Emberly's POV:
I heard the soft thud of his door closing and without thinking; I took small steps toward his room. I could feel my head getting ready to explode. Maybe that's extreme. However, I had a strong urge to finally follow my instincts but I was nervous. I took another step toward his room building up the nerve to just do it. A strange, unfamiliar feeling opened inside of me. I knocked on his door twice and waited. After a while, he opened the door and seemed confused to see me.
"Did you forget something?" Concern etched over his face.
The black shirt was half way open, revealing the skin of his chest. I felt an ache that went right down to my soul, and I forgot everything except that moment.
"Yeah, I did." I swallowed, my voice shaking a little.
I knew that what was about to happen would change everything between us. And for once, I was looking forward to it.
"What?"
"This."
I got on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his; hushing any question he may have, melting our bodies together. My skin was covered in goose bumps as I clutched his shirt then sliding my fingers into his hair and grasping him close.
Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in closer until our bodies were plastered together. His touch made me lose any train of logical thoughts that I had left inside my head. All my doubts and concerns went flying out the window. Yet, I was aware of how unresponsive he had become. He stood still, very still. I broke the kiss and repeated something that he had said to me a while ago.
"Uhm, this is where you are supposed to kiss me." I nipped his bottom lip playfully.
His eyes widened and in instant and his lips covered mine instantly. His tongue probed the seams of my lips, and then dove in without a warning. He picked me up and I yelped in surprise. My legs automatically wound around his waist so that I wouldn't fall back. My hand clutched his shoulder, the other in his hair. One of his hands held me from my rear; the other went up my back and into my hair. Then he tugged my hair to tilt my head while his went the other way. The kiss was hot and wild. He started walking and I felt the wall hit my back and his heat hit my centre as I moaned into his mouth. His mouth was soft and sweet as it tangled with mine.
He pulled his mouth away and set his forehead to mine. He whispered my name; his voice was deep and sexy as I parted my lips, breathing into him. The slow burn deep in my belly was flaming higher. My breaths were becoming erratic from having him this close to me. He connected his lips once more with mine and this time I lost count of the time. God knows, how long we've been kissing. Seconds, minutes or hours. I couldn't remember. He broke the kiss and I leaned my forehead against his, our breathing was out of control and loud.
"If you want me to stop, then I suggest you to tell me right now." He groaned when my hands touched his bare chest. I could feel the muscles tense under my touch and it fascinated me. "Otherwise, I wont be able to stop myself. Fuck, you are driving me crazy." Holding my wrists, he buried his face in my hair and whispered.
My knees wobbled slightly when he set me on my feet. He tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me in close.
"I won't." I manage to say between the pants. A moan laced with ecstasy tumbled from my lips when his brushed his lips against my jaw.
"Huh?" Arran whispered. I leaned back to meeting his eyes, falling into their stormy depths.
"I wont ask you to stop." He sucked in his breath and let it out slowly before trailing a path of kisses down my jawline, moving to my neck. He stopped and searched my eyes. I nodded, assuring him.
He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently. We kissed again, and he let my wrists go so he could hitch my legs up around his waist again. He pushed me against the wall, and we kissed until we were both drunk with lust.
Arran hand roams my back and reaches up to brush my hair to a side. My heart was racing and I felt myself shaking crazily. I hope he couldn't see how nervous I was feeling. He lifted his head from mine and I felt his breath fan my cheek when he exhaled. Only then I realised I had my eyes closed. Even then I could feel his eyes gazing my face, hopefully not on so flushed cheeks and my lips.
"What's wrong?" His voice was deeper and god, it sounded so sexy.
"I..."
Could he see how nervous he made me? God, I hoped he didn't. I was well aware what was about to happen. We were told in Sex Ed class and I've seen few cheap R-Rated movies with Cherry when we were curious. Yet, I couldn't stop but feel nervous. There was so much I still didn't know. Does the lust take over your body and have no control over the mind and your instincts? Will it be painful experience? Studies have proven the first time for a girl isn't always pleasurable. Shit. Maybe, I should stop thinking and go according to the flow.
I wanted to kiss him but hesitated again and the next I knew he turned me around and pushed me against the wall, caging me with his arms. I gasped when he pressed his lips against my pulse.
"Take off your dress." He whispered in my ear but there was nothing soft about his tone.
"What?" My heart hammered in my throat and I stilled.
We stood like this for a while until he retrieved few steps back as if he was waiting for me to remove the dress. With shaky fingers, I found the zipper but I stopped there not sure what to do. You want this! But did I really? You are ready for this! I bit my lip with nervous anticipation and pulled the zip down. My skin tingled with anticipation. When the zip was at the end I turned around. My gaze shifted to him. His eyes were heavily hooded and lips slightly parted.
