Athena
I dreamt of him again.
I had been wearing my nasty, maroon school uniform, the skirt all crinkly from the lack of ironing I had done the day before. My hair was longer and had been French braided, and my lips had been newly glazed with the lip gloss my aunt got me.
It was an ordinary day like any other. There wasn't any big of a difference, to be honest.
Only how it ended.
We had just gotten out of the bookstore we usually hung out in. We were supposed to be headed home.
Owen had his waves of dark brown all over his eyes again as the breeze grew cold and swept his hair down, making him scowl in annoyance. I had laughed at him as I took out a green hair tie and had tied it back. As ridiculous as he perceived it, he shook his head and sighed, telling me he looked like a vegetable.
Like in all versions of my dreams with this exact scene playing over and over again, Maxie came running from the park in front of the bookstore and into the road, out of the blue.
As far as I remembered, the roads at home have rarely been busy, but this time, in this version of my dream, it was.
There were speeding cars zooming left and right of the road. Maxie was running.
Maxie had always been the excited, happy type of dog. She loved walks and she loved running without her leash too. She was a smart one, who knew her way to the park and back home.
The moment I glimpsed her familiar white coat and her apparent excitement, my eyes widened and in an instant, I left Owen on the sidewalk and ran as fast I could to get Maxie.
But I wasn't able to get her.
Someone else was faster than me.
Owen.
He managed to get Maxie but he was the one who took the hit from the rushing cars that had been passing by that time.
In that dream, Owen had been thrown off his chair, his body crumpled like old paper as blood spilled out of his head and his eyes had rolled back into unconsciousness. The green hair tie I had tied in just moments ago was still intact, only that it had now been speckled with undeniable drops of red.
I had been frozen in place.
I stared.
And in an instant, felt chills run down my spine as I succumbed to the overwhelming feeling of numbness.
And then, I screamed.
"ATHENA, WAKE UP." I heard someone tell me as spiny fingers held me by the shoulders and shook me awake.
I gasped and rubbed my eyes open, sitting up in Fitz's hard, spare bed as I looked around his dark room until I spotted Fitz himself, looking a bit worried at me.
He was sitting by the edge of my bed, his posture slumped and tired from the previous day's agenda, but worry had been etched along the creases of his face, as illuminated by his Batman nightlight.
I felt guilty for being the reason he barely gets any sleep.
"Shit. Did I wake you again?" I asked, as I sat straighter in my bed, cuddling the pillow I had slept on.
Fitz nodded and sighed.
"Yeah. It's the 5th time this month." he said, as he rubbed his nape and avoided my gaze.
For some reason, I really do feel like I need to move out of Fitz's room before I get caught. Like any college student, he values his sleep more than anything else, and I feel bad for being one of the reasons he has a fucked up sleep schedule.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I've been having the same dream over and over again." I admitted, as my shoulders slumped down and my eyes drifted toward the floor. I stared down at it as bits and pieces of my dream came rushing through my head and I just had to sit and watch the show replay.
In that dream, I noticed that the beginning had always been the same.
Owen and I leaving the bookstore, Maxie running from the park,
Then the bits that start to change depend on the number of vehicles passing through the road that separated the bookstore and the park, and whoever gets to Maxie first.
Sometimes, no cars pass by and Maxie runs to us. She would jump up on Owen's lap and smother him with kisses until I carry her down so the three of us can go home together.
On other days, cars rush by the road in a flurry and without knowing any better, Maxie is in trouble. Sometimes, I get to bring Maxie to safety, and sometimes, it's Owen.
It was just that this time, IÂ feared Owen died.
Or a part of him was smothered to ashes, destroyed; deceased.
"Are you sure you've been dreaming? I mean, if it makes you scream in the middle of the night, I think it might be called a nightmare.'' Fitz noted.
I scoffed as I pulled down the covers, unveiling my black university sweatshirt and pale pink pajamas.
"Aren't you the smartass." I said, narrowing my eyes a bit at Fitz.
He shrugged.
"Sorry. It's the sleep-deprived, caffeine-blooded college student that's speaking. But seriously, you sure you're okay?" he asked, sounding a bit concerned.
"I think so." I answered.
Fitz and I had been quiet for a few seconds, before he reached for his phone and glanced up at me.
"Do you want me to call Elliot? He's in town, right?" he asked.
