Soon, the wind seemed to whisper across Blayre's face as though the mountains were calling her from afar. Once Caval was cleared by the medics, Blayre and her Triad would be on their way to Mountainvale - under the pretense of undermining whatever illegal activity was going on there in producing crystals. Caval, she suspected, intended to stretch the limitations of their assignment, to search for the legendary dragon caverns that he had read about.
Trusting him sent Blayre's nerves into a frenzy, like erratic fireworks. But she had to do it. He'd had a point. She just needed some time...
"Lass," Rory's voice rumbled behind her as he approached, a reminder that time was what she didn't have.
She turned to him, "Rory." She forced a small, wan smile.
"What's wrong?" He asked, picking up a loose strand of her hair, and tucking it behind her ear, his ocean eyes brimming with concern. He worried about her well-being and she hadn't even gone to him right after the attempt on his life.
And to make matters worse, she was about to tear his heart out.
"Rory," Blayre swallowed. He was so close that it felt as though he was taking all her air. This was making things so much more difficult. She pressed her palms to his chest, breaking her gaze away from the pair of eyes that would break her resolve - more like shatter it, into a trillion, irreparable pieces. If she didn't look at him, he wouldn't see the pain in her eyes. He could think her callous and horrible. And he could move on.
"What is wrong, lass?" He asked again and put his fingers under her chin. Damn him.
Their eyes met, and in that instant it all came rushing out in words and tears and gasping sobs. "Rory, I c-can't do this anymore. I am putting you in danger by feeling this way for you, and I need to stop before things get too far. Before something happens that I can't protect you from because of my d-distracted emotions." It all came out sounding like one long-winded sentence. "And - what we would be, because of who you are..." Her voice trailed off and she looked to the side, unable to meet his eyes. "You are heir to the throne. You will always be in the public eye. And, that just isn't who I am."
He tried to pull her toward him. To wrap her up in his strong arms, and Blayre wanted nothing more but to melt into him and that warm pine scent that was so distinctly Rory. But instead she pressed her hands against his chest, and pushed him away. Firmly. As callously as she could. "Rory. I. Can't." She ground out. "Please don't make it harder than it already is." This came out weak and quiet. It took too much energy to put force behind those words.
"I want to risk it." Rory said, his voice even softer than hers. "It's worth the risk to me. And I'll do everything in my power to get away from the capital. Because I don't want this either. Blayre, you know that." He cupped her cheek with his calloused palm.
She winced at how small he sounded in that moment - that large and powerful man. And at the pain in his words, like blood seeping slowly from a knife wound. As he leaned down to press his lips against hers, she broke away from him. Because if she let him kiss her, she would change her mind. If she could have, she would have taken a knife to sever their bond completely. Instead, they would both have to grieve and recover slowly and painfully from her decision.
It was the only way she knew how to let him go.
A life by the side of Rorrick de Vihrea, as more than just a bodyguard, meant a life lacking freedom, and choices. It meant a life in the spotlight. It was not a life she wanted. And she had made her choice.
****
All things considered, Blayre didn't mind being in the mountains as much as she had thought she would. The cooler mountain climate wasn't so bad in the summer months, and it got her away from the palace. Away from people who would breathe down her neck at every inconvenient moment.
And it got her away from Rory.
Blayre knocked on the door that Caval shared with Fletcher, knowing she'd find the sorcerer alone. They had only just arrived, and Ainslee had followed Seaver up to Blumore Estate, Fletcher in tow.
Blayre had passed on that mini-excursion. She'd visit Blumore in due time. But not today. She wasn't ready yet.
"And to what do I owe the honor of your unrequested presence?" Caval inquired. He was thumbing through a book, the pages of it slightly discolored by age, but looked up when she approached the desk.
Blayre pulled over a chair, straddling it backwards and resting her chin on her folded arms across the chair back. "Well, not much else to do."
She had barely spoken to Caval since their discussion in his room in the palace. She hadn't known what to say. How to react. He'd made her question things that she had never even thought to question. Things that she didn't want to question. Things that jeopardized how well she could do her job - perhaps even more so than her relationship with Rory had.
