Book 4 Chapter 22: Separation

Joan sighed and stared at her bag. She wondered if there would ever be a time where the entirety of her life couldn’t be neatly fit inside a single, small carrying bag. Probably not. Even as the Hero she had always traveled light, rarely taking more than would fit on a single pack animal. The need to constantly travel probably helped to drive that decision.

Though it wasn’t what was in the bags that had her attention. It was what wasn’t in them. She had been expected to be sent to a different room while she recovered, but her arrangements hadn’t been changed. She still had the same room she’d always had while in the castle. Ironically it had always been nicer than the room she’d had when she was the Hero.

Then again, she supposed it wasn’t really a guest room either. She wondered if the prior owner of the room had objected to having to vacate a second time when she came. At least now they’d never have to leave it again.

There were other things she’d be leaving and not seeing again. She knew it was a silly thing to think, to focus on, but she found her eyes drifting towards the wardrobe. Inside were dresses. Such silly things, definitely not built for travel. It didn’t stop her from wanting to take some with her. “Ugh,” Joan said before finally falling back onto the bed and staring at the ceiling. “Maybe that’s the secret. I just want to make dresses or something. They need to make more battle dresses.”

Well, she supposed the ones she was able to wear in the demon lands were far more battle ready than the ones often worn here, but neither were really made for war. She idly wondered what that said about her. What kind of hero wanted to run around in fancy dresses and also run head first into old tombs for ancient treasures?

Still beat running into fancy dinner parties and listening to nobles talk about things like the weather, trade arrangements or who the Hero was going to marry once this whole grisly business with the end of the world was over.

A light knock on the door made her glance over. “Come in!”

The door opened quickly and Korgron stood there, a smile on her lips. “Hey, mouse.”

“Hey corked,” Joan said.

“That’s not even close to my name,” Korgron said, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“And mouse isn’t mine, nor is bucket Bauteut’s,” Joan said.

“You do look a bit like a mouse, though,” Korgron said before she walked over and sat by her, leaving the door slightly ajar.

“And you have a nose that looks like a cork,” Joan said.

“It does not!” Korgron said, her eyes narrowing.

“About as much as I look like a mouse,” Joan said. “Is everything ready?”

“Almost,” Korgron said. “Searle is going over everything. He’s very…”

“Thorough?” Joan asked. “He wasn’t called Searle the Diligent for nothing. Did you know he still oils the strap on his shield? Ancient weapon of the gods and he’s thinking a bit of oil will help it last longer.”

Korgron gave a light chuckle. “Yeah. You know, they’re already calling me that.”

“Oil?” Joan asked.

“No, Korgron the Vile,” Korgron said.

“Not surprised,” Joan said. “They’re still scared of you. You’ll get used to it. Give it a few weeks, they’ll give you the same looks they give the rest of the chosen.”

“Did I really used to let them call me that?” Korgron asked.

“Eventually,” Joan said. “I think it always annoyed you at first. But then you kind of went with it. It was really funny whenever we had a celebration. You were really nasty about it sometimes.”

“Nasty?” Korgron asked. “How?”

“Oh, whenever we had to attend some noble’s celebration,” Joan said before a nasty grin formed on her lips. “I remember the first time, the herald looked like he was going to pass out when you told him to announce you as Korgron the Vile. It was hilarious, the musicians completely went silent. I want to say it was Lord… Duckton? Swanhigh? Some bird name, I don’t remember. Either way, he came running up and started pleading for forgiveness that anyone would announce you in such a manner. I thought he was going to swallow his tongue when you said ‘Oh? But isn’t that my title?’” Joan couldn’t help it, the memory brought soft giggles to her lips. “It was so cruel, but I’ll never forget the way you made the man squirm, acting like you didn’t know what they meant by it.”

Korgron couldn’t help but snicker as well. “That does sound pretty fun. But now that I know, perhaps I should change how I go about it this time. I’m not sure I want to be vile anymore.”

“You were never vile to me,” Joan said, before pausing. “Well. You were never vile to the Hero after he stopped being as much of a jerk as he was.”