Ever since school started again, I had told Elliot multiple times to go back on the road and try to find someone else to piss off. It was unfortunate how he chose me as his target.
Elliot's in his apartment now. Probably sleeping or jacking off to porno, I don't know. Anyway, I don't want to bother him at this hour. He's been really supportive and protective lately, as if he's trying to make up for his mistakes in the past.
I sighed.
"He is but, I don't think waking him up will do any good. What time is it, by the way?" I asked.
Looking down on his phone, Fitz squinted his non-spectacled eyes and checked the time.
"Around two in the morning. Why?"
I shuffled in bed and threw the covers to the side, then I swung my legs down to the cold, hard floor. As I shoved my feet into some baby blue slippers I got from Calix during the previous Christmas, I stood up and looked at Fitz, still sitting at the edge of my bed.
"I'm gonna go ahead and get some water." I told him.
Fitz stood up too, but unlike me, he walked over to his bed and threw his body in with a thud.
"Sure. Bring your phone for light though. You don't wanna end up like those guys in horror movies. You know, those that go into the dark without light or anything." he noted as he stretched and pulled up his blanket up to his shoulders.
"Shut up." I told him as I walked to the door and had my hand on the knob.
"Just saying." he said.
I grunted and unwillingly walked back to the bed and took my phone from under the pillows.
"Fine. Thanks dad." I said with a slight eye roll.
Fitz smiled and waved a hand at me before he turned his back and faced the wall to sleep.
"You're welcome, son."
I found myself smiling a bit.
I walked out slowly, shutting the door without noise. There was no one out at this hour.
Well, as far as the hallway goes.
I made my way out of the living quarters and went toward the dining hall. My stomach was growling and I found myself a bit hungry at this hour. I was kinda unlucky since the dining hall doesn't operate at two in the morning.
As I got around to the dining hall, it was dark.
It was not nearly total darkness but the light from the streetlamps outside were enough for me to see where I was going.
To the water dispenser.
I slowly walked up to the area where we can all get drinks. Getting a paper cup from the tall stack of cups near the coffee machine, I went up to the dispenser and bent a little to push the tap down for the liquid to flow.
I was stopped when I heard something in the background and all of the sudden, I remembered Fitz's voice in my head reminding me of those scenes in horror movies where the person who ends up dead is usually alone.
And in the dark.
Fucking shit.
I stood straighter and held the empty paper cup in my hand and looked around. Everything was still so undiscernible, until I hear it again.
There is no fucking way I'm gonna be that person in horror movies.
"Hello?" I whispered, as I walked toward the dark and turned my head from left to right.
I sensed fear rise in my chest as it tightened a bit and I felt a bit ashamed to be scared in the dark.
I mean, it's just a room without light. I don't have to treat it like some uncanny, numbing pit of emptiness and desolation that will swallow me whole.
I hastily set aside the cup I had over to a nearby table and scrambled to get my phone out of the pockets of my pajamas.
I quickly opened the flashlight and shot it at every angle close to me, my heart pounding unstably every time I pointed it toward a dark corner or the edge of nearby furniture.
I was almost sure something was in the same room as me.
Almost.
Until my flashlight landed on a squinty-eyed guy in a wheelchair, his hands shielding his spectacled eyes from the brightness of my flashlight.
My heart skipped a beat.
It could be anyone.
Although the disabled population in school was quite scarce, I was wishing it had been someone else who had the same built and same wheelchair. I was wishing it had been someone in a different year, doing a different major.
But it was not.
It was him.
Owen.
I put down my phone and turned the flashlight off. Owen put his hand down from his face and he pushed his chair toward the entrance, switching on a few lights before he stopped to look at me.
We both stared at each other in complete shock, our eyes wide and locked. Neither of us was avoiding each other's gaze. It was intense.
His hair is still the same shade of dark brown, and his man bangs are always in the way of his eyes. Only this time, it looked messier, as if he'd been running his hands through his hair in annoyance the whole night.
He had his glasses on too. They were a pair of round, brown glasses that he wore whenever he doesn't have his contacts on. He rarely wore them during the day but I've seen him wear his glasses at night before.
Owen also had a noticeably tall water jug with him, resting on his lap.
I looked at him, and he looked at me.
