Arran's POV:
"It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you." â David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary.
Love was strange.
It taught me to fall for Sophia so hard that I couldn't breathe without her but it didn't matter how much I loved her, it didn't matter how good I was to her, it didn't matter how much I valued her, in the end... it didn't matter at all.
I was naïve when it came to love. I believed in falling in love at first sight. I saw her; I fell for her and I fell for her hard.
Love made me vulnerable. She came in my life, no different than any other girl I'd met and one look was all it took... I gave her a piece of myself.
People around me were cautious of her. They tried warning me but I didn't listen. She came in my world like a storm. She picked me up from my feet and in the end she left behind a trail of destruction.
I do believe she loved me... at one point. She taught me sometime the people you love the most turns out to the people you can trust the least.
There's no guide in the world that teaches you how to get over broken heart or how to get over betrayal. I've always wondered what would betrayal feel like. Growing up I was always loved by everyone... my friends, my family, I was adore by everyone. I had a brother I could count on, friends who were loyal to me, and a girlfriend who loved me.
Then it happened.
Denial.
At first I denied.
I refused to believe what they did to me. I sought after her. I begged her. I told her I'm willing to forgive her... that we can still have a future together. When she laughed and told me I was worthless... I was hurt.
Hurt.
It hurts like hell. When you love someone more than they deserve, they will fucking hurt you more than you deserve. Countless nights were wasted by allowing myself to wallow in my own misery, all because of her.
Anger.
Then came the anger. How fucking dare they! I made sure to wipe every memory of them that I had in my mind. I became ruthless. I was never good at sharing my emotions. I did with one person only and she turned out to be the reason why I shut myself from everyone and hurt those who actually cared.
I never trusted anyone ever again. I kept people away from me. I distanced myself from my friends and family. I became emotionally detached.
Was it worth it?
I wasn't sure anymore.
"Hi." Her voice broke the trail of my thoughts.
Her hands were on my shoulders and as much as I wanted to wrench her hands away from my body, I couldn't... too many eyes were on me. Tension cranked up a notch and buzzed through the air. I didn't say a word. I refused to look at her and kept staring at Emberly who was laughing and dancing with my cousins. I rolled my eyes in disbelief. They just met an hour ago! How is it so easy for her to get along with new people?
"Arran... I want to..."
"Sophia... I couldn't care less about what you want to say or do." I gave her a blank stare. Her eyes widened.
"I'm sorry." She said meekly and played with her hair. I looked at her... I really looked at her. She was still beautiful but the spark in her eyes was missing.
"Well so am I. For trusting you." I said, fighting to keep the anger from my voice.
She looked pained, as if my words had hurt her. Years ago, I would have believed they actually did, but not anymore.
"I don't know what got to me..." She took a step forward.
I stilled. A stab of something hot and bitter creeps up my back, and I recognise it as the same emotion that went through me when I saw them together. Betrayal.
"You knew exactly what you were doing." I clenched my jaw in anger.
"I didn't mean it. All of this doesn't mean anything. I really did love you Arran... I still do." She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
I took a sharp breath.
I wait for my heart to break again but it doesn't.
How many days I've spent wishing she would say those words back to me? How many nights did I waste believing she still loves me? I waited, hoping to feel the emotions I had for her rushing back but I felt... nothing.
I felt nothing and hearing those empty words... I couldn't care less.
I thought facing her will make me weak but so far I am still in control of my emotions. What caused me to change? I thought and my wandered around and landed on Emberly.
'She did.' My mind stated.
All the things that were weighing on me, the pressure of my them coming back, the expectations of my family... it all disappeared like they'd never existed.
"I chose to move on Sophia... so should you. You have family of your own now." I replied, softly.
Enraged disbelief simmered in her eyes. "I can't... I was selfish... I was stupid... I was blinded." She was panicking.
"Greed makes you all these things." I retorted. She let out an angry snarl.
"They mean..."
I stopped listening to her. I looked around and my eyes landed on Emberly again. Sensing my eyes on her she turned around. When I stare into those blue eyes, I could hear the unspoken words.
Don't trust her.
They are not worth your time.
Emberly once said that one of the best things you can do is to move on and find happiness elsewhere.
And I came to realisation that I have found my happiness somewhere else.