“Oh? He didn’t like me?” Korgron asked.

“Not at first, no,” Joan said. “At least, originally. The uhhh…”

“Demon?” Korgron asked.

“That,” Joan said softly. “I wasn’t exactly the most…”

“I’m beginning to notice that,” Korgron said, the amused smile on her face flickering a bit. “You know, I figured they’d be a bit more excited to see me. I thought the chosen were so important to you humans. Even moreso than us.”

“They are,” Joan said. “It’s just a bit of a shock. In the prior times when we found you, we had been searching for years before then. People were just so thankful to have another one of the chosen, on top of the news spreading about you for months before we actually arrived back home. This was a bit more sudden. People will get used to you, though. Trust me.”

“Yeah,” Korgron said, though her tone made Joan suspect she didn’t truly believe it. Then again, she couldn’t blame her.

It wasn’t easy being somewhere where you felt like the outsider and that everyone was judging you. At least as one of the chosen it wouldn’t last too long. Still, she wanted to distract her and she had just the way. “Actually, that reminds me of something I need you to look at.”

“How does it remind you?” Korgron asked.

“Okay, it doesn’t but I did just remember,” Joan said before sitting up and grabbing her bag. She pulled it into her lap and rummaged through it for a few moments before holding up the small, red orb and holding it out to her. “Here.”

Korgron cocked an eye and took it. “Okay? It’s an orb. What do you want me to do, chuck it at someone?”

“See if you can figure out what it is,” Joan said.

“Ahhh, one second,” Korgron said before closing her eyes. The red orb began to glow, wrapped in a purple light for a few minutes.

Joan watched and waited, pulling her knees up to her chest and trying to imagine what new information she’d learn from this. Unfortunately, the spell would take a little while depending on how complex it was, so she knew she might be waiting for hours or even--

“Done,” Korgron said before opening her eyes.

“Wait, what?” Joan asked. “That’s it? Already?”

“Yeah,” Korgron said before lightly tossing it back. “I think it’s an eye of some kind. Demon, most likely.”

“WHAT?” Joan asked, dropping it quickly. “Ew! Wait, what? No, that’s crystal. I know it’s crystal of some sort.”

“Feels like it, doesn’t it?” Korgron asked. “But no, that’s definitely an eye. Long dead, though. Old as can be. Modified a bit. Never felt anything like it. Where’d you find it?”

“In the Tomb of the Creator. It wasn’t there before, though,” Joan said. “Remember the elemental I killed? It was bound to one of these. At least, I thought it was one of these. I would've collected the pieces but you wouldn’t let me check it,” she said with just a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“And I still don’t intend to,” Korgron said. “Not until we can go in there with you. You almost died once. Here, let me see it again.”

Joan nodded and gently rolled it across the bed towards her. She didn’t want to touch it. Even if it looked and felt like some kind of crystal, if it was an eye of some kind she didn’t want it on her skin.

Korgron ran a finger along it before shaking her head. “No, it’s definitely an eye of some kind. Not alive in the slightest, though. A little bit of magic, but nothing active. I could probably use it to bind an elemental or something. Want me to?”

“Not really,” Joan said. “Though, now that you mention it, the room I found it in had a lot of bones in it. They were all over the floor. But they were far smaller, nothing that could have an eye like this. Are you sure it’s a demon eye?”

“I don’t know,” Korgron said. “Not a lot of things that have giant crystal eyes. Maybe it’s the eye of a god or some kind of golem. Or maybe it’s not an eye at all and just looks like an eye. Its got some kind of liquid inside it, too, but you’d need to crack it open to find out.”

“What liquid?” Joan asked.

“A liquid,” Korgron said. “It’s a scanning spell, it can identify magic on an item. If you want an in depth analysis we’re going to have to crack the thing open. As it is, there’s not a lot of magic for me to work with and I’ve done the best I can do.” She picked it up and tossed it into the air. “Honestly? It’s weird, but there are a lot of weirder things. I could bind an elemental to it, shouldn’t be that hard. Maybe it could help keep you safe.”

