Jess
I woke up in my little room at Carter's house but I didn't feel one bit small. I felt awful. My head was full of images and thoughts and I felt sick to the stomach. My night clothes were strangling me and my nappy felt too tight- but as if it might fall off at any second. I hated it. I ripped the bedsheets off my bed then undressed, nappy and all. I threw the nappy away in the nappy bin. Stripped the bed sheets, leaving an empty duvet cover and pillow cases and took them, along with my pyjamas, downstairs to the washing machine. I quickly put them in, along with the other things around the house and started that up. I then went to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and downed it on one.
Sighing, I looked around the room. I could see dirt, dust and misplaced things everywhere and it felt as if a thousand minibeasts were crawling across my skin. Deciding it needed a good clean up and that was the only way to get rid of the creepy crawlies, I climbed onto the counter and began emptying Carter's cupboards. Whilst doing it, I found myself counting, over and over then double and triple checking I was doing this in the right order. I made sure I emptied the left side of the cupboard first and then the right. I placed all the things- jars, sugars, boxes and spices in the middle of the island (making groups of 3 by 3) and began cleaning the cupboards with bleach. The whole time, still counting. Three sprays only for it to be the most clean. Once all the cupboards were cleaned efficiently I began sorting through his items on the island. I put them all in separate groups depending on what they were and lined them up in rows of 3. Anything out of date I threw in the bin. When that was done, I agreed to leave it there for nine minutes and moved the washing from the machine to the dryer. My skin was burning and I scratched at it to try and stop it. Images flashed through my mind and awful sexual thoughts made my stomach turn so I grabbed my hair tightly. I scrunched it three times. I then set on a hunt around the house to find some more things to put in the washer. I found blankets, the dog's things, jackets and walking socks which were full of mud. I put them in the wash and then went back to the kitchen.
However, there stood Carter, hands on hips and eyebrows raised. My stomach twisted. Phoebe came trudging in a few seconds later and looked around the kitchen. Both their eyes then looked me up and down- my naked attire must have shocked them.
"Oh Jess-" Phoebe whispered and put her arms around herself. She had red marks on her cheek from the pillow where she was sleeping.
"Jess. Do you know what time it is?" Carter asked me, firmly. I thought and then I realised that I didn't. I shook my head.
"It's 4 in the morning," he confirmed. His voice was hard but croaky too, as if he'd just woken up and was angry.
"Then go back to bed?" I whispered, wondering if my answer would make him madder.
"How do you think we can go back to bed when you're down here making all this racket?" he groaned, throwing his arms up. I whimpered and lowered my head.
"Don't talk to her like that," Phoebe scolded slightly and I saw her feet come into view. She then crouched down in front of me and looked up at me.
"I'm not little," I huffed slightly, trying to move away from the childish position she'd put me in but her grip on my hands was tight.
"What's going on in your head?" she asked, her voice was as soft as my teddy and her eyes shone with nothing but sympathy. I shuffled under her gaze. I hated talking about it. "Come on, you can tell me."
"N-no," I took a step back and ripped my hands away from hers.
"Jes-" she whined.
"Jess, can you just clean this up quickly so we can go back to bed and in peace?" Carter asked, looking at me. I shook my head. I couldn't do that. If I did that then we'd all get sick next time we ate the food or even used anything from the kitchen.
"Why not?" He groaned, covering his face.
"B-because we'll be poorly. It's not clean. None of it is. I-I-I still need to clean the plates and the cups and the cutlery and then I need to mop and clean the counters before anyone can eat anything in here!" I whined.
"Baby, it's okay. You can do that in the morning when you aren't meant to be sleeping-" Phoebe said and came closer to me.
"No I can't!" I huffed and threw my arms up and stepped away from her again. They didn't understand.
"Baby come on," Phoebe pleaded and reached for my hands again.
"No! No don't touch me," I cried. I backed up against the counter and whimpered.
