I need your opinion guys- should I keep 'Off-Screen', my current book for bonus chapters, up OR should I just release all the bonus chapters on their assigned books. So, for example, I would release 'Dear Nora' and 'Dear Spencer' in 'Opulent Glory'. The reason I'm asking you guys is because I don't mind where I release them but I want to know what's easier for you guys. So, unpublish 'Off-Screen' and publish the bonus chapter in their assigned books OR leave 'Off-Screen' up and use it for bonus chapters?
And yes, I know none of y'all probably care but any advice would be much appreciated. Love youuuu
"Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Qu'il me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose...."
The French singer continued to serenade the café with French love songs as Spencer tried to focus on his script. His favourite Italian café was closed so he had to make do with a Parisian one close by. It was aesthetically gorgeous and their quiches looked to die for but Spencer was struggling to get over the smell of mussels. It was overwhelmingly strong.
He took another sip from his latte as he edited his screenplay. Plunging himself into work was the only way of distracting himself from his heartache. It felt like something huge was missing from his life.
He missed Amelie. He really did. He missed her beautiful dimpled smile and hypnotic eyes. He missed the comfort he felt with her. But she said something that struck a chord in Spencer. She said he was using her as a distraction. And the more he thought about it, the more he realised how true it was. He wished he realised it sooner. He could have saved them both the pain of their messy breakup.
Amelie was this mesmerising enigma when he first met her. And by the time they had broken up, Spencer felt like his behaviour had changed her. Instead of strengthening her with love, he exhausted her out with his cycles of bad decisions. She wasn't the same girl he met all those years ago. Maybe this breakup would be good for her. She would go off to Washington. Probably enter the senate or join congress. She would be part of the new generation of 'The Squad', replacing the great AOC or Ilhan or Ayanna or Rashida. Or maybe she would be the new RBG or Pelosi. Either way, she was going to be powerful. Spencer was certain of that. And maybe she would fall in love again, hopefully with someone a thousand times better than him. Someone who actually had the capacity in his heart to love. And she would live a long happy life.
Spencer was probably not going to find love again. It was a nihilistic thing to think but he was almost certain of it. It was his fault. He couldn't move on from someone who had gotten over him a long time ago. And he was probably going to spend the rest of his life sulking and writing screenplays about the same girl.
The sad thing was that for a few days, he actually believed he had gotten over Madeline. He ignored the tingle in his chest whenever he heard her name and the pain he felt when he saw her photos.
He would have loved to call her. He would tell her he was single and repeat, like a song stuck on replay, that he loved her. But he wasn't going to do that again. Madeline deserved to be happy with Blake. She didn't need Spencer to muddle up her life with his stupid and careless declarations of love. She deserved perfection with Blake instead of whatever Spencer could give her. And Spencer didn't deserve her. Madeline probably didn't even want to speak to him after he ignored her urgent text and blocked her afterwards. But, realistically, he wasn't going call her again. His last gift to her would be an end to his messy declarations of love. No more.
Spencer continued to type endlessly but the words trailing line after line meant nothing. The script was trash. Dolly was right. There was no substance to it. He stopped typing and looked at the row of letters he had regurgitated moments ago. With a solemn sigh, he pressed down on the delete button and held it down. He felt nothing as his work got deleted. Row after row, page after page, scene after scene. Months of work got swallowed up by the delete button on his keyboard until the word document was nothing but a blank, white page. His indifference was a solid sign that the script wasn't good. He started it with gusto and ended it with resignation and aloofness.
"Damn it!" He cursed, slamming the laptop shut.
He buried his face in his hands and let out a long breath. The script was influenced by Amelie. Not by his admiration for her but by his indifference towards her. He didn't realise it at the time but the script was a reflection of his inner feelings, feelings so deep that he didn't even know he had them.
Ironically, he did actually love her. But not as much as he loved someone else. He would never love someone as much as he loved Madeline Lockhart.
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Spencer's eyes kept watering up as he drove to his mother's house. She had organised a family dinner because that was what 'normal families do' according to her. Spencer didn't know why she kept striving to be normal when they both knew their family dynamic was far from. Spencer felt too depleted to go but he owed it to his mother. She had been making more of an effort to connect with her sons after their arrest and it definitely worked.
He spotted Charlie's cherry Corvette in the driveway which was actually a rare sight considering Charlie almost never drove because he was either too drunk or too high or just too lazy.
"Hello?" He called out as he entered the house but he got no response.
He sauntered into the living room and found Charlie stretched out on the sofa, texting on his phone.
"Hey," Spencer said weakly, slowly collapsing into his favourite leather recliner.
"Yo. Mom just left with Miguel to get some groceries but she'll be back. What's up? Where's Amelie? Mom said to bring her."
Spencer rolled his head back and groaned. "We broke up."
Charlie paused and took out his earphones. "What? Why?"
"Because...." Spencer rubbed his eyes and sniffed his nose, avoiding looking at Charlie. He didn't want him to see his red eyes.
"Because?"
"Have you ever been so in love with someone that you just can't get over them? And you know it will never work out but you still want to be with them. More than anything. But it would be selfish to ask them to love you back because they love someone else. And...and man, it hurts."
"You're not talking about Amelie, are you?"
Spencer shook his head.
Charlie sighed and stood up. "Actually, yes, I have. Come on, let's go to our spot."
"The roof?"
Charlie smiled. "Yeah. We need Ellie's expertise on this as well."
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For anyone that forgot, the roof is where Ellie, Charlie and Spencer hung out as children. It was their hiding place where they would chill together and it means a lot to them. Ellie Kingsley is dead of course but Charlie is merely referring to the carving on the roof tiles that says 'E.K FOREVER'. This was all in chapter 3 if you want to read over it again.
Y'all are going to love the next chapter
Four more chapters!