Emberly's POV:
My mind was whirring and spinning and I was absently watching the TV. I got home an hour or two ago. I wasn't sure anymore. My mind still comprehended the events of tonight.
I believed him... I truly did. I saw a man who wanted to move on. It would be a lie if I say it didn't hurt seeing them together. They share a history, longer than I have with Arran. They were each other's first in so many ways but not every first are meant to be last. The apology... the guilt. I saw everything in his eyes. If he didn't care, he would never share those emotions with me.
The house was eerie quite tonight and the wind was rattling the windows. I prayed there isn't a blackout. I wrapped the blanket around me tightly. The heating rarely worked in my house.
I was about to go to my bed when I heard a knock. I looked at the clock and it was past two. Without making any noise, I checked the peephole. My heart pounded when I recognised the silhouette. It was Arran. I quickly opened the door.
"Arran..." I said breathlessly, halting when I noticed the expression on his face. His face was colder than usual.
It was freezing and I realised I was just wearing a grey oversized T-shirt and pyjama shorts after shower. My hair was a mess but one look at his expressionless face, I forgot about my appearance. I allowed him to come inside and locked the door.
He didn't say anything but walked towards the room with lights on. He sat on the sofa and so did I, albeit on the edge. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
I bit on my lip and eyed him nervously. He never came inside my house before. My house was a lot smaller than his. He grew up in luxury and I wondered what he thought about my house. Minimum decoration, barely anything expensive.
But all these thoughts evaporated when he shifted and rested his head on my lap. I sucked in a breath. His eyes were closed and he was breathing even. I threaded my fingers through his hair, noting that it was softer than mine. He sighed under my touch. Something was bothering him. I could tell by the way his muscles were tensed.
What happened after I left? Was he still thinking about what happened in the hotel room?
The telenova I was watching was all forgotten. I studied his profile.. Even with his eyes closed, he had his brows knit together and his lower lip was slightly jutting out. I bit a smile. I studied rest of his profile. A strong jawline that could give you a paper cut if you touched it. A crash of thunder sent my heart pounding. I straightened quickly, not wanting to get caught gawking at him and noted the time.
I shook him gently, hating to wake him up. "Lets go upstairs."
He nodded, lost in thought. He looked restrained as if he's holding something back. I wanted to ask him but I didn't wanted to push him. He followed me as we went upstairs.
I knew his night routine so I said, " Why don't you have a shower? Disposable toothbrush and towel are on the cabinet. I'll grab your clothes from your car."
He was still in his suit and I knew he always travelled with an extra pair of suit and sweats. He nodded and passed me the car's keys. He removed his phone, watch, cufflinks, and took his wallet out. He then handed me his things. Its only when he closed the door, I took that moment to let out a shaky breath.
At first I thought of Cherry's old bedroom but I panicked when I remembered she took the mattress with her to her new place. Having no other choice, I went to my bedroom and placed his things on the bedside table. Shit, these four items alone cost more than this house.
Looking around my room, I mentally high-five myself for keeping my room clean. I quickly took a spare pillow and changed the bed sheet to a clean one.
I grabbed my cardigan from the hook and wore it. I could hear the shower running so I quickened my pace and went downstairs. I shivered when I opened the front door. Jesus. It was cold and raining. Not wanting to turn around and find umbrella, I ran as fast as I could and unlocked his car. Grabbing the bag that contained his clothes, I dashed back inside.
"I'm going to come inside and put your clothes." Clearing my throat, I said and knocked the door.
I stepped inside the bathroom and placed his clothes on the hook and without peeking towards the shower, I stepped out.
I sat on the edge of my bed, wondering what do next. I bit my lips nervously as I waited for him. He came out of shower, wearing a black T-shirt and sweatpants. He was drying his hair with the towel. Our eyes met and my breath hitched. I stood up hastily, my face feeling warm.
"You can sleep here... I'll sleep on the sofa downstairs. Let me know if..." My words were cut as he wrapped his arms around me and engulfed me in a hug.
"Stay." He said as he holds me closer to him, kissing the top of my head.
"Okay." I nodded. "Let me make sure I've locked everything. Bedroom is that way." I said quickly. I knew I locked the doors but I needed a minute to calm my heart.
I walked downstairs with my heart in my throat. After making sure everything was locked, I went upstairs to my room. This was what my fifth or sixth round? The nerves had my hands shaking. I took a deep breath, steadying myself.
