The woods surrounding Kilkwood become our temporary home for the next few weeks. Each morning, Kesuk, Arabelle, and one of Asteria's guards head into town, spreading word of our cause and the princess's allegiance. Each evening, they return with more allies to add to our list from the day before. In the meantime, I practice my self-defense and teach Asteria. We additionally spend some time each day hiking to Cantersard Lake so that Asteria may continue to practice her magical abilities in privacy. I watch in both fear and awe as the magic gives her newfound strength each day.
Every few days, we move camp to lessen suspicion of our whereabouts. One of Asteria's guards is always stationed nearby, and he commands when we need to move due to soldier activity. Thankfully, the cold weather seems to keep the soldiers at bay, and no citizens wandering through the woods have come across our camp either.
I grow used to sleeping in a tent and preparing food outdoors. Asteria also seems to adjust to a routine removed from the royal life she was used to. Her flowing dresses and fanciful outfits are replaced for proper pants and outdoor wear, which has aided in her ability to practice hand-to-hand combat. Without all the dresses and make-up, I find that she is even more attractive, as much as I continue pushing my feelings down the longer we spend time together.
The only nightmare that greets me each day is shooting training. For at least an hour every morning, I watch Asteria's skills sharpen, while I am plagued with visions of Zofia's death and clumsily try to handle a gun. I have been scolded both by Vasa and Asteria's guard multiple times for not being safe with my aim, when in reality, I think I am naturally unskilled. Some days I aim better than normal, but I don't feel I'm making as much progress, especially when I compare my progress to Asteria's.
On another one of those mornings, the winter air is colder than normal. I shiver some as I hold the heavy gun to my chest. Everyone waits in anticipation as I shoot. I try to ignore the screaming sounds of Zofia ringing in my ear. As I pull the trigger, the bullet flies far to the right, away from the target that Vasa has set up. I let out a frustrated curse and set the gun on the ground.
"I can't do it!" I exclaim.
"It's all mental, Fetia," Vasa says. "The more you practiceâ"
"But I have not gotten better!" I tell him. I glance behind me at the princess. "Asteria's aim sharpens every day, but I have not come anywhere close to hitting a target."
"You will get better, I'm sure," Asteria says sweetly behind me, but I'm too frustrated to listen to her.
"Fetia," Vasa says, lowering his voice so the others cannot hear as well. "I know you don't want to use the gun."
I stiffen. For a moment, I think Vasa might understand my pain, but I realize then he only thinks I do not want to use it because of my own values, not because every time I hold it in my hands, I feel the stickiness of Zofia's blood on my palms.
"I...I'm trying," I say, and it is true. Though the visions taunt me each morning, I do my best to push past them to focus on sharpening my shooting skills. "I just cannot get the bullets to go where I want!"
"If I may interject," Asteria's soldiers says, "It may be that a rifle is not well-suited for Fetia. She is small, and we found it was best to provide our leaner soldiers with smaller weapons, like a shotgun."
Vasa sighs. "But we do not have one. There's no chance you can reach out to Magewell again, Asteria?"
Asteria shakes her head. "I haven't been in contact with them in weeks. To do so now would reveal our location, and given the number of allies Kesuk and Arabelle are gaining for the coup, I don't think it would be wise."
I reach for my belt, feeling for the weapon that seems to be permanently attached to my body. My heart quickens as I feel for it. I know it will be just as difficult attempting to use it as much as the gun, but at least I have better chance at a sharper aim.
"It is not a gun, but I have a knife," I admit to Vasa, holding it out to him.
Vasa's eyes it with curiosity. "Ah, right. I've seen you with it before. That may be perfect for you, Fetia. I've seen you move. You're quite agile. A smaller weapon may come in handy."
"Though it will not prove much in a fight against guns," Asteria's guard interjects.
"Can that be a problem for another day?" I beg.
"Are you skilled with the knife?" Vasa asks.