Caval sniffed, feigning offense. "And here I thought perhaps you were interested in learning about the dragon caverns." He spun the book around to face her, and she snached it realized that it was filed with maps and diagrams. She snatched it and began to flip through the pages revealing sketches of outcroppings, and landmarks and fossils.
"Ah so you are interested." He preened.
"Who wouldn't be?" Blayre replied, meeting his eyes. Caval had his fingers pressed together, forming a tent with his hands. His shirt was rolled up to his elbows, which rested on the table.
"Anything you want to talk about, Blumore?" Caval pried.
"No," Blayre scowled, quickly looking back down at the book.
"Well, I'm listening if you change your mind. It must have been difficult - making the decision that you did." It bodes well for other difficult decisions you could be making. He seemed to say with his eyes. Or perhaps Blayre just imagined that Caval would say something like that.
She buried her face back into the book, hiding the tears that had automatically sprung into her eyes. She would not break. She would not let this affect her work.
"Blayre," Caval's voice was missing it's usual sarcastic drawl, replaced instead with genuine concern. He reached for her hand, his magic tingling gently through his fingers. "It's okay. To feel sad. To feel anything really. For once put your damned job to the side and worry about yourself."
A tear slipped down her cheek when she looked up at him. "If I wasn't immune to your magic, I would think you were reading my mind." She sniffled.
Caval laughed softly. "Some things don't require magic, only the power of observation and empathy."
Blayre wiped at the tears that had fallen, leaving damp streaks across her cheeks. "I still think I need some time to be distracted, or I will end up wallowing in self pity." She said as Caval produced a handkerchief for her. "And this right here, is a bit more than just a job." She rested a finger on one of the maps. "When should we move forward? Do you even plan on reporting back to the Crown?"
The implications of Caval's admitted position with some sort of rebel group, and how much information he could be withholding on the subject of dragon caverns and crystals, was a bit concerning. What motivation did he have to provide the Crown with accurate research? And did the Crown deserve those details?
She thought of Ripley, and wondered what his story was. Blayre wished she had been kinder to him, more empathetic. She would have to ask him - when they returned to the capital, if he was willing to share it with her. She felt a pang of guilt when she thought about how she had treated him, and the judgement she had cast on him.
And the only reason she hadn't been willing to spill his secret was for her own self preservation. She had been selfish. She didn't want the crown to know her secrets, so why was she so willing to judge others who were only trying maintain autonomy over their lives?
"I would feel better if Fletcher and Ainslee weren't coming with us." Caval said after a drawn out silence.
Blayre winced, "They're part of my Triad. We don't usually split up."
"It wouldn't be the first time you split up for an assignment." Caval pointed out.
"There is no way they will pass on an opportunity to go search for Dragon Caverns." Blayre insisted dryly. Plus I need them there to keep you in line. She was becoming more sympathetic to Caval's description of the rebel cause, but she was not all the way on board with it yet. And regardless she was still earning money from the Crown. And so was he for that matter.
Caval sighed. "I suppose you're right."
A knock sounded at the door, and Blayre turned as Fletcher let himself in.
"Blayre, Caval." Fletcher said, nodding to each of them. He dropped his sling bag on one of the chairs and sat on the side of his cot to pull off his boots.
"How was Blumore?" Asked Caval, when Blayre made no move to inquire as to the state of her childhood home.
"Oh, no different than last time," Fletcher pulled off a sock and Blayre wrinkled her nose. "Your sister was there though. She asked after you. She hopes you'll visit before we leave again."
Blayre flinched at that. Darya was being indirectly punished by her mother's poor behavior. She wished Seaver could just bring Darya down to Mountainvale. So she could avoid any interaction with Lady Marianna.
"I'm sure Ainslee, will want to see Seaver before we leave again. I'll make sure to visit then." Blayre said, "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I'm going to get ready for bed."
"G'night!" Said Fletcher, flopping unceremoniously onto his own bed.
"See you tomorrow for our mountain trek." Said Caval. She could feel his concerned eyes on her back as she exited the room.