“No,” Joan said. “Please don’t go tossing it into the air like that, what if you dropped it?”

Korgron paused and then slammed it down on the ground, making it clatter across the ground. Fortunately there wasn’t a dent on it. “See? It’s not going to break. It’s pretty tough.”

Joan stared at it, her heart pounding, before she turned to glare at Korgron. “Was that really necessary?”

“No, but it was fun,” Korgron said with a grin before snapping her fingers. The orb flew up into the air and into her hands. She then reached out and put it into Joan’s. “If it means that much to you, here. Keep it safe. If you want me to bind something to it, let me know. Until then just think of it as a crystal ball that stares back.”

“Ew,” Joan said with a shudder before looking down at it. It was just a big solid red orb. How could it possibly be an eye? Still, if Korgron said it was, it wasn’t like she had any other leads on what it could be. “Thanks, though.”

“Also, don’t lick it,” Korgron said.

“WHAT? Why in the world would I lick it?” Joan asked, unable to keep the offense out of her voice.

“I mean, you do really weird things all the time. Licking random weird eyes just seems like something you’d do,” Korgron said with a teasing grin.

“I won’t,” Joan said. “But, err, why? Is it poisonous?”

“No, it’s just old,” Korgron said. “And I don’t know where its been.”

Joan gave a soft, exasperated sigh. “Bauteut should have thrown another bucket at you.”

Korgron just grinned back at her.

------

It was finally time to leave and Joan couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit anxious. As much as she wished they were going straight to the elven lands and the sixth chosen, she could at least understand Hardwin did have matters to attend to at his own home for a few days. She couldn’t deny being a little excited to meet Hardwin’s mother as well. After hearing about her for so many lives she wanted to see what the woman was really like.

No, the thing that was filling her with anxiety was that Searle and Bauteut wouldn’t be there with them for a short while. Though she did her best to hide it while they finished readying their horses for the journey ahead. “I’ll return as soon as I’m able,” Bauteut promised. “Just try not to get yourself killed. Hopefully corked will be able to handle any cuts or scrapes you get until then. Remember what her highness said. Don’t think about things that give you a headache. If you feel any sharp pain, get to the nearest healer.”

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Korgron rolled her eyes, but Joan gave a small nod. “Even if she couldn’t, I’m sure there is at least one competent healer in Hardwin’s village,” Joan said. “You worry too much, I’ll be fine. I told you before that you don’t need to be a part of all this if you don’t want to be. It’s not your responsibility.”

“It shouldn’t be yours, either,” Bauteut said before giving her a tight hug, drawing a yelp from her. “Don’t worry, okay? I won’t be gone too long. I promise.”

“I’m not worried!” Joan said quickly, her face burning while she tried to shove the other girl off her.

“Then why do you keep making that pouting face?” Bauteut asked with a smirk on her face.

“I am not making a pouty face!” Joan yelled. “Am I?”

“Eh, a little bit,” Korgron said.

“Okay, I am NOT upset,” Joan said. “I might be a little worried, but I’m always a little worried. It’s my default state!”

“That can’t be healthy,” Andreas said.

“How about you just finish saddling your horse and leave my health out of this,” Joan said, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice any longer.

“He is right though,” Bauteut said. “It isn’t healthy at all to be stressed all the time.”

“Well, the world being melted down to a burning pool of liquefied gunk isn’t healthy either and one of those is a bit more pressing,” Joan said. “Just be careful, okay? Hurry back as soon as you can, because we won’t be waiting for you if we have to go.”

“Yeah, we probably will,” Hardwin called back towards them.

“Hardwin!” Joan yelled.

“Now, don’t get so upset, little missy,” Thalgren said with a light chuckle. “Having a personal healer is pretty useful. Besides, you should think of it as a time to relax. It’s important to do that from time to time, you know.”

“Not you too,” Joan said before resting her forehead against her horse’s saddle. “Of all people I would expect you to understand how important it is to do this quickly.”