Arran was sitting on the bed, his presence made my room smaller. He was studying the pictures I had of my parents when they were young.
"I'm going to turn the lights off."
I pulled back the dark duvet cover and dived in as quickly as I could. I wish I could say I had stars or fairy lights in the ceiling like you would see on Pinterest but unfortunately that required effort, which I lacked. The only light that was in my room was coming from the lamppost.
We stayed quite and I was okay with the silence as it gave me a time to get used to his proximity. I was much calmer now. I turned around and faced him. He too shuffled and faced me. My heart rate sped up at the proximity. There wasn't much space to begin with on my queen size bed. My heart thudded.
"You can remove your clothes... I mean not that I intend to do anything... just so you could feel comfortable. I'm very good at keeping my hands to myself... I'm just going to shut up." I blurted, shutting my eyes in embarrassment.
He snickered in the dark. I heard him shuffling and I stopped myself from peeking. He settled back on the bed. The room was cold and the windows were rattling against the wind and rain. Even though we weren't touching, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.
"I hate how quite it gets... when Cherry and I chose to stay at a house rather than living in dorms... I thought I won't be alone but ever since she moved out... the place has gone really quite. I find this 2 bedrooms house too big. Do you ever feel that?" I whispered.
"I grew up in 52 bedroom house and I've always felt suffocated." He deadpanned.
"How many did you use? Actually... don't answer that question." I shook my head in disbelief. We really did belong to a different world.
"It even had in house cinema room." He said with a humour in his voice.
"Of course it does! Do you have it in your house too?"
"Yes." He replied after a beat.
"Arran... are you okay?" I questioned him, worriedly.
"I am not." He replied and it broke my heart. His fingers were playing with my hair.
"What happened?"
I assumed he went asleep when he didn't reply but I heard him reply.
"I never wanted my brother to meet Sophia". He said solemnly, all traces of humour leaving his voice.
My eyes widened. Arran sighs, staring at the ceiling. Shit! I was not expecting this. This was the absolute last thing I'd expected him to say.
"Why?" I questioned him, stunned.
"I thought he'd be disappointed with me. He wouldn't approve her and I didn't wanted to fight with him over her."
What?
"But why would he disapprove?"
"He was the big brother. He was always there for me but at times I felt I was living under his shadow. I guess he got used to me being his shadow so much that he had the last say in everything I ever did. Being the first born, he had everyone's attention. I was just a scruffy kid who wouldn't make any friend without his brother's approval. I didn't mind at the beginning but slowly by slowly Adrian wanted everything I had. Bikes, clothes, watches, CD's even the last piece of my favourite cake, which he couldn't eat it due to his allergies but if he wanted he would get it."
That was horrible. I assumed Adrian was jealous of Arran's success but he was born an asshole.
"I sympathised with him and used to let him have his way." He goes on. "Arran shouldn't be allowed to join basketball team; he shouldn't be allowed to stay at Luke's. He would control my life over these petty things. He was under a lot of pressure. He had everyone's eyes on him, watching his every move. It was always like this. But when Sophia came in my life I was certain that I had someone who would approve me as who I was. I didn't wanted to tell him, fearing he will take her away as he did with many things in my life."
"And he did." I swallowed the knot in my throat. He turned his face, to look at me and nodded. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.
"When I introduced her to him, he appeared happy. I thought maybe he's changed, maybe he is tired of the silly games and maybe... he is truly happy for me. He told me to take care of her and to never hurt her and it made me so happy Emberly... but it was more that that. He saw her as a challenge."
My heart ached for him.
"Sophia grew up envying others. Her family wasn't well off. That created complexity issues. She always wanted the best but she had too much pride to ask others for help. It was the way she spoke and the way she carried herself. Her opinions were always valued and she had a way of making people feel good about them selves. I knew she was overachiever but beneath all that she was just an insecure girl who wanted what other girls had; who wanted pretty dresses and pearls."
"But that doesn't justify what she did to you." I reminded him gently. I could repeat this thousand times and my voice would not tremble. I wanted to make him believe that.
