Book 4 Chapter 3: Stay Behind

Joan stopped outside the door of her room for a moment before pausing and glancing towards Searle’s room. As much as she wanted to run off and start making plans, she really should talk to him first. Eh, he was probably fine, not like he really needed her. He--

She rolled her eyes and pulled away from her door and walked to his before lightly knocking on it. After all the times he had saved her, the least she could do was help him out when she thought he might need it.

It took a few minutes before the door opened and Searle stood there. “Joan?” he asked.

“Hey, Searle. Are you busy?” Joan asked.

“Oh, no, I was just cleaning a bit,” Searle said. “Please, come in.”

Once he stood aside Joan walked into the room and paused. Right, she should have expected this. The room itself was spotless, likely cleaner than it had been when they had arrived. The rug on the floor was perfectly smooth, his bags were empty and neatly folded. Aside from the perfectly made bed, the only remaining piece of furniture was an open chest. When she walked near it she could see all of his supplies and clothing were inside it, perfectly folded and organized. She gave a soft sigh. “I’d forgotten how neat you were,” Joan said.

“What?” Searle asked. “Sorry, I--”

“It’s nothing bad,” Joan said with a shake of her head. “Honestly? I could probably stand to be a bit neater myself. Organized, at least. My rooms are always a mess.”

“If you’d like, I could help clean them for you,” Searle said.

Joan resisted the urge to groan. She would have read more into that offer, but it was Searle. Even when she had been the Hero he had almost always been the one to organize everything they had. Kept all of their records too. In fact, she couldn’t help but wonder if he still did. “Hey, Searle?”

“What?” he asked.

“Do you still keep a journal?” Joan asked.

“What? Oh, I have your tome right here, it--”

“No, not that,” Joan said quickly, shaking her head. “Your own personal journal. I remember when I was the Hero you always kept one with you. Recorded all of the things we did. ‘For posterity’, you’d always say.”

“Oh,” Searle said. “Yes, I do. But I don’t know why that’s important. It’s just my thoughts and notes on what we’ve done. I--”

“It’s very important,” Joan said. “Because it’s from one of the chosen, how can it not be? And I think it’s important that you remember that.” She walked back towards him and gave him a smile. “You ARE one of the chosen. You’re one of the most important people in this world, one of the ones who will save it.”

Searle’s cheeks turned a bright red and he quickly looked away from her before reaching up to nervously rub his hair. “I don’t think I’m really that important,” he said. “I mean, you said it before. I also doomed the world, right? You’re the one who’s saving it. I’m just helping you. I--”

“You’re still a chosen,” Joan said. “If something happened to me, the world would still have a chance. But without you, it wouldn’t. You need to remember that, okay? So you shouldn’t be offering to clean my room. If anything, I should be offering to clean your room.” She watched the way he cringed at that and, honestly, she couldn’t blame him. “I won’t, because I’m terrible at it. But I should.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Searle said.

“I know. And I am very thankful for it. So, right, about the talk. Remember what we said earlier? About the letters?” Joan asked.

Searle gave a low groan and she could see the red growing across his cheeks now. “I know, I really thought they were threats. I--”

“It’s not that,” Joan said. “I just wanted to make sure you were actually okay and it wasn’t really upsetting you.”

“Upsetting me?” Searle asked. “I guess it’s embarrassing. But I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Joan asked. “I know being one of the chosen is a lot of work and a ton of pressure. Sometimes it might feel like you have to do everything and that everyone is watching every move you make,” she said. “Which they kind of are. But there’s one other thing you need to keep in mind. You are important, you have a lot of responsibility. But you still matter. What you want, what you need, all of that? They still matter,” Joan said. “So if anyone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, you don’t have to just because people expect you to.”

“What?” Searle asked. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to go grab one of these offers and ummm…” Joan felt her own cheeks going red as well. “I really hope this is as awkward for you as it is me.”

“I imagine it honestly might be worse,” Searle said softly. “We didn’t have this talk when you were the Hero, did we?”

