the mistakes i had made are nothing compared to the atrocious ones that others have done.
"sometimes it feels like it's okay, but then it's never okay, so i've learned to hide it and throw my emotions into anger, so i wouldn't have to deal with them."
the ones that made me abandon them, not like them anymore, forget them.
"i think the things you're doing to my friend are wrong. i know you mean no harm, but it hurts that you're hurting her."
the changer of faces had me fucked up, but yet still,
"you changed so many times, i don't know which one is the real you anymore."
i still hate the mistakes i've made, where i haven't told people what i wanted to tell them.
"you hurt me all the time."
and i keep repeating the words i've never said in my head.
"i can't forgive you for the darkest moments of my life."
that i desperately want to say, but can't.
"i really like you. i don't know you well and i know i've made this awkward for you, but i just wanted you to know this."
the sentences that are burried in my head damage me.
"i have issues that i can't talk about to anyone, but i want to talk about them with you.
they damage me through my insides.
"i like him too."
it hurts all the time.
"i blame you."
i cry myself to sleep more than anyone would ever guess.
"i always hated you."
sometimes i just can't handle it,
"i love you with all of my heart and i know that you're in love with her, but god she hurts you so bad, please leave this."
sometimes i tell people i did cry myself to sleep.
"i bet you don't even like me."
but i quickly go back to my hiding place,
"i try to not say this, but sometimes i wish i was you, so people wouldn't think i'm so bland."
because i hate telling people what i need to tell them.
"i'm more insecure than you think."
and i've taken breaks from people,
"please don't use that word."
and am still taking breaks from them.
"do you want to come over so i could sing you all of my songs."
i plan on taking a break from someone very close,
"i actually did write a song about you."
but i hate the idea of it.
"i dreamt about you."
i hate that i have to do it
"i don't want to be your friend anymore."
and she'll never know why.
"i feel lesser than you. you're so unique that i'll always. always. always. feel like i'm worth less than you."
because i could never tell them why.
"i'd like to tell you literally everything about my life."
the start of summer always gets me in this sad mood,
"god, you drive me crazy."
the yearning of rain
"i wish somebody loved me the way he loves you."
to finally wash away the things i've never said.
"i haven't talked to him and he's in love with you, but i'm falling for him through his poetry."
but to my disappointment
"i haven't been okay in months."
there's a drought this summer.
"i write poetry about you."
THE
"you're someone i imagine having adventures with."
THINGS
"goodbye. i love you."
I
"just calling to check if you're okay. i often wonder if you're okay."
NEVER
"she truly is prettier than me."
SAID
"the things i do, that you want me to stop doing. those things are the things that help me go through my depressive episodes, think less, be able to feel normal for once. it damages me so bad, but it helps me through it all."
HAUNT
"if i stop doing that, i don't know what i'll become. i was always a no one before, i don't want to go back to that."
ME
"i need a break from us."
.