Owen
I lied about meeting my parents.
I went to DC instead.
Although I have my own car left at uni, I didn't bother taking it. I had only practiced driving back at home and after that, I rarely found its use since I live on-campus at uni. Also, my utter stupidity peaks upon seeing small road lines and streets and whatnot in maps and directions. I just can't seem to understand them. They're all just a bunch of lines anyway.
Instead, I took a nerve-wracking three hour train ride to DC from uni and to be honest, the trip was quite the experience. I'm never doing this again.
Once I got there, I cursed at myself for not knowing how to ask people for directions to where I was supposed to go. I was too caught up in how different the place was compared to home and as well as to uni. The environment seemed richer and far more preppy than any other place I've ever been. And that includes my foggy memory of that time my family and I visited our relatives in London when I was younger.
DC seemed too elite for me, and I found myself out of place yet again.
I took out my phone as soon as I got off Rosslyn and called him.
Thankfully, he responded within three rings and went to pick me up at the station. It was good to see him again in person after a few months. He looked good.
His blonde hair somehow got a bit darker and sweat shone from his pale forehead as he awkwardly jogged towards me, his height a lanky six foot something. I forgot what it was, exactly.
Still, we both caught up quickly, wasting no time as he directed me towards his own car, an upgrade from his old bike that he often used in high school.
Calix helped me into his car, a beat-up blue sedan that seemed too small for his size. Nonetheless, he seemed happy and I wished I were the same. After he put my chair in the back and he sat on the driver's seat, he turned to me with a tight, reassuring smile and handed me some Maltesers.
"It's gonna be okay, bro. Here, eat some chocolate. Marley says it makes anyone feel better." he said, dropping the small packet of chocolate in my hands before he started the engine. I stared at them and nodded.
"Okay."
The drive to his place was silent. Music was even out of the question this time as I simply stared at the scape of the city and found myself unsurprised that I didn't even look at the buildings in awe or wonder. They were just normal buildings after all.
After what seemed like forever, Calix unloaded my chair from the back and I transferred onto it. We were in front of his dorm outside of campus now. Weirdly, Calix kept handing me packets of Maltesers every now and then as we went inside and rode the elevator like it was a drug deal or something. If I wasn't feeling so distanced from everything now, I think I would've even joked about it, I don't know. This slump has been going on for too long and it's driving me crazier with each passing moment.
I needed help.
As soon as Calix opened the door to his room, I was jolted to the sound of party poppers showering rainbow confetti, all of which were handled by another familiar face I didn't expect to see this time of the year.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" she squealed in delight.
Her rosy cheeks were blushed with cherry and her eyeliner was sharp to the edges. Her brown skin was warm and radiant as ever, the same as the last time I saw her before we packed our bags and moved to different cities for college.
Marley was here too and she's never looked better.
"Thanks." I muttered with a forced smile. I wasn't sure I can muster up a real one over this wave of utter confusion, frustration, and guilt I'm feeling inside.
I pushed my chair inside Calix's small dorm room and pulled the brakes when I was around one of the four corners of his room, blankly staring at a bright, red and blue Superman sock missing its pair on the floor.
Calix and Marley must've noticed how dazed I was. They were mumbling to themselves for a while until a few moments after when a small cupcake with a candle was presented right in front of me.
I shot my head up a bit and this time, I managed the smallest smile I can get out of my system for now.
Marley held the cupcake nearer to me as Calix frantically searched his room for a lighter. Marley chuckled at his uncoordinated movements and later, she turned her eyes at me with a kind smile.
"Give him time. He'll find a lighter eventually. I hope." she said laughingly as Calix stumbled in the background.
I would've found it funny as well if I was not feeling this way. I would've laughed and made terrible puns about it, weaving the scene again for Athena as she made her own and obviously better puns than the ones I've made. Now I feel all sour remembering it. I don't know why.
Thankfully, Calix found a lighter in his closet and raised it up high. Honestly, with his height and his arm raised, looking up from the angle Marley and I have is a real pain in the neck.
Calix then lighted up the candle poked into the cupcake and started singing a horrible rendition of Happy Birthday, with Marley throwing in rather disturbing remixes into the song. That, made me laugh a bit.
"That was,--new. Thanks." I said.
Calix looked proud of himself for finding a lighter and grinned. Marley rolled her eyes at him and fake gagged, throwing off Cal. He frowned at her.
Marley, remembering I was still there, smiled at me, which then caused Calix to give me a look. I didn't mind him.
"Now close your eyes and make a wish." she said, handing me the cupcake giddily. I stared at it and at the small flame emitted by the tiny candle in the middle.
"I'm not five." I told her as I glowered.
Marley groaned and slapped my knee with a hand, which was easy since we almost have the same height sitting down. I was just taller than her by some inches.
"Just do it, idiot. To get this over with." she said with a slight glare in her eyes.
"Okay." I said, closing my eyes for a bit and made a wish.
I wish things were not as complicated as they used to be.
And with that, I opened my eyes again and blew out the candle, only to be given a small round of applause from Calix and Marley.