****
Groggy eyed, and silent with the general misery that accompanies a pre-dawn start to anyone's day, the group of four left the innyard accompanied by purple shadows and the overly cheerful chirp of birds in the heavily wooded area above.
It reminded Blayre of that brief time on the road with Rory - Duke Rorrick, she mentally corrected herself. It had of course been colder. And far muddier with the spring rain and runoff. The thought sent a pang through her, as a wave guilt rose up from her stomach to her chest. The look on his face when she had walked away...
She had walked away. She had done it. For his good, and most importantly for her own good.
She realized that Ainslee had dropped back to ride beside her and her redheaded friend gave her a small smile of encouragement. "Thinking about him?"
Blayre rubbed her thumb along the soft worn leather of Dove's reins, staring between the mare's gray ears at the path ahead of them. But not truly seeing the path, instead seeing the handsome face and gentle eyes of Rory.
She nodded, "I'm trying to keep myself distracted. To not think about it." She confided. "But this town, this place," She blew out a breath through her mouth. "It reminds me of when we met."
Ainslee nodded in understanding, and for one irrational moment, Blayre felt a shard of jealous rage at her friend for having so much happiness with Seaver. For being in love with someone who she could be with. She knew it made little sense - or perhaps it made a lot of sense. But Ainslee had something that she couldn't have. At least not with Rory.
"I just feel like a terrible person." Her voice came out a quiet moan. "He was so... hurt."
"Time will make things better, Blayre. And if what you did was the best thing for you then that is all that matters." Ainslee offered a sad smile. "If only things were different, and we weren't all ruled by the constraints of our society."
Or by the Crown. Blayre thought miserably.
The morning progressed with little more verbalization from Blayre, who decided to take the time to mope while she could. The group of four approached an intersection in the well worn mountain trail and the form a rider could be seen up ahead. Two riders.
"Is that?" Ainslee said from beside her, and Blayre cursed as one of the riders broke away to approach them down the path, the other sending out a barely perceptible pulse of magic in her direction.
Caval's shoulders stiffened ahead of her, but Fletcher's relaxed in recognition of the approaching horseman.
"Daughter," Said Lord Darach by way of greeting, reining in his blood bay horse in front of them.
Blayre dismounted from Dove, handing the reins to Ainslee, while her father did the same. "Good morning father. What brings you out here?"
"Can't a man wish his daughter good luck on her journey while she spends a rare moment nearby? I was disappointed that I didn't see you yesterday when your brother returned."
"I was going to stop on my way back." Blayre said quietly.
Her father was close enough now that she could smell the coffee on his breath, and the cinnamon scent on his shirt. "Come, let us talk." He grasped her by the arm and led her off the path.
"Blayre, you've never been to the mountain villages before. Are you certain this is a good idea?"
Blayre narrowed her eyes at him. "Father, I was given instructions to follow, and I intend to do so. If this is about..." Her voice trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Finishing the sentence made what could possibly happen once they reached the villages true.
"Please, do not seek her out." Her father's lowered voice cracked with pleading. "I promised that I would never tell you who she was. And that I would never bring you there. It would be too much of a risk. It was the only way I could keep you safe. And this - is pushing things. I may not be bringing you, but I'm sure as all hells not doing enough to stop you."
Blayre's heartbeat intensified. He wouldnt impede her work, she knew. As much as the look he gave her suggested that he wanted to stop her from going there. She had never seen Lord Darach so fearful. So full of desperation. Not her father, the calm and cunning Lord of Blumore.
"Promise me." He said.
And though it pained her, though her very essence screamed that she wanted to know, she needed to know who her mother was, Blayre said "I promise."
A/N: A pretty emotional chapter here, so I want your thoughts. Does everything that happened feel natural and well-timed? There is currently no pic at the top (as of 5/5) because updating this via my tablet was a bit of a struggle. But one is coming!
Here's a song that inspired part of this chapter:
What to read next!!!!! (I've been forgetting about these lately since I've been spending so much time writing, that I haven't been discovering as many new Wattpad stories to read! This is a great one though, and I think that Blayre and the MC in Paragon would get along REALLY well.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/95374969-paragon