Carter
"I wan mummy now daddy," Jess whispered, snuggling closer into my side. She pulled her blanket up closer to her face and sighed heavily.
"I know angel, she'll be home soon," I replied, hugging her close to me. She wasn't well today. Her temperature was up way too much than we'd like- she had been throwing up and was complaining of a headache. We'd tried to keep her as settled and calm as possible but it was difficult when she's so restless as it is.
"I wan her hwome now daddy," she sighed and moved to straddle my knee.
"I know, baby girl. I do too but we can't make her go any faster can we?" I muttered, moving some baby hairs off her sweaty forehead. She huffed and flopped against me.
"Mama," she whispered and brought her thumb to her mouth. I giggled and held her close whilst scratching her bare back. She'd abandoned all clothes except her nappy this morning due to how hot she was and I don't blame her. Her breathing softened as I kept drawing the patterns and I hummed her a soft tune. She soon fell fast asleep. I had gotten a text from Phoebe saying she was going to get Jess's favourite snack for when she was feeling better but she had to go into town to get it and that was further than the chemist. I didn't mind though and I let her know Jess had fallen asleep so she was good to go anywhere for an hour or so.
I did feel kind of bad for Phoebe today though; she was planning to go out for lunch with her friends but half an hour before she was meant to go, Jess threw up all over her outfit and then clung to her for a good hour. Phoebe cancelled on her friends and she'd been a little down ever since. I was really desperate to do something nice for her but I wasn't sure what. I wanted a date night but I knew it was nearly impossible with Jess on the loose. I knew I could try and get her in bed for a decent time and then spend the evening with Phoebe but even then, she was up to her bedroom multiple times a night if she was worried and Phoebe struggles to settle down to sleep if she can't hear Jess! I can see they are both completely and utterly in love with each other and I love it but knowing they had so much anxiety being apart and knowing how Phoebe's worrying can get out of hand when not with Jess upset and worried me. I just wanted both of my girls to be happy but it was so hard.
An hour later, Jess was awake and attempting to eat some crackers. I had cuddled her until she woke up and then let her choose some food as she'd been complaining she was hungry- thankfully, she hadn't mentioned Phoebe. She still wasn't back but she was letting me know she was doing some shopping and meandering around town which I think was her therapy. She loved shopping and had begged me to go with her multiple times (purely to look after the little one). Jess didn't like shopping as much- the people, the vibes, all the dirty clothes and unorganised shelves often upset her, especially on a tough day so Phoebe avoided it. I sighed and ran my hands through my greasy hair.
"Dada?" Jess whispered softly. I looked at her and saw her holding a cracker up for me. "You has?" she mumbled, tilting her head to the side. I giggled and came closer to her.
"No thank you munchkin. They're all for you," I kissed her head and grabbed hold of her little legs which were sticking out of the high chair.
"Awe woo sad?" her eyes turned sad and she pouted a little bit as she analyzed my expression.
"I'm not sad, princess. Daddy is just trying to think of something for your mummy."
"Fwor mummy?" she put a cracker in her mouth and sucked it, making me chuckle.
"Yeah, baby. I want to do something really nice for her to make her happy. Can you think of anything?" Who better to get advice from other than her baby girl?
"Hm a dwate night daddy. She wolves dem cus dey make hwer feel special," she mumbled.
"What kind of date does she like best?"
"Jus fwood at hwome an an a movie den she wikes sex aferward but I no do dat," she giggled and pulled an 'blegh' face.
"Okay. Does she like a fancy dinner or is it just normal food?"
"She woves if you mwake it fancwy. She wikes de candwes and de petals daddy. She showed me one twime an I doned it fwor her couple of times," she shwugged and kept eating her crackers.
"Really?" I couldn't imagine big girl Jess arranging a date really.
"Mhmm, fwor her birfday an dis one twime she was poowy an in hospitwal so when she comed home I did a dwate night for her daddy. She woved it soooooo mwuch," she giggled and smiled widely at me.
"Well then, I guess I better get planning. What food does she like best?"
"Chinese daddy. Dat her favwet. But I order it in fwom de shop an den put it on pwates to mwake it wook pwetty and fancy fwor her," she explained.