"No," I admit, staring down at the metal blade. I know how it works, having seen the way my mother used it to drain Zofia's life, but in all the time I kept it, I never was tempted to use it. It was something I only intended to use when my life was in danger, but even then, I have been hesitant to wield it. Holding it in my hands, I'm greeted by the sounds of Zofia's dying screams once more.
"Why don't you practice with that for now?" Vasa suggests. "It won't win in a war against guns, but it can buy us time until we can get you a more effective, smaller weapon. Kesuk uses knives for hunting, right? He can probably teach you some skills when he returns today."
"Okay. I'll ask him," I say, though inwardly I do not want to. As Vasa and Asteria's guard wrap up her practice, I turn over the knife and inspect it. Though clean, I can still recall the way Zofia's blood clung to it. Asteria's laugh rings through the air as she chats with the others. I guiltily wonder too how I almost managed to use it on her, too. A worse vision clouds my head then, of what would have happened if Asteria's blood were on this knife instead.
I glance up, finding Asteria staring at me. Quickly, I shove the knife back in my belt. I hope she takes no notice of its effect on me, but as we wrap up our training, she asks Vasa and her guard to go ahead for a few moments. I open my mouth to object, then close it quickly, knowing that Asteria always gets what she wants, regardless of how I feel.
"Why don't we sit for a few moments and enjoy a snack?" Asteria suggests.
I nod, and we find a nearby fallen tree trunk to rest on. She bites into an apple, offering me some, but I shake my head. My appetite has completely vanished in the last hour.
"I hope you're not too frustrated by what happened today," Asteria says.
I shake my head. "No. Honestly, I'll be glad not to handle a rifle for the time being. I guess I'll see what Kesuk can teach me about defending myself with a knife," I say. I wrap my fingers around the knife's hilt on my belt, too scared to take it out and look at it.
Asteria hums and returns to eating her apple. She takes a few bites, then glances at me again. "Is something wrong?"
I stiffen. "No."
"You've always been a poor liar, Fetia."
"Iâ"
"That knife. I thought it looked familiar. Was that the weapon used to kill Zofia?"
I lower my head in shame. "Yes."
Though I spoke to Alba of Zofia's death, it is still a subject Asteria and I have not broached. I have been too fearful to bring it up, wondering if she despises me for what occurred. Even if Zofia and Asteria may not have been on great terms after Zofia injured me, I am sure that Asteria still cared for her maid in some capacity. Asteria seems to recognize this too, because her following words cause my blood to ring cold.
"You've not spoken much of the incident," she says. Tension lingers through the air. Instead of her normal gentleness, her words are cold, and I can tell immediately there is hurt buried in them.
"I've been too scared to talk about it," I admit.
"Why do you carry it still, then?" Asteria asks.
"I don't know," I say, holding my head with my hands. "As an act of repentance, maybe?" Tears sting my eyes. I turn to look at Asteria, feeling the grief increases when I see pain reflected in her eyes. "Asteria, I'm so sorry. I know it does not undo the crime or my role in it, but...I do want you to know that my mother was the one to take her life, not me."
Asteria sucks in a deep breath then, whether from stress or relief, I'm not sure. I continue, feeling she is owed the details.
"I met my mother in the woods near the estate. Zofia was on a walk that evening too and overheard my mother and I discussing our plans. My mother threw the knife before I had time to process what was happening," I say. I pull the knife from my belt, finding my hands shaking as I grasp it. "I'm haunted by the memory of it all. Every time I reach for this knife or try to use the rifles, I can hear Zofia's screams. I wish I could have done something, but I froze in the moment. I could not do anything to save her. I think deep down, I knew that if she lived, my mother's plans would be ruined. I don't know what else I could have done in that moment."
Asteria lets out a long sigh. "I'm at least happy to know you're not a murderer," and it is then I know that Alba never mentioned our conversation to Asteria. "And yet, I remember that evening well. We slept in my chambers and made love like any other night, and I..." Her voice grows weak. "I cannot understand how you did that. To think I was adoring a woman who had killed my maid only a few hours before..." Her voice comes out low and shaky, and only now do I see the physical manifestation of the anger that Asteria has only alluded to before.
