Chapter 21

In the days that follow, we prepare to relocate to Kilkwood. Kesuk accompanies Arabelle into town to buy necessary supplies for our journey, Vasa and Alba bicker at every spare moment, and I practice my own self-defense and aid Asteria with her training. Her technique grows better each day, and in the moments of solitude she practices her magic in front of me, I find that her magical endurance has increased as well.

I begin to preemptively mourn our time spent at Arabelle's cottage as the days pass by. I try to memorize the cobblestone path leading to the front door and the softness of the cotton sheets on my bed. I chuckle at the living room stuffed full of Kesuk and Vasa's belongings and the kitchen stove that Alba fights to get working every morning. Most often, I gaze out the window towards Cantersard Lake, knowing I will miss the view since our camping excursions will probably not afford shoreside living arrangements.

Despite the pain I feel at leaving the cottage behind, I'm less frightened, even with the thought of no reliable shelter in the future. I could never openly admit it to her now, but having Asteria beside me makes me feel like I can tackle any journey, however large or small.

The evening before we leave, we gather in Arabelle's living room to discuss our plans for the forthcoming day. Our supplies are carefully stacked in a corner. There is more to carry than last time, and Kesuk has warned us already we need to be sparing with what we bring. At the very least, he and Arabelle purchased larger packs for us to efficiently carry camping supplies in addition to our normal necessities. I stare curiously at a large bag I watched Asteria's guards bring in this afternoon from town. The dark bag looks heavy, and I wonder who will get the joys of carrying it.

"Tomorrow, we'll rise first thing in the morning and travel to the outskirts of Kilkwood, on the southeastern side of Cantersard Lake," Kesuk explains. "We'll be near the town, but still at a distance from where the soldiers harvest magic on the southwestern shore of the lake. Regardless, everyone should be vigilant in case any soldiers lurk nearby. Though we've only begun practicing our self-defense training, it may be time to test those skills already."

Asteria clears her throat. "That reminds me." She glances at the large bag I noticed earlier, and motions at one of her soldiers to retrieve it. As he unclasps the bag, he lifts up a rifle. Judging by the bulk of the bag, I realize a couple more lie underneath. My eyes widen, as do the others. Whereas my shocked gaze is one of fear, Kesuk and Vasa seem delighted and intrigued.

"I was wondering why we picked that up from the post office earlier today," Kesuk says. "Your guards were very quiet about what it contained. How did you manage to acquire these?"

"I requested some additional weaponry from Magewell," Asteria explains. "The shipment arrived this afternoon, just in time for our departure. Now we will be well-armed from this point forward. There are a few rifles in there that we can bring with us."

"What about weapons for Kilneu?" Vasa asks.

"Those weapons should be on their way," one of the guards answers. "There are a few trusted Magnuvian soldiers up north who will collect the shipment and see it falls into the correct hands."

Everyone seems delighted by this announcement, even Alba and Arabelle, who are usually indifferent to our scheming. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, especially as I stare closer at the long rifle in the guard's hands. I think of the power of its bullets and how heavy it must feel in one's hands. My throat grows dry thinking of how I could use that weapon to kill another human being.

"I do not think I will be able to afford the same weaponry to our allies in Flumensia," Asteria continues. "I've been thinking, and I should probably cease my communication with Magewell now before they they catch onto our plan."

"That's too bad, but you're right," Kesuk says. He reaches for the rifle from the guard and inspects it curiously. "Vasa, you will have to teach us how to properly shoot."

Vasa smiles weakly. "I'll do my best, although my marks weren't very high in training."

"My guards will be happy to help, as well," Asteria interjects.

Kesuk nods. "We'll have to be wise about choosing when to practice with them. Especially once we are in closer proximity to the town."

"Hunting is common this time of year," Arabelle interrupts. "It won't be strange for any of the civilians to hear gunshots from the forest."

I'm surprised by her sudden helpfulness, finding that she usually likes to sit and sulk in the corner while we strategize, only speaking up when Asteria commands her to.

