Book 2 Chapter 16: 'Special'

Pain. Fighting. The Hero had to fight. He always had to fight. Trolls to the north, demons to the south, go go go. There was always something new. Something threatening them. No matter how many of them died, no matter how much they grieved, there would always be something else. It didn’t matter what he did, it didn’t matter how hard he fought. There was always another one. Even when the Demon Lord was killed, even when the gods were gone, it never ended.

He cut the demons down, one by one, slaughtering the demons that Searle had sided with. But there were so many. Overhead the sky was dark and red, sending more foreboding chills down his back. He ran up the steps, but there was one more in his way. One more blocking his way. There was always one more blocking his way.

Everything fragmented and tore. More memories tearing into each other in a violent storm of remembrance. Something was missing, something important. Yet he couldn’t piece it together. No matter how hard he tried, that which was supposed to be there just wasn’t.

It was tearing his mind apart.

------

Joan’s eyes opened and something was covering her mouth. Bauteut was over her, a hand covering her mouth and their eyes locked.

The healer looked like hell. Her eyes had bags under them, her hair was wet and stringy and she looked as exhausted as Joan felt. “Joan, you were screaming again,” Bauteut said gently. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No,” Joan said before cringing and letting out another hiss of pain. “Maybe.” It felt like her brain was being bound in thin wire and it was slowly tightening around it. “It hurts, head,” she whispered before trying to lift her hand up. It took her three tries before she could move it. “Tired.”

“We’re all tired,” Bauteut said before lightly putting a hand against Joan’s head. “Here, this should-- by the gods!”

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” Joan asked, her eyes going wide and alert.

“Nothing, go back to sleep. Get some rest,” Bauteut said.

“What? Don’t--” Joan said, trying to get more information. The look on her healer’s face told her that something was definitely up. However, before she could get an answer, the world went dark and she felt Bauteut’s magic wash over her and send her right back to sleep.

------

Joan didn’t know how long it had been when she woke up once more, but overhead the sky was now a light yellow. Everything still ached, but not nearly as much as it had been. She tried to, very slowly, sit up.

She could feel her body creaking and swore she could almost feel her bones cracking and grinding back into place. Everything ached, but nowhere near as bad as it had before. Best of all, she at least didn’t feel as bad as when she had the healer’s shock flu. Her head was still throbbing, though. They were in the realm of the fae now, at least. All she had to try to do was remember what--

Joan let out a low shriek before rolling over onto her stomach and gripping her head tightly in both hands, digging it into the ground. After a moment, Joan felt hands wrapping around her and hugging her, she was pulled up and her head was gently resting against something soft.

“It’s okay,” Bauteut whispered, her hand gently rubbing the back of her head. “It’s okay. Joan, you’re okay.

“Hurts, it hurts,” Joan whispered, the tears starting to flow. “What’s going on? Why does it hurt?”

“I don’t know,” Bauteut whispered back. “Just keep your eyes closed and relax. Okay? Don’t think. We just need to talk.”

“Okay,” Joan whispered back, afraid to raise her voice anymore. She wanted to try and remember what she had done here in the past, but now she was terrified to. She remembered coming here, though. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Well, other than your incredibly reckless behavior? I don’t know,” Bauteut said, her voice no longer a whisper. “But there’s definitely something wrong. I just don’t know what it is or what triggered it.”

Joan didn’t move, fresh horror washing over her. Had she finally pushed herself too far? “What do you know?” she asked gently.

Bauteut gave a soft sigh and gently continued to stroke it the back of the girl’s head. “You don’t know a lot about medicine, do you?”

“Not particularly,” Joan said, her stomach clenching.

“Well, do you know much about vital organs?”

“Yeah, you stab them and things stop moving,” Joan said with a roll of her eyes.

“Close enough,” Bauteut said with a light chuckle. “Now, you see, your brain is one of those important organs. Very important. So important, in fact, that there are healers who dedicate their entire lives to just studying it and taking care of it. Damage to the brain can be incredibly destructive. Sometimes subtle as well. What’s going on in your brain is…”

The dread only rose in Joan’s stomach and she felt a quick wave of nervous nausea wash over her. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what it is,” Bauteut whispered. “It’s bad, though. I don’t know what triggered it, but something is happening to it now and it’s being damaged. I think. Somewhat. Those headaches are likely just the beginning. I’ve done what I can to relieve them, but we need to get you to someone who knows how to fix this kind of issue.”

