Owen
"Athena, I'm so sorry but I really have to cancel PT for tomorrow, okay? No, I still haven't told Sophie yet but she'll understand. It's midterms week and I barely studied anything and I have a project to do for Anderson's class. Are you sure you're not upset? Okay, okay. Sorry, love. See you." I said to Athena through a phone call.
It had been a few hours after classes for today had finished yet I still need to brush up a bit on this project for chem lab that I had to do with a partner. Thankfully, Maya was available and she took me under her wing. At least it was better than being given away to some random student who Dr. Anderson equally despises and we could be hated together. What an absolute joy.
I hung up my call with Athena and as much as I was incredibly saddened by our loss time to which I blame myself for, my main priority these days is my education. I'm independently living far from home with my girlfriend and a couple of friends and the best I could give back to my parents for keeping up with me were decent grades. It would hurt me to tell my parents especially my mum that I had dropped a course or needed to repeat it for the next semester.
I was in the library with Maya and some of the students in Dr. Anderson's class looking through reference books for this shitty paper we have to do by two's. At most, we were about 8 students of his looking for things we can put about reaction rates of specific chemical compounds Dr. Anderson assigned us to search for and write about.
"Owen, have we already done that experiment for chemical equilibrium? I can't see the papers where you wrote down your observations here anywhere." Maya exclaimed as she searched through the scattered sheets of paper we both threw above the library table we were situated at.
Binders were thick with notes, homework and researches and our notebooks were full of colorful tabs to mark down what's important from what's insignificant. At this point, I can't even understand what I've written down because my handwriting looked like a chicken walked over it and left weird-looking marks. Plainly, everything was a mess.
Of all the dates available for submission of this paper, Dr. Anderson chose the exact date right before midterms. And I haven't even studied for midterms because all I've been doing lately were trying to make up loss time with Athena and doing this project with Maya.
I can't think straight.
Wait, have I called Sophie yet and alerted her that I would not go to PT tomorrow?
I'm so fucked.
"Owen? Are you even listening? We already made a schedule for the whole week and we are way behind. We should be done by today but we aren't. I don't want to fail midterms as much as you do." I heard Maya tell me as she frantically encircled important notes she found useful for our paper.
I turned my head toward Maya who now had her jet black hair into a low ponytail. Her expression portrayed the most evident hints of seriousness and intense focus, I just wished I had been the same.
Maya was seated beside me as she scanned through our combined school material and I was on laptop duty. Mainly, the only thing I had to do was to type and to think. Unfortunately, I failed doing both.
"Sorry. My mind's been foggy lately." I said as I took some of Maya's papers from her stacked pile of things we could use and started encoding some possible ideas and how we could organize them onto the paper.
"Girl problems?" she asked as she kept her gaze directly towards our notebooks and flipped through them briskly.
"Not really. It seems that I have been trying to do so much these days, I don't even know how to manage my time well." I said as I read the parts she highlighted and encircled and brainstormed how I could incorporate these into our project.
"I know. Have you seen how slow we're pacing in this paper? Now that's amazing." she said sarcastically.
"Maya,"
"Sorry to bug you but it's the truth. We are way behind on this if we want to cram in whatever we need to study for midterms." Maya said nonchalantly.
"But it's really hard,"I admitted. I was struggling to juggle Athena, Fitz, school, and PT. I was also losing touch with my friends and family back at home and it would hurt me to start being awkward in front of them once spring break starts or maybe even during Christmas.
Maya paused scanning through our papers to give me a stern yet tired look and sighed.
"No buts, mister. Put a thinking cap on and keep working on the body of the paper, would you? How's the introduction coming?" she said as she continued her part of the work.
"Good. I think it's okay but it still lacks something I can't put a finger on."
"I could help with those. Wanna switch? I'll type and think, you read through every single thing here and find whatever you think might be useful."she suggested.
I breathed a sigh of relief and managed a small smile.
"Thank god, something that doesn't require much thinking." I said as I handed over my laptop to her and she in return, handed me her pen and highlighters.
"Let's see." Maya replied.
I proceeded to scan the papers we have and at the same time, flip through some reference books we gathered quickly. I was going back and forth as I scribbled down important sub-notes I got from the books.
"My god, you really are terrible at this." Maya bluntly said as she stopped typing and looked at me like I was guilty or something.
"At what?"
"Time management. Slow down, kiddo. We could stay here all day if that's what it takes to finish this paper. It's only 20 pages full of research work and insights. How hard can it be?" she said as she went back to typing.
"What's hard is finding time to do what you want, what you need and what you're required to do all at the same time, that's what's challenging." I answered as I let go of the papers and proceeded to scan the books slowly to show that I am indeed, slowing down.