“It’s always good to act quick when opportunity comes, that’s true,” Thalgren said. “But it doesn’t do you any good to rush off fruitlessly. After all, what good is a handful of gold now, if you could make two handfuls later at half the cost?”

Joan made a soft whining sound. “Ughhhhh. You’re all supposed to be on my side…”

“Everyone here is but you,” Andreas said. “Just relax. Let them enjoy the time with their families, its been months since they’ve seen them. It’ll just be a week or so, anyway. You can be patient for that long.”

“Fine, you win,” Joan said before glaring to Bauteut. “I guess we’ll probably wait for you. Just don’t be gone too long, okay?”

“I know, fate of the world and all that,” Bauteut said. “You know I wouldn’t miss it for anything. If not for me, who’d look out for you?”

“Searle, Hardwin, Korgron, Thalgren,” Joan said.

“What about me?” Andreas asked.

“I barely trust you to look after yourself,” Joan said. “I’ll be fine. Just hurry back and good luck.”

Bauteut nodded. “I will, promise. Besides, I’ll have Searle nearby, I can’t be much safer than that.”

“Yeah,” Joan said before glancing to Searle. He was being, well, he was often quiet she found. But even more quiet than normal.

Now that she thought about it, he’d been quiet ever since they’d returned from the demon lands. On top of that, even from here she could see his saddle was already put on correctly, he was just pretending to be getting it ready.

“Come on, let’s go already. If we’re going to spend half the day riding these things, I’d like to get it over with,” Korgron said before tugging lightly on her saddle once more. Judging by the way the horse kept fidgeting, Joan doubted it was looking forward to being ridden by a demon any more than she was looking forward to riding it.

“Hey, can you guys all go on ahead?” Joan asked. “I wanna talk with Searle for a moment. In private before he leaves.”

Korgron gave a soft sigh. “Joan, I get it. You’re worried. But let him have a bit of time off to enjoy himself. He doesn’t need to be sent off on another quest.”

“It’s not that,” Joan said quickly. “Just give me a few minutes, please?”

Joan felt a few moments of annoyance when they all shared looks. A few more moments when she noticed the way that Andreas glanced around at everyone. She swore if they were having another conversation through his shadow magic she would…

Really have no way of knowing, but she was still annoyed that they would talk around her like that. Rather than answering, all of them except Korgron climbed into their saddles and started to slowly walk out, while Korgron led hers out by its reins.

Joan gave a soft sigh before walking over to Searle. “Hey, Searle?”

“It’s okay if there’s something you need me to do,” Searle said. “I know the world is in danger and we need to fix it.”

“It’s not that,” Joan said quickly. “Besides, you’re going to be seeing your uhhh… your…”

“My uncle,” Searle said.

“Right, him,” Joan said. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you had one. You don’t mention your family often. I uhhh… didn’t think you had any.”

“Sorry,” Searle said.

“It’s not your fault,” Joan said quickly. “You probably did at some point and I just ignored it. Or never listened. Or…” She wondered if he felt as awkward as she felt now. He probably did, judging by how he was still pretending to be fiddling with his saddle. She wished she had something to keep her hands busy. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Searle said.

“Are you sure? You seem tense,” Joan said.

“I’m fine, just thinking about things,” Searle said.

“Anything you want to talk with me about?” Joan asked.

“Not really,” Searle said.

“Come on, you can tell me,” Joan said. “We’re friends, right? Besides, you--”

“We’re not really friends, are we?” Searle asked.

“I… what?” Joan asked.

“We’re not really friends, are we?” Searle asked again.

“Of course we’re friends,” Joan said. “I mean, you’re one of the chosen and--”

“And history is repeating itself,” Searle said. “Or, your history. Our future.”

“What are you talking about?” Joan asked.

Searle turned around and opened his mouth, letting out a soft, confused sound. He then stopped, tried again, stopped again and shook his head. He finally gave a sigh and leaned back against his horse. “I almost killed you.”

“What? No you didn’t,” Joan said.

