’t end well.”

“I’m afraid to ask this, but how did you try to prove it?”

“I stood on the back of the couch and tried to grab onto the ceiling fan. I figured the momentum would get me going and I might fly for at least a couple seconds.”

“What happened?”

“I broke the fan. Got a bloody nose and a black eye.”

“And yet you’re probably lucky it wasn’t worse.”

“My mom was so mad. Even Austin got in trouble, for letting me do it.” I paused as my mind wandered toward memories that were less physically harmful but had left me with deeper scars. “When she got sick, things changed. I changed.”

In the silence that followed, the rain seemed louder. “How so?”

“I was afraid.”

“Of losing her?”

“Yes.” Thunder rumbled, shaking the knotty pine walls as I went on. “And then when my worst fear was realized, I started to be scared of everything. And I hated it. I was fucking mad. Then one day I decided enough was enough and if something made me afraid, I had to face it down. For instance, I never used to like deep water.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Especially in a lake where you couldn’t see the bottom. Heights? I was fine. I’d climb any tree, scale any wall, ride the tallest rides. But that deep, dark water . . . it was the unknown. I was terrified of falling in and just sinking into oblivion.”

“How’d you get over it?”

“I jumped into deep water at every possible opportunity. Practiced holding my breath as long as possible. Became a good swimmer—have I mentioned my swim team records at the high school?”

Her laughter was soft. “Not yet.”

“A few of them still stand. Anyway, after high school, I did the thing I thought sounded the hardest and scariest—became a Navy SEAL combat swimmer. I was good at it because I knew how to overcome the panic and focus on the job.”

“You learned to compartmentalize.”

“I faced my fears.” It seemed like an important distinction. “I’m not afraid of deep water anymore. Or anything else.”

“Just me.” She reached over the line of pillows and poked me in the ribs.

I grabbed her wrist. “Excuse me, ma’am, you’ve breached security one too many times today.”

“I’m sorry! It was an accident!”

“I don’t believe you.” I kept my fingers locked around her arm, feeling the vestiges of my self-control crumble. “I think you keep trying to tempt me on purpose after you promised you wouldn’t.”

She giggled. “I swear I’m not. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. But I can’t let you off the hook without some consequence.”

“Name it. I’ll do anything.”

“There you go again. Tempting me to do things I shouldn’t. I wonder if country music knows its sweetheart is so evil beneath the sequins.”

“They don’t know anything about me,” she said seriously. “What they get is an act.”

“But they love it.” I rubbed my thumb along her inner wrist, my body starting to hum. “And you’re good at it.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice. No one wants the real me.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Maybe one person does. But he’s giving me some trouble.”

“What a dick. Want me to fuck him up?”

“Yeah. Just enough to send a message.”

“What’s the message?” I brought her arm to my mouth and pressed my lips where my thumb had been. Her inner wrist felt like satin.

“That he doesn’t have to be afraid of me.”

“Maybe you should be afraid of him.” Tugging her closer, I kissed my way up her arm.

“Well, I’m not. I trust him.”

“Why do you trust him? What did he do to earn it?” My lips reached the curve of her elbow.

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I just feel safe with him.”

Those words should have reminded me of my role as her protector, what my duty was, why I shouldn’t touch her. But they had the opposite effect—they pushed me over the edge.

Hitching myself up on my elbow, I flipped her onto her back, the wall of pillows trapped between us. I looked down at her face, pale and hazy in the dark. I felt her breath on my lips. “You are safe with me.”

“Xander,” she whispered, curling her free hand around my jaw and sliding it to the back of my neck. “Please let me be close to you. Even if it’s only for tonight.”

She pulled my head down and I sealed my mouth to hers. Her fingers snaked into my hair as my tongue eased between her lips. As the kiss deepened, I grew frustrated with the sheet twisted between us, not to mention the barrier wall. Scrambling to my knees, I whipped the sheet back and threw every one of those pillows to the floor.

“No more wall?” she asked breathlessly.

“Fuck the wall.” Eagerly, I ranged my body over hers again, but she stopped me with a hand to the chest.

“Take your shirt off.”

I grabbed it at the back of my neck and yanked it off. Immediately, she got to her knees and put her hands on me, skimming her palms all over my stomach, chest, shoulders.

“I saw you,” she breathed. “Earlier tonight, when you were changing your shirt. I saw you.”

