Chapter 52: how many other girls?

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Dark oppressive clouds hung in the air. My mood was as low as Jungwon's, who was shuffling along beside me. His hands were buried deep in his pocket and he was grumbling something about heartbreak or something. I listened with only one ear because I still felt like the biggest idiot. I was tired of lying to my brother. His penetrating inquiries were getting on my nerves as hell.

"I really don't understand girls.", he complained. "Why would she dump me all of a sudden?".

The way Jungwon had a short romance with this girl from the sports field still shocked me. Like...call me Cupid!? But apparently it didn't match between the two of them. I really feel sorry for him because of that.

But in the other hand, I just had so many thoughts buzzing inside my head and it stressed me to deal with the problems of others. I mean, not even Jungwon knew about the thing between me and Heeseung. Actually, only Kathy knew. And she was sitting on the other side of the world.

I didn't know if and when to tell Jungwon about it. Above all, how long would he really keep quiet?

I stayed at his house for a few more minutes before heading back over to our house and burying myself in my bed. The last time I really had me-time felt like weeks ago. So I pulled down the shades, turned on my nightlight, and snuggled into my bed. Do you still remember the book? Finally, I had the opportunity to continue reading in peace, without anyone bugging me.

Well, for a few minutes anyway. Until my display lit up brightly after 2 pages. Sighing, I put it on the side and reached for my phone.

Hee 💕:

Are you free?

I bit my lip and thought about what to answer.

Hee 💕:

I wanna talk to you about yesterday

Of course. I already knew it inside. So it wasn't just me who couldn't get it out of my head and I would love to hit the delete button on my memories. What am I supposed to answer? Should I just call him and we will talk out whatever's on his mind?

Me:

Yeah, I'm free

I kept myself very short and regretted that, however, a few seconds after he had read the message. Just when I wanted to add something, he left the chat his name suddenly switched to offline again.

Dejectedly, I put my phone on the side. I wasn't even up for reading at this point anymore. Was Heeseung about to call me? Or should I call him? I don't know. I stared at the display a couple of minutes but nothing happened.

To distract myself, I finally reached for my book and tried to force myself back into the story. But I only succeeded semi well. Especially because I could hear the loud screams and cheers from Sunghoon's stupid rugby game all the way up here. Didn't that idiot want to show his face in his own apartment again? What else did he have it for?

Anyway, after two more pages I realize how dragging the whole thing moved. Actually, I had no more interest in the book at all. My eyelids were getting heavier by the second. Why couldn't I manage to read like any normal person without falling asleep right away? But of course my head didn't do what I wanted it to do, and I slowly but surely drifted off to sleep once again.

However, only almost...a cautious knock on the door, let me sit up in a daze and I rubbed my eyes. The book slipped off the bed and fell to the floor next to me. While I was picking it up from the floor, a person entered my room.

"Hey", Heeseung closed the door carefully.

"Oh, I didn't expect you to come over.", I slipped from under my blanket in surprise. "How did you even get in here?".

"Hoon opened the door.", he shrugged and I couldn't believe what I just heard. "He knows that you are here?". You could see I was slightly panicking.

"Yeah, I told him I was going up to see you.".

"WHAT?!", I jumped up. "Are you crazy!?". I walked up to the door. I would stake my life on the fact that my brother was just standing outside the door, eavesdropping on us. Otherwise, he would have never let Hee go upstairs like that. Like a fury I tore open the door, but was surprised to find that there was no one outside and the TV was still running in the living room. How's that even possible? Yesterday he literally threatened me.

In confusion, I slowly closed the door again and locked the door.

"You know what's your problem?", he said and reached for my waist. "You are overthinking! Since you're back, it feels like you've been stressing the hell out of you.".

Maybe he is right.

I mean...he's most likely right.

"You need to relax a bit.", his thumb stroked along my cheek. "I know this whole situation is kinda confusing and overwhelming.".

"I know. I'm just so scared...". With a sigh, I moved backwards and plopped down on my bed. "It feels so wrong to lie to everyone. Especially mom. I wanna tell her about us...I don't know.".

"I'm open to whatever you feel to do. If you want to make it puplic, then we should go for it.".

I thought about it for a second. " But don't you think everything will be awkward afterwards? Like, we've known each other for our whole lives.".

His silence was answer enough. Obviously, he also had concerns, but he tried to cover it up. "What can I do to cheer you up, hm?".

"Can you read me something?", I laughed to loosen up the situation a bit.

He couldn't help but laugh at my random response as I handed him my book from behind. "You're still reading this  Overdrive  thingy?". Heeseung glanced at the purple cover for a second.

"It's great, okay!", I complained when I realized he was making fun of it.

Rolling his eyes, he agreed. "Anything you want.".

I happily rolled over the bed and waited for Hee to join me. He propped himself up on his elbows as he skimmed the first few lines of the page where my bookmark was. "You read cringy stuff like that? I don't even dare read that out loud.".

"What do you mean?", I gasped indignantly. "This is just the part of the story where Ava realizes she has feelings for the other guy.".