"I know. I thought maybe if I tried understanding what she went through, she would appreciate it. They were going through bad phase... Sophia's parents... They tried everything to make her happy but I guess her wishes were beyond their reach." He paused and took a distressed breath. "I told her... I told her she could work for my brother. She flat out refused. I told her that Adrian needed help and if her skills met the criteria, only then she would be chosen. Solely based on her skills. She agreed to this. I spoke to Adrian about her and I told him he doesn't have to do me any favour. I just wanted him to see if she was eligible for this role. He agreed and called her in for an interview." He exhaled sharply.
I closed my eyes, wishing the sharp pain in my chest would disappear but it doesn't.
"She was so nervous that day. Stacey and I helped her pick up the outfit. We went over the interview questions again and again. Coincidentally, my dad called me in for work that day too. Soon when I was done talking to him, I decided to check on her. I didn't want to embarrass her. I was passing by and I saw Luke's father old assistant in the waiting room. She was off for a while and she wanted a change. Luke's father recommended her to apply for this position. When I saw her there, I knew Sophia wouldn't get a job. How would she get chosen over experienced PA? I went home after that and waited for her. She came back after an hour and told me she got a job."
That bastard. My hands shook in rage but I bit my tongue.
"My first reaction was happiness, I was happy for her. However, my second reaction was shock. How did she get picked over Miranda? I called my brother later on and asked him. He said Miranda has kids and he wasn't ready to deal with someone who will have kids on her mind all the time. He then went on about how he wanted fresh ideas and Sophia would bring those ideas."
"Initially, Sophia was excited to work with him. She was nervous but she was always excited and always talking. Few months later, she wouldn't talk to me about her work at all. Every time I mentioned my brother she used to tense up. I blamed his bossiness and the workload for that. My brother used to belittle me in front of her all the time. I was stupid believing it was his way of dealing with all this pressure. I let him use me as a punching bag." He said bitterly and my heart clenched painfully.
"Every now and then Sophie and I argued. She told me to become more serious about the business. How could I? I was brought up hearing this business only belonged to Adrian and I shouldn't go after what isn't mine. She told me to quit photography. She told me to stop hanging out with Luke and Stacey."
"Then she started appearing our house at odd hours and she was always in library with Adrian. She slowly started to drift away. Couple of times I saw them sitting extremely close but I chose to ignore it. I guess the people around me started noticing the way they acted together too."
"One day...." His muscles tensed, and he clenched his jaw as if remembering something really horrible.
I couldn't breath anymore.
"One day, she told me she was staying over Stacey's. I was going camping with Luke and she knew it. Long story short, because of the weather we couldn't go. We decided to crash at our guesthouse, as it was nearer. When we got there...." He stopped and swallowed.
"Arran..."
His eyes searched mine. I usually see either heat or a teasing light in his eyes, but right now neither was the case. They seemed...troubled. Like he was conflicted about sharing the remaining bits. It took every fibre of my being to not reach out my hand and touch his perfect face, to wipe away his sorrows. It was his battle, his story to tell.
"The lights were on. I thought maybe my mother saw the weather forecast and made arrangement for us. Luke got a call from his father. He had to leave. I rushed inside not paying attention to my brother's car in the garage. When I went inside... I heard noises and I... I followed the noises. I headed down to the master bedroom." He stopped and took a long shaky breath.
I reached for his hand and gave a squeeze. Arran stares at me for a beat, and I saw so much pain in his eyes.
"I saw Adrian and I thought he was with someone... It only took a second to register in my mind that the body moving against Adrian body was Sophia's. Had I eaten anything that day, I would've vomited. I tried but I couldn't move away my eyes. They were absorbed in their own world, totally unaware of my presence. It was the call on my phone that snapped me back to reality."
"Oh, Arran..." I have an overwhelming urge to cry but somehow managed not to cry by biting my lip furiously and painfully.
"I expected shock, guilt, resentment... any emotion that would've eased my pain but when Sophia saw it was me she just smirked at me, not even bother with the fact I caught her cheating with my own brother."
"I wanted to yell at my brother; punch him, anything that would've made him feel what I was feeling that moment but I couldn't. I just turned around and walked away. I didn't want to be under the same roof as them."
"When I got in the car, my phone was still ringing. I knew the person on the other line didn't want me in the guesthouse." Hurt flashed across his face for just a second and all of sudden it was gone and replaced with a cold glare.
"Who was that person?" I dreaded to find out who that person might be.