Her touch sent gooseflesh rippling down my arms. “I saw you too. Days ago. Completely naked and dripping wet. And I’ve been losing my mind ever since.” I grabbed the bottom of her T-shirt and lifted it over her head, then wrapped her in my arms, our mouths colliding, our upper bodies pressing close. The skin-to-skin contact sent a jolt of arousal straight to my cock.

Our kiss was desperate and rough. Her palms on my back. My fists in her hair. My cock like a rocket ready to launch, trapped between us. I slid my hands down over her ass, inside her underwear, pulling her tight against me.

I’d never wanted so many things at once. I wanted gravity, heat, friction. I wanted to taste every inch of her skin. I wanted to feel her legs wrapped around me while I moved inside her. I wanted to make her come, hear the sounds she made as her body tightened around me, feel the pulse of her orgasm on my cock. I wanted to own her—the real her, the private her, the woman no one else knew.

But I had to make sure it was what she wanted too.

I tipped her onto her back and knelt between her thighs, bracing my hands above her shoulders. “Before we cross any more lines, I think we should talk.”

Her hands skated up my chest. “You want to talk? Now?”

“Yes.” But she was teasing my nipples with her fingertips, which made it difficult to use my words, so I sat back on my heels, out of her reach. “I need to know you’re okay with this.”

“You can’t tell?” Sitting up, she took me by the wrist, bringing my hand between her legs. “Touch me.”

Holding my breath, I caressed her through the silky material of her underwear, my cock surging as my fingertips found her swollen clit through the thin fabric.

“Inside.”

My heart pumped hard as I inched my fingers beneath the silk and found her warm, soft, and wet. I slid one finger inside her, and she moaned. Or maybe that was me.

“Now do you believe me?” she asked.

“Yes. Lie back.”

She did as I asked, and I slipped a second finger inside her, using my thumb against her clit. With my other hand, I reached for one nipple, teasing it with my fingertips, my cock aching as I remembered the pert feel of it against my tongue.

She lifted her hips, rocking them against my hand, her hands clawing the sheet next to her hips. “I want this, Xander. I want you. Tell me what you need to hear, I’ll say it. I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“That’s not how this is going to work, baby.” I took my hands off her only so I could shimmy the damp silk panties down her legs and toss them aside.

“No?”

“No. I’m bossy, but I’m not your boss,” I told her, pushing her knees apart and sliding down in the bed so my head was between her thighs. “I’m not the record label.” I pressed a kiss to the soft warm skin at my left cheek. “I’m not your manager or your agent or your publicist.” I rubbed my beard against the opposite thigh. “You don’t have to worry about performing for me. I don’t want an act. I don’t want to fuck Pixie Hart.”

She propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at me. “What do you want?”

“I want the real you,” I said, slowly stroking up the center of her pussy with my tongue. I did it again, lingering at the top, swirling over her clit, making a little X just to feel like I was leaving my mark. I nuzzled the swollen little sweet spot with my nose. “I want Kelly Jo Sullivan. I want to know how she tastes, I want to know how she sounds, I want to know what makes her come.”

“This is—this is a very . . . promising start.” She gasped and cried out as I teased and licked and savored. After an entire day of fasting, I let myself feast.

“I want to make you forget everyone and anyone else,” I said, easing my fingers back inside her, “because tonight, no one exists but you.”

She tasted as sweet as the perfume she wore, and I devoured her with insatiable hunger. Caveman grunting. Greedy sucking noises. I knew she was getting close when her hips began to buck beneath my quicksilver tongue and her insides tightened around my probing fingers. Falling back, she clutched handfuls of my hair and held me to her as I sucked her clit into my mouth and flicked the tip of it with quick, hard strokes. Her cries grew louder as the climax hit, and I nearly came in my pants as I felt her body pulse and quiver.

The tremors had barely faded when I felt her yanking me up by my arms. “Xander.” Her voice cracked over my name as she reached between my legs and stroked me through my sweatpants. “I want you. Now.”

My pants were halfway to my knees when I realized I hadn’t brought protection in here. “Hang on,” I said, pulling them up again. “I’ll be right back.”

Thanking my earlier-in-the-day self for recognizing that my honor was bound to lose the battle to my desire, I fished a condom from the box I’d hidden at the bottom of my duffel bag and raced back into the bedroom. I stuck the packet between my teeth while I ditched my pants and underwear, then knelt on the bed again.

