Okay, this is a huge chapter for Ashlynn...one in which she faces real tangible fears. She's struggled so much over the course of this series and in this chapter she's gearing up for her biggest fight yet!
Ashlynn
I'm staring at myself in the mirror of the airport bathroom, dashing away tears and willing myself to cowgirl up.
I can fix this. I am smart. I am strong. Most of all, I love Leed with all my heart. I know he loves me. He's angry and hurt and scared for me, but the love is still there. We are too interwoven to be severed by a few hours of angry words and ultimatums. When the storm is over, we will be able to repair what was torn between us today. I have to believe that.
The only obstacle is the Von brothers and maybe, for the first time ever, I finally have leverage over both of them.
I wipe away runny eye makeup and tell myself I know I can do this, because the hardest part is over. Nothing can be as hard as shutting Leed out, lying to him over and over, walking away from him, letting him think I'm leaving him.
Yes, the hardest part is over and now it's time to work this problem.
I pull the now-crumpled flyer of Megan Davis from my bag and stare at the girl who looks so eerily like me. We both look very much like Magda von Schlater...the mentally ill mother whom Viggo remembers, but Varrick does not.
I knew from the minute I heard the story of Megan Davis, that I have to find out what I can about her. My own mother could have so easily been in Laurie Davis' shoes. I was meant to help Laurie Davis.
But Leed cannot be involved in this, because if I mess this upâif my I play my cards wrong, if I can't prove what I suspect, or I'm wrong about Varrick, it will cost Leed everything.
My bag does hold two plane tickets I boughtâthe one back to Costa Rica that leaves at midnight, and the one to Atlanta that leaves tomorrow morningâbut I'm not going anywhere just yet. I'm hoping very much that I won't need to return to Costa Rica and tell Laurie Davis my suspicions without more concrete evidence. I'm hoping very much to fly home to Atlanta tomorrow and cope with Cam's treatment and pray for a light at the end of this tunnel of heartsickness.
But tonight, I have to find out what kind of man Varrick Von really is.
If I'm right about him, maybe justice will finally be servedâfor Megan and for me. If I'm wrong...well...if I'm wrong, then I'm putting myself at risk, and I can't walk into risk blindly.
I can accept that being wrong might mean I can never be with Leed, but I can't end up like Meganâlost without a trace. I've put my family through that once, and I won't do it again. If I disappear now, they would all think I'm using again because of the break-up I just had with Leed, and eventually they would all assume that drugsâor the people mixed up with the drugsâkilled me. I won't hurt any of the people I love like that.
No, I definitely have to fight like hell to get on that plane to Atlanta tomorrow, so I have to make sure I have protections, if I'm wrong about Varrick.
I rent a car and sneak back to my apartment, cruising the parking lot. I'm lucky, and as I suspect, Kat is not there.
I clean up, fix my makeup, put on a skirt, blouse, and jacket that makes me look generic for LA. I twirl my eye-catching long locks up in a french twist and put on large sunglasses and flats, just in case I have to run. I pack a hasty bag for Atlanta, hoping against hope that I'm going to make it there. Then I stop by a sporting goods store and buy the strongest taser they have, plus some pepper spray, just in case. I read the directions for the taser twice, just to make sure I know how to use it and I practice pulling it from my jacket pocket, to make sure I can access it quickly if I need it.
I pray to god I won't need it, because if I do, then I will have to use the ticket to Costa Rica, then keep going. I will have disappear for a long time, and the only person I'll be able to contact is Trace. He'll be the only one strong enough and strategic enough to let me go.
Once I explain everything, I think he would let me go for Leed's sake, for his band's sake, for my safety's sake. He would be the only who can reassure my parents that I'm safe and convince them not to search for me, but wait for my contact through him. He would be the only one that would be able to convince Leed that I don't love him anymore and that I needed a clean break.
Yes, if it all goes wrong, Trace would be the only one that lies well enough to help me.
I hate lying to people I love, but like Trace, I'm a survivor, and its undeniably a useful skill when your back is against the wall.
Ironic that I'm now headed toward one someone who is professionally trained in discerning lies, but I'm not worried about my deception skills with him. Because most of what I'm planning to tell him is truth.