Take that!
He must saw the challenge in eyes because he smirked meaningfully and took a step forward. Next thing I knew, his lips were on mine again and his hands touching my bare back. I felt like everywhere he touched me, it left a trail of fire. We both were interrupted by a loud ringtone. He groaned in frustration and pulled back. His hands were inside his pocket, searching for the phone. He cursed softly under his breath when the phone kept ringing. I laughed softly and pulled him back to another kiss. His phone forgotten again but the other person was persistent. We both pulled apart. Our eyes shifted down to the caller name and we both stilled.
'Sophia.'
And just like that, the pink bubble I was living in popped. My chest squeezed as my spine stiffened. What felt like year but only few seconds he managed to look at me but he looked like he was in pain as he stared hard at me. The phone was still ringing. I knew the moment was gone. I wanted to throw that phone out the window but he was clutching it so tightly. I was sure my face was betraying me as I felt a sudden cold rushing through my veins. I would be lying if I say my heart didn't feel constricted.
He just told me he loves someone and yet here I was, taking advantage of the situation. Taking advantage of him. I thought I was better than this. He will wake up in the morning hating himself and as much as I want him, it would be selfish of me to allow that. I didn't want to ruin the trust he had in me.
I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't know what to say. I was mad and frustrated. Mad because I know his feeling for Sophia is still there and he still loves her after what she has done. Frustrated because knowing all this I still want him. I wanted to make him forget about Sophia. I slumped against the wall. The back of my eyes stung. I opened my eyes and blinked couple of times. I forced myself to breathe deeply. I kept my head down to avoid his gaze.
"Arran..." I breathed deeply to calm my nerves. I didn't know what to say? I didn't wanted him to speak to her in front of me but at the same I wanted to hear how he would sound speaking with her.
His hand touched to my cheek, titling my face to meet his. His eyes searched mine. "I shouldn't have..." He sounded unsure and looked down at his iPhone. He looked conflicted and it added nothing but more fuel to the guilt I was feeling.
Sophia (3 miscalls)
Great, he must be regretting. I felt like an idiot now. Of course, it was making sense now. We were so clouded with the lust that we forgot who we were and what we were about to do.
"I was the one who came to your room, fully knowing your feelings for her." Compared to his voice, mine was barely audible, "I'll just go back to my..."
His head shot up. "I meant I shouldn't have let her affect me like this. I never said that I shouldn't have done this with you." He said firmly and my eyes widened.
"I'm not a good person Emberly, I fuck up a lot and I hurt the people who are closer to me.... You are a good person and I don't want to hurt you. I may never be able to give you what you want but that doesn't stop me from wanting you. I. Want. You. So. Fucking. Badly."
His hand was slowly trailing my back until it was touching the back of my neck. His fingers were grazing the back of my neck and his lips were close to my jaw but not touching me. I smiled sadly at his confession. He placed his forehead on mine. Just being this close to him made me safe.
"I don't want to ruin anything between us but that doesn't stop me from wanting you. I am just getting used to you. You deserve honesty and truth is Emberly I am not sure how long will this last, how long will it take me to get over her. I don't want to give you a false hope." He whispered.
I always looked for safety in whatever I did. I always wanted things steadily. Being with him was havoc.
I came to conclusion that there is no doubt that I want him but I need to respect his feelings. Everyone has a past. He is still living in his past. His love for Sophia isn't something that can be replaced over one night of heated passion. No matter how much I wish... There wouldn't be any difference between me and the other girls he was with. What does that make me?
'Give him time.'
Try to understand him. Be patient. Give him time.
That's what everyone said about him. I know he has a lot of baggage but this guy... he deserves so much. He deserves happiness. I watched his as he visibly appeared conflicted but I was glad he didn't shut himself like usual.
"I get it..." and I truly did. I gave him a small smile and reassured him. "I should go to my room..." I pointed to the door for the umpteenth time.
God! Why did it have to end like this? We both needed space to think what just happened.
"Stay." It wasn't a request but a firm order. I hesitated but a part of me was excited.
"I'll promise to behave." He smirked, his hand gripping my waist and squeezing it lightly and I was pretty sure I was a shade redder. No words were spoken for a while. We were both were lost in our thoughts but I noticed, Arran didn't retreated like he did in past.
"I'll..." I pointed at the bathroom and made a run to it. Only when the door was locked, I let out a huge breath.