Kelly braced herself on her elbows and watched me tear open the wrapper and roll the condom on. “Finally,” she said. “I get to see you naked.”

I fisted my cock, flexing my abs. “And?”

“And what?”

“What do you think?”

“I can’t tell you that,” she said, as if astonished I’d even ask. “Your ego is monster enough. It’s almost as big as your dick.”

“That’s it.” I grabbed her by the armpits and tossed her onto her back sideways across the bed, otherwise my head was going to hit the angled ceiling above us. Pinning her arms to the mattress, I buried my face in her neck and kissed my way down her throat to her chest, using my lips and tongue on each perfect breast, sucking the tight pink peaks into my mouth, biting them gently, enjoying the way it made her arch and moan.

“Enough,” she said, trying to drag me back up her body. “I need you inside me. I can’t wait any longer.”

Since my patience had also reached its limits, I did as she asked, stretching out above her and positioning my cock between her legs. For a moment, I thought about teasing her, giving her an inch or two, making her beg for all of me, but as soon as I eased the tip inside her, I realized I didn’t have the patience for any more games. I slid all the way home in one long stroke, both of us moaning at the sweet, sublime fit. She was warm and snug and velvety smooth, and I buried myself balls deep and stayed there for a moment, all my muscles tensed, body poised on the edge. If she’d moved, I’d have exploded.

But she stayed still too, breathing hard, her chest rising and falling fast. “Xander,” she whispered, her eyes closed, her hands clutching my shoulders. “Give me a minute.”

“I wish I could stop time right now. I’d give them all to you.”

She opened her eyes and ran her hands down my arms. “God, this feels good. How is it possible that two days ago I despised you, and right now, all I want is you inside me?”

“I don’t know,” I said, my body aching to move. My thighs were burning, my stomach tight.

“But you didn’t care what I wanted, did you?”

“I care now.” I began to rock into her with slow, rhythmic strokes. “I care deeply. I care hard. Let me show you how much.”

She moaned, digging her heels into the backs of my thighs. “Yes. Show me. Take me there.”

I had every intention of going slow, of showing off my skills in the dark, the ones I’d bragged about this morning, but it was like trying to harness a wild horse at a full gallop. Within minutes, I was driving into her with vicious abandon, deeper and harder with every thrust. The bed jerked away from the wall. Her fingers raked across my back. Our skin grew slick with heat. The tension inside me raged like an animal behind bars.

Slow down, asshole, I told myself, recalling that pink vibrator. She wants tickling rabbit ears. She wants swirling beads. She wants thirty-six vibrational patterns.

Dammit, I didn’t have any of those things! And all I wanted was to lose control, let go of this feeling for her—I didn’t want it inside me anymore. It didn’t belong there. It was confusing and infuriating and all her fault.

I slowed down and put my lips at her ear. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I growled. “You make me crazy. I want to protect you and fucking tear you apart at the same time. I want to make you feel safe while I fuck you so hard it hurts. I want to be a good man for you, but I also want to feel you come on my cock.”

“Xander,” she panted. “Don’t stop.”

“You’re so wet,” I rasped, thrusting faster. “So tight. And I can still taste you on my tongue.”

She grabbed my ass and rocked her hips beneath me, matching me stroke for stroke, murmuring incoherently as her body tensed up beneath me. Yes, yes, yes, you’re so good, right there, come with me, please . . .

Staying tight to her body, I kept my rhythm firm and steady on her clit until her head fell to one side, her mouth opened in a silent scream, and her pussy clenched my cock with tiny little pulses that sent me shooting for the stars.

Letting go completely, I plunged into her again and again, making her cry out with every savage thrust, guttural sounds coming from the back of my throat as I powered through an orgasm so strong it paralyzed my muscles while rattling my bones.

Aftershocks reverberated through my body as I tried to catch my breath. Realizing I was probably smothering her, I lifted my chest and looked down. Her cheek was still turned, her eyes closed, her mouth open.

“You okay?” I asked.

Her insides squeezed me once more, and she shivered. “That. Was. Incredible.”

“Look at that, we agree on something.”

She smiled and looked up. “Who’d have thought?”

“I’ll be right back,” I said, rolling off her.

The thunderstorm had moved off, but I could still hear the rain as I headed into the bathroom. I remembered that Veronica said it was going to rain all day tomorrow, and I thought about spending the entire day in bed with Kelly. Was that allowed? Or was this one and done? She’d said something earlier like only for tonight. Had she meant it?

