Chapter 23: Chapter Two

ADA

“Cayden,” I said timidly, breaking the awkwardness between us. He still seemed a little closed off from my complete dismissal of his feelings. “I love you too. More than you can imagine. I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of being abandoned. Look at my life. I do not have parents. I do not have siblings. Technically, I do not even have a home anymore,” I said.

I did not want him to feel sorry for me, but I hoped he would realize what us being together meant for me.

“If this is what you do in every town you raid, or if you follow a fickle path of love, then ~please~ tell me. I cannot afford to let myself be hurt.”

“Ada, I can assure you there isn’t anyone else in the world for me. I am sorry you have not seen that or have doubted what is between us.

“That is why I wish to bring you to my home. That is the only place I can show you what a life together would be like.”

“So, why do we not leave? What’s keeping us here?”

“That is a simpler question to answer than any of your others. Barra…he wishes to wait out the winter. We will overtake the next town at the first sight of spring.”

“Then what will happen after that?”

“We’ll hopefully find the men who killed my brother.”

“So, you will travel until the score is settled?”

“Yes, and let’s hope that happens soon.”

***

The next morning, I found myself waking up again for the third week in a row with a horrible feeling in my stomach.

I left without my cape, leaving Cayden sleeping in bed, hurrying as fast as I could out of the house. Before I was even a few steps outside, I started to vomit.

It seemed that with the change of the weather, illness had found me, and I feared it was something serious. I walked over to the stable, knowing that a second wave of vomit would soon arrive.

My hand rested on the post and I clutched my stomach.

“Drink some water.” Egil threw his canteen toward me. I had not even realized he was sleeping in the hay. He must have been too drunk to find his way into the house last night.

“I think water will only make me feel worse.”

“Aye, my wife always said that as well. The mornings are always the most difficult.”

“Your wife?”

“She was very sick the first two times she was with child.”

“I do not see how your wife’s pregnancy relates,” I said, annoyed.

“Are you not with child?”

“Child?” I looked at him, still holding onto my stomach. I felt panic run through my body. I could not be with child; I wasn’t ready.

There were so many unanswered questions about me and Cayden; a child would surely scare him away.

“When was the last time you bled?” he asked flatly, seeming unconcerned by my shock. I thought back and realized it had been months ago, around the same time I started to train with them.

“Long ago…,” I said so quietly it was inaudible. He helped me sit down beside him and began to rub my back.

“Ada, you must tell Cayden. It is dangerous for you to continue fighting with us, and you should call upon a midwife. She will know how far along you are.”

“Midwife? I wouldn’t even know where to search for one. If we had one, she was probably killed when you invaded.”

“We have a very skilled midwife back home. I’m sure Cayden will request that she visit.”

“She cared for your wife?”

“Yes, and safely delivered all three of our children.”

“I didn’t even know you were married. Are any of the other men married?”

“No, but there are a few women who wait for them back home.”

“Does Cayden have anyone waiting for him?”

“No, Ada...but he does have many admirers who will be envious of you.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “You must tell him. He will take care of you.”

Later that morning, I finished placing the food on the table for the men. Cayden watched me as I somberly walked around the room.

He seemed concerned by my manner, and for the first time showed we were together in front of the others by pulling me onto his lap. Our friends exchanged smirks with one another but did not say anything.

“I missed waking up in our usual way this morning,” he whispered in my ear. I thought about us finding each other under the sheets and stealing a few kisses before the others awoke. “Where were you?”

My body was so tired, it melted into his. I could barely find the energy to answer him, feeling like I could sleep for days. He let me be, taking meat and a piece of bread off the main dish.

The mornings were always the quietest for the group. Most of them were still ill from the night before, so it was not out of the ordinary for me to stay silent as well.

I closed my eyes and laid my head on his chest. I worried this would make him uncomfortable in front of the others, but he did not move.

“Do you not feel well? You barely had a bite of bread,” Cayden said to me after some time. I hadn’t even realized I had drifted off to sleep.

I still couldn’t answer him. His arm was around my waist, and I placed my hands in his to let him know I was alive. He was finished eating, but now Egil and Caxton sat at the table with us.

I watched them stuffing their faces for a moment. Even the sight of food made me queasy. I closed my eyes, trying to think about something else.

The smell of the meat was so overpowering, I could feel my stomach beginning to turn.

“I’m going to check on the animals,” I said abruptly, and stood up. My comment was only acknowledged by Cayden, who seemed worried about my erratic behavior.

Egil looked up at me and nodded his head toward Cayden. I felt so horrible that all I could manage was a cross look in his direction. Instead of heading to the barn, I made my way across the fields.

The leaves had almost gone from the trees, and there was a foggy haze over the land. The fresh air was exactly what I needed to calm my body down. How would I tell him I was with child?

A little while later, I heard the leaves rustle behind me and turned to see Cayden walking toward me. He had an inquisitive look on his face as he drew near.

Cayden held out a piece of bread, and I hesitantly took it from him. There was such a pit in my stomach, even with the nausea gone; nerves had replaced it.

Egil was right, I could not go any longer without telling him.

“Are you avoiding your training?” he asked, sitting next to me. I looked over the edge of the cliff, trying to find my words. My hair fell across my face and he tenderly brushed it away.

“No, I am not.”

“Then why do you hide here?”

I sat in silence, trying to remember the speech I had prepared. I looked at him for a moment. He was so serious. It was the same expression I had seen when he found me in the dungeon.

“Ada, have I done something? Are you having second thoughts about our conversation yesterday?” He seemed to be as nervous as I was now, anxiously waiting for my response.

“I’m afraid if I tell you what is on my mind, it will give you reason to leave.”

“I can assure you whatever it is, I will not leave you.”

“I am afraid.”

“What is it? Did something happen?”

I did the only thing I could think to do—I took his hand and placed it over my stomach. Tears began to slide down my face.

It was not necessary for me to say the words. Why else would I put his hand over my stomach? But to say it aloud would make it real for the both of us.

“I am with child.”