"Jess, baby, I've got work in the morning. I need to be able to sleep," Carter said and sat at the island. He picked up one of the jars and my skin burnt.
"Please put it down," I whimpered. "You can't touch them while I'm cleaning them."
"Why?" he asked. His voice wasn't mean or vicious but genuinely curious.
"Because they're cleansing. I need to wait another nine minutes now," I sighed. I took it from his hand and put it back where he got it from. He sighed tiredly and Phoebe did too. I couldn't help but feel bad but I need to clean. I had to make the pictures stop and to stop my skin from being crawled on and burning. I scratched at my still burning hands and rubbed my body hard before trying to shake the creepy crawlies off.
"Princess, why don't you come to bed with us and then in the morning you can clean again? Leave the things here to do what they need to do-"
"No! You don't get it. I need to do it now! I can't sleep, I can't even think unless it gets done," I cried angrily.
"Okay." Phoebe said and put her hand on Carter's back.
"We'll go back to bed and you keep cleaning. Try and be as quiet as possible, okay?" Phoebe said. I looked at her and nodded sadly. She looked so tired and Carter just looked mad and tired. I hated my head.
When they left, I began to get the plates and cups and things from the other cupboards. Carter seemed to have a lot. I filled the sink up with hot, soapy water and got to work on cleaning them all. I dried them as I went and put them in piles of 3. However, I could hear Carter and Phoebe arguing upstairs. I felt my stomach tighten- it was my fault.
"She's rearranging my whole kitchen!" he shouted. I flinched.
"She can't help it!"
"She can't just waltz into someone's house and expect to get away with it!" I thought I belonged here. I held back some tears and tried to drown it out but the thoughts just came thicker and faster.
"You let her into your home Carter. You became her caregiver and offered to love her! Why is this upsetting you so much?"
"I've got three huge meetings tomorrow, Phoebe, and she doesn't understand that."
My eyes went blurry as images of fires, crashes, and blood flooded my head. I could hear screaming and sirens and the crackling of flames. Then a crash and scattering of porcelain. The shouting stopped suddenly and I heard the banging of the stairs and the barking of dogs. I'd dropped three plates. I whimpered when I felt the feeling of glass on my feet and let the tears fall when Phoebe and Carter came running into the kitchen.
"Baby," Phoebe whispered and moved closer to me.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. I looked at Carter through blurry eyes but I couldn't read his expression. Anger? Hatred? Disappointment? I don't know.
"It's okay princess. It was an accident, hm?" Phoebe soothed and moved some hair from my face. She grabbed a tissue then wiped my face softly. I whimpered more. The creepy crawlies were digging into my skin and burying themselves beneath it and I hated it. I cried more and tried to get away from the heat of Phoebe.
"Baby come on, mummy wants to help," she whispered and reached to touch me but it hurt.
"No, no no," I cried and dropped to my knees. I gripped myself and shut my eyes tight. I rubbed hard at my arms and legs and feet and face.
"What's she doing?" Carter asked. I didn't hear what Phoebe said next because the screaming started again.
"Jess sweetheart. Mummy's going to pick you up and we are going to go for a shower," I heard Phoebe whisper in my ear.
"N-no no mummy no it's it-it it no clean!" I screeched as she picked me up into her arms. I thrashed and kicked and cried as I tried to get down. I had to clean it. I had to! I needed to!
"Shh," mummy tried to soothe me and rub my back but it burnt.
"Stop!" I sobbed and collapsed in her arms. I cried heavily into her neck and covered my ears. I hated the screaming.
Carter
Seeing and hearing Jess cry that hard and thrash in Phoebe's arms tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it until there was nothing left. I felt so bad for shouting and getting mad now. She couldn't help it and it was obvious she was in such a mental torment. I recon she heard me shouting too. I turned on the shower and moved back from it. Jess was sobbing heavily into Phoebe's neck when she brought her in.