After cleaning up, I went back into the bedroom and pushed the bed back into place. “Sounds like the storm has passed.”

Kelly rolled onto her side to face me. “I know.”

“Do you still want me to sleep in here?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Do we still have the no-touching rule?”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Ah, I think we can bury that rule. It’s good and dead.”

She laughed and tossed the covers back. “May it rest in peace. But I won’t miss it.”

I climbed in next to her, and she immediately tucked herself against my side, throwing an arm across my waist and laying her head on my chest.

“I know you’re probably not a cuddler,” she said, “but can I just have a minute?”

“How do you know I’m not a cuddler?”

“Just a guess.”

“Well, it’s wrong. I happen to be a fucking great cuddler. It’s my long arms.” I wrapped one around her. “See?”

She giggled. “But that doesn’t mean you like it. You can be good at something and not enjoy it.”

“True. I guess you’ll just have to trust me that in this case, I’m good at it and I’m enjoying it.”

“I trust you.” She paused. “It’s actually strange how much I trust you. I wish you lived in Nashville so you could be in charge of my security team there.”

“I’m not sure how well that would work,” I said. “I’d probably punch anyone who got near you. And anyway, I’m out of the security business. This was just a favor for your brother.” At the mention of Sully, I expected a stab of guilt. I was surprised when it didn’t come.

We were both silent for a moment, listening to the rain drum softly on the roof. I stroked her shoulder and breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. Our breathing synced, and I found myself getting drowsy. My eyes closed. My hand stilled. My body relaxed.

“Xander?”

“Hmm?”

“I have to confess something.”

“What?”

She sighed. “I’m not really afraid of storms anymore. I just wanted you to sleep in here.”

“It’s okay. I lied about something too.”

“What?” She sat up and looked at me.

“I did want to kiss you last night. It wasn’t all for show.”

“Oh, that.” She snickered. “That was obvious.”

I pinched her butt. “Also, I saw your vibrator in the shower.”

She gasped. “You snooped in my shower?”

“I wasn’t snooping. I just sort of . . . peeked behind the curtain. But believe me, I was sorry I did it.”

“Why?” She covered her bare chest demurely. “Did it ruin your image of country music’s sweetheart?”

“No, but it gave me a slight insecurity complex. It has bits and bobs my anatomy does not have.”

“Oh.” She laughed, dropping her arms. “Yes, it does. But you’ve got nothing to worry about. It doesn’t come close to you. I’d take your anatomy over a toy any day.”

“Good.”

“In fact, I shouldn’t tell you this, because you’ll get ridiculously smug about it, but I’ve never had two orgasms so close together before.”

I pumped a fist in the air. “Fuck yeah. Want a third? I’ll make it happen right now.”

“I need a little break, overachiever, but maybe tomorrow you’ll demonstrate more of your magic.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Her head tilted, and she spoke coyly. “I’ll even let you play with my toys if you like. They’re hidden under the bed.”

“Toys? Plural?”

“Hey, I thought I was going to be alone for two weeks, remember? You were a surprise.” She walked two fingers across my chest. “But since you’re here, we can play together.”

“So this isn’t just for tonight? Earlier, you mentioned something . . .”

“I think I was just trying to get in your pants.”

“It worked.”

“So if you’re up for it, we could continue exploring this new, agreeable side of our relationship while I’m here.”

“I’m up for it. But don’t be too agreeable,” I told her. “I like a little bit of a fight.”

“Challenge accepted.”

She put her head down and snuggled up to me again. Her breathing slowed, and once or twice she sighed with contentment. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spent an entire night in someone’s bed. My last few dalliances had been quick little one-night romps, the sexual equivalent of a candy bar. Good enough to take the edge off your hunger, but lacking the satisfaction of a full meal.

Kelly was something else entirely. My appetite was fully sated, and yet I wanted seconds. The fire was already building again. And those toys? I had so many ideas . . .

“Xander?” Her voice was soft and sleepy.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad my brother saved your life.”

“I am too.” In fact, I wasn’t sure I’d ever been gladder. Life was pretty fucking great at the moment.

“And I’m glad you’re here with me. I’m sorry I tried to make you leave.”

“I was never going to leave,” I said.

She held me tighter. “I know. I like that about you.”