Joan nodded weakly. “How long do you think I have, then?” she asked.

“I don’t know. It’s not my field of expertise. Maybe Five years? Perhaps a decade or two? It--”

“Wait, that’s it?” Joan asked before looking up at her. “You had me panicking over that?”

Bauteut blinked a few times, looking down at her with a look of pure confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“I thought I had a few days, maybe a month. Five years? That’s plenty of time,” Joan said with a roll of her eyes.

“I don’t think you understand, Joan,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “If we don’t find out what it is then—”

“I’ll die, right?” Joan said with a roll of her eyes. That only made her healer look more alarmed. “Five years is plenty. We can get the chosen all together before then and--”

“Joan, what is wrong with you?” Bauteut asked, her grip tightening. “Do you even care that you could be dead before--”

“The whole world could be dead in five years if I don’t do things right. If I die before then, who cares?” Joan asked with a shrug. “What’s one life in comparison to literally ALL life out there?” she asked.

“Joan, we’ve talked about this, you need to--”

“Trust in everyone, depend on them, let them help carry the burden,” Joan said quickly, cutting the other girl off. “Don’t overdo it, don’t try to do everything myself. I’m not, I swear. But this isn’t important right now, is it? I will take this seriously, I swear. I just need to be careful, that’s all. Once we deal with the fae we can try and find a healer who specializes in this kind of thing, okay? Five years is plenty of time.”

Bauteut gave a small sigh before nodding. “I hope so. But please, take this seriously. This is just my guess. I’m not very trained in this kind of thing. If you hadn’t mentioned how much your head was hurting, then I wouldn’t have even considered examining it. Honestly, I feel like kind of an idiot now. I should have tried to examine your head a long time ago. It might have explained a lot.”

Joan gave a small shrug. “Eh. It’s not that important.”

Bauteut cocked an eye. “Joan, even if you don’t think before you act doesn’t mean your head doesn’t matter.”

Joan’s cheeks went red and she glared at the other girl. “I meant you not noticing.”

“When it hurts, what causes it?”

Joan gave a soft shrug. “I’d really rather not say.”

“Joan…”

“You said you don’t really believe me, anyway,” Joan said before trying to pull away. Unfortunately she couldn’t get out of the other girl’s grip at all.

“Even if I don’t believe you that doesn’t mean it’s not important. Please tell me, it’ll help me better ensure you’re safe.”

“Let me go,” Joan said before pushing both her hands on the other girl’s shoulders and pushing. She didn’t move in the slightest. She couldn’t even gather her magic enough to amplify her strength, either.

“Very well,” Bauteut said before letting her go. Joan yelped and started to fall back, only for the other girl to quickly reach out and grab her arm and turn her around, then yanking her back into a sitting position in her lap. “Now then. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Let me go,” Joan said before tugging on her arms.

“Joan, we’re both exhausted so, just this once, can you pretend to behave and make the smart choice?”

“Ugh, fine!” Joan said, finally giving in and just relaxing in the other girl’s lap.

“So, what causes it?”

“When I think about past memories it just hurts now.”

“I see,” Bauteut said. She reached up and gently put her hand against the side of Joan’s head. “Could you try doing it now?”

“I’d really rather not,” Joan said nervously.

“Please, just try,” Bauteut said.

Joan gulped and closed her eyes. Okay, all she had to think about was the past. She let her mind go back to when she was a child and she first--

Pain. Oh my gosh the pain. Everything flooded in, the memories of the fighting, after all the bodies were gone and then--

Then the pain was all gone. Joan slowly opened her eyes and then looked up at Bauteut. “What did you just do?”

“That should help for the time being,” Bauteut said with a small smile. “Better?”

Joan nodded slowly. No, it felt better than before. She thought about the last time she had been in these forests and the fae she had met. No pain this time, nor did she have any overwhelming wave of memories. All she felt was a light pressure building up behind her eyes. “You fixed it. I can’t--”

“No, it’s not fixed,” Bauteut said quickly, cutting her off. “I told you, this isn’t my specialty.”

