Chapter One - No Dreaming

Caleb sat in the passenger seat of Casey’s old and beaten Honda. His eyes watched the road, fixing on passing cars before they eventually pulled ahead, then drifting slowly to the next. His breathing was even, his breaths steady and slow as he mulled over the events of the past half-hour.

He glanced at his stepmom, who – still on the verge of tears - white knuckled the steering wheel, her breaths heavy. She made it a point not to look over at him, but he could tell she noticed his gaze.

Caleb looked away, turning his attention back to the road. He didn’t want to make Casey feel worse than she already did. She was a bad enough driver at the best of times. With a sigh he lent his head against the window, the coolness damped by his hair, but still penetrating through to his scalp.

It felt nice against his skull, distracted him from the dull warmth of his headache. He took another breath, this one far shallower, and then felt the beginnings of a hard cough rise into his throat. He stifled the first, but quickly descended into a small fit, half covering his mouth as he wheezed breathlessly.

He recovered quickly, forcing himself to sit straight even as pain lanced through his side. He caught his stepmom spare a glance at him in his periphery, her already unsteady demeanour growing even more panicked.

“I’m fine” he muttered. Casey gave a half nod half grunt in response, clearly rattled. She glanced at him twice more, and he turned his head completely to the window, unwilling and unable to watch her descend further into her own anxiety. If they we’re going to crash, he’d rather not know it was coming. It’s not like it would make much difference for him anyway.

His neutral expression fell into a frown.

‘Stage four lung cancer’, he thought, recalling the words of the doctor. Is it weird I don’t feel that afraid?

It probably was. Maybe it just hadn’t hit him yet. But that didn’t feel like the truth either. It felt closer to apathy, but that wasn’t right. He definitely felt something, it just wasn’t very sad.

I guess I’m just… disappointed. Just a bored kind of disappointment.

“Mooom” Kayla – his half-sister - droned from the backseat, looking up from her tablet.

“Y-yeah honey?” Casey responded quickly, her voice cracking.

“I’m hungry. Can we get McDonalds?”

“Uh… I don’t know”

“Then Taco Bell?”

“Sweetie” she said, forcing a bitter chuckle. “I don’t… now’s not the time”

“Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?”

Casey didn’t respond, an uncharacteristic silence dragging out between her and her daughter. Caleb’s frown deepened, tinging slightly with annoyance. He knew Casey was looking to him, and he knew why she was looking. For some kind of confirmation that stopping to get something to eat would be fine.

You never considered me before. Why now? Cause I’m dying? Gee, thanks.

“Yeah, I’m kind of hungry too” he muttered. “I could do with some food”

“Alright. McDonalds it is” Casey said, a note of relief in her voice.

“Yay!” Kayla cried. Caleb scoffed, but a small grin settled onto his lips as he glanced back at his sister. It was nice to see that at least someone was enjoying themselves right now.

He turned back to face the road, pressing his head against the window as he continued to watch the cars go past, the glare of the occasional brake light illuminating his face in a hue red. He shifted in his seat and looked up, staring past the cars, at the occasional glimpse of the sea, and even further the horizon in the distance.

It was later than he’d thought, the sun having already started to slowly to dip underneath. He let out another sigh and then suddenly, as he stared off into the horizon, he couldn’t help but recall a distant memory.

The feeling of sand under his feet, and the lapping of waves in the distance. A soft, joyous kind of laughter – his own – accompanied by a deeper but just as hearty laugh - his father’s. They’d been playing together, on the beach during sunset. It’d been their last day of his only holiday ever.

They’d gone to Brazil, Bertioga - where his father had grown up. His dad had chased him in a game of tag and he’d laughed, kicking up sprays of sand as he’d run from him. His dad had caught him eventually, and pulled him close as they’d laughed together, and fallen in the sand.

Then they’d just stared out to sea for a while, kept at peace by the wind before his father had spoken.

‘Can you see it?’