He stared, wide-eyed in his gray shirt and plain blue pajamas and I stood there like an idiot, returning his gaze.
We both seem to find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation, at a semi-lit place, with just the two of us, just a few meters away from each other.
I felt myself holding my breath as he slowly went up to me, his gaze unbroken.
"Hi." he said with a tight-lipped smile on his face.
His adorable face.
I could stare at it all day and mock him for it. I know he's not that confident with his looks but personally, he could take my breath away any day.
Owen looked at me blinkingly and awkwardly shifted his gaze away for a moment. I then realized I had been staring at him longer and I felt a little bit embarrassed.
"Hi." I answered back, feeling my face heat up a bit at the mere sight of him.
He still has that big of an effect on me, I see.
It was obvious that both Owen and I didn't know how to act in front of each other. He kept looking over to the tables and chairs in the dining hall before he looks at me for a quick second, until he ultimately diverts his gaze toward the ceiling.
I, on the other hand, kept fumbling with my hands. I twisted and pulled my fingers, only for palm sweat to eventually take over and make everything slippery.
The silence we shared was awkward. It was unnerving.
"You never wake up to get water this early." he started.
His voice sounded like melted butter on a soft piece of bread. It's effortless and melodic. Charming too.
"I've never seen you wake up this early too." I told him.
Owen cocked his head to the side and smiled wider.
"Bold of you to assume I had just woken up." he said with a slight laugh in his tone. He looked up at me, and then over to the table I had placed my empty cup on, and I watched him grab it, until he handed it over to me.
I reached for it, and I felt his finger slightly brush with mine.
Electricity instantly coursed through me.
"Sorry." I said, as I held the paper cup in my hands, brushing the tips of my finger that brushed with his slowly.
Owen kept his gaze at me, and I felt myself feel so shy all of the sudden.
I am never shy.
Since when had I been so timid and reserved?
"So uhm, are you still gonna get water or?" he asked, motioning the cup I had and the water dispenser nearby.
I felt my face flush in embarrassment and frantically shoved the cup under the tap.
"Yeah. I am. Thanks." I said as I fumbled for the faucet that will pour out cold water and as soon as I gripped something with a similar shape, I pushed it down, and scalding hot water burned my hand.
"SHIT." I said as I threw the cup down on the floor, spilling hot water all over the slippery tiles.
I stepped back and gripped my hand tight. It was starting to feel prickly.
"Are you okay? Do you need ice? Or anything? Let me help." Owen said as he cautiously maneuvered his chair around the spill and moved closer to me.
He had a concerned expression etched on his face and behind his glasses, Owen's eyes genuinely seemed worried.
I jumped back and put both my hands behind my back.
"No, it's okay. I think I'm fine." I told him as I put my hands back in front and waved both my hands so he could see.
One of my hands was unaffected but the other was faintly starting to turn red.
Owen looked at me worriedly and slumped his shoulders down. He seemed to know that there was no use arguing with me about my hand. He sighed and pushed his chair backwards.
"I'll find a rag or a mop to clean the spill." he said as he started to pivot his chair toward the cleaning supplies cabinet.
My eyes immediately widened and I found myself with my unaffected hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
He turned his head toward me and looked as surprised as I was.
I instantly withdrew my hand and stepped back a little.
"No. Uhm, I'll, --I'll do it. You can go ahead and get water, by the way." I told him, motioning the way to the dispenser.
We were both silent again, and eventually, he nodded and pushed his chair toward the dispenser.
"Okay. Thank you." he said, with the faintest trace of a smile on his face.
I slowly walked away from him, and went toward the supplies cabinet, grabbing a mop. Owen, on the other hand, had just finished filling up his own water jug and started to push himself out of the dining hall.
Once I found the mop and set it down on the spill, Owen looked back at me. I couldn't help but look at him once more, so I shot my head up and stared at him too.
"Good night, Athena. Sleep well." he said with a small smile. This time, I knew it was real.
"Night Owen." I said before he waved a hand goodbye and pushed his chair away.
I watched him go longingly. His silhouette started fading away into the darkness and I was left alone in the dining hall, with a mop taller than me and hot water spilled on the floor.
I started cleaning up the mess and was left again with my thoughts.
In all my days, I never knew stopping myself from saying 'I love you' after wishing someone goodnight was hard.
It really was.