I wait for him outside of the Sentinel Security building, but once he emerges, there's no point in trying to hide from him. Varrick's natural skills of observation have only been enhanced by his military training and line of work. He's always aware of his environment and he spots me parallel parked in my car at once. He walks over casually and tries to open the passenger door, but I have it locked.
I open the window a crack.
"Thank you for keeping your word and coming to see me," he says coolly. "Are you going to let me in the car, or are you planning to make this meeting conspicuous?"
"That depends on how casually you can put your gun in the trunk," I say, pressing the button to release the trunk latch.
He smiles and waves casually to someone leaving the Sentinel Building. "Have I ever threatened you?"
"Uuuuuhhhh, yes," I say tersely.
He clucks. "Not with a weapon. I'm not even armed, Ashlynn."
"Liar, you are always armed." I start the car. "I'm leaving."
He slides his sportscoat aside and shows me his holstered gun. "Fine, you're right. But you can't see me back there with the trunk open. How will you even know that I do what you ask?"
My eyes flash to the mirrored building I intentionally parked beside. He grins. "You were always so smart, Ashlynn. The biggest challenge Viggo has ever presented me with."
"You enjoy running down your brother's wayward subs and bullying them into silence, don't you?" I sneer.
He takes his sunglasses off and braces his hands against the door, so that I can see his face. "No, I don't, Ashlynn. But he's my brother and someone has to...manage him."
"Cover his bloody tracks, you mean."
He rolls his eyes. "So dramatic."
He strolls to the back of the rental car and turns so that I can see him disarming and tossing the gun in the trunk. He shuts it firmly and slides into the passenger seat almost in the same moment I unlock the door.
As I pull out into the street, Varrick points to other side of the street. "You see the silver Landcruiser parked ahead?"
"Yes."
"That's your boyfriend's private investigator."
"Shit!" I hiss, trying to casually put a hand to my face.
Varrick laughs . "Don't worry. I flipped him. He works for me now. Leed will never receive the report where he connects me to you."
I gawk at him, and he laughs again,his dark eyes squeezing in arrogant amusement. "Are you really surprised by that?"
"No, I suppose not," I mutter. "Varrick, I swear, I never said a word to about you or Viggo to Leed or his investigator. I didn't even know he had an investigator until today."
"Oh I know. It was that damn British rap guy. He clued the investigator in to Blake Rockwell's residence in Seattle, and Black Rockwell and I are known associates. I assume you met DevBlue there, the last night you subbed for Viggo?"
"I met DevBlue there, yes, but I didn't sub for Viggo that night," I grit my teeth.
"That's not what he said."
"You can't tell when your brother is lying, can you?"
That unnerves him. He looks out the window.
"You know why that is, right? Because he's a psychopath, Varrick. He has no conscious, no remorse, no guilt. No tells."
He says nothing.
"Why did you want to meet with me?" I ask him.
"To tell you just thatâthat there was a problem, and I resolved it. But you need to tread carefully, Ashlynn. This is a delicate situation. The private investigator was one degree from the truth. That's too close for comfort."
I'm nervous as hell, but admitting the truth is the first step to wielding my leverage.
"It doesn't matter, Varrick. That's what I came to tell you. Leed made you himselfâand he thinks you were my abusive Dom."
Even though my eyes are on the busy street, I can feel Varrick's black eyes boring into me.
"Pull over into that parking lot," he tersely, and I comply, throwing the car into park in the nearest available space.
He turns toward me in the seat. "Tell me."
"It's your fault for approaching me at the Vision Party. He...reads situations well. You were aggressive and I was...nervous, after. Your name is memorable. He put it together, and realized my Dom marking was not a W but a VV. I figured it was better to let him think it was you, and not Viggo."
He shrugs, "Of course." He taps his lips and assesses me. "What do you think he will do?"
This is the hardest part. I unbutton my blouse, and show Varrick the thing even he doesn't knowâthe depths of his brother's final act of depravity. I twist slightly to give him the full effect of the word WHORE down my left side, and then I wrap my blouse tight around me.
"What do you think he will do?" I say coldly.
For once, Varrick's unruffable demeanor fails him. I see the heavy swallow, the lick lip. He's bothered by my scar. That gives me hope.
"Viggo did that?"