Somehow, I feel my own anger rising in the moment. I do not expect her total forgiveness, but a foolish part of me was hoping for her sympathy.
"What else could I have done? Told you the truth?" I ask.
"Yes," Asteria snaps. "I asked you again and again to be honest with me."
I clench my fists. "Don't pretend to act noble. You would have had me locked up the moment you knew I was responsible for Zofia's death and learned my mother's plot," I counter. "Don't pretend it is so easy. You would not have liked what I had to say, even back then."
"But I could have tried to protect you," Asteria says.
I glance away, not sure what to say. Our current conversation is how I envisioned our reunion occurring, full of bitter remarks and arguing as our emotions ran high. Suddenly, I wonder how Asteria has managed to show kindness to me for this long when it is clear my betrayal still weighs on her deeply.
"Were you really going to kill me?" Asteria asks quietly.
"Iâ"
"Did you seriously consider it?" Asteria asks once more.
"Yes," I answer honestly.
Asteria huffs and rises from the log. I quickly grasp her wrist.
"Asteria, wait, please," I say. "You have to know by now I would never let harm come to you. I decided that same evening that I would never hurt you. Please, can you believe that I still deeply care for you?"
I expect Asteria to pull away and march off, but she slowly removes my hand from her wrist and sits once more, taking a few deep breaths.
"You do not understand the threats my mother made," I say to her, feeling my throat grow chalky with emotion. "I know you probably do not trust me as you did. Maybe you never will, even if I desperately want to earn your trust back. But please believe me when I tell you that I am terrified of my mother. She has manipulated me and my sister all my life, using her so-called love as a weapon for us to perform her own dirty work. She threatened to remove me from Esterpool, from you, and to send me to work in the caves in Landiani, where I no doubt would have been injured or killed. She has never had any regard for my safety and well-being."
"And yet your loyalty to her seemed to shine through quite often," Asteria murmurs.
"I thought the only way to make her proud was to follow her plan," I explain. "I entered into Esterpool wanting to be a hero, not just to my country, but also to my mother, so that I could prove to her that I was not worthless. But as the days went on, she became dissatisfied with my progress. I battled over her approval and my love for you every single day that I was there. When she threatened to remove me from Esterpool, I...I got scared. I thought I was throwing away what I worked so hard for, not realizing at the time it was never what I truly craved. I'm sorry it took me so long to choose you over her. When I held that knife in my hands over you, I felt that if I were to kill you, I would kill myself right after. I knew then I no longer cared about the consequences of disobeying my mother. I just wanted to be with you. Don't you get it? That's why I wanted us to run away. I was trying to save you from your fate in my mother's plan, but by then it was already too late."
Asteria keeps her gaze averted from me and sits in unusual silence. She takes a deep breath, then speaks low.
"You never answered...do you still love me?"
I frown. "Asteria, you know I cannot answer that right now," I say. My throat pains me as the words leave my mouth. "We need to keep our sights set on the plan."
Asteria lets out an exasperated sigh and places her head in her hands. "Your mother...she does sound like a monster, and eerily similar to my father. I relate, and I am sorry for the way she has treated you. But..." I hear her suck in a shaky breath. "Forgive me, but I cannot comfort you today. Talking about this has reawakened old wounds. I can't do this right now." Quickly, she stands and rushes off.
I let my hand fall limply and sigh. I suppose it is what I deserve.
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Asteria and I keep our distance in the afternoon. For the first time ever, I'm frightened of her. I know there is nothing I can say or do that will cause her to forgive me. Even if I were to reveal to her that my love for her still ran deep, I do not think that it would be enough.
I am relieved when Kesuk arrives back in the late afternoon. I approach him eagerly, wanting to escape my tense situation with Asteria to ask him if he will train me with the knife, but his face conveys worry as he returns to camp.