‘What? What!?’

‘The point where the sky meets the sea, the point where the world ends’

‘Yeah! It’s the ho- hoyzons?”

‘Horizon’

‘Yeah! Horizon! So cool’

‘It is, isn’t it? Sometimes you just want to reach out and touch it, right? Go right over there, just… reach the edge’

‘Yeah!’

‘Well Caleb, you know you can’t actually reach the horizon’

‘What!? Why? What did I do?’

‘Nothing, nothing. No one can reach the horizon son’

‘Why?’

‘It’s not a real thing you see. It’s… a kind of illusion’

‘Aw! I want to touch it! That’s not fair. I should be able to reach out and touch it!’

‘It’s fine if you can’t’

‘No. It’s not fair. It’s not cool anymore now’

‘Really? What about the moon and the sun? What about the stars? Are they not special anymore either?’

‘Yeah’

His father had laughed, heartily, the kind of laugh you can’t fake. Then he’d ruffled Caleb’s hair, kneeled next to his son and they’d both looked up at the newly shining stars as the final wisps of sunlight had faded completely past the horizon. Then he’d finally spoken again.

“Sometimes the distance is what makes it special” he muttered to himself.

“Caleb?” Casey said.

“Hm?”

“You say something?”

“Oh… no” he replied. Casey glanced at him, still clearly uneasy. She watched him for slightly longer was comfortable, than looked back to the road, still clearly struggling to control her anxiety.

“Y-you okay?” she asked.

“Yep. Just fine”

Casey nodded, keeping her eyes on the road this time. They continued driving in silence, Kayla muttering to herself occasionally as the tapped away thoughtlessly at her tablet. Finally, the McDonalds came into view up ahead and they slowed slightly as they neared it. Casey turned the car into the lot and made for the drive through as she glanced out the window for a better view.

“Oop. Drive through’s closed” Casey muttered to herself. She slowed the car, the brakes creaking slightly then started to reverse.

“What happened?” Kayla mumbled from the back.

“Drive through’s closed” Caleb said. “Sorry, no McDonald’s today”

“Aw!” Kayla cried. “Can’t we go inside?”

Another uncharacteristic pause stretched out between the three of them. Caleb scowled slightly.

She’s looking at me again, isn’t she? he thought. Come on Casey, you’re the adult here.

“Well, there are people inside, so…” he trailed off, unable to stomach the bitterness in his words.

“Guess we’re going inside” Casey said, forcing the usual excitement back into her voice. The words hurt more than he expected them to, and this time Kayla’s cheer grated against his ears, all joy gone, replaced by traces of anger. He quickly let the anger fade, his scowl disappearing into a saddened frown.

He wasn’t usually like this. The sudden anger worried him more than he cared to admit. The car turned, slowing as they made to stop, and Casey reversed into a parking spot.

“Alright, alright” Casey said. “Everybody out. It’s time for McDonalds”

The three got out the car, Kayla marching forward triumphantly as her mom tried to slow her. They entered the store, it was mostly empty, which was fair given the time and location, only a few patrons gracing tables closer to the back of the store. They made their way forward, joining the line behind a group of teens and an elderly woman.

Caleb glanced behind him, staring out the window, before looking to the floor as he absent-mindedly rubbed at his side.

His thoughts wandered away from him, to places he mostly didn’t expect for a dying person.

Random encounters he’d had at the ice cream shop near home, the small scraping sound his fan made – how it was different in winter and summer, and that small red sticker he’d put on the bottom of his mattress, one he double checked every morning just to see if it was still there. He wondered if anyone would ever look at it again once he was gone. He frowned.

Aren’t dying people supposed to think of regrets or people they care about? Stuff like that?

They probably were. But it wasn’t exactly like he could look into other dying people’s heads to see what they were thinking about. And even if he could, they’d probably all be old, which he definitely wouldn’t be able to relate with. Maybe that was what he was missing. Maybe he just wasn’t old enough to have regrets yet. Well, not many to really think about at least.

