I have many of flaws, and bad traits, but I would have to say the worst one is; where I tend to do things on pure impulse, and then majorly regret it afterwards, till it grows into something bigger than regret or guilt, and rests itself neatly into my conscious, constantly reminding me of the mistakes I found myself regularly making.
The first mistake I made this year: was to go with my best friend Amanda, to one of Dave Windel's parties.
Then to follow up that mistake, by going the next week and the next
Amanda and I were sitting on the front porch, my legs pulled up to my chin, as we watched the sophomores dive into the lake ahead of us, flinging themselves into the water effortlessly one by one.
Amanda took a long drag from the cigarette she was holding in between her index finger and thumb, and then swiftly offering it to me,
''I'm good'' I said brushing her off
You know how people go to high school, and make new choices, bad decisions and pick up bad habits, even though you truly don't know the person like that. Amanda was one of those people who picked up smoking. I didn't know the actual reason why? She just did.
She rose to her feet, wiping her hands of her back jeans pockets.
''I'm going to get a drink, you want one?''
''Yeah sure'' I said
Amanda nodded her head at my half-hearted response, and was gone again before I could change my mind.
Every time I came here, to these parties, I regretted it more than the one before, but for some absurd reason, I found myself every Friday putting on the first item of clothing my hand made contact with and asking my mother to drive Amanda and I, down to Troyer street.
Dave's parties, were invented a while back, it wasn't a big hit at first, but people started pitching up, after they heard it was Dave's private cabin, and not his parents' house, and that there was free drinks every time, even though Dave was a freshman and couldn't legally buy drinks.
Money could buy lots of things, including his family Gardner; Mr Castillo to buy two shopping carts filled with your favourite alcohol every week.
Apparently the cabin was as old as Dave's Great, Great grand - uncle, who gave Mr Windel the cabin when he passed on, where Mr Windel would coincidently forget about the cabin, and Dave would claim it as rightfully his.
When you hear the word: party, or high school party immediately the worst comes to mind. But Dave's parties were different, it was nothing like your typical party, it was more like a hangout, or sanctuary, a place where the nerds got to get high, and the young high school lovers with strict parents go to hook up, a place where you could do absolutely anything, and not get busted by the cops, as it was private property and the nearest neighbour was about at least 30 kilometres away.
Amanda returned holding two identical red cups, and shoving one under my nose. I glanced up at her, noticing she was now wearing a bikini.
I took the cup from her, but raised my eyebrows in question at her sudden change of clothing.
She merely brushed me off, and stubbed out her cigarette on the ground.
''c'mon'' she insisted, trying to haul me up to my feet
''Where to?'' I asked yelping as Amanda yanked me up so violently that I nearly fell face first into the ground
She didn't answer; instead she started tugging at my arm impatiently
I stood my ground
''Don't be such a bore, we going swimming of course '' Amanda said, tugging more ferociously
I dug my heels into the ground
It's like we were playing tug of war with my arm
Why?'' I asked shocked, this was not the type of things we did at Dave's parties
Amanda finally let go of my arm, and I massaged my sore joints
''Cause why the hell not?'' she replied sharply
She really wanted to do this
''Really? '' I asked her, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice
''Yes really'' she said sarcastically widening her eyes, for a more dramatic effect.
She was dead serious.
''I don't have a swimsuit'' I replied so quickly, that Amanda instantly knew it was an excuse.
Truth be told I did not want to swim. Think about it, it was your typical recipe for disaster.
Amanda seemed to have predicted my reaction to her wanting to go swimming, for in less than a few seconds she held up a one piece simple black Speedo with a plunging back and neckline.
''I can't wear that'' I exclaimed
This was 100% another excuse
''course you can'' she remarked
''Amanda '' - I said slowly
''Em, -'' she repeated equally as slow.
She was relentless
I stared at her silently, as she purposefully mistake'd my silence for agreement, and then thrust the swimsuit into my hands.
Glancing at the flimsy material now in my hands, I sighed, giving up
''Where is the restroom?'' I muttered, in muted agony
Amanda looked way to gleeful for my liking, she took my hand, and guided me into the house
'' There is one at the back'' she said urging me on
So impatient
I followed behind her, wondering if this was another mistake I was in the process of making.
Of course it was.
___________________________
I changed into the swimsuit, while Amanda waited outside the door of the bathroom.
''Who's swimsuit is this anyway?'' I said tying my hair up, the swimsuit already on, it was really tight, well not extraordinarily tight, just tight, as I haven't put on a swimsuit for quite some time, I've just focused on covering up more this past few years.
''I think Dave's sister or something. - Amanda sighed - ''are you done yet?''
''Hmm''
She slapped her hand hard on the door, causing me to jump
''Hurry up'' she whined
''Yeah, I'll be right out''
Apart from the suit being tight, it was also uncomfortable, and the back of it kept on riding so far up my ass, that I had to physically take it out countless times
I glanced at myself in the mirror, my thighs looked so wide, and my boobs were accentuated because of the low cut, I hated what I looked like, so much so that for a few minutes I considered never coming out and staying in the restroom until I eventually shrivelled up and died
Why couldn't I just be beautiful?
''Oh my god Em are you taking a bath in there?'' Amanda exclaimed breaking the trance
I sat on the toilet, suddenly the idea of swimming an extremely terrible idea.
Well it was a terrible idea to begin with; I just didn't know how terrible it was till this moment.