"I think we should relocate tomorrow," he announces.
"What happened?" Vasa asks.
"Don't worry. We weren't compromised," Kesuk says. "But now that the townsfolk are hearing rumors of the princess's involvement, the soldiers are getting word too. A vendor at the market told me today that a new shipment of soldiers are set to arrive tomorrow, presumably to look for the princess and the assassins responsible for King Ruben's death."
"So it seems I made the right choice in breaking off contact with Magewell. Though it's too bad we have no more chances using my connection to them as an advantage," Asteria says glumly.
"We used your resources as best we could," Kesuk says.
"What about our allies? Is there not more work to be done in Kilkwood?" I ask.
"I have seen every nook and cranny of Kilkwood by now," Arabelle says with an air of disgust. "I think we have done enough."
I expect this to be Arabelle's usual, annoyed attitude, but Kesuk surprisingly agrees.
"We've gained some allies and spread word. We've always discussed continuing to move our efforts south. Arabelle says Olnfield should not be more than a day's hike," Kesuk says. "From there, we can start camping out around Kensington Lake. It will be nice to have a change of scenery, I think."
"And is Arabelle saying this truthfully?" I ask, eyeing her. "Moving us to Cantersard Lake was how she sent the guards after us the first time."
Arabelle scowls at me. "Do you think I would have had time to set up an elaborate plan with a guard accompanying me at all times?"
"Unfortunately, I can vouch for her as well, Fetia," Kesuk says. "She has not done anything suspicious while we have worked around Kilkwood. So...does that all sound acceptable?"
I rock uneasily on my feet. I fear we are moving too quickly, but I cannot tell if that is my own anxiety or intuition. I know most of all, I fear being discovered by soldiers. Reluctantly, I turn my gaze to Asteria, who, despite keeping her gaze averted from me, is still listening.
"Asteria? Would you agree?" I ask.
She makes eye contact with me briefly, long enough for me to still see the hurt in her eyes. "Yes," she says simply.
"Then, let's plan to leave tomorrow morning," I tell Kesuk. "Unless of course you think we should pack up immediately."
"There are only rumors circulating for now, so I think we should be safe so long as we leave at dawn," Kesuk says. The others nod in agreement, and everyone begins to disperse. I pursue Kesuk back to his shared tent with Vasa.
"Something wrong?" he asks. "If you have concerns about relocating to Olnfield..."
I shake my head. "Vasa and I spoke about my weapon training today, and we both agreed that I would do better with a smaller weapon. We don't have any smaller guns on hand, but I do carry a knife," I say, holding it out to show him. "I figured you may be skilled since you're hunting, so I was wondering if you could show me how to use it."
Kesuk nods. "Sure. I'd be happy to teach you."
"Thank you," I say.
Vasa approaches the tent and smiles at us. "What are you two up to?"
"Kesuk agreed to teach me how to defend myself with a knife," I explain.
"It'll do you some good. I couldn't stand watching you struggle with that rifle anymore," Vasa says, patting my shoulder.
"As if you were the best teacher," I respond, rolling my eyes. "Kesuk, what do you say we go out and train right now? I'm eager to learn." The knife that once felt heavy in my hands suddenly seems light at my waist. Perhaps if I learn to use it well, I can prove to Asteria that I am not the murderous beast she thinks I am, that everything I did in Esterpool was a move of self-defense. And if I can get better hold of the knife, maybe the visions of Zofia's death will cease too...
"I'm impressed by your enthusiasm, but we should probably wait until we arrive to Olnfield," he says. "We should focus on eating a good meal and packing tonight."
"Oh." Disappointment must weigh heavy in my face because Kesuk instantly speaks up.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
Vasa joins too. "Yes. Did something happen between you and the princess? You two have been ignoring each other all day."
"I..." I falter, hoping they hadn't noticed. "We had an argument earlier today."
"About what?" Kesuk asks.