“I did,” Searle said. “I tried to help you, I tried to figure out who you were. I didn’t even think about what could go wrong, what it might do to you. I just thought for once I could help you like you helped all of us and instead I nearly killed you.”

Joan stared at him and struggled to resist the urge to hug him. She’d barely seen him since she’d gotten hurt, was that really how he’d felt about it? “Searle, that wasn’t your fault. You helped me. I--”

“How is that helping?” Searle asked. “How is any of that helping? Don’t you remember what you told me? What I am? What I do? I kill you. Everything happens and then, in the final moments, I turn on you and kill you. What if that’s happening now?”

“You were trying to kill me in those times,” Joan said and then cringed when the pained look formed on his face. “That’s not what I meant. I just mean that--”

“That I was the enemy then,” Searle said. “I was your enemy. But what if I don’t need to be the enemy to get you killed? What if me being here is what does it? What if my attempts to help just keep making things worse? What if I’m the one who damns the world? What if--”

“You’re not!” Joan yelled, cutting him off. “You’re not. Searle. I need you to look at me, please. You’re one of the chosen. You’re just as important and necessary for the world to be saved as any of them. We all need you. What happened there isn’t your fault. What happened in the past, in my past? Likely isn’t your fault either.”

“It was always me,” Searle said. “Unless I died, it was always me.”

“Yes, it was,” Joan said. “And it was also always me. Every time, no matter what. Even if you weren’t there, things still played out the same. It didn’t matter who else was there, it didn’t matter what you all did. I led you and I failed you. Each time. You might have been the one who fought me in the end, but I was the one who drove all of you to it. But that’s the important thing. That was then, this is now. I know you. I know all of you. In this life, I know you better than I’ve ever known you. I mean, right now? I’m learning you have an uncle. I spent years traveling with you, centuries, and I never learned that. What does that say about me? And I didn’t know Korgron had a sister. I never knew about Andreas’ love. Thalgren got married in this time. There’s no telling what I’m going to learn about Chase and Neia. I’m going to be meeting Hardwin’s mom by sunset. Things are different now. I’m different. You’re different.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I could try to kill you,” Searle said. “That I almost did.”

Joan took a slow breath and finally said something she desperately didn’t want to. “Then maybe I deserved it.”

Searle stared at her, his mouth agape. “What?”

“Maybe I deserved it,” Joan said again. “I was the Hero, so what? The Hero made SO MANY mistakes. If almost all of the chosen turned on me at some point? Maybe I deserved it. No, I probably did. There’s a lot I missed and a lot more I still need to fix. But there’s one thing I can say for certain now. This time, this version of you? I know, no matter what. If you ever try to kill me, it’ll be for the right reasons.”

Searle blinked a few times and then his eyes narrowed. “Shouldn’t you say I’ll never try to kill you?”

“I am not ruling out the possibility that you will all need to stop me at some point,” Joan said. “I make many stupid mistakes and if, at some point, you all need to kill me? I don’t want you to hesitate if it means you’ll save the world. Maybe I’ll go mad with power. Or some kind of disease will overtake me and I’ll go insane before trying to infect everyone. Or I will die and then turns out I have another form that you all have to stop. I can’t tell you how many monsters we had to kill twice just to make it stick. I’m honestly surprised the Demon Lord didn’t have one once we killed him.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t say things like that,” Searle said, though a small smile was threatening to form on his lips. “None of us want you to die.”

“I don’t want to die either,” Joan said. “But hey, if I do and I manage to save the world in the process? I can totally yell at the gods for a while for putting me through all this. They’ll probably send me back just to shut me up.”

Searle stared at her for a few moments before he began to, very lightly, snicker. “Please don’t yell at the gods.”