My hands were clammy; my breath was coming out in short pants. Wow, what is going on? This is not how I imagined it would go. I paced around.
After removing my make up and brushing my teeth with disposal toothbrush, I sat on the edge of the tub not knowing what to do. I still had my dress on and as much as I love it, I'm not sleeping on it.
I wasn't sure where we were heading towards but once in my lifetime I didn't wanted to overthink. Without second thought I removed my dress and picked one of his T-shirt that was hanging on the back of the door. It was grey and felt incredibly soft against my skin. I unlocked the door and stepped outside. Without even looking at him, I could feel his gaze all over my body. I wanted to dive in the bed but his hand on my arm stopped me. He held my eyes with his penetrating gaze as if he wasn't sure of something. His lashes lowered to my lips and my lips tingled. His fingers ever so slowly caress my skin and my pulse doubled. Just his mere touch makes my breathing go abnormal.
God, I sound so stupid. Luckily, he steps back and my gaze slides to his broad shoulder and down to his pants, which I swear was unintentional, to where the evidence of his desire was pretty prominent.
Oh, wow.
My thoughts were going down the wrong road but I couldn't help it. Something deep stirred in his eyes and I wondered if he knew what I was thinking and I really hope he didn't.
Look away... look away... God dammit Emberly, you're staring at his hard on! Look away!
"Uhm, okay..." I whispered because honestly, I didn't know what else to say. He lips twitched and much to my disappointment he went to the direction of the bathroom.
I pulled back the dark duvet cover and dived in as quickly as I could. I caught his familiar musky scent and breathed in. I could hear water running in the bathroom and after a while Arran emerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but only a black brief. I froze and tried to make my breathing even. This is not working. I should've left. It did nothing but made me appear like a ragging teenager. If I thought Arran was impressive when he was dressed, this half naked Arran was a whole new level. I closed my eyes tightly and pulled the covers up to my chin.
He turned the main light off and the bed dipped under his weight and I held my breath. He left a space between our bodies and I turned, facing the other way. It wasn't the first time he asked me to sleep with him. He did before too but that time he was drunk and he probably didn't realise what he was doing. A minute or few passed by and we remained silent.
"I am sorry for jumping on you." I blurted and shut my eyes in embarrassment. I heard him shifting and then he spoke softly.
"Trust me Emberly, I didn't mind..."
"I just didn't knew what to do... I have never been in this situation ever. I mean I have kissed but never had sex... but I am not as innocent as I seem... I know what happens but at the same time I don't as I never..."
He rolled suddenly, and before I could take my next breath, I was flat on my back and he was hovering above me. My eyes widened. He dipped his face lower. I tried to keep my breathing steady but my blood was roaring once again.
His eyes lowered and ever so softly he placed a chaste kissed on my lips. And just like that he was back on his side of the bed. I touched my lips; they were swollen under my fingers. He said nothing. No explanations.
I was okay with the silence as it gave me a time to get used to his proximity. I was much calmer now. Just when I thought I could sleep peacefully, Arran closed the remaining space, pressing his from to my back. Suddenly, I realised how thin the material of his shirt was. I could feel his hard body and I mentally shook my head to still keeping my heart on line.
"Arran... what are you doing?" I whispered.
"Trying to sleep." He whispered back in my ear, dropping his arm over my waist.
"Sleep, Emberly." He demanded softly.
"I can't.... not with you this close. Distract me." I managed to reply back. He chuckled.
"Do you want to go over the project we are working on?" His tone was mischievous and I jabbed him in his ribs. He laughed and my smile broadened. With his warm chest pressed and long legs cradling mine, I felt relaxed.
Maybe, I didn't know much about him. His past still remained mysterious but for once it didn't bothered me much. Sure, I was curious but I knew when the right time would be here, he will tell me. I wasn't even sure where this will lead us or what it made us but I knew that more than wanting to kiss him endlessly, I wanted to get to know him properly. I wanted to understand him and I wanted to spend time knowing him and hearing what he is thinking about. What goes in his head when he frowns, when his eyes crinkles and when his lips would curve up in a small smile.
I wasn't sure if I... if I would be able to survive without getting my heart broken. His love for Sophia will never let him move on and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Despite all the fears, Arran was the risk that was worth taking.
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Quick note: thank you so much for the support and thank you for not abandoning this story. Truly means a lot to me.
I will update more frequently but I hope the lengthy chapters I am posting can make it up to it.
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Enjoy the new chapter.
PS: I see a lot of KPOP on Wattpad too. Who is your fav? Mine is Winner!