"Yes, at Blake Rockwell's. When I refused to submit to him ever again. He held me down and carved me, while I kicked and screamed every safeword he had ever given me."
He is quite for a long time. Finally he says, "This is bad, Ashlynn."
"Which part, Varrick? That Viggo is a psychopath or that Leed thinks you are him."
"Stop calling him that," Varrick snaps staring out the windshield. "I admit, Viggo is dark and mentally ill and he takes it too far sometimes, but he's not a...a...psychopath. He was doing fine with a new sub, until you resurfaced. That's why I'm trying to keep you...managed. Off his radar. You shouldn't have come back to LA, and you damn sure shouldn't be dating Leed Lawson. Viggo hates to lose. You know that. All the photos of you and Lawson...you're rubbing his nose in losing you. He has...a fixation with you and your drug problems, I'll admit that."
"A fixation like he had with Megan Davis?" I ask softly.
I must really be pressuring him now, because his military training kicks in. I see his shoulders relax and a look of feigned puzzlement come over his face. "Who?" he asks casually.
I pull the flyer from my bag and lay it in his lap. "There's no point in pretending, Varrick. It's unbelievable really, but I met Laurie Davis in Costa Rica. She told me you were Megan's boyfriend, and a suspect in her disappearance."
He picks up the picture and stares at it a long time. He closes his eyes, his face carefully blank, but the pinch in his lips is where he holds his pain.
"I didn't hurt Megan. I can't believe Laurie is still down there looking."
"No, she's made her peace that Megan's gone. She opened an orphanage to help other lost children."
He opens his eyes slowly. They are hazy, like with distant memory. "That's good, for her," he nods. "I searched, tooâfor a whole year before I went back to school. There was nothing to find. It's why I went into the military after college. I thought special ops training might give me a better perspective on investigating her disappearance. But, I didn't realize my duty to country would be so...consuming. I was in Eastern Europe in deep ops for a very long time. I didn't break cover for something like six years. When I finally got out... a decade had past. It was much too late to pick up any leads of what happened to Megan."
That was not what I expected him to say. I hesitate. This is such a precarious dance and he is so very skilled. Is he lying, or does he really not suspect?
"Did you love her?" I ask, and I genuinely want to know.
"Yes, but that was a long time ago," he said. "I was a different person then. After...all the things I've done in my life...I don't get to feel that anymore."
I say nothing, but I think he's probably right. He's not a monster like his brother, but his soul is very shadowed and burdened.
"What do you think happened to her?"
He shakes his head. "I...I honestly never had a clue. We were having the time of our lives on that trip. Suddenly, she was...gone without a trace. We were dancing with friends at a crowded night club. I went for more drinks...when I returned to the group, she wasn't there. No one saw her leave."
"Not even Viggo?"
My skin prickles as he gives me a long, stabbing look. "Viggo didn't make the trip."
"Oh. Did he he know Megan?"
The flyer of Megan crinkles in his hand. "You would have made a good interrogator, Ashlynn. Viggo was not there. He didn't do anything to Megan, if that's what you are implying. They barely knew each other."
"Then why is she in his trophy room?"
"What?" Varrick's voice is sharp and he grabs my wrist...the one I might need to pull the taser. I jerk my hand back but he doesn't yield it. "What?" he repeats.
"There is a safe in the room where he keeps the paintings of his subs, and he has a picture of Megan Davis in it."
"There's no safe. I would know."
"I have no reason to lie but if you don't believe me, check. It's behind the portrait of his first sub...the one with the birthmark..."
"-Kellyâ"
"Right. I know the safe is there because that's where he kept my reward drugs. An addict is very observant when it comes to where the drugs are. When I was his sub, there were only three things in that safe. My drugs, Megan's picture, and a cheap necklaceâa wooden butterfly on a leather cord."
Varrick's pressure on my wrist becomes painful and I gasp and pull back again. "Varrick!" I hiss.
He lets go, looking down at his own hand, his fist clenching slowly.
"I bought her a necklace, just like you describe. While we were there, in Costa Rica." He looks up at me, all pretense of his cool demeanor gone. "No," he shakes his head. "Viggo is a lot of things, but...no. You're good, Ashlynn. I'll give you that. I don't know how you know these things, how you've arranged this deception... but I don't believe you. He's my brother. I know he is dark and damaged. It's why, I look after him and his subs. But I would know if he...I would know."
