*Forty-Eight*

The last week of December Matt had left for some sort of summer camp, like a fun uplifting, stimulating, character development summer camp, which aimed to equip young individuals with all the tools they needed to navigate their way through obstacles that every kid in today's age was faced with, and also helped them cement some good core values – well at least according to the leaflet that's what Matt would be doing there for the remainder of his holidays

I'm glad he was getting away and doing kid things for the holidays instead of reliving a routine similar to mine, day in and day out.

Mom also said she needed to discuss something with me, which in any other instance I'd be kind of scared of this inescapable upcoming talk, because when your parents said the needed to talk to you about something, it was usually bad. My mind immediately went to Finn, and all the things I could possibly get scold out for

I wanted to work out possible options of excuses and explanations aka lies beforehand so that I at least was not going in unprepared, because unfortunately parents have a tendency of doing that; saying that they want the truth and that they won't get angry, and that the truth will set you free if you let it.

I've heard it all before, and I have concluded that they only say these things to trick you into trusting them and the illusion of them going to be just a little less mad just because you told them the truth

I'm sorry to tell you but if you still believe this, you're naïve

Admittedly I am one of those naïve people who has fallen many times for this façade simply because I believed that they would understand maybe give me some advice, maybe try and teach me something valuable, lecture me extensively maybe – but maybe this is just what I wanted as a typical teenager, maybe I didn't know what's best for me, maybe mom shouting at me was just an indication of how much she actually cared about me and was looking out for me because she's been through this before, and she has more knowledge than me because she has been around longer.

But that's not what I want to necessarily hear, I want to hear that mom is wrong, that she won't understand because I don't want her to find out and be disappointed in me, I don't want to get into trouble because I still want to see Finn, I still want to do things that are undoubtedly bad with this undoubtedly bad boy, so to make myself feel better about lying, I'd tell myself that she would never get it, that this is a different time than when she was brought up-which is true-

Either way I wasn't ready to say it, and mom wasn't ready to hear it

''I spoke to aunt felicity over the weekend -'' mom began

Aunt felicity-Amanda's mom

I let out a breath of relief; no way could this be about Finn

I nodded my head

Or could it?

''I just gave her something to contribute to her gas money like normal''

This was true of course; mom always gave aunt Felicity some money to compensate for all the rides she'd been giving me

''but Felicity insisted that there's no need for it, I thought she was just feeling generous, but then she mentioned that you haven't been travelling with them''

''yeah'' I said confirming everything she had just said

''since when did this happen?'' she asked clear as day that she was troubled by this

''a couple of months I guess''

''why didn't you tell me about this''

''it's no big deal I guess, plus it's not like everything has been...'' I changed my mind about what I was going to say ''forget it''

Mom stayed silent after this

''why did you stop going with them, Felicity said Amanda had told her that you'd found a new ride''

''Yeah Uber has been great – '' I began, thankful that Amanda had left me some window space to save myself, I was cut off short

''Emily, she said you travel with a friend''

Fuck

I needed to be smart about what I said next

''yes I had been travelling with a friend for a little while, but my job at the café pays me well enough that I can afford my own rides,''

Mom nodded in sort of understanding

I needed to really sell this story

'' I also didn't know if mom was still giving aunt Felicity money, because I knew Amanda wasn't traveling with us, I didn't want to burden them, so I got my own ride''

That was enough for mom

''I would tell you if I wasn't paying or that we were looking to find you a lift, don't just do your own nonsense, you are a kid, don't do your own shit, you ask before you do'' mom warned, a evident scowl on her face

I just nodded

Even though I had so many things I wanted to say, like how I was only a kid when it was convenient for her, otherwise Matt and I fended for ourselves, but I decided it best to keep this to myself

Mom was one of those tough love type of people and a strong believer of independence, which is why she made us not depend on her, like for example when she made me enrol myself at high school, I know it's not that big of a deal but she also made me do it for primary school, even when I cried telling her I didn't know what I had to do, because I knew the next day we needed to bring in paper's and documents and all that and I had known if everything wasn't there mom wouldn't do anything about it, she'd just leave it and I'd be sitting at home for a year or more without a school. and even at a young age I knew the importance of school because of mom and dad ,I knew that you didn't need school to acquire knowledge, school was actually a waste of time, where you wasted about 13 years of your life at, but it was supposed to teach you values and important life skills that was supposed to help you navigate through life and all that, you also needed to graduate high school in order that you attain a certificate so that you could go to college or university, and obviously depending on how well you did and what subjects you excelled at school you'd be able to pursue that at college/university, where you'd study get a degree, get a good job that pays the bills...

