Chapter 7: Standing

In the rain, in the wind, Aureum burst out of the tent and cheered.

“Yeeeeeeessssss!”

It had been what she was waiting for, after all. The chilled rain was a blessing upon her face.

Felixia walked out second, scowling.

“You realize we can’t climb the mountain in this?”

Aureum slowly turned her head, an eyebrow raised.

“It’s what we’re here for. These are perfect conditions. This is almost like a gift from Bonum herself.”

“Yeah, and like most of her gifts, if you aren’t worthy you die. Very funny.”

“Where’s the joke?”

Aureum’s voice was mild, but it was that mildness that set Felixia off.

“You! You’re the joke! If you die falling down a mountain that makes your whole life a joke! Just wait till tomorrow.”

Her face was red. The rain was already streaming down her face. The rain poured so heavily it should have been difficult to see, but Felixia had invaded Aureum's space.

“No, it’s not taking advantage of today that will make my life a joke.”

Aureum sneered as she spoke. The sentiment was meant for her past self, but her sister didn’t know that.

Felixia slapped her sister.

The sound of it was barely audible in the rain. Physically, it didn’t hurt much. Felixia must have pulled her strength back at the last moment. But it still hit.

Aureum felt herself cool off. She’d been excited just a heartbeat ago. Now things completely without sense were happening to her.

“Can I just let you go to kill yourself?! Think with sense! You can’t even use the cloak, you have no mana, and I won’t help you get us both hurt! Have you ever seriously thought about what our parents would do if you got hurt? How we would all feel? Or do you just think about yourself?!”

Aureum touched her face. There was the slightest sting of her tooth against her cheek, but even that was quickly fading. It felt absurd.

The look in Felixia’s eyes was rage incited by panic.

She knew Felixia and her were different. Who didn't know that? From their heights to their demeanors, anyone could tell. Yet, who would understand if not the sister she'd known all her life?

All these people do is chatter, chatter, chatter at me. Doesn’t anybody ever shut up?

“Please, don’t hurt yourself.”

Felixia was crying now. An ugly expression that contorted her features without restraint.

Aureum felt pissed. More than the slap, the tears ticked her off.

“Why? Like you think, I’m pretty selfish so I’ll do what I want.”

Aureum's head was rambling on.

I just did what everybody else told me to. It was a lazy way to live, but does it deserve this much criticism?

Wasn’t Dad the one who brought me the marriage offer? Where do you get to judge me for following his wishes? Where were you with all the answers of what I should do then? You uppity brat!

She raised her own hand.

Felixia stared at it. Aureum could see it in her eyes, expectation. She wasn’t one to give a slap without taking it.

Ah, what the hell am I doing? Who could understand me? I can’t even find a way to begin to tell them about my past.

It makes sense for Felixia to stop me. Though she’s probably just got a coal of anger burning against me too. Is “ruining” my future such a great crime to her? How the hell is it any of her business!

Aureum lowered her hand.

“What, what, whaaat? You’re going to slap me just because I’m risking my life for what I want? First I’m lazy, and now I’m selfish? Make up your damn mind what I need to improve on.”

“You need to think, and stop taking things to the extreme!”

“You need to stop lecturing people when what you’ve got is a thimble full of life experience! What, the great and put-together Felixia has decided my life is wrong, so she’ll fix it for me? I’m so sorry I can’t take my younger sister’s life advice without some salt!”

“I’m just trying to help!”

“And? Can you even help me? What would you even do in my shoes?”

“I’d… I’d probably do what Dad suggests and get married if I were you. Or maybe we could dance together like we used to! You... might be able to become a professional dancer?”

Now a sneer that was meant for Felixia graced Aureum’s face.

“Then I’ve got some advice for you, Felixia. Life takes what you think is sense and twists it into something unrecognizable. When that happens, it isn’t sense that will get you out of it, but holding hands with insanity.”

She pointed her finger and jabbed it next to her sister’s clavicle.

“Don’t just do what other people say you should. Live right, according to you.”

Is any of this getting through? I don’t even know if I’m making sense.

Aureum sighed.

“I tried living the way others expected. Maybe not for the longest time, I guess. It didn’t work! So now I’ll do what I want. I don’t know which is more selfish. Maybe I’ll know once I try it out.”