"I think she is finally beginning to feel the sting of my betrayal," I murmur. "We were speaking of old wounds, and she became angry."
Vasa's eyes widen. "Fetia, if you think that she's going to abandon this plan and turn us inâ"
"No!" I shout. "I think it's just a bit tense between us right now, but I do not think it would escalate to that." I turn to Kesuk to back me up, but he seems equally concerned. "I promise, we will make up in no time. We bickered sometimes in Esterpool, too. Our personalities just tend to clash sometimes."
I know this is a time that telling them the whole story of time in Esterpoool would be enlightening. Vasa's eyes almost plead for me to share more, but I know I do not feel comfortable telling them just yet.
"If you suspect that the princess will betray us, then please tell us immediately," Kesuk says.
"Okay."
"He means it, Fetia," Vasa urges.
"Okay! I hear you both loud and clear," I say. "Let's just focus on getting to Olnfield for now. I'm sure the princess and I will work out whatever differences we have when we get there."
I walk away then, hoping out discussion is resolved, but I hear Kesuk and Vasa's quiet whispers as I leave their tent and return to mine. I can only hope what I say is true, that Asteria and I will make up eventually. However, doubt stirs in my stomach, and I begin to fear that perhaps I have finally misjudged the woman I love.
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The next afternoon, we arrive to Olnfield, located in southern Flumensia near Lake Kensington. Our hike is smooth, and we are unbothered. However, the anxiety I would have had over being pursued by Magnuvian soldiers is replaced by the fact that Asteria is still keeping her distance from me. On the hike, I remained in front with Kesuk and Vasa, while she chatted loudy with Alba in the back. I assure Kesuk and Vasa that we will make up soon, but in the days that follow, we do not.
Asteria asks to practice some self-defense moves on her own while she takes a break from magic training. We relinquish our shared weapon training so that I can train with Kesuk. We have our first day of training on a cold, winter morning. I follow him deeper into the forest, until we find a comfortable spot to practice. He brings an old hunting knife of his own to demonstrate the ways in which to wield it, as well as how to dodge knife attacks as well. I learn quickly that, despite his subpar combat training, he is more skilled with a knife than I would have thought.
"I've mainly used knives on animals, but I have had a few run-ins with soldiers as well that have forced me to draw one," Kesuk explains. "Now, why don't you try mimicking a few of the moves I showed you? With the knife sheathed, of course."
I nod and shakily pull the knife from my pocket. Already I can hear the sounds of Zofia's screams beginning to pound in my ears, but I try to fight through it again. I watch Kesuk, mimicking some of the moves he has already demonstrated to me. It pains me to fight through it. I find that attempting to use the knife is even harder than the gun, and the intrusive images of Zofia's death only worsen the longer we practice.
"Now, let's practice a fight. Keep the knife sheathed, but try to see if you can tap me with it," Kesuk says.
He charges at me, and my natural instincts easily set in. I dodge his punches quickly, getting into close proximity with his body. Yet, as the knife comes close to touching his chest, I remember again the vivid way the knife sunk into Zofia's flesh. Suddenly, I drop the knife and fall to the ground. I hug my knees to my chest as I desperately try to suck in deep breaths of air.
"Fetia? Fetia!" Kesuk says, kneeling beside me. He touches a hand to my cheek, and I try to focus on the warmth of his palm. Sobs begin to take over my body. Kesuk kneels beside me, rubbing my back soothingly as the pain of Zofia's death floods through me once more.
When my tears begin to cease, and my breaths return to normal, only then does Kesuk try to talk to me again.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I...I cannot do this," I say, tears stinging my eyes. I look at the knife discarded beside me, too afraid to reach out and grab it. "I knew it was a bad idea to try to use that knife, but I was so tired of using the rifles. But every time my hand touches that knife, all I can hear is her dying screams, and every time I close my eyes, I see the all the blood. So much blood."
"Fetia, take a few more deep breaths," Kesuk urges. "What are you talking about? Whose blood?"