Sophia who meant everything to me didn't matter to me and this realisation brought me peace. She doesn't startle me into unexpected smiles. She doesn't make my heart thump.
Emberly does.
"I'm done with you Sophia." I breathed in one long draught and then released it. She glances at me, and I could tell she was surprised by the admission.
"What..?" She stumbled.
"I am done with you." I said harshly this time.
"No." She stumbled a step back and whispered.
"Enjoy rest of your evening."
Our eyes hold for a beat longer than necessary and then she puts on a fake smile.
"I will not accept this." She said stubbornly and storms off. I shook my head in disbelief.
"Hey." Emberly smiled as I approached her.
"You good?" I asked her.
"I am. Just enjoying the drinks and the desserts. Its not everyday you can eat such delicious desserts." She grinned at me, and her smile was infectious. I smiled too.
"One might think I don't feed you." I narrowed my eyes jokingly.
"Gasp! How did they find out? Oh my god... what shall we do now?" I tried not to smile but couldn't help it.
"You did well." She assured me, smiling softly at me and for some strange reasons, that's what I needed to hear. We stood in silence. My mind still trying to comprehend the changes in my feelings.
I studied Emberly. There is something about her that makes you want to protect her. She doesn't need it and she is tough but at times you just want to protect her from everyone else. She is rare and pure. She genuinely care for people around her and she is loyal to the bone. Sophia will do her best to destroy her and that thought is unsettling. I swallow thickly.
"You are awfully quite today." Emberly said, eyeing me carefully.
"Is that so?" I questioned her.
"Yes! I am used to you giving me orders all the time." She exclaimed worriedly.
"Will you obey me if I gave you order or will you resist me?" I smirked.
"Depends." She bit her lip, and for some reason I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Blinking and tearing my eyes away from her lips, I cleared my throat.
"On what?"
"On what the order will be." "She shook her head with a teasing smile. My body buzzed.
"How about we test that? Lets take the party somewhere else." I whispered watching her cheeks turning bright red.
"Sorry for interrupting your not so subtle flirting but Emberly, can I borrow him for a second and then you can take the party, which I assume, is for two people only, wherever you like." Lucy interrupted us and whilst Emberly turned red, I laughed.
I danced with Lucy and then with my Nan's friends. I met with few of our associates and Emberly reminded me of their names and what part of business they were in... not that I needed any reminder but the fact she memorised everyone's data made me proud. After a while, she excused herself and I noticed how every man in the room was blatantly checking her out. I narrowed my eyes in jealousy. I was speaking to my Luke when a waiter passed me a note.
'Meet me in room 302. Emberly.'
I read the note and grinned. I looked around and couldn't spot her. I knew this hotel inside out. Making my way to room 302, I knocked on the door. I turned the handle and the door was unlocked. The room was dark and eerie feeling grew inside me.
"Emberly?"
I turned the lights on.
Fuck.
It was Sophia wearing nothing but red lingerie. I felt a sudden chill hit my skin.
"What the fuck."
"I've missed you Arran." She whispered, walking towards me, eyeing me like a hawk eyeing its prey.
"Where Emberly. Why are you here?" I spat, turning around but she was quicker.
She shut the door and turned around to place her hands on my shoulders. I stiffened at her touch. She grabbed my hands, situating them on her naked waist. I recoil from her touch.
"Remember our trip in Paris? How we made love for the first time? You've always been my first in so many ways... my first kiss... my first time... my first love." She wrapped her arms around my neck.
I froze. Everything comes rushing back like a tornado. Subconsciously, remembering those moments. Her body on top of mine... I told her for the first time that I love her...
Stop!
I snapped back to reality and she was kissing my chest. When did she unbutton my shirt?
"Stop." I tried pushing her hands away.
"Don't you miss those days? My body craves for you. I've missed you Arran. I've missed this." Her lips were kissing my jaw.
"This is insane. You need to stop." I tried stepping away from her. My teeth ground together. My stomach twisted, not liking her touch at all.
She kissed me on my lips and once again, I was frozen. Remembering what she did to me, I pushed her away. This time with a little force. She tumbled on the couch. That exact moment the door opened and Emberly entered the room.
"Hey Arran...." she stopped and took in the scene. Her eyes grew wide. Neither of us moved. I looked at her hands and she was clutching a note.
Shit! She set us up.