These were supposed to be thoughtful words, but Felixia eyes flashed with rage again.

“When did you actually live as we expected you to? You just do what you want every day!”

That might be right.

Even if I blame my family for pushing me in a direction, in the end, the fault was my own. Could anybody have stopped me if I was against it?

It’s not like external pressure didn't exist. And it's not like her family had knowingly pushed her into the dragon's maw. But she hadn’t been kidnapped or physically forced in the beginning. She’d entered of her own volition.

Felixia wasn’t referring to all of that. She was judging only what she could see, but Aureum dredged up the past all on her own.

This was giving her a headache.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna keep doing what I want.”

Aureum took a step to go past her sister.

There wasn’t any point in explaining it to Felixia. More to the point, she didn't want to.

Oh, you had a bad marriage that you thought would give you an easy life?

It was so awful you don’t even want to think about it?

Even if Felixia believed her, how could this kid version of her sister truly relate?

Felixia stepped up to stop her. Aureum glared at her.

“Are you gonna slap me again? Get prepared to do it a lot.”

Felixia flinched. She let Aureum walk right by her. Guilt can do that.

Aureum went inside the tent to grab her cloak. At least without any pajamas, there was no reason to change. She shoved her boots on, pulled the cloak over her shoulders, and left the tent while tying the vest.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Felixia was there, biting her lip and looking at the ground. She looked miserable in the rain.

“Are you gonna stand here until you get sick? How sensible.”

Aureum strode past, and when it became clear Felixia wasn’t going to stop her, Aureum began to run.

Why does everything go wrong when I’m short of time!

The ground was already mud. As she continued on, she heard footsteps. Looking to the side, there was Felixia. When she saw she had been noticed she spoke.

“I’m only here so that your stupidity doesn’t cause your death!”

“How kind of you.”

Even though Aureum was a little happy, she couldn’t keep the snide tone from her voice. She also couldn’t slow down. Felixia could have spoken to her with ease at this pace, but Aureum pushed herself to her limits running up the mountain.

Not that it was possible to run up it like some tiny hill.

Underneath the trees, there was half-melted snow. The hillside quickly became a mudslide from the heavy rain. Snow and mud and more water. It was easy to slip.

The first time Felixia caught Aureum, all her anger at her sister subsided.

The wind pushed against Aureum’s back, but she could feel it. It was still not enough.

As the incline increased it became impossible to stand. She continued on her hands and knees.

Without mana to reinforce her body, Aureum’s breathing became painful.

A stitch grew in her side.

Her hands numbed with cold.

Her feet and legs ached.

Sometimes, she would slip, and see the dizzying slope behind her.

Yet, what frightened her more than that view was when the wind died down.

It picked up and lowered at random. She had no idea when it would stop.

If this little storm scares you, how can you ever reach greater heights?

It was a comment that became a pit of shame in her stomach for years.

Aureum had buried it so deep, that even the dulled memory of her father's words lacked his tone or any context. The memory of a memory, almost a dream. Now it rang in her ears, filled with joy.

It was almost like a chant every time she tripped and nearly fell.

That and the fear of waiting for a later chance. Tomorrow’s chances were as distant as never.

And never wasn’t something she could live with.

As the incline got even steeper, her leaning pace became a climb. Her hands would have stung with cuts if she could have felt them through the cold.

“Ugh!”

It happened for the umpteenth time: Aureum slipped. Felixia reached out to grab her, but this time Aureum slapped it away.

It wasn’t rage.

She had seen Felixia slip herself as she reached out for her.

Aureum felt a small burst of pride.

Even if I am selfish, at least I didn’t cause any harm to Felixia.

Not holding on meant Aureum slid instead.

She grasped at the mud, trying to find any purchase to at least slow down. Of course, there was nothing. Her hands slid across it and her body rolled.

In a moment, Felixia, who had been right next to her, was a distant figure.

There was no way Aureum’s fall was graceful.

Instead of continuing to fight her descent, she curled herself up for protection. After rolling in cold mud, she fell off the side into a shorter drop. Which fell into a bigger drop.

Each broken branch punched against her body, easily breaking her out of the curl, with the ground as the killing blow.

——————————————————

“If this little storm scares you, how can you reach greater heights?”

Aureum heard the wind howling as she felt her father’s hands on her shoulders.