“By the gods, no,” Joan said. “I mean, maybe we should have. I was older than you and I think you, for the most part, looked up to me. But it didn’t really come up.”

“I wouldn’t think it would,” Searle said with a soft sigh. “I mean, if the choices were me or the Hero, or even Lord Hardwin, why would anyone pick me?”

Joan’s cheeks turned redder and she couldn’t help feeling lower than the ground now, especially when she could hear the slight edge to his tone. Not that she could blame him. Of all the stories she’d told he wasn’t the one who came off in the best light, why wouldn’t he be a bit jealous? “I mean, that was then. This is now. Besides, you probably had a lot of admirers that I just never noticed.”

“I find that unlikely,” Searle said.

“I think you’re just too hard on yourself. Just look at--” Joan said before stopping.

“Exactly,” Searle said.

Joan stared at him for a long, long moment. It hadn’t even been that long since she’d first seen him in this life. But he was already almost a head taller, his muscles bigger, his face a little firmer, while he did seem to shave regularly she suspected if he wanted he’d even have a full beard by now. Every day he was looking more and more like one of the fierce warriors who would one day save the world. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re not getting more,” Joan said a little sheepishly. “You’re a lot more handsome than I remember.”

Searle rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“No, I mean it,” Joan said. “I wonder if it’s because you got the shield sooner in this life? I don’t remember you being so, uhhh… anyway, right. Moving on. You’re going to get flirted with a lot, trust me. You’re a chosen, handsome, dependable--”

“A dependable traitor,” Searle said bitterly.

“I betrayed you long before you ever betrayed me,” Joan said. “That’s part of why I’m here. And you know why else I’m still here?”

“Why?” Searle asked.

“Because you keep saving me and standing by me. You and Bauteut. So please, stop being so hard on yourself,” Joan said with a small teasing tone. “After all, if you’re not awesome what does that say about me? The girl who’s life you have to keep saving when I end up angering a werewolf or who knows what else?”

Searle’s cheeks turned a little redder and he nodded. “I… I guess.”

“Exactly. So if I’m awesome, you have to be at least as awesome, if not more,” Joan said firmly. “Otherwise, who’ll be my hero when I need it?”

Searle couldn’t help but laugh and shake his head. “That was terrible.”

“But it made you laugh, so it was worth it,” Joan said before turning towards the door. “So go out, have some fun. Enjoy yourself. Because you’ve got a world on your shoulders and deserve at least some relaxation when you can.”

“I could say the same to you,” Searle said.

“I’m getting better at it,” Joan said quickly. “I actually slept in this morning! Really, I did!”

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“How late were you up last night?” Searle asked.

“You’re as bad as Bauteut sometimes, I swear,” Joan said before storming off towards the door, and pausing before she grabbed it. “And that’s not an insult. It’s annoying. But it’s not an insult. I… don’t think I’d be here now if not for you. And I’m not sure I would without her. So thank you. But please don’t tell her I said that, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Searle gave another light laugh before shaking his head. “My lips are sealed. Thank you, Joan. I’ll keep all of that in mind.”

“Good,” Joan said before opening the door and stepping out of the room. She then paused for a moment and thought about him.

He really had gotten taller and more handsome than she remembered. But she felt a little more annoyed at how much she noticed that. She was already surrounded by far too many gorgeous people. Korgron, Bauteut, Andreas, Isla, not to mention the fact all of the most breathtaking creatures they’d likely run into before this mission was done. Even the demon, Qakog, who had horrified her with his confessions would one day be quite attractive in his own way. Then the fae and elves were something else entirely. She didn’t have time to be noticing things like that. She certainly didn’t have the energy to deal with the stress of considering a relationship of any kind.

Though she couldn’t help being a little flustered at just how large the list of ‘people she found kind of attractive’ had gotten. She shook her head and tried to clear those thoughts away.

