Losing Myself

The door slams open and my father stood there breathing hard with his

eyes all red probably from crying.

It hasn't been that long since I have been awaken.

Without hesitation my father ran and hug me tightly against his chest.

Then I hear him sobs I hug with my hands going up and down his back

trying to comfort him.

"I'm fine dad" I whisper to him while trying to soothe him.

I saw a nurse standing at the door with something in her arms, she was

rocking him back and forth. I kept on staring at the nurse who now

gave me a smile, then I saw small hands reaching up in the air.

One word on my head’ “mom’ so I ask my dad "Dad, where is mom?"

his body became stiffen for a minute before he pulls away.

He held my hands in his "Addasah, your mom" he tries to say

something but his emotions along with his tears stops him.

"Your mother is gone Addasah” he silently remain afterwards.

There was a long pregnant pause with me still in shock and trying hard

to process what he just said.

"Gone"

There was only explanation to that as I know my parents so well. My

mom would always be the one to be here first despite any situation yet

today she wasn't, I almost forgot about that.

I always remember my mom came running to the principal's office

whenever she received a call I was hurt or involved in a fight with the

girls in my class. I could never forget how she held me when I am crying

or gently comfort me in her arms.4

“Mom’ I don't know when I'll ever forget the thought that she's gone, it

is unacceptable.

In my situation, her and my dad are my life and the purpose I push to

become better and do good no matter how many times people try to

shit up my life.

Tears drops from my eyes "gone" I began to murmur under my breath

"gone."

My dad just sat there not saying anything he is also fighting his own

battle. Losing a mate and the love of his life is hard. He is trying his best

to be strong for the both of us but I know he isn't.

He tries to reach out for me again but this time I shrug off his hand.

"Mom" I murmur in low whisper then constantly it increases.

I gaze back to the nurse with a baby in her arms, I almost forgot my

mom was pregnant and if the nurse is here with him instead of her then

that means my brother would never grow up with our mom. He would

miss out her love and caring as a mom.

No doubt my dad would fill in her role but she would always a missing

puzzle to complete our family.

"Mom" I mutters again and suddenly something snaps within me.

Alera shut off our links as her furs color were now changing into

midnight black.

She then began to hit the barrier ferociously between me her human

side and her.

Alera wanted to break free from me, she wasn't becoming a part of me.

She was trying to take all control and with that I began to see red spots.

Blood was staining my eyes and Alera keeps hitting our barrier with her

paws using her full strength. She was hurting me mentally with her

pushing and howling for release.

Growling within me, she was like a beast ready to pound on her

enemies a werewolf that seems to be unstoppable.

My vision now clouded, all I see now is red and my claws began to dig

in my own skin drawing bloods out of my flesh

"Gone" I kept on muttering then laugh escape my mouth. It was one of

those laughs that only a crazy or even evil person would let out, indeed

it belongs to my wolf.

My hearing was clear that easily I could detect any movement near or

far from me. My father moves and I shot a look at my dad growling at

him savagely.

Alera finally breaks our wall and she sneer with evil glint reaching

forward for my dad. She tried to snatch his hand but I was quick to

throw him off hitting the wall with the last strength as a human since

my wolf is taking over.1

The nurse stood there in shock with my brother still in her arms "get

him out of here” my dad growls and she nodded her head quickly

running out of the room.

Alera growls even louder as the door was close by my dad, she was

going to follow her.

My father rushes towards me using his speed before she escapes from

there.

He held my shoulder down tight before shaking me "Addasah” he tries

to get through me but my wolf was like a possessive demon with her

teeth baring at my dad.

She tries and break his arm she was becoming defensive. I felt myself

losing to her and our dark side.

There was a tiny bit of light before I am no more Addasah.

"Addasah control your wolf" too late Alera was taking control of my

body pushing me at the back of our mind.

I sat there in a dark corner of our mind watching things getting ugly.

She was full on attacking my father.

Finally I felt her emotions, my wolf was going to kill everyone who has

hurt us especially our Mate. Killing them means erasing the one who

tries to stopped us.

My mom was the last thing she held on to but now she's gone. I myself

is also gone.

I cry there silently like a lost child with my legs to my chest.

"Addasah” I heard a soft feminine voice then a small light but I still hold

my head down between my bended knees "honey, you need to be

strong.”

I felt a warm hand on my cheek before it embraces me "know I'll always

watch over you my sweet lovable Addasah Natasha Rumanoff. Your

strong and your mom loves you, all of you my sweetheart”

“mom’ I burst out crying there in the dark.

"Addasah look at me" my dad's voice pulls me back, he orders with so

much force in his voice and strangely my wolf stops fighting as we face

him.

I gaze around and saw the room in a wreck situation and now we have

onlookers.

My dad turn me to face him before Alera took control of me again. She

wasn't going to let her guard down easily she was willing to kill anyone

in her way, she was losing our humanity side.

He look me dead in the eyes, I could see guilt and sadness then a stray

of tear drop from his eyes

"forgive me" was all I hear as Alera was taking control again.

All I could see were black dots filling my vision and it overtook me

completely.