“Caleb?” Casey said.

“Hm?”

“What’d you want?”

“Oh… uh a cheeseburger”

“You sure?”

“Yeah”

“You don’t have to worry about money or anything. I can-”

“Hurry up” Kayla interrupted. “I’m hungry. Hungry!”

“Kayla!” Casey said, surprisingly harshly. Kayla shrunk into herself, stepping away from her mother. “S-sorry” Casey muttered pulling her close before gently rubbing her shoulder. Kayla’s fear quickly disappeared, and she looked to him, her face shifting to the picture of impatience as she glared at Caleb, urging him to order.

He looked awkwardly between her, Casey, and the cashier who averted their gaze, both trying to mind their own business and pay attention to the order.

“I’ll get a sprite too then” he shrugged.

“P-perfect” Casey said, turning to the cashier. Caleb looked away, staring out the windows of the store behind him, before looking back to the floor, hands in pockets. His mind was empty, the hollowness brought about by the grim disquiet that was slowly starting to seep into his bones.

He shook his head and sighed, letting his shoulders fall limp. His side was starting to hurt him and he was far too tired for thoughts or any kind of stress.

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A hand tapped him on the shoulder, and he glanced up to see Casey pull away from him tentatively. She forced a smile and chuckle, and he awkwardly forced one back.

“Uh… so, you okay?” she asked.

“If you keep asking, I might actually end up being honest” he chuckled.

Casey didn’t laugh in response, and he looked away awkwardly. It’d been a stupid time to make a stupid joke. “S-sorry” he muttered

“No, no… it’s fine” she mumbled back.

They continued to stand in silence, the hubbub of the kitchen and general murmuring from the other costumers filling the space around. It was strange, everything being so normal and yet so different. He didn’t know how to feel about it.

He turned to look at Kayla as she stared at the toy collection on display, and impatiently scuffed the heel of her flip flops against the floor. She caught him looking at her and stuck her tongue out before going back to scuffing her heel on the floor as she held her mother’s hand. It was a small and silly gesture, just like her. He chuckled to himself, and a single thought crossed his mind.

I wonder if she’ll miss me?

His smile faded instantly, and he felt the disappointment return, clouding his senses, as he stared at the ground, his frown returning.

Will she even remember me?

“Caleb?” Casey suddenly said.

“Hm?”

“I- we’ll get through this”

“Uh… okay?”

“It’ll take a while and it’ll hurt, but we can get through this” she repeated, probably more for herself than him. He looked to the ground, nodding before he felt a sudden wave of guilt.

“You… you don’t have to you know?”

“W-what?”

“You don’t have to. Take care of me, I mean” he mumbled, scuffing the floor with the heel of his trainers. The silence between them felt cold now, tense.

He glanced up, seeing the mixture of confusion and fear in Casey’s expression and quickly looked to the floor. The silence persisted and he felt himself tense up before suddenly speaking again.

“I know the doctor said we can try chemo, but it’s not like the treatment will work and I don’t wanna spend all my time at the hospital. Plus, I don’t want you to take out some huge loan from someone shady and just… you still have to think about Kayla. She’s supposed to be starting school soon and you’re close to finding somewhere you can rent and…

“I mean, I’m not even your kid. I… I don’t want to put you through this” he said, his fists clenched tightly within his pockets. “It might even be better if you just forgot about me. I- I wouldn’t mind”

He remained silent, his expression pained as he stared at the ground, before realising what he’d really said. He glanced to Casey who stared at him wide eyed, her expression painted with fear and shock.

“S-sorry” he muttered, his shoulders slumping as he looked away.

“W-what’s happening?” Kayla whispered nervously as she tugged at her mom’s arm gently, glancing back and forth between them. Casey looked to her daughter, then to the floor her eyes distant. Again, she was unnervingly silent. He needed to say something.