I manage a few more deep breaths, then dryly swallow.
"Zofia. Asteria's former maid. The one my mother killed...with that knife," I say, glancing over towards it.
Kesuk glances at the knife, his eyes widening.
"You never said..."
"No. I didn't want to talk about it. It pained me too much," I murmur.
"Would it be helpful to talk about it now?' Kesuk asks.
I suck in a deep breath and nod. I tell him a minimal version of the story, one that leaves out my feelings for Asteria. Kesuk nods and listens intently as I explain how Zofia witnessed a treacherous conversation between myself and my mother, and how my mother took her life with no remorse and expected me to do the same with Asteria.
"I've carried the knife around since, thinking I would use it to defend myself one day, but all it's done is weigh me down," I explain. "I feel sick every time I look at it, knowing how it was used to kill Zofia."
"Does the princess know?" Kesuk asks.
"Yes. The reason I fled Esterpool was because one of the other maids discovered me with the murder weapon. I finally gathered the courage to talk to Asteria about the incident and apologize, but all we ended up doing was bickering. She's still angered over the matter," I say.
Kesuk sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry you had to witness that, and I'm sorry your mother tried to put you into a murderous position. I wish I had known earlier. I wish you had told me and Vasa. Perhaps we would have better understood your opposition to weapons..."
I shake my head. "It's too late for that now. We'll need the weapons as a form of self-defense. I understand that now. But I don't know how to get over this mental block. I'm afraid Zofia's death will haunt me forever."
Kesuk frowns. "Your argument with Asteria is a matter you two will have to figure out between yourselves, but in terms of your own dilemma in practicing with the knife, I want you to know you're more capable than you think. I cannot imagine the weight of this memory on you. It's true that it will probably stay with you forever, but it does not have to be paralyzing forever. I'll share a secret. When my father first took me hunting, I cried over the first rabbit I killed. I wondered how I could willingly kill another living being. But as time moved on, I grew to learn the importance of my own survival, that money was scarce and hunting for our own food helped ensure my family's health. And so it became a trade-off. The animal dies for my survival, but I kill it as humanely as possible. And it took practice to make sure that was the case.
"Fetia, you fear this knife because you've only ever seen it used to kill another human being. That is not what it is always intended to do, especially in your case. You training with this knife is a form of self-defense, to preserve your own safety. No one is asking you to use this knife to kill. In fact, it may work merely as a form of intimidation. It all comes down to the situation you put yourself into," Kesuk says.
"I don't want to kill others with it," I murmur.
"You don't have to. I can teach you points on the body that will cause injury and buy you time for escape, rather than end another's life. The more you practice with the knife, I think the more you will trust it to do your bidding. Once you control it, you'll learn it is not always intended to be evil."
"You think so?" I ask.
Kesuk nods. "We can keep practice as short as you need it. Anytime it gets too overwhelming, let me know, and we can cease practicing that day. I do think it will be beneficial for you to use it regardless though, if not for your own safety, to heal from the pain that knife has caused you. Are you up for it?"
I take a deep breath and stare at the knife on the ground. An image greets me again of Zofia's death, but this time, I make the conscious decision to grab the knife, to try to envision a future where it is being used to protect myself and my loved ones, not cause harm. I grip the handle slowly and pick it up from the ground.
"Yes. I think so," I say.
"Good. Let's stop for today though. It's clear you've been through enough. We'll train tomorrow, okay?"
I nod. "Thank you, Kesuk. Truly."
Kesuk smiles warmly. "Of course. Thank you for trusting me enough to share all that with me. It must have been a heavy burden to carry on your own. If anything else ever weighs on you, you're free to share it with me."
I smile and thank him, though guilt weighs on me that I still do not have the courage to tell him about my love affair with Asteria. As I rise and gather hold of myself, I figure that discussion can wait until another day.
