Book 7 Chapter 13

Joan kept her eyes focused on the ground and barely resisted the urge to hug her knees to her chest and make herself as small as possible. “And that’s everything. So… what do I do? What do you think?” she asked, barely able to raise her voice above a whisper.

She was greeted with silence. With great difficulty she tore her eyes up to look at Korgron and Myrin, who were just staring at her with bewilderment.

“Well?” Joan asked again.

“Joan,” Korgron said before taking a slow, deep breath. “That was adorable, really it was. But why don’t you try telling us what’s wrong at a volume we can actually hear? All you did was just mumble at the ground. I thought you were just trying to figure out how to say it.”

“W-what?” Joan asked, her cheeks managing to get redder. That wasn’t possible, was it? “I just, you know, I thought…” she mumbled softly, poking her fingers together and squirming lightly. It had been hard enough to say it the first time, now she had to do it again? “I just… you know? And I… I guess… yeah.”

“Joan,” Korgron said before giving a light yawn. “Listen, this is fun and all, but if you aren’t going to talk to us, I really could use some sleep.”

Joan gave another soft sigh before glancing to Myrin. The elf looked half ready to fall asleep in her chair as it was. They really had been overdoing it, hadn’t they? “Maybe this is a bad idea. I’ve just been wasting your time and--”

“Joan,” Myrin said. “We’re trying to be here for you. It can be hard, but you can trust us. Or at least, you say you can. So please, trust us now. We won’t mock you for this.”

“I reserve the right to tease,” Korgron said.

“I won’t mock you for this,” Myrin said before rolling her eyes. “Demon.”

“Elf,” Korgron said.

Joan sighed. “I have a crush. Or, well, crushes. O-okay?”

“On Searle?” Korgron asked.

“On Bauteut?” Myrin asked at the same time.

“What?” Joan asked. “I mean, kind of?”

“I mean, it’s kind of obvious,” Korgron said. “Though I didn’t notice you had one on Bauteut. I’m not sure I approve of that. Searle, at least, is a Chosen. Bucket is just, well, Bucket.”

Joan rolled her eyes. “I mean, I’m just Joan. If anything, she’s probably the one closest to me. But that’s not the point! I’m just not, I just need to know what to do. I mean, I can’t… I just… you know? And if I… ugh…” She couldn’t help it. She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her head in them.

“You’re mumbling again,” Korgron said before giving a soft sigh. “So you’ve got some crushes. I thought you wanted advice?”

“I do,” Joan said softly. “I’ve got… I mean… I guess… I just… I don’t know. I’m not the Hero anymore. Is it even okay for me? I mean, I’m not, I just, you know?”

“I don’t know,” Myrin said. “I’m not sure I understand the issue?”

“Is it okay for me to have a crush on anyone?” Joan asked. “Especially them?”

“You don’t need permission to have a crush,” Korgron said.

“Don’t I?” Joan asked. “I mean, look at me. I’m, well… you know.”

“Try finishing your thoughts,” Korgron said before giving an exasperated sigh. “I’m too tired to piece all this together.”

“I’m too old!” Joan finally said. “I’m old. I’m… I’m just… I’m old. You know? It’s weird. Like, I’m really old. Way too old. I am thousands of years old, right? So I can’t, you know? And then there’s too much to deal with to bury everyone under such stupid things, right? I mean, the world is on the verge of destruction, who cares if I have a crush on anyone? Romance isn’t what matters now.”

“The Hero, at the end of his journey, was too old,” Korgron said. “But you’re not the Hero, now are you? You’re Joan. You may have his memories and, in many ways, be a part of him. But you’re still Joan. I’ve seen you dance around a few too many times to believe you’re anything but.”

“I’ll admit, it’s a lot to wrap my head around,” Myrin said. “But I have to agree with Korgron on this. You may have the memories of many, many past lives. But you’re obviously not that same person. I’ve met many, many adult humans. Your level of maturity is far below them.”

Joan blinked and glanced up, glaring at Myrin. “Wait, you think I’m immature?”

“In many ways, yes,” Myrin said. “Far too mature in others, but very immature in many. Did you have these crushes as the Hero?”

“No,” Joan said. “I mean, he had a few now and again. But he didn’t even know Bauteut. He treated Searle like dirt and don’t even get me started on Qakog. I’m still not sure how that one happened.”

“Wait, what?” Korgron asked. “Qakog?”