"My father." He dropped the bomb. "He was calling me to stop me from going to the guesthouse. He knew about them... He knew they were fucking behind my back but not once he told me."
It made so much sense why Mr Raymond acted the way he did. Why he wanted someone to look after Arran. It must be the guilt that was eating him but I know that he doesn't have any malice intentions. He just wants Arran to be happy again.
"She followed me outside. The thought of losing her felt too much. I begged her... I told her I was willing to forgive her. She just said what she thought of me... that I was no good for someone like her."
I clenched my fists. Sophia didn't even realised what she lost that day. She lost someone who loved her more than anyone ever will. She broke him and left him in tattered pieces. She deserved all the misery she was in. I fought the angry tears that were threatening to spill over.
"Since that day... I'll build a wall around me. I wanted to hurt them like how they hurt me. When I couldn't think of a way... I relied heavily on alcohol, partying and meaningless sex. It was my way of coping. But I realised this is exactly they wanted so I went after what they craved. The thing they loved more than themselves."
"You went after power." I breathed out.
"I did. I dedicated myself to be better... I worked hard, stayed up at night, flew over the world to meet with the clients, signed contracts. It appeared people preferred my way to my brother's. They founded Adrian too impatient. Soon, people stared noticing me. It was becoming too much for Adrian. He couldn't handle the heat he was getting from investors and Sophia couldn't handle the accusations."
"So they left." I concluded and he nodded his head.
Cowards.
"You mentioned that this company belonged to you..." I mentioned, suddenly remembering his confrontation with Adrian.
"On my 7th birthday, my grandfather gifted me this really cool remote control car. He got Adrian one too but mine was custom made. Adrian wanted my car but when I didn't give him, he got angry and kicked the car till it broke. Over the years my grandfather saw how Adrian would get obsessive over my things so he changed the will. He hid this from my parents."
"When did you find out?"
"The night before I caught them together."
Wow. How can someone be this cruel? My vision blurred and tears formed in my eyes. This was the most honest and raw emotion he'd ever shown.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through this... that you were hurt by the people you loved. I am so sorry, Arran."
"Shhh... It's not your fault." His hand goes to my cheek, wiping the tears.
"It must've hurt you to see them together." I hiccupped.
"It didn't." He replied. Arran squeezes me closer to him and kisses the top of my head.
"What?" I blinked the tears away and asked him.
"It didn't... I thought it would hence, why I was running away from them but seeing them two together... I've realised it didn't." He replied matter of fact.
He smiled softly as if to tell he is fine now and looking at the softness in his eyes I realised Arran found his closure. He was ready to move on and I couldn't help but feel happy for him. I shifted slightly so I could kiss him softly on his lips. I pulled back and put my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me.
"What made you change?"
"You did." He replied with a soft chuckle as if he couldn't believe himself either.
"I did?" I furrowed my brows in confusion.
"You certainly did."
"Thank you for sharing this with me." I said truthfully.
"I should've told you earlier." He said with a pang of guilt in his voice.
"It doesn't matter but I am glad."
"It's not going be easy from now on." He warned me.
"But we have each other. We'll be fine." I assured him.
"Why did you trust me so much? You had thousands of reasons for not trusting me, but why did you?"
I paused and gnawed on my lip. "Because you told me to trust you." I muttered and he stilled.
"Why are you doing this?" There was no suspicion. Just curiosity. I smiled softly.
"Remember, once you asked me what if someone you love, hurts you and leaves you in pieces, so many pieces that your hands pricks when you are trying to put yourself back together?"
"Yes?" He sounded unsure.
"I want to help you pick up those pieces and put it back." I said softly.
Arran opened up his past with me tonight. There were no more secrets between us. He dropped the mask he was wearing and he let me in until I saw his soul... Felt his pain... Every doubts and fear I had, vanished.
Now there's no more past to hold us down.
â¦â¦â¦â¦â¦
First of all, sorry for such a late update. The chapter was almost finished but I couldn't find time to finish the chapter.
This person who I am working under is always dumping her work on me and that too last minute! I am finishing work at odd hours and on Friday I was in office till 8! T.T It does get better... right?
I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's very special to me because first time in many weeks, I am feeling accomplished. What are your thoughts on this chapter?
Thank you for the support and patience- much appreciated.
So enjoy, vote and comment. Let me know if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes.
Ameerah x