"That's what I mean by cringy.".

"You are just...not romantic at all.".

"Excuse me!? I'm super romantic!".

"Tell that to your hairdresser, you liar.". I nudged his shoulder and turned to my side to face him.

His face suddenly darkened from a grin to a serious expression. "You better tell me why you lied to me.". I knew exactly what he was talking about, so I nervously avoided his eyes. "It's not a big deal, right? That's why I thought...I'd just get it over with.". My eyes dropped to the white bedsheet. "And maybe I was also a bit embarrassed as well.".

"Basically it's not a big deal. But when you have never had sex before?", he paused for a second and sighed. "How should I have known? You said you guys dated for a long time, so I just assumed that...". Heeseung ran both hands over his face when he realized that it was useless to be harsh with me. So he reached for my hand, making me look back at him. "I feel like the biggest jerk ever, forcing you to do something you don't want to do.".

"It's not your fault! I was too scared to tell you. That's why I didn't say anything.", I explained. "I don't know. I didn't want you to lose interest when you found out I had no experience.".

"Why would I lose interest? The most important thing is, whenever you make out or something like this, you should only do it because it feels right for you.".

Heeseung finally put the book aside and rolled onto his back as well. It felt good just to lie next to each other and enjoy the togetherness.But of course I couldn't stand it that way for long, and after a while I scooted closer and snuggled up to him. "Hee?", I asked after a few minutes of silence. I was already afraid that he had fallen asleep, but a low growl relieved me. "I don't know if it's any of my business, and if that's the right moment to ask, but it's on my mind for a while now...".

"Ask me anything," he answered, still with his eyes closed.

"How many girls were there before me?". I felt the need to explain why I was dropping such a private question. "Like, even though I was only gone for three years, it feels like I skipped about 10 years. You were a weird 18 year old back then and I still felt like I was wearing pink flower tops.".

"4 girls.". He cleared his throat. "4 girls before you. I think you already know Arin. My first girlfriend was an exchange student from japan, about 4 years ago.", he laughed. And my brain stopped working for a minute. "Wait what? Beomgyu's exchange girl?"

"Yep...". He seemed extremely embarrassed about it.

"But wasn't she like 21?"

"And I was 17. I know...", he finished my sentence. "I was a stupid idiot and she just played with me. I mean, she was only a guest student for 3 weeks. So you can imagine how serious our relationship was.".

I glared up at his face. "Did you also sleep with each other?".

"A few days before she left. And It was horrible.", Heeseung laughed akwardly, his ears turning red. "I didn't know what to do at all and it only took like 30 seconds. I swear I've nerver been that nervous before.".

I couldn't help but laugh. "Cute. I can't imagine you beeing clumsy.".

"Stop imagining it!" he complained and attacked my waist with a round of tickling. "Girl 2 and 3 were one night stands.", his expression became serious again. "I was 18 or 19 and saw how your brother took the girls home in rows. To be honest, I felt insecured and wanted to be like him. Especially because he is a year younger than me. I let others put me under pressure without noticing, which made me make decisions that I regret.".

"Jacob and I...". I considered how to begin. "When we started like dating, I was 16 and super excited, because it was something completely new for me. But for some reason I always blocked it when things went too fast, which basically happened every single time we made out or cuddled.".

"I don't know. Maybe I was scared or insecure and didn't want anyone to see me when I wasn't even happy with myself.".

Heeseung wrapped his arm around my waist, making me nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck while tears welled up in my eyes. "Don't say stuff like that. You're beautiful. Just take as much time as you need.". He kissed my forehead. "If someone pushes you to do something, fuck him.".

His words immediately cheered me up. "Can I take something back?".

"Hm?", he turned his head in confusion.

"I actually love bubu baby Heeseung.", a laugh spread over my face, stifling my tears.

"I know", he chuckled lowly and pulled me even closer until I felt his warm breathing on my skin.

I closed my eyes in satisfaction. „You know what? Sometimes I'm asking myself if I've been blind my whole life. As a child you used to eat sand from the beach and collect slugs in the forest, but now you are like...". My hands played with the leather band around his wrist. I struggled to find the right words.

He placed a soft kiss on my neck.

"I just want to hug you and never let you go.", I whined and rolled over onto him, wrapping my arm around his body tightly.

Knowing that Sunghoon was in the house, calmly watching his soccer game downstairs, still didn't really leave me cold. Who said he couldn't knock at the door at any moment? And anyway, how likely was it that he would just not care about Heeseung visiting me in my room, without him pushing another jealousy scene or accusing me of anything. Something was definitely fishy here.

Hee seemed to notice my appearance was anything but relaxed because i attentively listened to every sound and winced as soon as it sounded like a creaking staircase. "The door is locked, don't worry.".

"I know, I was the one locking it.". I answered. "But still, what if he somehow gets inside and sees us?".

"You seriously need some distraction, if you ask me.". I noticed a smile spread across his lips as he planted another warm kiss just below my ear.  I hummed softly and leaned my head a little to the side.

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