"Can you take her? I need to get undressed," Phoebe said to me gently. I nodded and took Jess from her arms. She hardly weighed a thing and I think she was so caught up in her own head she didn't feel the difference between who was holding her. I sat on the stool in the bathroom and rocked her in my arms. I played with her hair and tried to wipe her soaking wet and bloody face as she cried heavily. She'd cut her cheeks from scratching at them so hard and they wouldn't stop bleeding. Her hands were gripping her hair and she kept tugging on it but as I tried to pull it free she'd tell me to stop.
"Just hold her," Phoebe sighed. "Nothing else. She can't handle it." I nodded sadly and held Jess close to my chest, hoping she'd hear my heartbeat. Phoebe was now undressed and she took down the shower head.
"Can you come set her on the floor of the shower for me?" I could hear in her voice, not only was she tired but hurting. She loved Jess, more than anything so obviously seeing her so upset and beyond herself now- it hurt her.
I did as asked and watched as Phoebe lowered the shower setting and began putting it on Jess' head and aiming it down her back. She brushed her hand through Jess' hair despite her grip on it and Jess' cries quickly settled down. She whimpered and rubbed at her face and eyes but her knuckles returned to normal colour.
"Good girl," I heard Phoebe whisper gently. She carried on running the water over Jess' body and saying little things to Jess. I couldn't see either girl's face. Phoebe was turned away from me and Jess' wet, black hair covered up hers. She was hiccuping and sniffling but other than that, she seemed to have calmed down immensely.
"That's it sweetheart, deep breaths," Phoebe whispered as Jess took a few. I smiled. It felt better seeing her calmed down. Jess took hold of the shower head and Phoebe took down Jess' shampoo and put some on her head. Jess's head came up and I could see how red and swollen her face was.The scratches were still bleeding quite a bit but the water seemed to be helping them clean. I'm surprised they weren't hurting her. Phoebe massaged Jess' scalp and Jess closed her eyes gently. Her face looked at peace now. Earlier on, in the kitchen, she looked sour and as if she was in pain. It was like I could see the cogs turning hundreds of miles per hour around in her head. She must have overheated, causing an explosion of emotion.
Once Jess' hair was cleaned and her body washed, Phoebe turned off the shower. I grabbed a towel and handed it to her. She put it around herself so I grabbed another one for Jess. Phoebe wrapped her up and held her against her chest, cradling her head.
"Can you go get me the first aid kit?" Phoebe asked me softly. I nodded and went to grab it. When I came back, Jess was sitting on the stool and Phoebe crouched in front of her.
"Thank you," she mumbled and got out a few plasters.
Phoebe
I got the princess plasters out and tried my best to cover Jess' scratches on her cheeks. The dropped plates had caused some cuts on her feet too so I plastered them even though they weren't bleeding. She occasionally sighed but never said anything. To be honest, we'd done this routine multiple times before but I think she felt exceptionally guilty. One for it being so early in the morning, two it being at Carter's house and three for hearing what Carter said. I had no doubt in my mind that she had heard it. I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and protect her from the mean world and her own head really. She let out a big yawn just as I zipped the first aid bag back up and gave it back to Carter.
"Now princess. We're going to head back up to bed, you can sleep with Carter and I. Then in the morning, the proper morning, you and I can finish cleaning the kitchen and the whole house if you like, okay?" I said softly and moved some of her damp hair from her face. She whimpered but nodded then raised her arms to, surprisingly, Carter. He smiled widely, gave me the first aid kit and picked Jess up in his arms. She was wrapped in a towel and I had every intention of putting her in a nappy. Carter walked back through the house- thankfully avoiding the kitchen and spoke softly, in his best daddy voice, to a sleepy Jess. I heard the occasional grumble and little giggle but no words. It didn't surprise me. She was always nonverbal after something like this. Hopefully now though, we can get her diapered and sleeping and sort everything out calmly in the morning.