"Okay angel. Thank you so much for your help!"
"Dwat otway daddy," she kept on eating her crackers- one by one.
"I'm home!" Phoebe announced half an hour later. Jess was on the floor, playing with her toys and honestly was looking so much better. The crackers had stayed down really well and her temperature had lowered too.
"Mama!" she shouted and began crawling to the hallway. I got up, scooped Jess into my arms, causing her to giggle and walked us both out there. The dogs then came over, yapping.
"Hello my loves," Phoebe smiled widely and opened her arms for us. She gave us a group hug before taking Jess from my arms. She kissed her on the cheek and Jess cuddled into her arms. I smiled, kissed Phoebe's cheek and picked up her many shopping bags.
"What did ya get?" I asked, peering into one. "Any sexy lingerie?" I smirked. Phoebe smirked back at me and Jess looked between us.
"Maybe I did. But you'll have to wait to see- won't you?" she smirked, pulling the victoria secret bag from me and taking Jess upstairs. Jess stuck her tongue out at me over Phoebe's shoulder and I glared playfully back at her.
I followed them up with the rest of her new stuff, dumped them on the floor and told them I was going to make some dinner.
I'd discussed with Jess that when she was feeling better, she could go sleep over at Ellie's- big or little- whilst I had Phoebe to myself for the night. I wanted to make her feel like the only girl in the world and by doing that, I'd have to have Jess out of the house. Obviously, Jess had agreed because I think, deep down, she can see Phoebe struggling and wanted to help too. However, Jess' own mental state was struggling to the point that she couldn't face being big at the minute so we had to compromise.
Phoebe.
This morning, I felt like shit. I was really looking forward to going out with my friends, away from stress, worry, love and just life for a little while but Jess needed me more. Don't get me wrong, I love her beyond compare and she'll always be my number one girl but when there's something I've been looking forward to for so long and I have to cancel because of her- I can't help but feel a little bit of resentment. However, after shopping- the ultimate therapy- I felt tons better. Obviously, my bank account didn't. But I did and that's what mattered to me. As a matter of fact, I had bought some lingerie and I was looking forward to showing it off to Carter but first, Jess. She loved seeing me like that- she obviously didn't feel anything sexual the way Carter would but she appreciated it. Plus, she was my ultimate 'pick me up'.
As I walked upstairs, carrying her. She began playing with my hair and softly kissed my cheek before putting her head on my shoulder. Butterflies escaped in my belly, surprising me that after two years she still had this effect on me.
"You okay princess?" I asked softly, rubbing her back and kicking my bedroom door open. She nodded gently and climbed down from my arms to sit on the bed.
"You sure?" I asked again, moving some loose hair from her face.
"I sure mama." I sat down beside her and opened the first bag of shopping. However, her little hands put themselves on mine and she climbed onto my knee, straddling me. I dropped the bag and put my hands on her waist softly.
"Hello," I giggled. She smiled and began playing with my necklace. It had a little J on it and she had one with a P on it.
"You alright?" I asked quietly, watching her. She nodded and pointed further up the bed.
"You sit dere?" I moved quickly, making sure she didn't fall or anything and she settled herself on my knee once again.
"Better?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around her back and running my nails down it gently. I watched as goosebumps rose on her bare chest.
"Yeah, that's better," she whispered- avoiding eye contact. Now, she didn't speak little- confusing me.
"Is there something on your mind, baby?"
She sighed and looked at me with sad little eyes. I pouted and tried to pull her close but she didn't let me. "Hey," I whimpered.
"I'm sorry Pheebs," she mumbled, avoiding eye contact.
"About what?" I was genuinely curious now.
"About being little all the time. I'm always so caught up in it that I don't think I really see how much you do and how much it affects you sometimes and that isn't fair." She began rambling, still fiddling with my necklace. "I just- I'm sorry. Today, you wanted to go out and I stopped that because I was selfis-"
"No baby. You were poorly. Not selfish, not self-centered or stubborn or bratty or any of the other words you're thinking about calling yourself. You were poorly and you wanted somebody here who could look after you and someone you trusted here," I cut her off. She sighed, the type of sigh you sigh when you are trying not to cry.