Joan quickly made her way to her room and gently closed the door behind herself before leaning back against it and taking a deep breath. “You don’t have time to be getting crushes on every nice face you see, Joan,” she said harshly. “World on the line. Everyone dies. No distractions, focus. Fo. Cus. You’ve done this a thousand times as a hero, you can do it as a girl.”

Joan paused for a moment before sighing and putting a hand to her forehead with exasperation. “Or, you know. You can just start making simple mistakes right away. Cause what the world needs now is a seer who’s starting to get pathetic little crushes.”

She then turned and headed out from her room once more, this time intending to find the writing tools she was going to need.

------

“So, I’m pretty sure you all know why I called you here,” Joan said happily, struggling to stop herself from squealing with glee at what was coming.

“Not a clue,” Andreas said. “Korgron just said you wanted to talk with us about some chosen business.”

Joan blinked a few times and glanced to Korgron. “You didn’t tell them?”

The demon glanced up from her claws which she had been fiddling with. “Huh? Oh. Right. Was I supposed to tell them? You didn’t even tell me.”

“It was your suggestion,” Joan said, though she struggled to keep the annoyance out of her voice. “Why else would I call you four to my room?”

Korgron just shrugged. “I don’t know. Feeling lonely?”

“I was just happy to be invited,” Bauteut said from behind Searle.

Joan couldn’t help but smack her palm against her face and suppress the urge to scream. “I’ve been writing down things I can remember. Things we had to do that were in this local area. Now, I think if we split up, we can probably deal with them rather easily. In fact, some of them aren’t going to take long at all. I’ve written down some of the most pressing ones first.”

“Split up?” Korgron asked.

“Yes,” Joan said before picking up the stacks of paper. “Now, I’ve written directions and where on the map they’d likely be located. Thanks for the map, by the way, Korgron.”

“Uh huh,” Korgron said before glancing back towards Andreas.

Joan paused when she noticed Andreas made a small gesture. Did he just cast a spell? Did he just create a shadow bond between all of them, so they could talk without her noticing? No. They didn’t, there was no way they did. Did they? Ugh. Did they really think she wouldn’t notice? She bit her tongue for now. “So, there’s this dragon to the north. I think Searle should handle that one, possibly with Bauteut.”

“What? Why me?” Bauteut asked.

“Healer,” Joan said. “The dragon will appreciate that. Don’t worry, she’s pretty nice. She’ll demand tribute of some kind, I’d suggest something gold, or a demon head. She might challenge you to some trial, but it’ll be easy enough. She helped us get the key last time, but she’ll make an amazing ally in the end and definitely be useful in delaying the return of the Inferno God. Now, Andreas. You’re pretty easy. There’s this old ancient curse set on the mountains to the north. But inside the temple is this ancient cursed sword. If you break it, you’ll free the spirits of all those souls trapped there. This isn’t so much a… timed thing, as we’re here now and might as well. In a decade or so there’s going to be this old hermit who would have asked you all to do it, so why not now? Now, normally I’d send two of us, but it’s under the domain of darkness so pretty simple for you. Whenever we went there before the rest of us mostly just sat around while you did everything, it felt pretty stupid for us to be there and just watch to be honest.”

Okay, now she knew they were talking. She could see all of them constantly glancing at each other, as if discussing things. And occasionally looking back to her. She wished if they were going to talk secretly they would at least try and be subtle about it. “Finally, there’s Korgron and I,” Joan said. “There’s an ancient vampire queen. Bit eccentric, but she can appreciate a good show. The important thing is that she’s holding the Eye of the Night. Very powerful, can amplify both of your powers, Korgron, Andreas.”

“Why don’t I go after it, then?” Andreas asked. “I could do both.”

“Oh, no,” Joan said, barely suppressing a giggle. “That would be bad. Trust me. You do NOT want a male going there. She’s fine with Korgron and I, but males? Oh, that’d be a disaster waiting to happen. That’s half the reason we ended up having to kill her in half of our encounters.”