"Then I think this will all shape out in our favor," Kesuk says.

I clear my throat now. "In addition to the soldiers, please do not forget my mother and sister may be lurking nearby. I hope they are staying in Olnfield, but they may be travelling to the same areas as we are. I am sure by now everyone knows their description after seeing their wanted posters spread across the empire, but I can fill in the gaps as needed, too."

"Yes. A good reminder," Asteria says. I see her own nerves set in then as she begins twirling her hair in a rhythmic motion. I'm reminded again that her fear at running into my mother and sister must outmatch mine. After all, my mother still plans to take her life.

"Let's all get some sleep for the evening, then. We'll plan to set out early tomorrow," Kesuk says.

As everyone rises and returns to their bedrooms for the evening, I linger as Arabelle is escorted into her room. Our interactions have been brief since the betrayal, both in part to my own anger and the limited access she is allowed to the rest of us. However, I cannot deny how much she has aided us by providing us shelter and performing tasks on our behalf. I pace in my bedroom for a bit until the lights go out, then creep down the hallway towards her room. I knock quietly on the door until one of Asteria's guard pulls it open slowly.

"May I speak to Arabelle for a few moments?" I ask.

He nods. I stand to the side, waiting for him to move, but he shakes his head. "Sorry. The princess has requested I not allow Arabelle any private audiences."

"Oh. That's fine, then," I murmur as I step inside.

Arabelle sits up in bed as I enter. She reaches for the lamp at her bedside, and as light illuminates the room, she immediately glares at me. "May I help you?" she asks with a scowl. "I was trying to get some proper rest before our journey tomorrow. Especially since I will not have a bed to sleep in anytime soon."

"Apologies. I only wanted to speak to you for a few moments," I say. "I feel we have not had the opportunity to talk much recently."

"That has not been a coincidence," Arabelle says. Hatred still lights up her eyes as she stares at me. Seeing her soften to Asteria, I thought she might do the same with me, but it seems she is content to despise me for as long as we know each other.

I keep a healthy distance from her, remembering how viciously her hands attacked me that evening in Esterpool. Even with Asteria's guard beside me, I'm sure she could get a few punches in if she were quick enough.

"I only wish to thank you for letting us use this cottage so long," I explain. "I know it no longer became your choice, but I have appreciated your cooperation, and I hope you will continue to aid us just as well when we head to Kilkwood."

Arabelle groans. "I have told you already that I am doing this for the princess, not for you. I'm surprised you didn't come here to scold me for all that I have done to you."

I swallow down a biting remark. "Oh, believe me, I would like to, but Asteria has also made it clear that she is the one to deal with you, not me. I know you may never come around to me, but I hope you will at one point try to willingly spend some time with the rest of us."

Arabelle laughs. "With my captors? No, thank you."

I roll my eyes. "Do you truly believe you are being poorly taken care of?"

"I would like freedom eventually," Arabelle says.

"I'm afraid that is a matter between you and Asteria, not me. I don't want to bicker any longer, so I'll say thank you once again, and that I hope you sleep well," I say. I turn my body, and as I near the doorway, Arabelle speaks up again.

"What is the princess to you?" she asks suddenly.

I freeze in my steps. "Pardon?" I ask.

"I thought for sure she would delight in the fact that I had found you so that you could be arrested and punished properly. I could not wait for that satisfaction when I alerted her that I had found you. Instead, she openly embraced you and now seems to seek your company most of the time. I still wonder if you are using some Landiani magic to charm her," Arabelle says.

The comment stings, and I remember the way it angered me the night the maids attacked me.

"She is my friend," I answer. "I suppose if you want to hear more, you must ask her yourself. Have a good night."

I leave her bedroom with a dip of my head and return to the hallway. I had hoped the encounter would leave me feeling less guilty for continuing to hold Arabelle hostage, but I feel more annoyed than anything else. I sigh as I step into the hall, then watch as Asteria opens the door to her own bedroom. We both jump at each other's presence.