Joan cringed and judging by the amused reaction on Korgron’s face she’d just made a huge mistake. “I… I mean, I did, I just, you know? I guess it’s kind of nice having someone who idolizes me so much. Or thinks I’m pretty amazing, especially considering where he’ll be one day. Can you stop smiling at me like that?”

“Oh, I’m just proud of you,” Korgron said in a teasing tone. “Finally growing up and finding yourself a nice demon man.”

Joan gave another soft sigh. Maybe she made a terrible mistake. She should have asked Thalgren. “But I’m not… you know?”

“You’re a growing young lady,” Myrin said. “I believe many human women find themselves with plenty of crushes during this time, it’s hardly rare.”

“Oh, don’t even get me started on that,” Joan said, cutting her off. “I had to come at this from the other end soooo many times and, let me tell you, this hasn’t been nearly as bad. Not as pressure filled, at least. So what do I do?”

“Well, what do you want?” Korgron asked.

“I don’t know,” Joan said, unable to keep the whining out of her voice. “I want the world to not be on the verge of destruction and not have to worry about the idea of of who I think is cute or not at the same time!”

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“Joan,” Myrin said in a soft, soothing tone. “You’re allowed to do more than one thing. I think there’s one important thing you’re missing, however.”

“What?” Joan asked.

“It doesn’t need to matter,” Myrin said.

“What?” Joan asked. “Of course it needs to matter!”

“Not really,” Myrin said. “You’re still young and there’s a lot you’re still working on.”

“So just ignore it and hope it goes away?” Joan asked, relief filling her. Yes, she knew she could trust the Chosen to give her the best advice.

“No,” Myrin said. “Tell them and figure out what you want. You’re all still young. You’re likely all going to end up living far different lives once all of this is over. There’s nothing wrong with figuring out how you feel about each other, so long as you’re honest about your feelings to them and yourself.”

Joan blinked a few times and then gave a low whine. “That’s terrible advice. I can’t just tell them! Besides, there’s three of them. Which one? What if I hurt one of them?”

“I mean, why not all three?” Myrin asked. “A little indulgence now and again never hurt anybody.”

“Wait, what?” Korgron said. “No. Searle, obviously. Or Qakog. Bucket’s boring.”

“I don’t think Bauteut is boring,” Myrin said.

“You wouldn’t,” Korgron said with a roll of her eyes. “Searle, then. You’ve known him the longest.”

“But he’s a Chosen and I’m just a normal person now,” Joan said. “Not to mention I used to treat him like dirt.”

“By the Goat, I swear you two,” Myrin said before shaking her head. “Joan, you’re not becoming betrothed to any of them. You’re all young and have many years to figure things out for yourselves. More importantly, you are not the only one being affected by these choices. Talk with all three of them and tell them how you feel so you can all work these things out yourself. Compared to ancient world destroying gods this should be easy.”

Joan blinked a few times and stared at Myrin, her mouth falling open. Slowly she lowered her legs and stared up at her. “That, uhhh. That was a lot more forceful than I expected. Where did that come from?”

“Watching grown children misbehaving and not having a good rest in over a week,” Myrin said, her voice filled with annoyance. “I haven’t known you very long, Joan. But from what I’ve seen, you’re chaos incarnate. If you continue along this path you will frivolously waste years of your life and far, far more energy than it is worth trying to decide what you will or won’t do. In this situation? You all just need to discuss it and figure out what you want to do.” The elf slowly got to her feet and stretched out. “You wanted my guidance? That is it. If all you say is true, then the world is doomed if we don’t figure out how to save it. If this is causing you problems? Discuss it with them. If you trust all of them with the fate of the world, you can at least trust them with the truth.” The elf then turned and walked away, leaving Joan sitting there in stunned silence.

Korgron stared at the door the elf had left through for a few moments before sighing. “She’s not… entirely… wrong. You’re not getting betrothed to any of them, either way. But it can’t hurt to talk it over with them.”

Joan nodded slowly before giving a sigh. “I guess. I mean… yeah. I guess I can tell them. I could. I should. I will. I…” She couldn’t help giving a soft little whimper though.

“Joan?” Korgron asked. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Joan said softly. “I mean, I talked about it. Shouldn’t I feel better now? I just… I…”

“Yes?” Korgron asked.

“I’m scared,” Joan finally said. “I’m really, really scared. I shouldn’t be scared, should I? I mean, I’m just… I’m not… I just…”

Korgron sighed and walked over to sit by her. She then reached out and patted her on the head. “Joan. That’s normal. This is your first, well… crush, right?”