"You've interrogated spies, the world's most nefarious mobsters, terrorists. You can't tell if I'm telling the truth?" I challenge.
His cool appraisal of me gives nothing away. "What was the pin code to the safe?" he spits back.
I sigh. "I knew at the time, but now I'm not sure of the sequence now. I know it was all threes, sixes, and nines. Six-three-six-nine, maybe? Or six-three-nine-three? I'm not sure...it shouldn't be hard to work it outâ"
"Six-three-nine-nine," his voice is shaking. I've never heard anything less than assurance in Varrick's voice.
"Maybe," I say slowly. "Does that mean something to you?"
He meets my eyes, and for the first time ever I see something besides flat black. I see pools of endless pain. "June 3rd, 1999. That's the date Megan disappeared."
I put a hand over my mouth. It's almost impossible that I feel empathy for this man who hounded me, who helped his brother lord power over me, who denied me relief and caused me fear and thrust me back into torment over and over, but in this moment, I feel his humanity for the first time, because his pain is almost palpable.
Almost against my will I find myself reaching out, touching his arm lightly. "Varrick...I..."
He shakes his head. "Don't. This is...my..." he clears his throat, forcing a voice that is failing him. "my problem. But...given the...circumstances...Ashlynn, you need to leave LA. At least for now. You should not be hereâflaunting your relationship with Lawson. Do not antagonize Viggo. Not until I...until I...figure things out."
"I'm going to Atlanta. Leed and I...broke up...I think. He wants me to report you to the police for this..." I gesture to my left side. "He's very angry that I won't...he gave me an ultimatum and I...I..."
"You fled," he sighs.
"To protect Leed. You know what Viggo will do if he thinks Leed knows..."
"Yes, of course I know. Actually, it's already more advanced than you realize. He's already planning to ruin Leed. He is...completely obsessed with the idea that Leed..." he slings a casual hand up and down my person, "restored you when he couldn't. He plans to leak your videos and hopefully incite Leed to behavior so erratic that there will be enough justification for the label to invoke his personal conduct clause and fire him."
I gulp. "When?"
"Not for monthsâ-at summer's end. My brother's not completely insane. No matter what...horror...Viggo von Schlater might be, he is also Slade, the most successful President in Colossal Records history. This surprise summer tour Soundcrush is undertaking will make millions, and he wants to squeeze the last sure profit from his top act before he ousts Leed. He thinks Trace will step up to the front man role and the band will retool and survive, but he wants that hundred million Soundcrush is set to make this summer."
"Varrick...you have to protect Leed. You can't let Slade fire him. Not after what I've done for you..."
"After what you've done for me, Ashlynn?" He laughs bitterly. "After you've brought back the greatest pain of my life, and made me think my brother might be responsible for it?"
"I know he is responsible for Megan's death. And you know why, as well as I do. We both look just like your mother. She was sick and she hurt him, and he hurts women that remind him of her. He's sick too, but he's just as accountable as your mother was. Don't you want him to pay?"
Varrick is staring out the window, and his fists clenched on his knees. "I can't think like that. I have to think with my training. Without a body, there is no proof of foul play. It's been twenty years. There may be no justice for her, no matter what we think we know."
"You have to find out what he did with her."
Varrick closes his eyes again. He looks ill.
"Varrick."
His eyes snap open. "Listen to me...there is time to do this right. Slade won't move against Leed. Not yet. Not until the money is in the bank. But I can't say the same for Viggo...not when it comes to you. A word of advice...you should arrange for some independent security, okay? Viggo has his hands in my business, just as I have mine in his. Go home, leave things as they are with Lawson, get protection, lay low, and...let me handle this."
As he steps out of the car, he stops, and leans back in, "Keep the gun."
Then Varrick Von is walking away, and for the first time ever, instead of Varrick bringing dread to me, my dread is going with him.
I can't tell you how long I've been twisting this plot to culminate in this chapter. Thoughts?
I will tell you MY THOUGHTS--I think Ashlynn and Varrick are so wrapped up in concerns over Megan and Viggo/Slade that they have forgotten about another major player, here. I don't think our Lion is going to sit on the airport floor struggling for breath for very long, do you?