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In the days that follow, Kesuk and I begin training slowly, taking breaks as needed and cutting practices short as well. Though carrying the knife is still a heavy burden, it becomes easier to grasp when I start to learn how to defend myself with it, rather than learn how to kill with it.
In the meantime, Kesuk and Arabelle waste no time getting to work in Olnfield. Rumors of the princess's alliance must have spread because their search for allies becomes even easier than when they were in Kilkwood. I should be excited at the success, but the tension between Asteria and myself threatens to suffocate me, especially the longer we go without speaking or training together.
One afternoon, the winter air is the chilliest I have felt yet. I keep glancing at the clouded sky, wondering if it may snow. Arabelle has told me snow in Flumensia is rare, but it does happen on occasion. In the distance, Asteria sits and chats with Alba outside of their tent. Jealousy stirs within me. I had thought our disagreement would not last longer than a day, but it has been close to a week now, and I cannot take the tension much longer, nor can Kesuk and Vasa, who seem more concerned every day that the princess is going to betray us and keep urging me to resolve the situation.
The winter air sends a chill down my spine, and I find that the fire I am sitting in front of no longer provides any comforting warmth. As Asteria's laugh reverberates through the air, I put out the remainder of the dying fire and march over to her, hoping my eyes are not too inflamed in frustration. Asteria and Alba's conversation ceases as I approach.
"We should be practicing self-defense," I say.
"I am managing just fine on my own," Asteria says.
"I would like to see the progress you have made."
I expect Asteria to deny me again, but she stands and rises. "Very well. At least it may give us some reprieve from the cold. Alba, can you go find some firewood so we can get a better fire going?"
"I'll do my best, Princess," Alba says.
As I walk with Asteria deeper into the woods, we maintain our silence. The Olnfield woods are more dense than those around Kilkwood, so I do not take us far, worried about us losing our way. I keep checking back to see that Asteria is still pursuing me since her lack of speech gives me no indication.
"I will warn, it's hard to practice your defense moves alone," I say to Asteria.
"That is why I have asked one of my guards to assist me at times," Asteria counters.
"Then, let's try right now." I turn to face her and get into my fighting stance. I know inwardly we are far too emotional to spar, but I also think it may do me good to get some anger out. Asteria approaches me and swings a punch. I immediately duck, though I am impressed by her speed. My foot collides with her ankle, causing her to trip and sprawl out in front of me.
"See, you still have much to learn," I say, annoyed.
"Your years of training are not going to measure up to my few weeks," Asteria snaps. She immediately leaps back up, and before I can react, swings a punch into my side. I gasp as the air is knocked out of me. Since when has she managed to regain her energy so quickly? I want to be impressed, but I am instead angered with myself that she managed to get a hit in. I cough and clutch my side as the pain spreads.
"Fetia, are you okay?" Asteria asks, now sounding more like her mild-mannered self. "If I actually hurt youâ"
"I'm fine. I was just distracted," I say. "Let's go again," I say, motioning her towards me.
We spar a bit longer. I realize Asteria has been practicing, though my skills still outmatch hers for the time being. We are quiet while we spar, but I find that to be acceptable. After all, there is not much we have to say without hurting each other these days. However, there is something odd about the progress she has made. It feels like she has improved considerably just in the time we have been in Olnfield alone.
We pause for a break, and I finally feel warm in the cold winter air. As I stretch my arms and legs, Asteria takes a seat on a nearby rock.
"I still think you have more to learn, but you are improving," I say.
"I told you that I was practicing," Asteria repeats. The annoyance in her tone has quickly returned. I suppose it was silly of me to think that sparring would naturally break the tension between us.
"Still, what about your magic training? You should not be taking breaks for so long. What if it drains you energy again?" I ask.
Asteria is quiet. Suddenly, I realize why her self-defense has improved.
I'm enraged. "You have been training, haven't you?"
Asteria wrings her fingers together. "Just for small bits of time during the day."
"You shouldn't do so alone! What if a soldier sees you? Or what if you pass out? I thought we agreed that you would practice when I was with you."