"But you shouldn't have to be that person," she whimpered, rubbing her eyes harshly.
"Jess- listen. I may be your caregiver, okay? I may be your mummy, your mama and your one and only who you turn to when you feel the most vulnerable but above all- I'm your girlfriend. That's what these are for," I motioned to the necklace she was playing with and then picked hers up in my fingers. "They are to signify that we live in each other's hearts and nothing, no matter how small you get or how often you're small, will stop me being your girlfriend. Who I love wholeheartedly and forever."
"So you would have stayed if I was big or little?"
"Absolutely. When you need me, I'm here. When I need you, you're ther-"
"I'm not though." she cut me off, sounding frustrated- with herself I imagine.
"Why aren't you?" I questioned, tucking some hair behind her ear.
"Because I'm little. I'm not seeing that you might need big girl me or that you might want to chat or be loved and cared for yourself," she huffed. I smiled sadly and took hold of her hands which were practically pulling at my necklace now.
"Do you not love me when you're little?" I asked. I knew the answer but I wanted to get my point across.
"What- yes of course I do!" she said, shocked. I smiled softly and kissed the back of her hands.
"Then that's all I ever need. Coming up them stairs when you touched my hair and kissed my cheek- that's the softest, most pure type of love I desire darling and you give that to me without even thinking about it. So don't, for one second, think you don't love me when I need you because you do."
She smiled a little and let out a sigh of relief. I continued my point, "when I have a bad day at work and come home to find my sleepy little girl whining to be held by her mama, my heart is filled with so much pride and love that all the bad energy evaporates. When I'm the one you shout for after a bad dream or after waking up in the morning because you want to see me or because we both know I make you feel better- I feel so much love from that. Or, a little one and bet you don't even notice," I giggled and poked her belly making her smile more and coil away slightly, "Is when you're playing on the floor and I'm sat behind you and every so often, you turn to check I'm still there in the room with you. Or you come over and sit closer to me. That, allllll of that, makes me 110% sure that you love me just as much as I love you." she let out a big sigh and flopped against my chest, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. She kissed my cheek and then hid in my neck. I smiled, held her close to me and hid my face in hers too. I took in her baby shampoo scent and really valued this hug. However, I had to ask.
"Where did all this come from angel? You've never queried about it before."
"Erm," she sat up, gently kissed my lips and then got off my knee gently. "I think Carter is a little worried about you, he mentioned you a lot today- more than me," she giggled and got up off the bed.
"Really?" I was shocked. Obviously, I knew Carter loved me tons and I loved him tons too. I knew he was an over-thinker and I suppose, knowing I was looking forward to something and then not able to do it- he probably thought I was upset which is why I was out for so long.
"Yeah. It was weird that he kept mentioning you. Usually, he avoids it so I'm not missing you too much but yeah," she shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed. I sighed slightly and shuffled over to her and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
"What else is on your mind?"
"A couple of things," she replied.
"Go on."
"Would you ever get a necklace for Carter?" she whispered, moving her fingers to her own and her eyes to mine.
"No," I smiled.
Her eyes shot up to me, confused. "I don't want one with Carter. Obviously, I love him just as much as you but the necklaces are our thing. Plus, I can get something else with him- I don't need us to copy our idea. That's a special one preserved for my special lady," I giggled and leaned down to kiss her lips. She giggled and pushed on my chest a little.
"I don't think we should keep kissing, you might get sick."
"Hm, no. You had food poisoning not some sickly stomach bug- don't be a cock block," I whined and pulled her closer to me by the waist. She giggled loudly and put her arms around my neck. I smiled and pulled her into a deep kiss. I was beyond grateful her asexuality didn't stem all the way to kisses; I really don't think I could survive not being able to kiss her once. Just then, I heard a manly gasp and his voice say: "I want a go!" Just before our boyfriend collapsed beside us on the bed. We fell apart, laughing and Jess nudged him slightly. They stuck their tongues out at each other and I smiled. My little family were the best.