the harder you work the better chances you'll have of having a good life, and your ideal goal is to one day be comfortable because you've worked hard most of your life you want to be able to work smart not hard, and earn good money to live a comfortable life, as opposed to doing poor In high school because you thought high school was a joke so you had the time of your life, wasted years having a ball of a time, until it bites you in the behind. So if you do poor in high school it limits your choices and chances of you finding good employment. I know this is general knowledge and no one really takes this seriously unless they have to, never because they wanted to

But for me I have never taken anything more seriously in my life, which was why I enrolled myself at schools, asked dad for my own printer for my birthday so that I could print out my own things instead of a Barbie dream house, and in turn I sort of gained independence.

The thing with mom is you could be independent but you still needed to need her, I think this had to do with her insecurities, because what else could explain why she'd just constantly remind you how you are nothing without her. To summarize; you only can be mature and responsible when mom thinks it's convenient otherwise you're a kid who needs her mother. It's kind of annoying and slightly depressing, but it's one of the many constituents in the miserable life of Emily Rose Harrison.

Mom seemed to be happy with my response being; not talking back, she calmed down

''what friend do you have that can drive?''

Oh shit

I didn't want to lie incase this came out in the future, but I didn't want to drag any Windel into this. I couldn't say Cecily because she was well older like in university 5th year, then mom would want to know more, want to meet her- which mind you was nothing, like there were worse things that mom could want to know

But the thing is I didn't want to

''that boy that was here, what was his name... Finn?''

Oh no

I didn't want mom to know that I was more than just acquainted with him, I didn't want her to know the nature of our relationship, I wanted her to forget Finn's name and face, I wanted her to erase him from her mind, so that if she ever hypothetically saw Finn one day at a supermarket or something, she wouldn't recognize him and talk to him.

I wanted her to forget him so much so that if they did happen to stumble into one another, Finn would smile or greet her and she'd frown at him because she had no idea who he was.

I wanted Finn in my life, but not in my life-life, and I definitely didn't want my two worlds to collide which is why I did what I did next

''who?''

Mom frowned at me

''the boy that was here, the only boy that has ever been here''

Fuck

''oh no, he is one of my friends older brothers''

''I think I need to start meeting more of your friends''

''Mom, please don't do that – ''

''do what?'' she asked feigning innocence.

''judging, and implying that I'm some dumb kid, I do everything mom has ever asked of me, I think it's quite unfair to still be treated like this''

''you got all that from me saying I want to meet more of your friends?'' she asked mocking me

''forget it'' I mumbled

Mom sighed, ''can you stop fucking doing that, it's annoying, just finish what you wanted to say''

I rubbed my hands over my face

''you have your fathers shitty ways'' she added

In my opinion what mom had just stated was uncalled for it was like a stab to the gut; I didn't say anything I had just turned around ready to walk away now

''Excuse me, who do you think you are? I'm not done speaking to you, just don't work on my nerves, and sit your ass down''

I sighed and pulled out a kitchen stool, plopping myself dramatically down with so much force that It felt as if although I was experiencing whiplash

''so why did he come here?" mom asked, not quite done asking about Finn

''he was in the area, and I left some things at my friends place''

''your friend who?''

''Cecily'' I answered unflinchingly, I had started to use her name so much we might as well have been best friends by now

''And this boy came here – ''

I knew she wasn't buying it, I knew I had to give her something more so that she could sort of buy it

''I think he had a little bit of a crush on me'' I tried to say it as nonchalant as I could, but even saying this I cringed, yes I was aware of how I sounded, I was not that type of girl who thought people had crushes on her, I was hey type of girl to have crushes on people mostly fictional characters and actors, singers, celebrities and fantasizes about them, write Wattpad fanfictions about them and imagine myself as the main character.

I didn't think I was pretty enough for people to crush on me, but it was the first thing that had come to mind on my quest to make my mom believe me

I saw mom's terrible feeble attempt at pretending what I had just said did not bother her by nodding, and clearing her throat, but I had already saw the slight eye movement, the way her irises had expanded, I didn't think that it was due to the fact that she didn't believe me, more so that she was shocked

''oh'' is what she said instead

Now was my time to cement my story

''But no, ew, I would never – '' I didn't finish my sentence, but mom knew what I was referring to, or who at least

I felt sort of bad, I imagined if Finn ever heard me speak of him this way

''okay well, I'll start dropping you and fetching you, no more catching rides from friends older siblings or Uber,''

Crap