“No,” Joan said. “I’ve had hundreds. Thousands. I’ve had more relationships that all of the Chosen put together, probably. I mean, I don’t really--” She was silenced by a finger to her lips.

“This is the first time that you, Joan, have considered one, correct?” Korgron asked.

Joan gave a small nod. “Kind of? I mean… yeah. I just never really thought about it. I think. But it has been harder and harder not to. I guess? If that makes sense? I mean, I just. You know?”

“I don’t think you even know,” Korgron said. “It’s okay to be scared. Do you know why you’re scared?”

Joan sighed and leaned her head against Korgron’s shoulder. She honestly didn’t. She wasn’t scared of being rejected, was she? No. Qakog would be giddy. Searle probably would as well. Bauteut… maybe. She bet they’d all be annoyed by the fact that she liked all of them, though. And who knew how many others. But that didn’t scare her either. What was she scared of? “I don’t know. I’m just scared. Of getting hurt. Of hurting them. Of not being sure of what I want. If I can be what anyone else would want. I’m just… I’m scared,” Joan said softly. “I’m so, so scared. Is that normal?”

“Probably,” Korgron said. “I mean, I’m pretty amazing and haven’t really worried too much about if I want someone or not. Who’d tell me no? When they weren’t good enough I just broke it up. Easy as could be. I’d suggest asking Isla, but she’s weird. She fell for a human, after all. Though Andreas isn’t bad.”

“I’m human, you know,” Joan said softly.

“Barely,” Korgron said. “You’re more like my honorary little sister. You deserve only the best. She is right on that, though. You don’t need to make this a forever thing. If you end up falling in love? Great. If not? Oh well. Just so long as you don’t decide that letting the world die is preferable to talking things out with them. Also, so long as it’s not Bucket.”

Joan rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “You know, maybe Bauteut would be best. I mean, she’s been with me since the beginning, is a normal person like me. She knows how to do my hair.”

Korgron made gagging sounds.

“She sticks up to you when you’re obnoxious,” Joan said in a teasing tone.

“I do suppose she can throw a mean bucket,” Korgron said with a soft sigh. “That took guts, for a human. But just relax. Take your time. Think about it and decide what you want to do. If you need any more advice, then you know where to find me.”

Joan nodded. “Thanks.”

“And if you haven’t told them in a month, I will,” Korgron said.

Joan went entirely still. “What?”

“If you haven’t told them in a month, I’ll tell them for you,” Korgron said.

Joan gave a soft little squeak. “W-what? All three of them? But, but--”

“You’re my honorary little sister, Joan,” Korgron said in a teasing tone. “The last thing I’m going to do is let you waste away years of your life pining and hoping to work up the guts to tell them.”

Joan gave a soft whimper. “T-that’s not giving advice.”

“Then my advice is stay out of your own way,” Korgron said before giving her a light hug. “If you can stand up to the Inferno God, tackle one of the Demon Lord’s generals off a cliff and run a wild hunt in circles long enough for us to save you, then you can tell some people that you think they’re cute. If you can’t, I’ll do it for you.”

“Please don’t,” Joan said softly.

“Then there’s a time limit,” Korgron said before getting to her feet. “Relax, though. You have a month. You still have a few days before we head back. Enjoy yourself. Besides, who knows? In a month we’ll probably have this mysterious ‘Chase’ and get that thing on your head all figured out. Compared to that a few crushes can’t be that bad, can they?”

Joan gave a soft sigh and then collapsed back onto her bed. “No. No it can’t. Thanks, Korgron.”

“Anytime, little mouse,” Korgron said before walking away.

Joan rolled her eyes and stared at the ceiling. That wasn’t at all what she was expecting. But then, what was she expecting? Everything to be magically solved? For her to just be told to shove it aside and focus on the fate of the world, not her love life?

She was, mostly, normal now. It shouldn’t have felt nearly as important as it did, right? Why was she so nervous? Why was she so scared? She wasn’t the Hero anymore. Nobody would judge her the same as him.

Yet it was still so scary.

There was a little bit of relief in knowing that if she couldn’t do it, at least Korgron would do it for her. Truly Joan was the greatest of heroes, just letting the Chosen take care of problems she was too scared to deal with herself.

Joan wondered if the gods saw her as pathetic as she felt.