"Sorry," I say. "What are you doing awake?"

"I'm having a hard time falling asleep," she answers.

Knowing that Kesuk and Vasa are out in the living room, I motion her into my room and take a seat on my bed. She cautiously takes a seat beside me and runs her fingers nervously through her hair.

"What were you doing in Arabelle's room?" Asteria asks.

"I was trying to make amends, though she seems content to hate me forever," I explain.

Asteria chuckles. "I think it will take longer than a simple conversation to win her over."

"She thinks I'm using Landiani magic to charm you," I grumble.

"If so, then it has worked exceedingly well,"' Asteria says playfully.

I hope the lamplight masks any blush rising in my cheeks. I turn my gaze from Asteria and play with the ends of my nightgown. "Are you nervous for tomorrow, then?" I ask.

Asteria nods. "It will be interesting to see what we uncover in Kilkwood. And...I suppose we'll see if I'm fit for the camping lifestyle."

I giggle at her words. "I'm sure you will get used to it in no time. As for the other matter, I'm scared too, but I think we all have agreed it's time to move on from this cottage. I look forward to seeing what allies we can gain in Kilkwood."

"Me too," Asteria says.

I'm tempted to sprawl out on my bed and invite her to join me, to talk to her for hours like we used to in her bedroom, but I remind myself that can't be a reality right now, not when our focus needs to be on the mission.

"Well, I should probably get some rest before tomorrow," I say. An appropriately timed yawn greets me as I say it.

Asteria nods slowly, though I can tell the comment hurts. I know she would have also been content staying here for hours. It hurts me to suggest she leave, but I know my boundaries will be broken down if I invite her into bed with me now.

"Yes. You're right. See you tomorrow, then," Asteria says. "Sleep well, Fetia."

"You too," I respond.

She rises and shuts the door quietly behind me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next morning, we rise at dawn and ready ourselves for our journey. Though the hike will still take half a day, I am comforted that we won't have to trek through snow. As I rise, I take a few moments to glance around my room, hoping that the next time I sleep in a bed will not be too far in the future.

I greet the others when I enter the living room. We work on redistributing supplies amongst ourselves so that everyone is carrying their fair share. I lay my items out and pack them carefully. Across from me, Asteria packs as well. She shoots me a quick smile, which I return warmly.

"Fetia, you dropped something," Kesuk says, picking up a piece of parchment beside me.

My eyes widen, and I immediately snatch it from his grasp, causing the others to look up in surprise.

"Sorry. It's a personal letter," I murmur.

"From who?" Vasa asks.

"Taika," I lie, though I know well enough by the creases that this is the letter Asteria gave to me the day she confessed her feelings. I quick fold it away into my belongings and attempt to hide my flustered state. Vasa and Kesuk don't question me further, but I can see Asteria's gaze burning into me from afar, and I pray that she cannot recognize the letter from the parchment alone. I can only hope Kesuk didn't manage to read any of its contents before handing the letter to me.

Thankfully, over breakfast, everyone seems to have forgotten the matter entirely. We fill our bellies with one last proper meal, and then we prepare to leave. Arabelle lingers longer than the rest of us, taking her time to eat and pack. I feel pity briefly at the thought of taking her away from her home. Then, I think of the harsh words she shared with me last night, and I become indifferent once more, knowing she is under Asteria's command and not my own.

As we leave the cottage and begin our hike, I walk alongside Kesuk and Vasa while Arabelle, Asteria, and Alba walk behind us. We hug the lake's shore as we travel southwards, and I am afforded even more views of the Flumensian wilderness. It is not as rugged as the mountains of Kilneu or as dense as the Landiani Jungle, which makes the trek far easier than expected.

"I'm thankful for an easier hike today," I tell Kesuk and Vasa.

"I am hopeful we won't have to repeat the journey from Kilneu ever again," Kesuk says.

I sigh in relief. "I hope to never see the sight of snow again. I thought trekking through the Landiani Jungle was a pain until I crossed that mountain pass."