“It’s nothing. I’m just being weird Kayla. I… uh… I’m gonna go to the toilet” he said, before turning to leave. The words seemed to shake Casey out of her trance and she turned to him suddenly, her expression now tinged with hints of anger and hurt.

“Sorry. Uh… just going toilet” he repeated, pointing off towards the toilets. She nodded quickly, almost frantic, before looking away. His words were clearly weighing on her. He felt a stab of guilt but turned and continued toward the toilet.

“C-Caleb?” she called out as he turned.

“Yeah?” he said confused. Casey hesitated a moment, then spoke.

“I- I’m sorry” she mumbled. He nodded awkwardly, then continued making his way into the toilet.

He went quickly, then stepped away from the urinal over to the sinks. He washed his hands slowly and with intent as he furrowed his brow, various thoughts going through his mind.

“Why did I say that?” he muttered to himself. Casey wasn’t the nicest stepmom, but she wasn’t exactly a horrible person. Even if the sudden shift in personality towards him because of his diagnosis made him feel bad it was a good thing really.

She was trying to be nice to him, considerate. He would only be here a few more months. Even if he didn’t get the treatment, telling her to abandon him was like saying he didn’t have faith in her as a person. Casey and Kayla were all he had left. He needed to at least try and be nice in return.

“Kind like Dad” he muttered to himself. “Strong like Mom”

He finished washing his hands and stepped over to the dryer. He winced slightly, his side throbbing as he placed his hands underneath, the hot blow of air striking them. He coughed hard, and the pain worsened forcing him to momentarily support himself on the wall. For a moment he stared at the floor, struggling to breathe, then forced himself to stand and headed for the door.

He stepped out of the toilet, rubbing his side as he made his way back out to the front. But unexpectedly, Casey and Kayla weren’t there. He frowned for a moment, looking around in confusion. He made his way through the store peering around corners. A few of the costumers glanced at him, but no one said anything, and he quietly returned to the front desk. His frown deepened.

Wow, did she actually leave me? Talk about karma.

“Hey kid” one of the workers said to him.

“Y-yeah?”

“Your mom left your stuff here” the guy said, pointing at the bags of food that lay untouched.

“…thanks” he mumbled, taking the bag and drinks. He looked back around the rest of the store, sipping at his drink.

Maybe she went out to the car?

He shrugged and headed for the door, stepping out into the cool summer night’s air. The car sat where it’d been parked before, the driver door ajar. He made his way over in an awkward half jog, but as he neared the car he froze. He could hear crying. Casey’s crying.

I made her cry.

“Oh” he mumbled as the realisation hit him.

“Mommy what’s wrong?!” Kayla cried, on the verge of tears herself. “Mommy?! Do you need help?! Should I get somebody?!”

He paused for a moment, trying to manage the mix of emotions that swirled in his stomach. He looked to the floor, gripping the bag in his hands tighter, then started forwards. He rounded the car to the driver side. Kayla stood in the open doorway, desperately clutching at her mother as she sobbed into the dashboard.

She turned to Caleb and her eyes brightened with relief.

“Caleb! Help” she cried, rushing over to him. Casey whipped around at the sound of his name, and quickly shielded her face, trying and failing to wipe the tears away.

“A-are you ok?” he said, his voice cracking. Casey nodded; her sobs reduced to sniffs now. His guilt grew as he watched her, then glanced to Kayla who held him tightly, a poster of uncertainty.

“I’m sorry, I just… I’m sorry” Casey said, wiping at her eyes as she turned to face them. She sniffled a bit then raised her arms, beckoning for a hug. “Come here” she said. “Both of you”

Kayla rushed forward, leaping into her mom’s arms, and Caleb awkwardly stepped forwards, joining the hug too. It was surprisingly nice, even with the warm bags of McDonald’s pressed against his stomach. When he finally pulled away, Casey looked a lot better, wiping the final few tear streaks left on her face away as she let out a heavy sigh.