“I make no promises,” Joan said. “I just want you to remember one important thing. The Hero, no, Owain thought you were entirely useless. Owain was an idiot. Owain failed to save the world again and again, got his friends killed and, repeatedly, ruined everything. Owain was arrogant and looked down on people he just didn’t understand. Trust me, I know. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve BEEN the kind of person Owain would have looked down on. Like right now? I have a cut on my arm. I STILL have a cut on my arm! It takes so long to heal from everything now. On top of that, Bauteut is probably right. I probably will manage to get all of my bones shattered or something else before long, so they’ll need to focus on healing me from that, not from this cut. But the Hero never understood that. He never saw how important all of the chosen were.”

“You’ve been doing that more often, I think,” Searle said.

“Doing what?” Joan asked.

“Talking as if the Hero was someone other than you,” Searle said.

“In a lot of ways he was,” Joan said. “It’s hard. It was another life. I still feel it sometimes. I’ll pick something up or try and cast a spell and forget that I can’t do that anymore. But sometimes it really does feel like it was someone other than me. It has been incredibly humbling. If I thought the gods were pettier I’d even think this entire thing was all an effort to humble me.”

“Really?” Searle asked. “Seems a bit extreme.”

“Ending the world multiple times just because I got too arrogant after they gave me almost god-like power?” Joan asked. “Yeah, a bit. As much as I would love for it to be that and that they had all of this under control, even the Hero wouldn’t be vain enough to believe he was that important. I certainly don’t.”

“I hope not,” Searle said. He stared at her for a few moments before sighing. “Joan, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What?” Joan asked.

“We were all talking before,” Searle said. “The chosen, I mean. Well, not before. Andreas, Korgron and I. When this is all over, when the Inferno God is dealt with, what do you want to do?”

Joan gave a shrug. “Don’t know. Maybe go exploring. Help end this war. Take a looooong nap. Sleep for like a whole month without worrying the world will melt while I’m gone. I can’t really say at this point, though I don’t think it matters much. Once the Inferno God’s heart has been destroyed I’ll worry about it. Until then, I don’t think it’s that big a deal.”

“If you could go back, forget all of this, would you?” Searle asked. “I mean, if everything was fine, if there was no need for the Hero. If you could just be Joan, none of the memories, would you?”

“No,” Joan said. “I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have these memories. Like it or not, they’re a part of me and they can’t just be removed without removing a lot of what makes me the person I am.”

Searle nodded, though judging by the look on his face she suspected that wasn’t quite the answer he wanted. He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he turned and slowly began to climb into his saddle.

“Searle?” Joan said.

“Yes?” Searle asked.

“No matter what happens,” Joan said. “No matter what the Hero thought of you in the past, I want you to remember one thing. To me, to Joan? You’re one of the chosen. You’re a friend. You’re someone I have complete trust in. But, more than anything? You’re one of my heroes. Because I know, worse comes to worse, I can always depend on you. So try to believe in yourself a little more, okay? You’ve changed a lot from the Searle I knew then and I know that you’re just going to keep getting better.”

Searle nodded, a small hint of a smile on his lips. “I will. Bauteut and I will return soon, okay? So just try not to get hurt. Please?”

“I’ll have four chosen keeping an eye on me,” Joan said. “I’ll be fine. Keep her safe too. Don’t tell her I said this, but having her as a personal healer has been kind of nice.” If for no other reason than it was better than being the only normal one in the group. Even if she likely didn’t count as normal. She then turned and walked to her horse, climbing up and into the saddle before it began to slowly trot forward.

Five of the chosen down, two to go. It wasn’t going to be that long, just a short bit while Searle and Bauteut went to see their families and Hardwin took care of his own home. Nowhere near as long as she’d hated to wait in the demon lands. Then they’d be off to gather Neia. Unfortunately, there was still one more matter that she had to worry about.

Chase.

The changeling could be literally anywhere and anyone now. While she was certain she could identify him if she met him, it wasn’t as if she could gather everyone in all of the world together and hope he’d show himself.

No, if she was going to be spending time waiting again, she’d have to spend it figuring out how to locate him. Before it was too late.

But they were almost there, she could feel it. Two more chosen to go.

Her journey was almost at an end and even the Demon Lord wouldn’t be able to stop the chosen once they were all together once more.