“But you just--”

“This is, more or less, numbing it. Even that can be dangerous in its own right,” Bauteut said, cutting her off a second time. “To be entirely honest, I wouldn’t even do that if we weren’t here. If it were up to me, I’d drag you back to the castle, have you lay in bed and let your thoughts and mind flow freely until we get a better healer than I to look at it. Frankly, I’m more concerned that I was even able to do that.”

Joan paused, staring up at the girl. “What do you mean, concerned? Why? Was what you did hard?”

“For someone who is inexperienced? Yes,” Bauteut said before lightly tapping on her forehead. “When you think about it, when you focus on the memories? There’s something there. Some kind of block. It got broken and allowed a lot of stuff out. But when you focus on it? It almost pulses. I, more or less, healed that block as much as I could and numbed the area. It should dampen the pain and help you think. But…”

Joan felt the panic building inside her. There was a block inside her mind, something holding back some of her memories? That wasn’t possible. These were her memories. They were important. That wasn’t part of the agreement at all. What if they were important memories? What if they were something she needed or missed? Was this part of why she had so much trouble organizing everything? What had even triggered it? The Demon Lord? Korgron? Something else? She felt the pressure begin to build up and gave a light, pained grunt.

“Joan, stop focusing on it,” Bauteut said with a soft sigh. “You’re such a child. You burn yourself and then you keep poking the burn just to make sure it still hurts. This is a temporary solution at best.”

“I am a child,” Joan said, glaring at her.

“Ah, so you finally admit it,” Bauteut said.

“That’s not what I meant,” Joan said quickly before trying to tug away. “Are we done here? I still need to plan how we’re going to-- wait. What happened?”

Bauteut, finally, let her go. “What do you mean, what happened? I told you, I kind of numbed the area and reinforced that block. Wait, are you experiencing short term memory loss? Damn it, that shouldn’t be happening. Listen, I’ll try again and--”

“Not that!” Joan said quickly before shaking her head. “I mean how did we get here? What happened? I know I opened the portal, but how did we even get to the portal? I just remember seeing the Demon Lord and Korgron together before everything just went wrong. Like my head was tearing itself apart.”

“Well, you started screaming,” Bauteut said before glancing towards Searle. Joan glanced over and couldn’t help but smile at the way he was pretending to still be asleep, laying on his side with his back to them. It was sweet that he was at least trying to give them some privacy. “I would have loved to give you a proper examination then, but you alerted half the camp that we were there. If they had been more organized we’d be dead by now. Possibly worse.”

“They chased us?”

“One of them did. That demon who made that massive fire spell? He looked shocked as we were. We ran, then he launched fire at us. If there had been anybody but Searle with us, I’m pretty sure we both would have been dead. It was quite impressive, him hauling you over one shoulder, using his shield to hold back a veritable wall of fire. He managed to protect both of us. But we really didn’t have any choice, we had to fall back into the forest.”

Joan nodded before once more glancing back towards Searle. The shield was made for defense in the end. If anyone could hold back the Demon Lord’s flames while also protecting them, it would have to be him. She once more felt a small bit of shame knowing she had, for so long, assumed he was the most useless of all of them. If only she had considered how to properly put his skills to use. “What else happened?”

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“That’s it,” Bauteut said. “We ran for our lives, you made the portal to get us here.”

“We’re not dead,” Joan said with a soft sigh. “I passed out once we got here, what happened?”

“Oh,” Bauteut said. “You mean after that. Well, nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing?”

“I mean nothing,” Bauteut said before motioning around. “Nothing has happened. You’ve been out for, well, at least a few hours. We tried to setup wards, but none of them worked. Searle and I have been setting up watches. Honestly I thought you’d be out for days in the condition you were in, but the sun hasn’t even set yet. Days seem to be a lot longer here.”