Shit... this looks.... The whole time my eyes were fixed on her face and my body felt numb. There was something wrong with me. I could see but I couldn't hear anything. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest.
"Arran. Why did you stop? Don't mind her." Sophia smirked and got up from the couch.
"Emberly... it isn't... this isn't how it looks. Believe me." I couldn't form words.
She looked at Sophia who was smirking and then back at me. I pleaded her with my eyes. She says nothing for several seconds, and my heart starts to thud in panic. Emberly sighs and she closes the distance between us. She starts buttoning my shirt and I notice how badly her hands were shaking.
"Your mother is looking for you." She kept her voice steady but her whole body was tensed. Guilt slithered through my gut.
"What the fuck. Can't you see you're interrupting us?" Sophia shrieked.
"She'll bring the whole 'you don't pay attention to her anymore' topic. Please be nice to her." She tried smiling but failed miserably. I felt like I'd just been punched in the gut.
"Are you not going to ask about this?" Sophia gripped her hands and tried pushing Emberly away. Emberly pried her hands away from her hold.
"There's nothing to ask Sophia. You're just trying to pursue someone who is beyond your reach now. What's there to ask?" Heat flared in her blue eyes as she replied Sophia back.
"Are you not worried? Our feelings are still there for each other." Sophia paled.
Emberly just rolled her eyes and starts fixing my tie.
"He kissed me. Are you not going to ask him about it? "
"That's not how trust works but then again, how can I expect someone like you to know about trust."
She opened her clutch and took tissue out. She wiped the lipstick on my lip.
"All done... shall we go?" She looked at me and I just nodded.
My mind still trying to process what just happened inside. Cool air hit my face and I realised we were outside.
"What happened inside..." I opened my mouth but she interrupted me. She held my hands and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Arran I said I trust you and I do. You asked me to believe you and I do."
A weird feeling bubbled in my stomach causing my heart to beat faster.
"I'm going to go now. I'm really tired." She rubbed her arms. I removed my blazer and wrapped around her.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" "I reached out and stroked her cheek with my thumb.
"You should stay here and enjoy." When I didn't reply, she continued, "Hey, don't think about it. It's not your fault." She spoke softly and assured me.
I don't deserve her. But that doesn't stop me from pursuing her.
"Call me when you get home." I kissed her temple and she relaxes under my touch.
I told the driver to drop her off since I gave her a lift to here. I turned around, only to be blocked by her again. Luckily, there weren't many people outside. I sighed irately.
"Seriously, Arran... her? You can have anyone... why her?" She looked and sounded like a petulant child, with her arms crossed over her chest.
"You need to mind your own business." Anger was flaring inside me, making my teeth grit.
"You are my business Arran, can't you see this? I can't move on. I hate myself for what I did to you. I will not accept. You may think you are over me but you are not! It was a stupid mistake and I am resenting myself ever since that. I can't move on Arran because I still fucking love you." She was hysterical.
"You once told me that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. I am sorry Arran... but I love you... I love you so much." She pleaded, her eyes watering.
The nerve of her. I am finally happy again and she tried ruining that too tonight.
I scoffed, "You need to get over it Sophia, it is not going to happen. I have moved on and I do remember it very clearly. Your love was not patient and it was definitely not fucking kind. Your love didn't protect and your love broke my trust. Your love fucking failed and you need to accept that."
I didn't wait long enough to hear her response. I took my car's key from the valet and sat inside. My chest burned, and I sucked down a long breath. I sighed eyeing the grey sky and let out a bitter laugh.
I don't remember how long I was sitting in the car. The wind picked up, jolting me out of my thoughts. Without a second thought, I entered the address of her house in the navigation. I needed her... I needed to be near her.
The reason why I was wary of Emberly was because she too came in my life as a storm. I came to realise not all storm disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.... Just like she did.
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So sorry for posting this so late. I always find writing Arran's POV the hardest and I have to make sure it is perfect.
I don't want this book to have 100+ chapters so I focus on making chapters longer and it gets exhausting writing all the details and making sure to keep the flow.. So from now on I will keep the chapter shorter and hopefully I can update frequently.
Please feel free to correct any spelling/grammar mistakes.
Enjoy the chapter, vote and leave a comment.
Ameerah x
Q: how old are you and how do you feel about steamy scenes? ;)