Book 8 Chapter 14

“So, ummmm…” Bauteut said, slowly pacing back and forth. “How about you go first?”

“I think that would be a bad idea,” Joan said. “How about you?”

“Well, err. About your new… errr…”

“Lich?” Joan asked.

“Yeah. About… him,” Bauteut said. “Are you sure he’s… uhhhh…”

“Safe?”

“Stable?” Bauteut asked.

“Oh, by the stars no,” Joan said. “The guy literally gave up his life, was then trapped in isolation for the gods know how long, has altered himself in a way I can’t even begin to understand and is from an entirely different time. He’s probably one bad day from going entirely megalomaniac and yelling about taking over the world with hordes of undead or something.”

“Good to know you’re taking this so relaxed,” Bauteut said, her voice dripping with annoyance.

“We’ve killed liches before,” Joan said.

“Searle and Korgron have,” Bauteut said.

“My point is we can deal with him,” Joan said.

“But why not just… you know… leave him there? If he’s so… well…” Bauteut asked softly.

“Are you really asking me why I didn’t leave someone trapped in a possible eternity of isolation?” Joan asked, cocking an eye.

“Fair enough,” Bauteut said. “I just don’t… you know… it feels…”

“He’s fine for now,” Joan said. “I was exaggerating. He can hold himself together for a little bit. He has a lot of information and knowledge that we could use. You could use.”

“And then what?” Bauteut asked. “What are we going to do then?”

“I don’t know,” Joan said with a shrug. “Help him however we can. He’s still a person, you know.”

“I know he’s a person!” Bauteut said, her cheeks burning. “Just, you know? I figure he’s… well…”

“He’s broken and damaged,” Joan said. “But still a person. Lots of people are like that. He’ll be fine, eventually. Of all people, I’d expect you to-- oh.”

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?” Bauteut asked.

“I uhhh… I forgot,” Joan said softly. “You uhhh…”

“I?” Bauteut asked.

“The last time you ran into a lich it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, was it?” Joan asked.

Bauteut shivered and glared at her. “Not quite, no. It nearly--”

“This is different,” Joan said quickly. “That lich? Entirely different. Very evil. Very destructive. Very foul and wicked. This lich isn’t nearly as terrible.”

“And if he becomes that? What happens then? What about the people here? What about, say… what happens to the people here while we’re gone? What happens to Vivian? What about your demon friend, Imp? What about Neia? What about--”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“I don’t know!” Joan finally yelled, unable to suppress the frustration in her voice. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know! There’s too much going on here for me to deal with as it is I don’t have the time or energy to WORRY about what happens then! If he snaps, he snaps, and I’ll deal with it! In the mean time I have to just hope he can keep it together for a few weeks because I don’t have TIME for it! Because if I don’t focus on this then the world may literally end!”

“It feels like the world is always going to end,” Bauteut said with a soft sigh.

“Because it is!” Joan said. “It has been a long, long path of trying to stop it from ending! Full of pain, struggles, frustration, then more struggles! And we’re almost there. We’re on that cusp of the ending and we just need to go a tiny, itty bit more and then we’re there. We’re so close to being okay. So please, please understand I am doing my best. I swear. I am trying as hard as I can to be everything this world needs me to be. I get it, you’re scared. I’m scared too. But it’s going to be fine. Lich can hold it together for a little bit. Once they get back and we go, it’ll be only a few days or so and then we’ll be back. If you’d like, you can go home until then. Or maybe we can call someone to keep an eye on him.”

“A few days?” Bauteut asked. “Wait, go home? What do you mean?”

“That’s what I need to talk with you about,” Joan said before taking a slow, deep breath. This wasn’t going to be easy. “When we go, I need you to stay behind.”

Bauteut’s eyes narrowed on her for a moment. “Wait, what?”

“The final battle is going to be rough,” Joan said. “I’m going to have to do a lot just to ensure I stay alive. Yes, I know you can handle yourself,” Joan said quickly when she saw Bauteut readying to say something. “I know you can. Trust me. I know. But this? This is different. It has to just be me and the Chosen. I won’t be able to keep myself alive if I’m constantly worrying about other people. I need to be able to do what I need to do and then run away. I need to just worry about myself. So please. This time? I need to go without you.”

Bauteut stared at her for a few moments, annoyance on her face. Finally, she gave a soft sigh and her gaze softened. “Fine.”

Joan blinked a few times. Of all the answers she expected, that wasn’t one of them. This time her own eyes narrowed. “Fine?”

“Fine,” Bauteut said. “You make a good argument. I won’t come with you.”

“You won’t?” Joan asked. She’d expected yelling, screaming, threats, an argument to shake the castle. This? This was easy. This was too easy. “What’s the catch?”

“Why does there have to be a catch?” Bauteut asked.

Joan opened her mouth to object, before sighing again. Maybe she was overthinking it, but she swore that Bauteut had to be up to something. There was no way she was just going to make it that easy. Was she?

Why was a part of her a little sad that it was that easy? She hadn’t wanted to fight, had she? Had she just been hoping that Bauteut would argue more?

“You’re… not mad at me, are you?” Joan asked.

“No more than normal,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “You promise you’ll be careful, right? That this is what you believe is right? What will bring you the best chance of survival?”

Joan gave a small nod, though she supposed it wasn’t entirely true. “I… I guess that’s it, then. I should go and help Lich get this spell ready. Gotta make sure everything is ready for when the Chosen get back, you know?”

“I know,” Bauteut said before she turned around and walked away.

Joan watched her go and felt a small, gnawing pain in her heart before she turned away herself. Once more she found memories of her past lives flooding forward. How many times had she, as the Hero, gone off on one ‘final fight’? How many times had there been people who promised the Hero their ‘undying love’ and that they would ‘fight by their side’ or ‘you can’t go on alone’ or any other number of such things? A part of her wanted Bauteut to demand she not do this, to tell her to wait, to demand to come with her. To, honestly, fight for her.

Bauteut knew how she felt, so did this mean she just didn’t care?

Joan shoved those thoughts aside. This was the fate of the world. Neither of them had time for worrying about some silly crush…

But, if she was honest with herself, that was why she had to leave Bauteut behind. Because if the time came where she had to choose between Bauteut or the world, then…

Then Joan would choose the world. She had to choose the world. She’d always have to choose the world. As the Hero she’d had to make choices like that. If the time came where she had to make those choices again, she would.

She wasn’t sure she could survive making them now. She had to remove the choice. If she died trying to set things right, then she would. Not happily. But definitely willingly.

Just so long as nobody else had to suffer or die for her mistakes anymore. She wasn’t strong enough for that anymore. Thinking back, she wasn’t sure the Hero had been either.

Even if it meant that Bauteut was mad at her and didn’t want to talk with her about whatever it was he wanted, so long as she was okay, Joan could accept that.

Just so long as she didn’t have to make that choice again.