“Can’t we just go inside? It’s so dark out.”

It was a childish voice that whined.

Lightning struck, and the girl flinched.

“We can, as soon as you form your pearl. You can do it can’t you?”

Her father’s words were encouraging.

“Please! Let me go inside! It’s dark out!”

“Just wait for the thunder before you get really scared.”

A roar echoed out. A sound that rattled the foundations of Aureum’s soul. But her father laughed.

“Hahahaha! Now this is a storm! Come on Aureum, form your pearl! It’ll be easy in this! You’ll form a pearl that’ll make you a real sorcerer!”

Yeah, once upon a time that had happened. But I guess he didn’t count on my personality in those ambitions. Was that a memory to be so afraid of?

The wind howling fully woke her up. Her eyes snapped open. She was cold, muddy, and furious.

Why the hell didn’t I grab onto her hand?

Felixia focuses her mana into her body and trains dancing like a mad demon. Even if she fell, she wouldn’t die!

Am I a moron?!

She jerked her arm back up. It grasped the ground and clenched into a fist.

The rain still washed down on her head, the wind still whistled in her ears.

Whether she had been knocked out for an hour or five minutes, she still had a chance.

Pushing herself up, everything ached. It would have been sensible to stop this. No, it would have been sensible to have never started, like Felixia said.

But.

“If even this stops me, how can I remain free if some stupid dog lover tries to catch me?”

Even if this is insane, I must do it.

Tomorrow might be too late.

Instead of scrambling directly up the mudslide, she walked alongside it. The idea was to flirt with death, not marry him.

At least luck gave a gentle slope as an option for the first part of her journey. That evaporated quickly enough.

Again she was on her hands and knees.

Again her hands were cut, her knees scraped.

Even as her hands shook, she continued.

Past all sense, motivated by fears rooted in her greater than dying.

Finally, she reached a place without any trees. It was not the top of the mountain. It wasn’t anywhere near it.

She could feel it. It felt like it might barely be enough. Or maybe she was just fooling herself.

Her arms were shaking. A mixture of fear and exertion caused it.

If this really fails, I’ll have no energy left to make another attempt.

It didn’t matter. If she went further, she wouldn’t have the strength to make another attempt anyway.

She untied her cloak, loosening the vest and ripping it up over her head as she tossed it aside. It was cold, but less layers between her and the wind was the entire point. After that, she took a relaxed standing position with her hands held loosely in front of her. Then, she truly began.

First, she had to sense the mana flowing by her. Next, she needed to pull the wind apart from the mana in the rain. Only to finally draw it through her skin into her veins. The easiest part would be to direct the gathered mana to her forehead.

All to be done in differing cycles simultaneously.

She gritted her teeth.

Aureum would have to repeat it until enough mana gathered for her to form it.

Even with those perfect, painful conditions, the process wasn’t quick.

Within ten minutes she felt like her arms would fall off. Not only did she have to deal with the physical exertion from the climb and standing for an extended period, gathering the mana wasn’t a solely mental task either.

After half an hour, it felt like boulders were on her shoulders and her heart pounded till it hurt. Still, there was only one thought on her mind.

Just let this weather last just another hour!

Just another hour!

After one hour, she was in pain she’d find impossible to describe, but a shaky smile shivered on her face.

Almost. Almost.

Then, after a day of struggles, a moment more, and she had enough.

She dropped her arms and focused on condensing the mana upon her forehead. She stumbled forward to take a step, finally able to move her poor body.

A clear shine could be seen around her head.

It formed into a tiny gray pearl. It would have been a large earring, but it was much smaller than the scar on her forehead.

Then she collapsed to the ground. For a minute all she did was shake in the rain.

“Hahahaha!”

She let out a loud laugh towards the sky.

“Look at me! I can do the impossible! I’ll be whatever I want! Sorcerer! A killer of dog lovers! Anything. I. Want! Ugh!”

She coughed into her hand. It was merely a bit of rain that she’d sucked into her nose. Still chuckling, she crawled her way to the base of the slope, for a bit of shelter. It took her some time before she gathered the strength to put her cloak back on. She felt warm from the exertion and the mana despite the cold.

A severed limb had been restored.

I’ll go find Felixia in a bit. After I sit here for a moment. For sure.

Maybe I’ll just let the rain stop first.