“Sorry about that” she said, forcing a grin.

“It’s ok” he responded.

“Yeah, it’s ok!” Kayla chimed in. “Caleb brought the food. We can eat and all be better now”

Casey let out a small laugh as she looked to her daughter, the first real one today. She gently stroked her hair, before pulling her close.

“Yeah” she said sadly, glancing to Caleb. He offered a sad smile in return.

“Ok, let’s go home” Casey said, tickling her daughter “It’s nearly bedtime for you missy.” Kayla giggled as she jumped away, then rushed to the back of the car and threw open her door as she clambered into the back seat. Caleb closed the door behind her softly and gave an awkward nod to Casey as he made his way around the car then took his seat shotgun.

He handed the bags of food to Casey and set the drinks down on the cup holder. Casey looked through the bags, and then handed her daughter her happy meal first. Kayla hummed excited, but the sound cut short as she rifled through her bag.

“You forgot to give me my ice cream”

“Uh… there’s no mcFlurry in any of the bags” Casey responded.

“What?! Where’s my ice cream?!” Kayla cried out.

“Oh, sorry. I probably left it on the counter” Caleb said.

“Silly shitface!” Kayla cried, kicking the back of his chair.

“Kayla!” Casey shouted.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll go get it” he said. Caleb quickly stepped out the car, set down his food on the seat, keeping his drink, as Kayla and Casey descended into arguing about the ‘special words’ Kayla was using.

He closed the car door softly behind him and made his way back to the McDonalds. He chuckled to himself then sighed, kicking a stray rock, and watched it skitter across the ground in front of him before stepping up onto the curb.

As he stepped up onto the sidewalk surrounding the store, a weight suddenly pressed against his mind, pushing his thoughts aside as it dominated the entirety of his attention. He pressed a hand to his head as he gasped out, and then – as soon as it appeared – the pain was gone.

He blinked, confusion, as he steadied himself against one of the store windows.

What the hell was that?

An answer came instantly, in the form of a bright yet transparent square that materialised within his vision. He flinched away from it, the light surprising him, but even as he blinked the glowing square remained in his view.

As his eyes focused on it, he furrowed his brow, reading the words scrawled across the box’s surface.

[Hello]

“Uh… hello?” he responded.

The box seemed to register his words and shifted in response to them.

[Thank you for the greeting]

He stared at the words confused.

What?

“Uh, sure. You’re welcome I guess”

[As a member of the most predominant species on this plane, you have been selected to represent all humanity within the trial assigned to Z1-E94-C]

“Wait, what?”

[As a member of the most predominant species on this plane, you have been selected to represent all humanity within the trial assigned to Z1-E94-C]

“I don’t… what? What is this?” he said growing more confused.

[A small proportion of humanity will be taken and placed on a assessment world, then subject to a test of will, strength, and character. Should you and the other selected pass, you will be allowed access into the Intergalactic Akashic Federation. Should you and the other selected fail, humanity will be denied access to the Akashic Federation and left to the mercy of the Hilaric and Moshaic energies]

Mercy of the Hilaric, and Moshaic energies? Intergalactic Akashic Federation? Test of will, strength and character? he thought. “This sounds… insane. Am I dreaming?”

[No]

“… ok then” he said staring at the message. “Uh… is it dangerous?”

[Yes. You risk suffering and death. But you will receive a record in the trial as a form of protection, you will keep the record even after participation, though non-assessment rules will be applied]

Death?!

He hesitated for a second, unsure of what to say or do. He glanced around to make sure he really wasn’t having some kind of strange dream and noticed a woman inside shepherding her kids away from the window as she glanced at him concerned. He frowned but then glanced back to the bright semi-transparent rectangle in front of him, realising its light somehow didn’t extend to the rest of the world.

She can’t see the screen? he thought. I guess that does make it look like I’m talking to myself.

He shook his head and looked back at the words on the screen in front of him.