Joan glanced around for a moment, finally allowing herself to take in the surroundings. The sky was a beautiful, clear blue, the trees around them were green and filled with life. The ground was covered in blue, red and yellow flowers, so thick with them that aside from where she had been laying down she couldn’t even see them. Even when she sat down it was as if the flowers moved away to give her space, letting her sit on the ground and grass. Odd, she didn’t remember them being this lush when she had fallen through the portal. She then glanced up at the sky before sighing. “So it’s only been a few days?”

“Well, I mean, normally I’d say it had been. But the sun hasn’t set yet and--”

“It won’t, we’re in the summer realm,” Joan said, cutting her off. “How many watches have you two done?” She started to stand up and felt a wave of dizziness wash over her that forced her to reach out and grab one of the trees. “If I slept that long, I should be fine. Why can’t—”

“Dear heavens, Joan,” Bauteut said before getting to her feet and walking over to her. “You’re lucky you’re even alive. Do you have any idea the condition you’re in?”

Joan gave a shrug. “No worse than either of you. I--”

“Far worse than either of us,” Bauteut said harshly. “You’re not made for this kind of abuse. Searle’s one of the chosen, his body isn’t like either of ours and can take all kinds of damage and just be fine.”

“You’re the same as me,” Joan said, glancing towards her. “You seem fine. You--”

“I’m not fine in the slightest,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “But I’m also older, can better pace myself and know enough healing magic to ensure I don’t overdo it. You, on the other hand, seem to believe that your body is a candle with a wick on both ends and so you’ll happily chuck your entire body into a fire!”

Joan flushed and found her thoughts drawn back to the many times that had more or less happened. “I’m not trying to. I just--”

“Just sit down and rest,” Bauteut said, motioning back to the ground. “If either of us needs it, it’s you. Then on top of it, whatever is going on in your head is so far beyond anything I can even identify, let alone fix. Worst of all, this place is supposed to be where the fae are, isn’t it? Where are they?”

Joan opened her mouth to answer that, but then stopped. She looked around for a moment. “How many watches have we been here for?”

“This is my third and Searle did the first one.”

“Have you eaten anything?” Joan asked.

“No,” Bauteut said softly. “We’ve mostly just slept. It’s odd, actually. We haven’t been hungry at all. We—”

“Summer, realm of abundance,” Joan said softly. “We won’t be hungry while we’re here. We’re gonna be half starved when we leave though, most likely. We’re lucky we didn’t arrive in the winter realm, we’d be starving.”

Bauteut sighed and gave a small nod. “Then what happens now?”

“You haven’t seen any fae? Even small ones? Like little tiny birds? Glowing orbs? Anything?”

“Not a single one,” Bauteut said. “Should we have?”

“We’re in their realm,” Joan said before glancing to Searle. “More than that, Searle is here. There should have been something here.” She felt her heart start to beat a little faster. “Whenever I came here before they were always fae watching my every move. The air was thick with them. Even when we were sleeping, I could feel them.” She reached out towards one of the flowers and gentle nudged it. It felt fine, alive. “The land here looks just fine as well. It-- ugh,” Joan said before reaching up and grabbing her head. While nowhere near as painful as it had been, the pressure behind her eyes was quickly growing into a painful throbbing.

“Joan, careful,” Bauteut whispered, kneeling by her.

“None of this makes sense,” Joan whispered softly. “The fae are supposed to be here. Why aren’t the fae here? I know they’re here. They’re timeless. They were here before, they’ll be here long after. They can’t be gone. Why aren’t they here?”

Bauteut gently reached out and stroked her head. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Joan. We’ll figure it out. You got us here, we’ll figure it out from here together.”

“None of this makes any sense, though. Things aren’t happening the way they were supposed to. The Demon Lord isn’t supposed to be that strong yet. Korgron wouldn’t be working with him. She can’t be working with him. She hates him,” Joan said, though the pressure in her head only seemed to grow. “Ugh, damn it.”

“Joan, stop. You’re hurting yourself,” Bauteut said softly. “Please.”

Joan gave a soft whimper before leaning her head forward against Bauteut. She felt so tired. Every muscle in her body hurt. Her head felt like it was going to explode. For what?