Vasa lets out a groan of acknowledgment, which causes Kesuk to laugh.

"I suppose I will have to see that jungle for myself one day, then," he responds, though both Vasa and I are quick to tell warn him that even the winter conditions in Kilneu can be on par with the jungle if not careful.

I fall into an easy conversation with Kesuk and Vasa and find that I have missed their company. I remember Vasa's displeasure about my distance from the two of them that he shared with me a few days prior. Though my gaze continually lingers to Asteria behind me, she and the others seem to be fine keeping their space, and guards are positioned at the front and back of our party in case danger presents iself. For now, I try to keep my focus on my conversation with Kesuk and Vasa.

The day drags on to the midafternoon. Kesuk reaches for his map and inspects it, while Vasa holds a compass to assist him. Kesuk turns towards the others behind us.

"We're getting closer to Kilkwood. We'll make camp soon," he says. From the lake's shore, I begin to see clusters of buildings straight ahead. Farther in the distance is the Magnuvian mining facility that harvests magic from the lake. As I point this out to Kesuk, he begins pulling us away from the shore and deeper into the forest, until eventually, we find a quiet clearing enclosed by dense trees.

"I think this will be a good place to camp," Kesuk says. "We'll still be in walking distance from Kilkwood."

Asteria and the others agree without protest, clearly ready to stop walking. Though the journey was not as perilous as others I've been on, I find that my legs have grown quite sore, too.

As we begin to set up camp, I find that I am not as prepared for living in the wilderness as I thought. Kesuk teaches me how to set up the tent and work the small gas stove we brought. I realize suddenly that, although the hut we occasionally visited in the jungle was not well-kept, it was certainly a better option than camping out in the jungle.

I look out at the others, watching them set up their tents. I realize quietly that, besides Arabelle who must be kept in solitude for safety reasons, I am the only one sleeping alone, as all the other tents fit at least two individuals. And yet, I don't mind. In the months following my journey from Landiani, I have grown used to sleeping in private.

In the center of our camp, Kesuk starts a fire. I rush towards it, happy to warm my cold body from the winter air. As the others gather around, we immediately get to work.

"I think that Arabelle and I should head into Kilkwood this evening," Kesuk says.

"So soon?" Arabelle asks. "We've just gotten settled, and my legs are tired."

"The plan will not wait. We should start scoping out the town immediately," Kesuk says.

Arabelle's gaze turns to the princess, but Asteria nods in agreement.

"It will be good to get work underway. In the meantime, we can train while you are gone. Perhaps you could show us how to use a rifle, Vasa?" Asteria asks.

"I can," Vasa agrees.

"And one of my guards can assist too," Asteria says.

"Then it's settled," Kesuk says. "Arabelle, let's head out with one of Asteria's guards, while everyone else remains here."

Arabelle bregrudgingly gathers her things and leaves with Kesuk a short while later. We wish them well on their journey and turn to Vasa. The sight of the rifle in his hands causes my body to seize in fear. I wonder how much more it will scare me once I hold the weapon with my own two hands.

Asteria's remaining guard offers to provide additional guidance while we practice. Alba refrains from practicing, as much as Asteria bickers with her. We leave her to keep watch of the camp while we venture farther into the forest, where the sound of our gunshots may be more faint to the residents of Kilkwood nearby.

Vasa demonstrates the proper ways to hold a rifle, with assistance from Asteria's guard, of course. I pay more attention to the guard, not quite trusting Vasa's expertise.

"Shall we practice, then?" Asteria asks eagerly.

I am sure shooting a rifle must be exciting to her as she was probably not afforded many freedoms in Esterpool, including handling a weapon. Meanwhile, I think of the knife hanging from my belt that I carry with me at all times. Each time I hold it, it threatens to weigh me down. I'm not sure how much better I will fare handling a rifle.

"I can demonstrate for you, Princess," Asteria's guard says.

