Chapter Guilt

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Both women moved at the same time, lurching up sucking in a deep gasp of air. Amira’s eyes burned violet as she looked around the room, talons punching through her knuckles and digging into the bed beside her breathing rapidly, her heart racing. Everything hurt, she didn’t know where she was, and she didn’t know these women. Someone stepped forwards and her eyes darted towards the movement.

“Welcome back Princess,″ Rue said with a soft smile, careful to maintain his distance. Those violet eyes of hers were typically a warning sign and had learned the hard way than to move too quickly around her. “It’s ok, you’re safe,” He reassured her. Eyes flicking to Vishnu by her side, the woman was looking worse for wear, leaning heavily into the chair she sat on but still managed to hold her head up.

“Rue,” Amira breathed out his name, and her eyes melted back to their typical gold, her wings and talons disappearing as they retracted back into her human form. She reached out a hand and the Prince instantly moved forwards to take her hand sitting down on the side of the bed beside her. She dropped her head burying it into his shoulder allowing him to wrap his arms around her in a hug. A sigh of relief slipped past her lips as her heart slowly began to slow and return to a normal beat. He held her for a few moments before he gently pulled away slightly to look her over, “How are you feeling?” he asked softly dark eyes searching hers for some kind of hint of the truth, “Like shit,” she grumbled, lifting a hand to push her hair out of her face. “So I guess that means I’m alive huh?” She added the slightest hint of a smile on her lips. Rue chuckled shaking his head, “Yeah, I suppose it does.” He said smiling softly, gently squeezing her hand, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she responded as she looked up to see the two women standing side by side, their gazes fixed on the floor out of respect. The younger one she recognized from her dream space, the other she did not know. “Please, relax I deserve no such respect,” she said softly, sitting up a bit more the stitches in her stomach pulling slightly, but she shoved aside the pain. They deserved her effort, “just tell me your names so I may properly thank you,” she asked of them, still uncertain of where she was, but it must be remotely safe if Rue seemed so unconcerned.

“Your highness my name is Irna” the older woman offered bowing slightly, “And you’ve already met my daughter-in-law Vishnu. It is my pleasure to serve you as I served your grandmother, do not insult us with such words. It is an honor to be in your presence.” The elder claimed and the younger woman nodded in agreement.

“Very well then,” Amira nodded in acceptance, “you have my deepest thanks and gratitude for saving my life Vishnu and Irna. If you will not take any repayment for your kind deeds then at least take my thanks.” The women nodded in agreement accepting her thanks. Amira nodded in return before she asked another question of them, “you worked with my grandmother?” she asked curiosity, winning over the exhaustion that was pulling on her bones.

“I did, as a nurse for a long time,” the older woman smiled softly. “She was a fiery woman. From everything I have heard, you are quite like her.” Amira smiled in return, leaning heavily on Rue’s shoulder, “Thank you.” she said softly with a gentle smile, “I would love to continue this conversation, but as you know I have been through quite a lot lately the Prince and I have much to discuss. If you wouldn’t mind giving us a few moments we can resume directly afterward.”

“Of course Princess” Irna replied, “We will return as soon as you desire,” she said before assisting her daughter out of the room leaving only Rue and Amira behind. She looked to Rue pushing up a bit looking far more awake than she had moments before and surprise flickered over the Prince’s face as he realized she had been faking her exhaustion, “Do you know how Cal is?” She asked him her mind racing as she tried to figure out how long she must’ve been out for. Her cut was recently stitched and barely healed so it couldn’t have been more than a day, but she had to know if all of it had been worth it. She prayed to the Gods that Rollo was safe, but she had no way to contact him. The distance was too large to connect telepathically.

“No,” Rue answered frowning as he shook his head, “There has been no news, but the lockdown hasn’t been lifted, which means my mother and siblings are still distracted which is a good sign,” he added quickly to soothe the panic he saw flaring up within her once more. “You really should rest though, regain as much strength as you can and maybe we can attempt to gather some information.”

“I am as rested as I am going to be Rue, I need to make sure he’s okay,” She said grabbing his arm and squeezing lightly praying that he could understand even a sliver of what she was currently going through, the physical pain was nothing compared to the mental anguish with the people she cared most about in life in immediate danger.

“You can’t be seen in the castle, there’s no way we’d get you in, and no way I’d risk that even if you had your full strength.” Rue protested. “If you think you are well enough to defend yourself, I could leave you here and search on my own, but if you think for a second I am going to let you-”

“I wasn’t asking you for permission,” Amira growled, cutting him off, “I’m getting back in there whether you help me or not,” she snapped, determination set in her features. “No one else that I love is going to die,” she swore, “not if there’s anything I can do about it.”

“But there isn’t anything you can do about it,” Rue corrected her, “Cal is in the hands of the best medical professionals we have, you have already done everything that you could possibly do!” He protested.

“I need to be there.” Amira’s expression was set in stone, her determination not giving an inch. She didn’t know what drove her to such a conviction, but she simply felt it in her very bones. She had to be with him.

Rue opened his mouth to argue more, but a noise rang out through the city, faintly heard through the walls of the old subterranean tavern. A single low beat that was held for a three count. Followed by another, held for five, and a final blast held for eight. The lockdown was lifted, but a state of mourning had been issued. Rue’s heart stopped in his chest, he closed his mouth softly from where he’d opened it to argue. His eyes had gone blank and hollow.

