Book II - ch 16: And When I Wake

* * *

Sarah stared at the walls, wondering if they’d been painted recently. How long had it been since the last time she’d come here?

“Do you want to talk about why you’re here?” Athena asked.

“No.” Sarah didn’t even want to be there.

“You needed a second try for your codes to get back into the compound two days ago, after the Foundation Day party.”

Since that wasn’t a question, Sarah merely stared at her.

“It’s not an alarming issue because you were in a controlled environment and within view of your colleagues the entire time.”

Good thing she hadn’t needed to use the bathroom then.

She got the re-entry code right the second time because she’d been confused about which one had been real and which one had been the one she’d seen in the dream. Thankfully, everyone thought she’d been distracted.

Athena leaned back in her chair, her expression suggesting a change of subject. “You said you didn’t feel ready to go back out into the field.”

Sarah winced. That was something else she didn’t want to talk—or think—about.

Initially, her dreams, while confusing, hadn’t been dangerous. But thinking she’d seen Robyn while she was wide awake and getting shot at, that was an entirely different story.

If she couldn’t trust herself, there’s no way she could place anyone else’s life in her hands. Still, that was also not a question, so she pretended to be distracted by the pattern carved into the wooden table in front of her.

“What are you afraid of?” Athena asked in a softer tone, her eyes no less piercing.

Dying, going insane, getting someone killed, not necessarily in that order. “Should I make a list?”

Athena gave her a look that was not as patient as the woman seemed to think it was. “What is your greatest fear?”

“That you’ll never stop asking me questions.”

“Sarah…”

Sarah couldn’t help a smirk. “I thought it was Phoenix from now on.”

“In here, you are all yourselves.”

“Like when we’re dead?” The association was morbidly amusing.

Athena drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Sometimes I think you’re a joke Zeus is playing on me. But then I always thought your sister was a test of my sanity as well.”

Sarah smiled, feeling a little guilty about being difficult.

“If you don’t tell me what you’re afraid of, I won’t be able to help you.”

Sarah didn’t think there would be any helping her anyway. “Isn’t our time over? I have to report in.”

Athena didn’t disguise her annoyance, but Sarah hadn’t been lying.

She made her escape as quickly as she could, all but running away as soon as she made it to the hallway.

Not that she didn’t think there was anything wrong with her—that ship had long sailed—but she wanted to try to understand what was happening before explaining it to anyone else.

For now, it should be fine as long as she stayed at the compound and didn’t get involved in any active missions. How dangerous could she be in here?

The stray thought brought her to a halt as she reached the Comm area. Echoes of Robyn’s words swirled in her mind: “You’re dangerous.”

How dangerous could she possibly be?

And dangerous to whom? Scorpion had asked.

She was suddenly weary of getting back to work, afraid that even the simplest task would be unwittingly corrupted.

Laughter rose above the background chatter. As if summoned by her thoughts, Scorpion was entering the main area with Mermaid. Pegasus trailed behind them.

“I’m not sure what he expected me to do,” Scorpion said. “I hit all the targets.”

“Well, that’s why you got tossed out of the gun range more times than anyone else I know.” Pegasus came up behind Scorpion and hooked his arms around her waist, all but nuzzling her neck. “You’re only supposed to hit the target that’s directly in front of you.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” With no motion to pull away, she leaned back against him instead.

Sarah couldn’t pull her eyes away. They were sufficiently engrossed in themselves to not pay any attention to the world around them.

She ordered herself to look away to no avail. Unable to do anything else, she stood there, staring.

Was this what it felt like right before one’s head exploded?

She didn’t have the right to feel slighted or jealous, and the breathlessness that came from something squeezing her chest should be unjustified.

Pegasus had kissed her. She’d pushed him away, then, like a coward, she’d avoided explaining herself to him… So she had sort of brought whatever this was on herself. Was she hoping she meant more to him?

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Had she really fallen for someone so fickle?

There’s no way Pegasus would be doing this to provoke her, right? Even if that were the sole reason for this display, she would have expected better from him. Maybe she expected too much.

The all too recent memory of that imaginary kiss at the party was only providing more of a contrast with this nightmare of a present. She’d hoped… she wasn’t sure what she’d hoped… that he would have been patient, that he would have insisted? She sure as hell hadn’t expected this.

Was she hoping for what she’d had in the dream?

Pulling herself from her daze, she took in the others’ reactions. Apparently, everyone thought this—whatever this was—was normal.

Mermaid glared at them with an expression Sarah recognized from when she’d emptied her glass down Sarah’s back in the dream. “Will you stop that? You’re gonna get cited. Again.”

“Stop what?” Scorpion asked as she started swaying to the rhythm of a song only they could hear.

“She means the public display of affection, Bella.” Pegasus wrapped his arms tighter around her—if that were possible.

Sarah thought she would have died if he had looked at her right then, grinning with such mischief in his eyes while pressing a kiss on Scorpion’s neck.

But his gaze never came her way. He was watching Mermaid instead, laughing as if the purpose of this was to annoy her.

Mermaid rolled her eyes at them, throwing her arms up in surrender as she tried not to laugh. “Fine, get cited. I don’t care.”

Pegasus and Scorpion laughed, but stayed as they were.

Sarah was still trying to figure out how to act normal. And maybe how to breathe.

“Red ball,” Wolf called from the other side of the room.

Pegasus and Scorpion separated at once, rushing to an empty computer station.

“If you’re finished with the unnecessary display, local police might have a location for the chemicals.”