I turn and glance at Vasa. "I think I will wait for Asteria's guard to teach me, too."

Vasa rolls his eyes. "I promise I'm not poor with a rifle. Come here."

I watch as Asteria's guard helps her into her stance. My limbs are shaking as Vasa hands me the gun.

"It will not hurt you so as long as you keep it pointed straight," Vasa says. "Let's wait for the princess to shoot first though."

I nod and watch as Asteria's guard instructs her to shoot between two trees. She appears calm and focused. My ears ring as she shoots, and even she lets out a sound of surprise. Nonetheless, the bullet lands not far off target, scraping the bark of one of the trees.

"Well done," her guard says.

Asteria beams with triumph. I gulp when their gazes turn to me in anticipation. I hold the rifle in my hands firmly, though the weight of it presses into my shoulders. I am not as tall and do not weigh as much as the others, and I worry about becoming knocked off balance.

"Keep still and shoot," Vasa instructs.

I nod and shakily point the gun between the same trees as Asteria did. My heart pounds, and my palms grow sweaty. As my finger hovers over the trigger, visions begin to cloud my mind. I'm met with horrific memories of the knife sinking into Zofia's flesh, the blood pooling around her body, and the spots of drying blood staining my mother's cloak. I shut my eyes, urging the visions to leave, but all I can hear are the sounds of Zofia's dying screams.

"Fetia? Are you okay?" Vasa asks.

"Y-Yes," I stammer, trying to fight through the memories. Everyone else is prepared to fight. I need to learn how to as well.

And yet, when I do finally gather the courage to pull the trigger, my poor balance causes the gun to jolt slightly upwards and left. The bullet speeds into one of the branches of the nearby trees. I turn to glance at the others, seeing the shock on their faces. I manage a weak smile.

"Well, at least you didn't kill us," Vasa says.

"I'm just not well-suited for this," I say, withholding tears. I think of how if I had not been careful enough, the gun could've tilted and gone towards the rest of them. Having already heard one woman's dying screams, I could not bear hearing anyone else's.

"It's okay. We can keep practicing," Asteria says.

Vasa shakes his head. "Let's keep our practice to that today. Kesuk says we need to keep our shooting lessons brief initially. We can come back out here tomorrow."

I nod and pass Vasa's gun back to him quickly, finding it a relief not to hold it in my hands anymore. However, I also feel sullen for being unable to handle the weapon as well as Asteria. Slowly, I am beginning to feel like there is not much I am doing to aid this plan anymore. Perhaps I was the one to initially envision it, but it seems everyone is beginning to outperform me and that the plan is moving in a direction far out of my control.

I feel Asteria's hand lightly touch my shoulder. I hate how easily she sense something is wrong.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Fine. I'm just frustrated."

"It's been a long day. We'll practice again tomorrow," she says.

I manage a weak smile, though I'm not sure it masks my pain. Though I have always felt safe telling Asteria what is bothering me, there is no way I could explain the depths of my grief over using a weapon because of my involvement in her maid's death. Instead, I walk quietly beside her to our camp, glad that the visions of Zofia's death seem to leave my mind the farther we get away from the depths of the forest.

After the sun sets, Kesuk and Arabelle arrive back with some supplies and information.

"We spoke to many locals at the market," Kesuk explains. "We were able to get a few leads on where some local rebels are located, and we'll try those individuals first. Arabelle is quite smooth with her words."

Arabelle ignores him, but I easily believe him. If the maids were skilled at one thing during my time in Esterpool, it was manipulation.

"We'll return tomorrow to see if we can convince a few to join our cause," Kesuk says. "Afterwards, I think we'll head to a few of the establishments in town that were once areas of rebellion from Asteria's list."

We all nod and celebrate their success. Finally, the shame of not performing well during shooting training is beginning to wear off. As I enjoy dinner with the others, exhaustion quickly claims me. I crawl into my tent, and though far from the comfortable bed I have grown used to as of late, I find sleep easily and try to feel hopeful towards the days ahead.