“What was that?” Amira asked, trying to sit up more as Rue stood letting her sit on her own. “Rue!” She snapped at him trying to get any kind of reaction, but the male didn’t even flinch. Instead, he offered her a hand in assistance in getting up.

“Okay,” he said softly, looking for all the world like a ghost had possessed him, “let’s go back.” Amira wanted to argue with him further, to figure out what those noises meant, but the look on his face told her otherwise. She took his hand and stood, her whole body screaming in protest the pain-causing tears to well in her eyes, but she did not sit back down. Instead, she looked to the Prince and nodded.

“Let’s go.” She said softly and carefully limped towards the door, he moved instinctually to wrap an arm around her shoulders, partially supporting her weight. They moved out into the hallway and then to the main room where the women and other subjects were waiting for them. They looked at her expectantly, but Amira didn’t know what to say to them. She had failed each and every one of them yet they still looked to her with such hope in her eyes. She hated it.

“Thank you all for taking me in, and Irna and Vishnu especially for tending to my wounds. I will repay you, one day,” she promised and the two women nodded in acceptance knowing it would be rude to decline. “I will return,” she added a promise to all those gathered here. “But I have to go for now,” she concluded, voice choking up, unable to express the emotions that were so chaotic within her. She nodded once and she and Rue slowly made their way to the door. As they passed each person in that room bowed deeply to her, and none rose until she was out of sight on the street. Tears streamed down her face, but neither she nor Rue mentioned it as they slowly made their way towards the castle.

The guards didn’t stop them as they moved through the main gate. Rue’s gaze remained glossy but warily glanced at the soldiers, making sure they weren’t going to attack. No one approached them as they slowly made their way through the pristine halls. A faint trail of blood crossed their path as they made their way towards the infirmary. Rue’s eyes were averted, he looked at anything but that blood, yet it was the only thing Amira saw. Her golden eyes followed the trail all the way to the doors of the infirmary. They stopped outside the door, a doctor was sitting outside his head in his hands, he looked up as Rue and Amira slowly approached. Each of the Princess’s staggering steps sent pain lancing through her abdomen, but she refused to stop. She refused even as the doctor rose to his feet and held out a hand to stop them.

She didn’t hear the words he said, a dull ringing now filling her ears as she pushed past the man, leaving Rue behind standing at the doorway. She staggered past the man and through the door into the too clean room that she remembered all too well from her first night here. On the bed, lay her mate. No one was near him, and he wasn’t moving. Amira wasn’t even sure if she was breathing as she forced herself to cross the room. She made it to his side and braced a hand on the bed, heavily leaning into it before taking up one of his hands. Her hand was so small in his, and still so pale, yet it wasn’t so noticeable when he was equally as pale.

A single tear escaped her control as she looked down on him, his eyes softly closed, looking so peaceful despite his hair and face being a mess of blood and grime. She looked away for a moment fighting the rising lump in her throat, blinking back the rest of the tears that threatened to spill over. When she looked back, his soft onyx gaze met her own and he blinked once, offering her the smallest of smiles.

A sob broke through the Princess’s lips and her knees shook with the effort it took to stay upright. She learned all her weight into the bed and leaned down to press her forehead into their joined hands. He squeezed her hand gently, just the smallest twitch of his fingers, but it was enough. He was here, he was alive. Thank the gods, it was all Amira could’ve ever hoped for. She took in deep shuddering breaths that shook her whole body as she attempted to gather herself.

“Come here,” his voice was soft, scratchy, and broken and so, so weak, but he was alive and speaking to her. Amira couldn’t bring herself to argue. She simply pulled herself up and slid onto the bed beside him, curling up in a small ball, careful to avoid his injury. Her body shuddered with relief as she removed the weight from her legs. She shifted so she could still hold his hand, and so they laid together for the first time. So close to it having been the last time. She closed her eyes softly and simply listened to him breathing, almost nervous that she would hear it stop, yet it did not.

His heart was weak, but maintaining a steady soft beat. They remained like that, in silence for a long time, Amira had thought he may have drifted back to sleep when suddenly he spoke. “My mother is dead,” he said with a soft sigh, there was a sadness in his voice, but yet no blame. Amira’s golden eyes blinked open and she went to sit up but Caldwin hissed at her, “Stay,” he scolded her, squeezing her hand once more.

“I-” Amira began, voice equally as weak but he cut her off.

“Didn’t mean it, it was an accident.” He answered for her as his own gaze looked up to the ceiling, “you were just trying to get to me.” He added with a soft sigh, “I saw it all,” he Squeezed her hand once more, “it wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was,” Amira said softly, but reluctantly sank back into the too-small bed. “I wasn’t in control, I wasn’t being careful, I wasn’t thinking.” That woman had been nothing short of awful to her, but Amira had never meant to kill her, despite everything she was his mom, and she had taken that from him.

“The bond overwhelmed you,” Caldwin said, sentences getting shorter as he grew more exhausted. “Please, Amira.” He said, turning his head slightly, pressing his as close as he could to the back of hers. “Just listen to me for once,” he murmured, his words hardly separated as he began to fall back asleep. It went against every bone in her body, and Amira would likely carry this with her for the rest of eternity, but she too was bone tired, and staying up to argue with him seemed impossible. She huffed in annoyance and a soft few breaths of a laugh left the Prince’s lips at her concession. “Rest.” He commanded, and Amira obeyed, eyes drifting shut and falling asleep within moments.