"Sorry we didn't have any presents. You texted me literally two days ago." Calix said, as he bashfully scratched his nape. He eventually sat down on his small bed on the other corner of his room which is really not that great of a distance from where Marley and I were.
I shrugged.
"It's fine. I don't like presents anyway." I said, looking down again at the small cupcake I had. It was red velvet.
"You sure about that? I got you something." Marley said with a smirk on her face, glancing quickly toward Cal. He just looked confused.
"You got him something? Really babe?" He asked, his thin arms crossed over his chest. Marley shook her head and then looked again towards me.
"Yes. In fact, I think this will bring him to his senses." she said with a menacing smile on her face.
Marley's chair has this compartment where she can store things under it. She bent down a little and pulled out a book that seemed all too familiar to me.
She handed it to me, still with wrapping plastic but without the price tag. Marley smiled with a winning grin on her face as she peered over Calix and stuck her tongue out, teasing him.
"I already have this." I said.
It was true. I already had the book at home but it was in a different version. The one I have was in paperback but this one, was a hardcover version of it, the title and the design glinting in gold, the overall color black.
"No. You don't. That's a signed collectors edition of Six of Crows. Flip to the first page." Marley said enthusiastically.
I did as she said and was stopped once I saw her familiar handwriting that was always in cursive.
Happy birthday Owen! I was supposed to give this to you for graduation but I guess it's too late for that. Sorry! Still love you boo. Kisses!
-A.
"How did you get this?" I asked her, as I traced my fingers over the green post-it note Athena stuck on the first page. She knows I despise people writing on book pages, which explains the post-it.
"It was when me and my dad moved to New York before college. I doubt she even remembers. She went over once and we got it for you as a joint gift." Marley emphasized, as she turned to a slack-jawed Calix who seemed defeated.
"Oh." I said.
She does things like this and I know to myself that I should be grateful. I am, really. It's just, Athena does so much things for me and what good can I even offer her back? She doesn't deserve someone like me who simply receives things instead of being the one who gives.
Marley seemed to read the sullen expression on my face as she reached out to grab my cupcake and place it on a nearby coffee table so she can be able to hold my hands and squeeze them reassuringly.
"If you're having doubts about whatever's going on between you two, don't think of them too much. She loves you and would go distances for you. Remember that." she said with a softer glow in her eyes. Calix nodded in the background.
"But what if it's not her that's the problem? What if it's me?" I asked, feeling my throat go dry.
I heard Cal sigh and turned to him as he hugged his long legs to his chest and ate some Maltesers he had in his pocket.
"That's just harsh. Don't think like that." he said as he popped another piece of chocolate in his mouth and frowned at me.
I felt an immediate wave of annoyance, not at them, but at myself. I don't need people giving me sermons to just look at the bright side and see things on a more positive note. Life is not full of sappy, happy rainbows. It is full of the despair; ghosts of past troubles and things that might have been, haunting me every night. I felt something snap inside of me.
"I'm the problem. Not her. She's been amazing and I'm just a total idiot." I said, hastily removing my hands from Marley's grasp, surprising her a bit as her eyes widened in shock and her breath sharp.
I was guessing both Calix and Marley were surprised at how I acted. Even I was surprised as well. I didn't ask for any of this.
"Owen, be kind to yourself." Marley whispered with a distressed tone in her voice.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so exhausted from being in my head for so long. I think I need a break from all this." I told her, lowering my head down so none of them could see how shameful I feel.
Calix seemed alarmed as he stood back up again and sat on the floor beside Marley, leaning an arm over her chair's armrest as Marley slyly twisted her fingers over his short blond hair. Both of them looked extremely concerned. I can see it in their faces.
"You deserve a break, Owen but, I don't think what you're implying will do you any good." Marley said as she shook her head slowly at me, her dark eyebrows furrowed in unease.
"Think first, okay? Rationally." Cal followed, his face having the same expression painted on Marley's.
She nodded.
"He's right."
I sighed and slumped back into my chair, taking my gaze away from the two of them and instead, focused on my birthday cupcake still sitting by Calix's coffee table.
"I don't know what to do." I muttered, my voice cracking slightly.
Marley looked at me worriedly and pushed her chair beside mine. She slowly wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me, which was a first ever since we met in high school. I awkwardly held her hands by my shoulders and just squeezed them. I'm not good at hugs.
Still, it was reassuring. She later removed her embrace and looked at me directly in the eye, sighing.
"We know it's not our place to say this but before you do anything drastic, think it over alright?" she said with a small smile on her face.
I simply nodded.
"Okay."
Eventually, Cal cleared his throat and stretched his arms as if he were yawning, only for them to land on Marley who he hugged tighter than she hugged me. She giggled.
"This is so depressing. Look, whatever's gonna happen will happen. If things go wrong, we can all get milkshakes from Delta's once winter break starts. Sounds good?" he said, giving me two thumbs up.
At that, I managed to smile a little too and shrugged.
"I guess so."
I hope.