I stared at my reflection a little longer in the mirror
Too much skin
The mirror reflected a laundry basket in the back far left corner, there was a white t-shirt lying atop of the laundry basket. I grabbed it and pulled it over my head, it was quite big, a men's tee maybe. But it covered most of the worst.
Amanda began rapping on the door impatiently.
I spun around slowly taking in my appearance, my back looked fine, the tee covered most, - well everything I wanted it to cover. Not enough maybe, but it had to suffice.
More rapid knocking
I groaned and unlocked the door. In response the door flew open.
''Took you long enough'' she said surly.
I nudged her playfully, as we walked down the steps heading towards the lake.
Heading in the direction of yet another mistake I was about to make that day
It was late in the afternoon, where the sun's rays touched the lake, and caused the water to sparkle, like some type of Edward from twilight
Amanda started off to a running start. I laughed and ran after her.
She came to an abrupt stop just in front of the lake, and dipped her right foot into the water, and shivered.
''Second thoughts?'' I asked hopeful
''Course not'' she gave me a serious look, trying to keep her smile from taking over her face.
Sure
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ash and Kevin walking towards us, two seniors on the football team.
Amanda saw them too and spun around to face me, her back facing the two approaching jocks.
''Are they coming over here?'' she asked nervously
I peered over her shoulder, to get a better view
''Looks like it''
It was kind of odd, but I said nothing, as they came to a stop. I will admit Amanda looked pretty cute in her polka-dot bikini, maybe that's why they were standing here now.
Amanda gave her best hair flip and looked squarely at Ash.
''Hey ladies'' Kevin said, and if I didn't know better I would've said; flirtatiously
I pulled the tee down nervously, willing it with my mind to stay down.
Next thing I heard was Amanda laughing, and I realised to late what was happening; Amanda was hauled up onto Ash's shoulder, about to be thrown into the pool, Amanda screamed in glee, I laughed as they flung her in, her body flying in the air, making her look light as a feather. I laughed some more as she crashed into the water, splashing people near that area in her wake.
The other guys on the other end of the lake chuckled.
I waited for Amanda's head to surface
On cue her head bobbed above the water, she whipped hair out of her eyes, sending droplets flying off her.
She was red in the face whilst sporting one of those smiles that met your eyes
Amanda laughed and pointed a daring finger my way. I shook my head mocking her
No way
I saw Ash pick up on this as well, because next thing I knew he was heading my way, I laughed and ran in the opposite direction, Amanda screamed and tried to splash me, the water missed me and landed on the people that were nearest to Amanda in the lake
I saw them give her such a look, as she apologised profusely. This only made me laugh harder
Eventually after I put some space between me and Ash, I spotted him stopping, his chest rising and falling from all the running
I smiled at him victoriously. He shook his head at me in disbelief, before turning around and jogging back to his other friends
Now nearer to the further end of the water, I searched for Amanda,
''Over here'' she yelled, noticing me seeking her out
''Jump in'' Amanda added
''You wish'' I yelled back at her, laughing
'' You going - ''
She was cut off, as the wind was knocked out of my chest, and something cold and firm tugged at my ankle, pulling me down, down
Next thing I knew cold water hit my skin, encasing me.
I was enveloped in it.
Water filled my nose and mouth, for a moment I was unsure as to what was happening, as the pain filled my head, I focused on the pain, and what I thought had happened: I was underwater
I pushed myself up to the surface, till I made contact with the air.
Wiping the hair out of my face, I heard some laughter, and Amanda's face visible with joy and amusement. I coughed a bit and glanced around heaving a deep breath.
There right beside me was a blonde haired boy, his arms resting on the sides of him out of the water, a cigarette perched in-between his lips, his whole body was inked, filled with tattoos, words, symbols, numbers,- you name it. The bright colours on his body definitely drew attention to him, and made him stand out of a crowd.
The look on his face was smug
The culprit
He removed the cigarette from his lips, it smelled kind of foreign, and alluring at the same time, but it looked kind of weird and deformed, like he made the cigarette himself.
He followed my gaze to the cigarette, and chuckled, then in good nature offered it to me
I shook my head
''I don't smoke'' I muttered. Those words so familiar to my tongue, that it came out of my mouth without me having to think
''Just one puff won't hurt'' he said playfully, putting the cigarette back between his lips
This time I laughed, and his eyes was focused on me
''You sound like those kids your parents warn you to stay away from''
He squinted and shook his head, not really getting it
''You know the ones who they say are bad for you, and encourage you to do things you're not supposed to''
He stayed silent
I shrugged, and pulled down my tee, already turning away from the boy.
Amanda waved to me, and I began making my way towards her
A voice stopped me
''Hey''
The blonde haired tattooed boy
''I didn't catch your name''
I turned to face him, now my turn to smirk
I gave him my best Amanda smile, ''Yeah I didn't give it''
He regarded me warily, as if although he were merely humoring me.
I laughed and turned my back on him swimming far away from the kid your parents specifically warn you to stay far away from.
''Who is that?'' Amanda asked gesturing unmistakably the blonde-haired-tattooed-boy.
I shrugged
''I've never seen him before'' Amanda pointed out.
I turned around to look at the boy, now signaling to a pretty red head girl to come over, and she looked more than happy to oblige
''Well we are freshman, so were not expected to know everybody'' I retorted
''Yeah, but I do know everybody''
''Oh excuse me, Mrs popular'' I said wittily
Amanda swatted my arm playfully
I splashed water in her face
She followed it up, with more water, nearly knocking me over
Game on