The fae were supposed to be here, but they weren’t. The Demon Lord was stronger than ever, so who knew how long until the Inferno God would awaken. Korgron was apparently siding with him, something that she couldn’t ever do. The two were enemies, even if she didn’t know it yet. “Korgron is the Chosen of the Crown,” Joan whispered. “The most powerful mage I’ve ever known. Even if her abilities haven’t fully awoken without the crown itself, if she’s helping the Demon Lord, those teleportation spells are the least of our worries.”

“What?” Bauteut asked. “You mean that—”

“She’s likely the one who’s behind the spells to teleport the monsters into the castle. But it doesn’t make any sense,” Joan said again, tears forming on the edges of her vision. “She wouldn’t help the Demon Lord. Not in a thousand years. She hates him.”

“Why?” Bauteut asked gently. “She’s a demon, isn’t she? Why—”

“Because she hates this war,” Joan said gently. “She didn’t want to be a part of it.” The pain only grew in her head, but she grit her teeth and tried to focus on the memories. “Her sister was killed by the Demon Lord’s subjects. It’s why she helped us. It was how we even found her,” Joan said softly. “It wasn’t easy. I had to prove myself to her. To her people.”

“You had to?” Bauteut asked gently.

“It’s a long story,” Joan said. “I can’t now. But that doesn’t matter. She shouldn’t be here. She can’t be here. It was to be a trick. Or something else. I don’t know. It’s just not right,” Joan said before closing her eyes again and resting her forehead against Bauteut’s chest. “I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. Why is it so weird? Why does it all have to be so hard? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Bauteut sighed and then gently reached up and began to run her hands through her hair. “Joan, I know I’ve said this before. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know, it’s just hard. Sometimes I want to tell everyone the whole truth. Other times I just want to tell people I’m that seer or get visions because, well, close enough. There’s not exactly a lot of precedent for any of this. You’re taking it a lot better than I would of expected.”

“Well, to be fair, I kind of had my suspicions,” Bauteut said.

Joan slowly looked up. “Excuse me?”

Bauteut gave a soft sigh and managed to actually look a little guilty for a chance. “Well, you see, if I can be entirely honest? I may have listened into a few of your conversations with Searle.”

“May have?” Joan asked, trying desperately to keep the anger suppressed. “How many of them? When?”

“A bit here and there,” Bauteut said, quickly averting her eyes. “I didn’t hear everything, mind. Just a little bit. It was an accident.”

“How was it an ‘accident’?” Joan asked. “When did you hear anything?”

“Well, when you were talking with Searle in the academy I--”

“Since then?” Joan asked, unable to keep the anger out of her voice now. “You’ve known since then? How? Why? When did you--” She froze and her eyes widened. “I knew it. I DID hear someone that night! I thought I was being paranoid! You were listening that whole time?”

“Not the whole time,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “In fact, I heard very little of it. Just a bit. But I mean, it was a bit hard to believe. I was pretty disappointed that you weren’t a real seer. But--”

“Then why did you want to be my healer?” Joan asked before reaching out and pushing the other girl away as hard as she could. “I can’t tell you your future. I never knew about you, I never even cared about you! Maybe I should have, but I didn’t. I only ever cared about the people who were in my life and you weren’t one of them!” she yelled, her anger finally growing out of control. She felt like such an idiot. Had she really just let herself be so easily spied on? She wondered why she didn’t just go and tell everyone exactly what she was, how important it was. Maybe she could even go tell the Demon Lord she was here to stop him. That’d be a perfectly wonderful finale to this parade of failures and mistakes that was her lives.

Bauteut sighed and stared at her, not reaching out to touch her. Instead, she just looked sad. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Joan asked.

“I just, I mean,” Bauteut said before finally looking up. “I wanted to be helpful.”

All of that anger and rage at the other girl came to a screeching halt at those words. “You wanted to be helpful? What? Why?”

“I mean what I said,” Bauteut said before lightly poking her fingers together. “You needed a healer. My apprenticeship was almost done, but I needed more training. It seemed like the perfect situation. And I kind of got, well, when I heard about what you were doing, the whole, everything? I thought it was kind of my chance to do something really amazing and special. I almost told you, but then I thought you might freak out and make it more difficult for me to help you.” To Joan’s surprise, Bauteut looked ashamed. No, more than that. She looked almost like she might cry. She couldn’t remember any time she’d ever seen the other girl look so upset. No, wait. She could. When Hardwin was scolding her for, well, scolding him. “I thought it’d be fun. I could still help you and the chosen from the sides. Help keep you safe. I almost told you a few times, like when I gave you the book to put all your notes in. But the longer I kept how much I knew secret, the harder it got to tell you.”