[Yes. You risk suffering and death. But you will receive a record in the trial as a form of protection, you will keep the record even after participation, though non-assessment rules will be applied]

“This is so insane” he mumbled to himself. He didn’t know what to make of it. The very idea of a trial, of a box of light and words floating in front of him that nobody else could see. He had far too many questions to even think straight.

I’m probably dreaming right? I mean, I have to be. Where would something like this even come from? Suddenly the words on the screen shifted again, the lettering larger this time.

[Please prepare for teleportation within the next minute]

[Warning: This process may be painful, and some will risk death]

“Well… that’s not ominous at all” he mumbled. He frowned, watching as the words and box dimmed into nothingness. He let out a breath and wiped sweat from his palms against his khaki shorts. Whatever this trial thing was, it seemed serious.

There was talk of intergalactic federations, tests of will and – worst of all - death. He was absolutely certain there was nothing on Earth now or in the history of its entire existence that could even help him understand anything that would make this situation make sense. And he only had a minute to make sense of it. He paused and rubbed at his side.

“Uh, how long is this trial going to take?”

[The average completion time based on the median is 3 months]

“Three months” he mumbled to himself.

That’s when I’m supposed to die anyway.

“Shit. Uh, so…uh… where exactly is this testing ground?”

[All $£*! million participants will be sent to one of three trial worlds. BZA-A49-C, BZA-A49-B, DZA-S14-C, DZA-S14-D, and DZA-S14-E. Designation is random]

“That’s… helpful” he mumbled. “Uh… can I say no?”

[Any formal requests submitted against the trial will be taken into consideration]

“That doesn’t… ok, how do I do that?”

[You currently do not have clearance]

“Great” he replied. “Just great”

So, I don’t get a choice then? My last three months are just this trial thingy? And it’s on a different world? I must be dreaming, right? This has to be a response to my diagnosis. Crap, I knew I wasn’t fine.

He paused. But what if this wasn’t a dream?

He looked around, glancing back to their beaten car. He clenched his fist tightly, a sudden surge of emotion flowing through him as he looked to it and the fading light of the sun beyond.

Before he realised it, he was racing for the car. The soles of his shoes slapping against the concrete, pounding hard as he ran forwards. Whatever was happening to him seemed kind of twisted and horrible, and very not ok. And even if he didn’t exactly have much to lose, he didn’t want to just disappear.

He carried on running, his breaths becoming short and fast quickly, his lungs already burning. Then he fell, hitting the ground hard. He coughed, the sound almost wet, and powerful enough to make his entire chest hurt.

“Shit” he mumbled, from the floor. He forced himself up, wincing, as he picked up his drink, half the sprite gone. He scowled, then winced again, grabbing his side as he descended into a coughing fit. A sudden flush of heat burst from within his chest, a cozy yet powerful feeling and then the transparent box returned to his vision.

[Registration complete]

[Teleportation to tutorial trial grounds in 3]

“W-wait” he whispered.

[2]

“Just give me a-”

[1]

A portal warped into existence under his feet and with a cry he fell into it. A sudden wave of air rushed past him as his surroundings warped, an endless sea of darkness blotted with sparks of golden yellow. Then another portal appeared beneath him and he hit the ground with a thud.

His legs gave out from underneath him and he fell face first into sand. It was hot, the warmth of it stinging his exposed arms and legs, as it singed his cheek. He groaned, sitting up quickly as his body also started to register the heat around him.

He pulled himself up quickly and covered his eyes from the blindingly bright light. He looked around, seeing only low dunes as far as the horizon in all four directions. He blinked again, glancing up at the sky.

It was bright to such a point that the pale blue looked almost white. He caught a glimpse of the two blindingly bright suns in the sky and looked back to the ground, trying to blink away the black spots in his eyes.

“Ok” he mumbled, warm sand pouring into his shoes as he stumbled around. “Definitely not dreaming”