“Is Griffon back already?” Robyn asked.

Sarah gave up any pretense of trying to act normal.

This was not normal.

Her sister shouldn’t be there.

Not anymore.

She took a reflexive step back, knocking over a nearby chair and almost falling over it when her legs insisted on escaping.

Swallowing an exclamation, a gurgled sound escaped her. Robyn saw her and laughed at her disarray. Another step sent Sarah stumbling over the chair and she had to hold on to the table to keep from falling. She lost sight of her sister for that moment. When she looked back, Robyn was gone.

Not only that, everything had changed. The moment she’d been watching had been peeled away to reveal the real world. Scorpion was still there, though she wasn’t laughing, and there was no sign of Pegasus or Mermaid. There was also no emergency.

Sarah let out a shaky breath.

Scorpion caught her gaze, and Sarah looked away, afraid some of her despair would be obvious.

She turned to escape and ran straight into November.

“You okay?” he asked, more annoyed than concerned.

Sarah nodded quickly.

“Do you want to get started on these to send to Lore?” He pointed at a list of files displayed on his tablet. “It’ll take a couple of weeks to track everything down, I think. You can keep on it until you’re back on regular duty.”

She pulled the chair back to her. “When is Lore coming over?”

“I haven’t heard anything about that.”

Cypher said it during a briefing, she was sure of it. She hadn’t been dreaming then—or had she?

Her head was pounding now.

That hadn’t been a dream, she was sure of it. Or was this the dream?

She clenched her fists, burying her fingernails into her skin, hoping the pain would be enough to confirm she was awake before she had to draw blood.

“You don’t look too great. When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

“I don’t remember.”

The days were all blurring together, as were the dreams. How long did it take someone to start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

“There’s nothing urgent. You could get some sleep.”

“I think I might already be asleep.”

He laughed. Maybe he’d been hanging around Pegasus too much.

Sarah didn’t bother explaining herself.

“I can get Whiskey started on this.”

Sarah shuffled off to her room. It was a good idea to try to sleep. And if she were asleep, maybe she’d wake up.

As she passed Pegasus’ room, it was a struggle not to knock on his door. She wanted to see him, but she was scared of what she’d find. But surely, when she saw Scorpion and Pegasus together, that wouldn’t have been real. If there was one thing she could rely on to tell her dreams apart from reality, it was the fact that both versions of her sister were dead.

* * *

Sarah pulled the cover tighter over her face as she heard the approaching footsteps.

“Hey, stop ignoring me.” Robyn pulled the blanket back from Sarah’s face.

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m sleeping.”

“No, you’re not.” Robyn pushed her bed aside, with Sarah still on it, to reveal the power outlet where her phone was charging. She let out a triumphant Aha! which made Sarah cover her ears.

“Please, can I sleep?”

“I knew you were hiding it.” Robyn disconnected Sarah’s phone from the charger—the cause of this argument.

They both had the same type of phone, and one of the chargers—each insisted it was the other’s—had gone missing a couple of days ago, which left them to share a charger. As this long overdue temporary room sharing had taught them, they did not share well.

Sarah rolled over. It would be useless to argue.

“What time are you getting your head shrunk tomorrow?”

“Robyn, go to sleep, please. I have a class at seven.”

“I’m just asking what time you have to go talk to Dr. Smiley.”

“It’s Dr. Rutger,” Sarah corrected, perfectly aware that Robyn didn’t care.

Her sister insisted her therapist looked like a smiley face. Sarah didn’t even try to figure that one out, but she thought maybe the wrong sister was going to these sessions.

“Are you gonna tell him that you’re still spacing out?”

Or maybe she was the right sister after all. Robyn’s endearing euphemism notwithstanding, she was the only one of the two who saw things that weren’t there.

Unwilling to put up with her sister’s attempts at keeping her awake simply because she couldn’t sleep, Sarah buried her face in the sheets and closed her eyes. She was half expecting Robyn to put up more of a fight, but everything grew instantly quiet.

Sarah could swear she only closed her eyes for a second, but when she opened them again, the room was pitch black.

Well, if Robyn was asleep, she could steal back the charger tonight and then give it back tomorrow morning while Robyn showered. Her sister would never know.

Smiling at her mischief, she kneeled on the bed, feeling along the wall for the outlet. She withdrew her hand when the texture underneath her fingertips turned rough and grimy.

She rose, no longer able to find her bed.

There was no bed, no window.

A light swam a few inches from her face, blinding her for a second.

She covered her eyes, resisting the urge to call out to Robyn. But if this was a dream, what would it matter if she called for her sister or not?

“What’s wrong?” a man’s voice asked. “What are you doing here?”

She recognized that voice. More than that, as her eyes adjusted, she recognized the dream.

“We’ve gotta get out of here.” She grabbed the masked man’s jacket, started pulling.

“Why?”

“Ten minutes isn’t enough.”

“Something’s wrong with Phoenix,” her companion said.

“What’s she doing in the building?” a woman’s voice asked inside her ear.

“Take her back to the van,” another male voice replied.

“How are we for time?”

“Still ten minutes out.”

Her companion’s piercing gaze met hers. “Ten minutes isn’t enough.”

“I’ve got it,” another voice said.

Unwilling to see it happen again, Sarah screamed, drowning out all the other voices.

The voices vanished the next instant. Nothing but darkness and fire remained… Or fire and darkness, she wasn’t sure.

She opened her eyes, choking on a sob as she cried into her pillow.

She didn’t want to do this anymore.