Joan stared at her, her mouth falling open. “But you said you didn’t believe me.”

“I lied, okay?” Bauteut said, inching away from her. “You’re just so, I don’t know. I thought I could help. Do you have any idea what it’s like there most days? I’m not like you or Searle. I don’t have some grand destiny, some secret power, some great talent. I’m a decent healer. Not amazing, not great, not spectacular. I’m okay. That’s just it. I mean, compared to the queen, who you are on a first name basis with by the way, I might as well be a first week student. But I thought I could try and be something more if I helped you. You just seem so… so…”

“I’m not like Searle,” Joan said softly.

“You really are and you just don’t see it,” Bauteut said with a roll of her eyes.

“No, I’m really not in the slightest. The chosen are--”

“Special? Unique? Incredible? Have amazing talent that us normal mortals could never hope to have?” Bauteut asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Exactly,” Joan said, her voice rising. “That’s just it. I WAS like them. I, once, had all that power. I could kill a demon with my bare hands. I could cross blades with the gods themselves. I could face anything and everything. I could fight for days without rest and be back to full health in a few days. They’re the chosen of the gods for a reason. I--”

“Are the most talented child the academy has ever known. So talented that half the academy expected you to be one of the chosen,” Bauteut said, cutting her off.

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” Joan said, shaking her head.

“Why? Because we’re just normal?” Bauteut asked. “Because we’re not talented? Because we’re not chosen by the gods? Gifted with all that you are?”

“No, because I can’t be like them!” Joan yelled. “Because it doesn’t MATTER if I’m stronger, faster or more capable than any of them! Because I’m not going to face the same challenges they are! The things the chosen are fighting are things ONLY they can face and I am going to be killed fighting them and…” Joan felt her anger die once again and, as much as she hated it, she had the sudden urge to just cry. “I’m special, but it doesn’t matter. Because I’m going to die. I know what’s coming. And I’m powerless to stop it. All I can do is direct and guide and throw myself at it until either everything gets fixed or I die and try again,” Joan said before pulling away and leaning back against one of the trees. Once again she found her mind drifting back to the castle and her fight against the werewolf. “There’s going to be so many things that I can’t even scratch, let alone fight. And I’m going to die. I can’t stop it. I can only hope I do enough before that. And I’m scared. By the gods I’m so scared,” she said before she pulled her knees up to her chest and lowered her face to her knees.

“Joan,” Bauteut whispered before moving forward and putting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, I didn’t mean to get so upset. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you,” Joan said softly. “I’m trying not to think about it. I really am. But I know what’s coming. It’s bigger than me. Bigger than you. Bigger than Searle. Maybe bigger than all of the chosen. And I’m so, so scared. The Hero wasn’t scared. He was big and strong. He could move mountains and punch out trolls? Me? I’m supposed to be him, aren’t I? I have all of his memories. I remember being that strong. I remember being the greatest. But now I can’t even stand up because I’m just so tired. My body aches all over, I keep getting so scared and upset. Every day it feels like things are slipping more and more out of my control and then what? If I don’t keep things in control, who will? Nobody else can. I don’t even know if I can,” Joan said before, despite herself, she gave a light sob. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to Searle, but fortunately he seemed to be willing to still pretend to be sleep. Or maybe he really was tired and sleeping through her little breakdown. By the gods she hoped so. “I’m so scared of dying and failing and who knows what else. Because nobody else can fix this. I’m sure by your standards and everyone else in the academy I was amazing. But honestly?”

