Have you noticed that Leed is sort of...a ladies man? What I mean is...he has a lot of important ladies in his life besides a love interest...his sister Mac and his long time friend and baby-mama Tam. We've already heard Mac weigh in on her opinions of Lash. I think it's time we hear from Tam...
The song for this chapter is Love Song by Sara Bareilles. The reason is...I think this could be the theme song for Leed and Tam's rather unusual arrangement. At least from Leed's perspective. I chose a relatively unknown male cover...the song starts at 0:33 if you want to skip his comments. The acoustics make the recording a bit blurry, but I really like his interpretation...there are a few pitchy places and maybe one spot where he was seeking the melody, but he does say it's a work in progress. He does a good job free-stylin' and I love the way he makes it his own, very Leed...wow I sound like a music show judge, not a writer...let's get back to the story....
Leed
"You ready for your biggest runway show ever?" I joke with Tam as we stand outside the ballroom preparing to rehearse the wedding processional. The wedding coordinator is already sending Ash down the aisle on her practice run and Tam's various sisters and cousins and Mac are lined up to follow. All of the other groomsmen went first, but I'm pulling double duty, escorting Tam down the aisle, since her dad is not doing so great, healthwise.
"Absolutely. If my water breaks when we are halfway down the aisle tomorrow, you just keep the hell going, Lee-Lee." Tamara bats her doe eyes at me. She's nine months pregnant with my kid, but she's as playful and lively as ever. Her warm skin glows with ethereal beauty and her smile is the kind that looks like laughter, even when she's not laughing.
"You don't have to tell me the show must go on," I quip.
"Good man," she pats me and we both turn our attention to the rehearsal going on in front of us.
Ashlynn makes it to the end of the aisle, and turns. Her long hair swings slightly, and her eyes train down the aisle and automatically meet mine over the herd of bridesmaids. Tam gives me a side-eye.
"So. Big weekend for both of us, huh? I'm getting married...and you're getting a new bedbuddy, right? Or have you already sealed the deal? Be honestâis Ash woman enough to fill my bedroom slippers?"
I know Tam is partly jokingâshe's a fun, easy-going girl, but as I peer down at her, I feel mildly irritated. "No ma'am. It doesn't work like this. You quit me, you don't get the dirty details anymore." She used to ask me about the fangirls. Sometimes I would tell her and we would laugh over the stories.
"Wow," my beautiful baby mama looks up at me, hurt twinging her delicate features. "You're serious?" She blinks, looking away, going quiet.
Oh Christ. Now I feel terrible. The last thing I want is to make Tam upset right now. But what does she expect? Sometimes I feel like Tam is even more bizarro than me, when it comes to relationships. She wants to share a life with Ben, she wants our friendship back just like it was, without the sex. She wants us to be three equally invested, responsible parents, sharing everything, but I'm supposed to hang to the side somehow in limbo, while they make the decsions. I don't know exactly how Ben is doing it but he's handling it a lot better than me. I feel like a third wheel, with the heaviest part of the load, because I don't want to burden Ben and Tam's new marriage.
But right now is not the time to get into any of that. I relent on the line I just drew with her.
"Naw, I'm not serious. There's nothing to tell. Ashlynn...she doesn't want that. She wants...more."
Her demeanor changes. Now she is all sympathy. "Awwww, Lee-Lee. That's too bad. I'm sorry. You'll find someone else, soon. Maybe Penelope..." Tam is staring into space critically, like she's conjuring the Soundcrush PA in front of us. "What do you think about her?"
"I think that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Hashtagmetoo waiting to happen."
"Hey, I work for you. I have never felt harassed," she points out.
I smile down at her and sigh. "That's because you've always had the upper-hand with me, Tam." It's true. Tam is not just the Soundcrush stylist. She doesn't need the money or the job, she only does it for fun, because she loves hanging out with the band and dressing us all up like her dolls. She had a successful modeling career that she quit because she didn't like to play by those industry rules. She's a free-spirit. She does what she wants, when she wants.