"Enlighten me on this, I don't know your full schedule. I don't have time to stalk you or whatever." she said as a joke.
I hesitated a little and thought for a moment whether I could actually tell her. I had barely mentioned how I was struggling adjusting to the demands of college to my girlfriend and family and I was honestly thinking back and forth whether Maya could be trusted with such information.
In the end, I realized I really needed to talk to someone about this and Maya was the only one who was curious enough to let me speak about it.
"Uhm, this basically means that I have obligations to spend time with Athena and make her happy. Then I also have to make Fitz happy because he's one of my best mates around here. Then, you and I see each other in most of our classes except Calculus I."
Maya nodded tightly and continued typing. Her eyes were still glued to the screen and she was still typing in something.
"Seems, okay. What's bugging you more than normal?" she asked.
I let out a tired sigh and slammed the books closed for a minute as I wedged in a random eraser as a bookmark.
"I have to go to some sort of therapy over at the health center. It's for uhm, paraplegics, and I only do it twice a month. It's not that much of a hassle but the therapist, my god." I said with a bored tone as I envisioned an equally uninterested Sophie in her nurse scrubs and orthopedic shoe pamphlets.
Also, I didn't like talking about physical therapy. The word 'therapy' itself seems like a bad thing and even to this day I can't grasp the idea that what I do there is actually therapy.
"Okay, what else?" she asked inquisitively.
I stopped staring down on the pools of scattered papers and books and turned a blind eye towards Maya's direction. She had her head cocked to the side and was looking at me as well. I inhaled a bit before I left off to leave another rant onto the poor girl who sadly has to listen to whatever I was telling her.
"School. The other classes are okay and I somehow manage to get decent grades but Dr. Anderson's class is just so,--exhausting. I'm literally going crazy by choosing to read the Introduction to Chemical Principles over watching a good movie with Athena." I said before I slumped back in my chair and felt myself grow smaller.
I am a terrible partner.
I value and cherish Athena wholeheartedly yet I can't give her most of my time and attention. These days, I fail to find balance between school and whatever portion of social life I have left. I don't even know if I still have a personality. The only thing that defines me today is the tag of a college student. Nothing more, nothing less.
Maya nodded in agreement as her eyes swatted in a circle. She has a small smile on her face as she diverted her gaze back towards the laptop and started typing again.
"He does make everyone go crazy. He's a viper in corduroy blazers and brown trousers. Terrible choice of clothing, though." she said with a disgusted look. I stifled up a small smile and I just happen to be on the same page with her.
"I have the strong urge to agree to that." I said with a slight nod.
In return, Maya grinned and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I bet you do. Now, have you found anything yet? I think I've got about a few things down in here. I'm going for a quick break. You?" she asked as she twirled a pencil around her small, thin fingers. Her nails were painted a ruby shade of red that glinted every time light hits it.
"I think I'll continue working, thank you. Go rest. It's me who should be working harder; you've done a ton already." I said as I took back the laptop from her side of the table and placed it in front of me again. I scanned the two paragraphs she made and damn were they good.
Maya smiled sweetly and put a hand over her chest as she looked at me all crinkly-eyed.
"Aww, you're just saying that. Fine. I'll go and be quick. Want something? Coffee? Pizza? A bagel?" Maya offered as she pushed back her chair and stood up. She fixed her hair tie for a quick second and kept looking at me for some sort of confirmation on coffee and such.
As much as I want coffee or anything to keep me from falling asleep, I don't want to burden her. I'm very particular with how I want my coffee to be made and I don't want Maya to see how picky I am when it comes to sugar and milk ratios.
"I'm alright. Go. And don't forget to come back though." I said as I started to scan some of the notes Maya highlighted earlier and typed away.
"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can." she said as she waved a quick hand and left.
For the next 30 minutes, all I did was burn my eyes off staring into a laptop screen filled with words I guessed made sense when put together.
In those good few minutes, my head felt very heavy and the call to sleep was getting louder and louder each moment I was awake, typing in whatever I thought of the subject.
I was tired. And exhausted. And tired.
Another fifteen minutes passed and the urge to shut my eyes and take a quick nap seemed like a good idea at the moment.
I was feeling very heavy and all I could think of was snuggling up in bed with Athena playing with my hair or cozying up beside me after watching cringey Netflix movies. All I could think of were the days when everything seemed so simple and not as complex as it did these days.
I felt my back hunch over slowly over the laptop's keyboard and my hands and arms go numb. Everything happened so slow yet at the same time, it seemed to stop.
My eyes were flittering and were rather indecisive whether to close or not.
In the end, they eventually shut.