“She’s dangerous, then?” Korgron asked.

“Ancient vampire,” Joan said. “It’d be odd if she wasn’t. But--”

“I’ll be going alone,” Korgron said.

That made Joan pause for a moment, staring at her. “What?”

“I’ll be going alone,” Korgron said again. “I can handle it. But we can’t exactly risk you.”

“What?” Joan asked. “You want me and Bauteut to wait here while you three go off on adventures? But--”

“No, just you,” Korgron said. “Bucket can go if she likes. We’re the chosen, this is chosen tasks. You, however, are our guide. We need the information you give.”

“But that’s not fair,” Joan said, unable to keep the whine out of her voice. “I want to help!”

“Corked is right,” Bauteut said in as comforting a tone as she could, though the nickname for Korgron drew her a glare from the demon. “You’re still in recovery, we can’t have you running all over the country on wild adventures.”

“I’m perfectly fine now,” Joan said quickly.

“It has been a few days,” Bauteut said firmly. “Frankly, the only reason I’m not trying to have them tie you down to the bed is because I’m afraid you’d hurt yourself trying to cut the ropes.”

“I only did that once!” Joan said quickly before cringing. “I mean, err…”

“Another story as the Hero?” Andreas asked.

“No, that actually happened in the academy,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, though. They were learning about different knots and spells associated with ropes.”

Joan sighed and crossed her arms before sitting on her bed. “You can’t just leave me behind. I--”

“Then we can delay these things,” Korgron said. “If they’re not that important, they can wait.”

“I mean, they might be,” Joan said softly. “I don’t know. The sooner we do them, the better.”

“Then we can do them alone,” Korgron said. “Besides. I can’t go too far from my home as it is. On top of that, when we return, what if you’ve remembered something important? It is far better for you to be able to send us on new tasks as needed, without having to wait for your return. Is it not?”

Joan gave another whine before finally just collapsing back onto her bed. She absolutely loathed it, but Korgron was probably right. They were all probably right. She was tired, some of these tasks would be dangerous for her. Only a fraction as dangerous for them. And if they did go with her they might be in even more danger because they might focus too hard on keeping her safe.

“It’s not fair,” Joan said softly. “You’re right, but it’s not fair. I don’t want to be left behind again.”

“You’re not being left behind,” Korgron said.

“It feels like I’m being left behind,” Joan said.

“Joan, we just want to keep you safe,” Searle said. “We need you. If anything happened to you, where would we be? Besides, you have the key. We still need that, right? So if something did happen to you, we’d lose that as well.”

Joan gave another soft sigh before sitting up on the edge of the best. She rested her elbows on her knees and her face in the palm of her hands. “Are you really sure I’ll be safe? I’ll be the only human in a city of demons.”

“My sister won’t let anything happen to you,” Korgron said.

“Are you sure?” Joan asked, but she couldn’t really put much emotion into it. She was being argumentative for the sake of arguing and she knew it. “Fine. But just remember, you can’t leave me behind all the time.”

“We won’t,” Korgron said. “If the next thing I do is less dangerous, I’ll even let you come if you’re doing better.”

Joan gave a small, sulking nod. “Fine. I wanna discuss more of these with all of you, though. And there’s some magic I want to teach most of you before you leave. Knowing how quick you all learn, you’ll probably have them mastered by tomorrow.”

“Joan, if you want, I can stay behind with you,” Bauteut said. “I know it won’t be--”

“It’s fine,” Joan said. “You should go. It’s better that way. You and Searle make a great team. Probably best if I’m here, anyway. I’d just get in the way…”

“Joan, that’s not fair,” Andreas said before giving a sigh. “I know you’re upset, but please remember how important all of this is.”

“I know, I know,” Joan said before looking down at the papers.

She knew it was important.

She knew it was the right choice.

She knew it was what she needed to do to help keep the world safe.

But it didn’t make any of it easier or hurt less, knowing she’d be left behind. Again.