Tam was my first girlâshe had taken me to school long before Soundcrush hit and she came on board as our stylist. Our whole relationship was always her wayâshe always knew she had an open invitation, that I would clear my fangirl schedule for her. Then she quit me just like she came to my bedâcasually. Truth be told, I think she fell head over heels in love with Ben the minute they met. That just happened to be right around the same time she got pregnant with my kid.
"Besides, I'm not just looking for sex. It was never about that with you, either, you know. I can get a girl to warm my bed any night of the week," I murmur, staring down the aisle at Ashlynn. Although, I won't deny that the dress she's wearing makes it hard for me to breathe. Black, tight, sleeveless, showing off the pretty carriage of her shoulders and just a little bit of cleavage. Very classy. It has this subtle fringe at the hem, that sways against her mid-thighs. Makes me want to take her dancing, just to watch it move.
"Yeah, but if she wants more than you can give, it's not fair to lead her on," Tam warns me.
About half of the bridesmaids have made their way down the aisle and the rest are cued up at entrance away from us. "What if maybe...I want to...try? I mean, I'm not sure. Part of me thinks it's a real bad idea. She just got out of rehab. She probably needs to get her bearings. But at the same time, I can't just...leave it...you know?"
Tam drops my arm and pulls away from me, glaring at me. Wow, that surprises me.
"Are you kidding me? You're going to start dating...now? When we are about to have a kid any day?"
"Are you kidding me?" I snap back. "Am I not actually giving you away to Ben Sullivan tomorrow? With my baby on board as a bonus?"
She waves her wedding bow bouquet at me. "That's different!"
I put my hands on my hips. "How, exactly?"
"Because...because Ben and I have been together for almost a year and we love each other and we are obviously committed and stable! Because the three of us have a plan! All three of us are this baby's parents!" She points her bouquet down the aisle. "You can't just be dragging a girlfriend up in the mix right now! When you've never even had a girlfriend before and you don't even now how to do that!!! You're supposed to be here for our family right now! Our baby! You promised!!!!" She beating me in the chest with her bow bouquet. "You're supposed to be learning how to be a father, not a boyfriend, Leed!"
Down at the end of the aisle, Ben is looking at Tam gesturing wildly with her bouquet. He lifts his hands and his eyebrows at me in a what-the-fuck? gesture.
"Is there a problem?" The wedding coordinator asks anxiously as she sends Tamara's maid of honor down the aisle.
I rake through my hair. Yes, there's a big problem here. One I didn't even see coming down the pipe. It never occurred to me that Tam would be upset by the idea of me dating Ashlynn. I guess in a way, I sort of see her point. Having a baby is a huge. Bonding with my son will probably be the most important thing I ever do. Maybe Tam's being a tiny bit unfair, but even if she is, she's probably entitled. This is a fucked situation that's not any more her fault than mine, and it's stressful.
I guess the question is...has always been, since the moment she told me she was pregnant...am I going to make it worse or better?
Fuck.
"No, there's no problem," I tell the wedding coordinator, taking Tam by the arm. "You're right, I guess the timing's all wrong. Just thinking out loud," I tell her. "Nothing is more important than the kid, right now. I'm just...you know how I am, Tam. Just crazy talkin'. Maybe I'm having tiny pangs of jealousy or something," I murmur. "I want you to be happy. Really. It...just...sucks to be the odd dad out, you know..."
Tam's shoulders droop. She looks down at the bouquet. "I know. I'm sorry, Lee-Lee."
I lift her chin. "Naw, don't be. Ain't no time for sorry, right now. Or girlfriends, probably," I shrug, as I take her arm and we move to our mark. "Go-time," I tell her. We're both pro's; we put on our brightest smiles for the wedding party waiting at the end of the aisle.
Okay. Anybody see this coming? (Because I did, wink...)
Thoughts? Does Tam make a fair point or is she being unreasonable? Did Leed respond in the right way? Is going to be able to stick to what he told Tam?
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