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âHyeona, what the hell are you talking about?".
I gasped for some air when I quickened my pace, and Heeseung was basically jogging after me. âI left Korea with the intention of getting you out of my head, to get over feelings for you. And everything worked fine. I was on a good path until you...you suddenly showed up?! Like, how am I supposed to react? How should I handle this situation, without messing up everything. I really missed you with my whole heart and I know that I'm the one who made this mistake first, but I need to protect my heart...and my family. I can't lose everything just because I can't control myself anymore. You know? I really really like you, and even if every cell in my body tells me different, it's better to stay good friends. With having you here by my side, I'm afraid to lose that control and make the same mistake again.".
I stopped all at once as the cinema building loomed in front of me. Everything was dark. Only the emergency lighting and the advertising pylons were still illuminated.
Jacob has already left?
The parking lot was empty. Apart from a few individual bicycles and cigarette machines, there was nothing else there.
Just me, staring in the darkness ahead, and Heeseung, a few steps behind me.
âAre you done? Can I say something now?", he approached me from behind, but I didn't turn around. My body refused to do so.
âAll these months I have tried to do my best. For you, for us. I put so much into this relationship. Lying to my friends and family every day. And all you do is push me away. I know things didn't go the best way, but we could have worked that out. But you didn't want that. You only ever saw what you wanted to see. You push me away because you're afraid. Afraid of how other people would react if it gets out. Afraid of your brother. But still you protect Sunghoon, even though he's the only problem in this whole thing. Every time you talk about a mistake. The mistake that you are in love with me, the mistake that we dated. You see everything as a mistake, although it is only your own insecurity.".
As if in a trance, I absorbed every single word he said. My head, however, was blank. He was right. Of course, he was right. I was standing in my own way. The only problem and the only mistake in all this is me.
âEvery single call you asked "how are things going with other girls?" "have you been on a date?". Like, I don't get it. Why is this so important to you. Why can't you just understand that I'm not interested in meeting other girls and stuff? You want your heart to be protected? What about mine? I'm not a light switch that you can just turn off when you want to. I can't just turn off feelings or forget about them. Have you ever wondered how I feel? You broke up with me on my fucking birthday!".
I never felt that guilty in my life before. âHee...".
"No! You listen to me now," he interrupted me and I didn't even notice that he was standing directly opposite me.
âThat person in the last four months, that wasn't you. That's not the Hyeona I know. But still, my mind is focused on nothing but bringing you back to me. We both promised we would pull this off together. And it's still the same. You can tell me 100 times to go on dates with other girls, but that won't change the fact that I only want you.".
I flinched slightly as he suddenly grabbed both of my hands.
âThat's why I'm here. And even if it might be stupid or crazy, if you still want me too, then I'm ready to make the same mistake again.".
There was not an ounce of dishonesty in his face. His dark eyes looked down at me and patiently waited for my answer. Either I could end the whole thing here and now, or we would rekindle the whole story and in the worst case start the cycle all over again.
I glared down at the ground and spotted our connected hands. Heeseung held his tightly closed around mine âI don't need your answer now. Just...please let me know before...you know, we will travel back.".
Carefully, I moved my hands and pulled them back as he loosened his grip. In his face, you could see the slight touch of confusion and despair.
Was this the end?
Like the actual end?
With one short nod, he made the intention to leave.
His eyes met mine one last time. The silence in the night made this moment feel lonely. Just like we have never known each other.
But I suddenly leaned on my tiptoes, cupped his face with both of my hands and kissed him softly. Almost, as if he was fragile as porcelain.
It only lasted a few seconds, but I hope I was able to show him how much he meant to me.
When I slowly pulled away, I didn't dare to look into his eyes. I hid my arms behind my back in intimidation, questioning if my action was too much for this moment.
I glanced up, startled as Heeseung reached for my hand and gently placed it on his white sweatshirt below his jacket, at chest level. Immediately I was able to feel the cozy warmth of his body and my palm meet the quickened pace of his heartbeat.
âThis is what you do to me.", his low voice with a slight smile, made me chuckle silently.
I could feel my own heartbeat accelerating as well. Especially when he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and his fingertips slightly traced the skin on my neck. âYou are so pretty.". He whispered, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
I wrapped my arm around his torso as he pulled me closer to his chest. His hand caressed the back of my neck, as I snuggled into his shirt, to collect as much of his warmth and scent as possible.
âIt's been a long day.", he rested his head on top of mine. âLet's take you home, okay?".
***
I was startled out of my sleep by the loud clanging of the apartment door. Tired and still sleepy, I sat up and kicked the covers off my body. It took a few seconds until my sleepy eyes could make out the time on my clock on the wall. Damn, it was already early afternoon. How the hell had I slept so long?
In the hallway, several loud noises were heard, which made me assume, also because of the late time, that Kathy was back from her lectures.
Since there was now anyway no point in continuing to sleep, I decided to get up and make me breakfast ... or rather lunch.
"You always make such a racket when you come home," I complained to my friend as I shuffled past her into the kitchen in my pajamas and tousled hair.
She was cleaning out her bag. "You were asleep until just now?! Damn Hyeo, it's almost 3 o'clock. Get your life back together.".
From the cupboard above me, I grabbed a bowl and cereal from the sliding cabinet. "It's not like I sleep this late every day. So chill the heck out.".
"Where have you been that long yesterday, by the way? I waited for you until 1 o'clock, and you still weren't home.
"On a date, with that Conrad guy...", I poured milk into my bowl. "Don't you remember?".
Kathy nodded slowly. "Ah yeah, right. How did it go?".
Chewing, I answered with a shrug. "Let me put it this way, I won't see him again".
"That bad?".
"Would you voluntarily meet with someone again if the guy almost dragged you into his car against your will?".
"CONRAD MILLER? We're already talking about the same person, right?".
I nodded and pressed my lips together. "Unfortunately, yes.".
"Damn!", Kathy plopped down on the couch in shock. "How did you get out of that...I mean this situation?"
"I had help.", I mumbled with my mouth full. "Jacob got out.".
"Shit. You were really lucky, Hyeona. That guy could have done who knows what to you.".
Of course, I knew how dicey the situation had been, but my head had almost blocked that out again, since the whole hullabaloo afterward had been much more exciting. For the first time today, I checked my phone and saw an unread message from Heeseung, which invariably made me smile.
"What are you smiling at, crazy? You probably almost got kidnapped".
I completely blanked out her speech as I quickly typed a response. Heeseung had asked me if I would like to go to an observatory with him tonight. I can only faintly remember how it had been the last time in visited it. My dad had taken me to one in Korea when I was 4, and I had spent about two hours watching a movie about planets and stars on the ceiling of the observatory.
Of course, I said yes!
Since the observatory was a little further away from his hotel, he suggested that we could go there together by bus.
However, I had another idea, but he didn't know about it because I would never have mentioned it. Since I had a lot of free time besides school, I finally decided to get my driver's license. Fortunately, I succeeded at the first attempt. So I quickly replied that I would pick him up from his hotel this time, after which Heeseung sent me his address.
I won't be joining you for dinner tonight, if that's okay. Something's come up," I replied, taking flight as I grabbed my cereal bowl from the counter. After all, I still had to shower and get ready before I would pick up Hee in two hours.
Kathy raised her eyebrows in wonder. "Something or someone?".
I didn't answer her question and disappeared into my room.
"I told you not to start up with your ex again, didn't I?" she shouted after me.
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