“Oh Joan,” Bauteut whispered before hugging her again. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Joan said before leaning into the hug. “I was special. I was powerful. If I survive all of this, somehow, and still have anything left? Maybe I’ll be able to be special again. But I know what Searle and the chosen are. I know what they can do, will do. I am nothing compared to them. Searle was the weakest amongst them and he is already far more capable than I’ll ever be,” she whispered, the tears starting to fall again. “The things they’ll face, I’ll have to go with them and guide them. I’ll have to face them too. But I’m not strong like that anymore. I’m not capable of it. I’m going to die and there’s nothing I can do to fix it or stop it. I just have to try and survive and fight and do as much as I can until then. I…”

Joan closed her eyes and dug her forehead into Bauteut’s shoulder as hard as she could which, admittedly, wasn’t much. “I don’t want to die. I’m scared. I know I’m going to die. A part of me wants to run and hide and just pretend none of this will happen. But I know what happens if I don’t do something. But I don’t want to die. I’ve died so many times but I’m still scared of dying now. How pathetic is that?” Joan asked.

“Joan,” Bauteut whispered, her hands gently stroking the back of her head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of death. We’re all scared of dying on some level.”

“I shouldn’t be,” Joan said. “I know what it’s like. I know how it feels. I know that everything is waiting for me. That if I die and failed that so much more than my death will happen. I know. I know it and I can’t escape it and I want to. But I can’t. I have to keep running and running and going because if I stop too long to think about it I won’t have the courage to be the hero anymore and then everyone will lose and that’s so much worse. I just want to live this time. I want to live and have fun. But there’s so much at stake here and if I fail then everything fails.”

Bauteut nodded and continued to gently stroke her head.

Joan just relaxed into the strokes before giving a soft sigh. “Are you sure you still want to be my healer? Since you know everything, you do know you’re likely going to die.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re going to probably be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The chosen will be better than you at everything you do,” Joan said gently.

“Probably.”

“You’re going to get hurt, maimed and likely have to spend every waking moment of your life exhausted and burning yourself out.”

“I think I’m better at pacing myself than that,” Bauteut said with a light chuckle.

“You sure I can’t convince you to make the smart decision?” Joan asked with a soft sigh.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Joan gave a light snicker before nodding. “Fine. Is this why you’ve been so obnoxious and high and mighty? ‘Oh, I’m a big fancy healer and I know so much’. You should have just told me you overheard me.”

“You would have probably freaked out worse than you already do,” Bauteut said with a soft sigh. “But maybe I should have. I know it’s childish, but it did feel pretty incredible knowing I was the only one who knew your secret. Well, other than the chosen.”

Joan nodded. “Well, I’ll try and explain the rest of it to you later,” she said before glancing up. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll even, by some miracle, survive this.”

“Not at the pace you like you push us,” Bauteut said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Joan rolled her eyes and glanced to Searle before slowly reaching out behind herself to grab the tree and pull herself to her feet. She wanted, desperately, to just sit down again but she had a job to do. “He’s a really heavy sleeper. How long has he been out?”

“No idea,” Bauteut said before, very slowly, getting to her feet as well. “We should let him rest, though. I’m pretty sure he’s been keeping longer watches than I have. If he was sleeping, then he likely needs it.”

“Probably,” Joan said before walking a little closer. “I don’t think I’ve seen him sleep since--” She went entirely still, her eyes widening in horror when she came closer and could see under his bedroll. It was pulled up so it covered his head. Or would have, if not for the fact his head had been replaced by a rock. She fell down besides him and pushed open his bedroll to reveal grass and dirt. “No no no no no. I thought you said he was sleeping? Where is he?”

“He’s right there, he hasn’t moved.”

“IF HE WAS HERE I’D KNOW HE WAS HERE!” Joan yelled before scooping up a clump of dirt and throwing it on the ground. “He’s not here. We lost the chosen. Oh by the gods we lost the chosen. How did we lose a chosen? Why would they, no. Calm down, deep breaths. Deep breaths, calm down. Right. It’s okay. It’s all okay.”

“Joan? What’s going on?” Bauteut asked.

Joan gulped and glanced out towards the wilderness. “Simple, Bauteut. The fae are here. It looks like they want to play a game.”

Joan couldn’t be sure, but she swore she could hear a soft little excited cheer from the trees. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise her if they were. Fae always were nasty little creatures if they found it amusing. With great struggling she tried to get to her feet, though she only managed once Bauteut came to her side to help her up.

Something told her nothing about this game would be fun.