"Believe it or not, Fetia, I am not a child," Asteria sneers. "Trust me. I know my limits, and I would not try to do more than I can handle on my own. And frankly, I have not been in the mood to practice with you this past week. I've needed space. If it helps at all, I did not ask anyone else to come with me. You are still the only one who has seen me practice."
"I..." There are many things I want to shout and say. Even more than that, I want to kiss her and end this tortuous relationship I have created for us since she has returned. As I try to navigate my anger and hurt into tangible words, I see movement out of the corner of my eye and stiffen.
Up on the hilltop are two figures. One wears a long cloak that looks more familiar the longer I stare at it. The other figure turns their head, and I suddenly recognize that shortened dark hair that I know glows golden in the sunlight. Though far, their stares burn into my soul, and I feel the coldness of winter all over again.
"We need to get out of here right now," I say suddenly.
"What?" Asteria asks, confused.
I grasp her wrist and begin pulling us away into a jog as we race back towards camp.
Asteria twists at my grip. "Fetia, what is going on?"
I run a few more paces before halting. "I just saw my mother and sister on the hilltop."
Asteria shakes her head. "No. You cannot believeâ"
"It was them. That cloak? I have seen my mother wear it before when she has visited me in Esterpool. The other figure matched my sister's appearance. Remember what Arabelle shared? What I've been warning everyone about? That my mother and sister were potentially living in Olnfield?"
Asteria pauses as the weight of my words settle over.
"Come on," I say, beginning to run again. Asteria seems to grasp the urgency of the situation then and rushes after me. Despite Kiana's threat before I left, I never felt my mother and sister would actually harm me. However, if they caught me with Asteria, I do fear that they would kill both of us.
We make it back to camp, our lungs burning from the cold air. The others turn and stare at us oddly. Thankfully, Arabelle and Kesuk have returned from the day. Arabelle sits with Alba at the stove, clearly starting dinner as the scent of roasted vegetables floods through the clearing.
"What's the matter?" Vasa asks.
"We need to get out of here now," I say.
"Soldiers?" Kesuk asks, glancing up.
"No. My mother and sister," I say.
"We can take them," Vasa offers. "Was it just the two of them? We outnumber them. We can beat them easily in a fight."
"It is not the fight I worry about," I say. I quickly glance towards Asteria. "They will try to pursue us if they know the princess is with us. They will do whatever they can to thwart our plans. We need to move out of here now, to Torville, or some other town. I know that they will try to do whatever they can to stop usâ" I gasp, heaving for breath once more as anxiety fills my body.
"Calm down," Kesuk says. He places his arms on my shoulder. "Take a few deep breaths. Are you certain it was them?"
"Yes," I say.
"And are you certain they saw you?"
"Less so, but I don't want to take a chance on those odds," I say.
"And Asteria? Did they see her?" Kesuk asks.
"I don't know. Potentially. We were talking. They could have overheard us."
Kesuk sighs. "And here I thought we were making good progress in Olnfield. Let's pack it up, then!" he shouts to the others.
"You cannot be serious," Alba replies.
"I'm sorry, did you want to have a polite conversation with the assassins who murdered your father?" Vasa asks.
"But they are not Magnuvian soldiers," Arabelle retorts. "Shouldn't they be on our side?"
"But they are anti-royalty, and they will try to harm Asteria," I say. "I know my mother, and she will do whatever she can to stop us if she discovers the extent of our plans. She will try to kill Asteria, and potentially even harm me, her own daughter. We have no choice but to play it safe."
"Let's leave, then," Asteria murmurs. She appears to be shaking. Her guard coaxes her nearby. "I do not want to camp in Olnfield any longer if my father's murderers are nearby."
The heartbreak in her voice makes me want to run and console her, but our disagreement was not resolved, and tension still lingers between us.
"Pack it up. Swiftly," Kesuk says, looking to everyone. "It's time to move our efforts to Torville."