Phoebe
"I know princess, mummy's here," I cooed as I picked Jess up for the hundredth time today. She was so sick and it was starting to worry me. She'd been throwing up for the last 12 hours. I think the longest break we had between each one was 4 hours and that was a blessing honestly. Not only was she throwing up but she had a headache, her whole body was hurting her and she had diarrhoea. She was honestly just a mess.
"Mummy it hurts," she cried and buried her head into my neck.
"I know princess, there's nothing else mummy can do now though," I replied, stroking her back.
"N-no mummy. It really hurts." She sat up on my lap and held her belly. I pouted and touched it softly then pressed but she screeched and moved my hand away. "No mummy. Owie," she huffed and then flopped back onto me but winced in pain. I sighed, held her as tight as she'd let me and took my phone from my pocket, finally deciding to call 111.
Great. An ambulance was on its way to take her to the hospital. I held her tighter before kissing her head and lifting her up. She groaned in pain and my heart went out to her.
"Can we head upstairs quickly, baby? Mummy needs to pack you a few things," I asked softly to her.
"Pwack mama? We go holiday?"
I couldn't help but giggle. "No princess. We need to go make sure your belly is okay. A special truck is coming to get us!" I said, picking her up and taking her with me upstairs.
"Mummy?" she whimpered.
"Yes, baby?"
"Am I dying?"
"No. No baby you're not dying." I sat her on the bed and began packing some of her pull-ups, a change of clothes for us both and her teddy along with paci. She lay on my bed, naked and looking so sorry for herself. She had her special bunny in her hand and was rubbing its ear against her nose whilst she sucked her thumb and, as sick as she was, it was an extremely cute sight. I finished getting her bag ready and also grabbed her therapist review sheet. This basically stated that someone she knew had to stay with her in certain places at all times. Occasionally, at the hospital before, they've made me leave as she's not a child and I'm not her parent so this slip told the doctor I had to stay with her, whether they liked it or not. Just as I picked her up again, she winced and hid in my neck whilst trying to clutch her stomach and there was a knock at the door. I walked down the stairs as carefully as I could to try and not jolt her stomach and cause more pain then opened the door. It was the paramedics.
"Hi, come in," I said softly. Jess looked up from my neck and whimpered.
"Dey de doctors?" she asked me gently.
"They are bubs. They'll make you feel better," I whispered, stroking her back.
"Hey sweetheart, I'm Grace. What's your name?" The older looking woman asked, holding her hand out to Jess.
"I Jess."
"That's a very pretty name. Who's this?"
"Dis mummy," Jess smiled gently then rubbed her eyes and put her head back on my shoulder.
Grace giggled and put the back of her hand on Jess' forehead before her face fell.
"Hi mummy, I'm Grace." she laughed and nodded at me.
I laughed and corrected the name choice before telling them the problem.
"Okay, it sounds like it could be appendicitis but we're going to have to get her to the hospital regardless. Her temperature and the pain aren't a good combination. Do you have anything packed for her?" The male paramedic said.
"I do. It's just in the other room. Do I need to get her dressed?"
"Just a long top will be fine. Are the nappies an incontinence thing?" Grace replied.
"Pretty much. She struggles and it's convenient, especially when she's sick." I sat her on the sofa and she whimpered loudly.
"Mama no gwo," she reached out for me but I could see she was exhausted.
"I'm not going sweets, I'm just here," I replied. I grabbed a freshly washed t-shirt of mine from a nearby basket and put it over her head before guiding her hands in.
"We're ready when you are," I said, picking Jess back up.
"I'll take this bag, is it the one to go?" Grace said. I nodded and she flung it over her shoulder.
"Thank you."
In the ambulance, Grace began checking Jess over whilst I sat on the side.
"Mama," Jess would occasionally whimper and point to me.
Grace was scribing on a piece of paper and looking between Jess and I.
"How old is she?" she asked.
"22," I replied.
"Is the," she paused as if to find the right words, "baby thing an everyday occurrence? A mental thing? I don't mean to be rude. The doctors need to know!" she said, all very quickly.
I smiled reassuringly and played with Jess' hair. She was playing with her teddy so I didn't mind having this conversation.
"She suffers quite severely from PTSD, anxiety and OCD. She regresses to a child-like state when she struggles as a coping mechanism. I'd like to say it's not every day but it pretty much is at the minute. However, it simply stops her from doing any harm to herself or others," I explained, fiddling with Jess's hair.
"I see. She's a regressor. Are you her caregiver primarily then?"
"I'm her girlfriend as well but yes, I'm her caregiver."
"Daddy?" Jess whispered, looking at me sadly. I mentally sighed. I didn't want her to mention him. Carter and I had recently had a big falling out regarding Jess as he'd said some pretty hurtful things- one thing in particular and I pretty much kicked him out on the spot. That was a week ago and we haven't spoken since but I think, he's too afraid to say anything to me and well, I'm just too awkward. I've been wanting to call him all day or just text him because I was struggling with handling little, sick Jess on my own.
"Daddy isn't here baby," I whispered, moving some hair from her hot forehead.
"Oh," she whimpered.
"She has a daddy too?" Grace asked, looking up.
"She does. He's our boyfriend but helps with Caregiver duties too," I explained, sadly.
"I see. Can I please have your details, his as well? Does he know you're here?"
I shook my head sadly and she just nodded before handing me the paper. I didn't want to talk about it in front of Jess. His words would hurt her more than they hurt me and she just thinks he's been busy with work all week- hence why we hadn't seen him.
Two hours later, my heart was breaking as they wheeled Jess from her room to surgery. She had appendicitis and the only way to stop it now was to remove it. She was terrified, as anyone would be. However, the doctors seem to be doing such an amazing job. They've taken her littleness into their stride and are treating her as they would children. They have the kids nurses checking on her and things like that and the doctors have all been super supportive in my staying. But, there were limits and no parent was allowed in the surgery room.
I groaned, wiped my eyes pathetically and trudged back to the waiting room. It took my, nearly dead, phone out of my pocket and rang Carter. He picked up almost instantly.
"Phoebe," he simply said.
"Carter I need you to come to the hospital," I whispered, voice shaking.
"T-the hospital? Why?" He was alarmed immediately.
"Jess. She's in surgery. Please I need you," I began sobbing now. All the hatred I had for him and gone and all I wanted was him and my sick baby in my arms. I hated knowing she was away from me at such a difficult time.
"I'm coming. I'm coming. Do you need me to get anything on the way? Food or anything?"
"N-no. Just you."
"Okay baby. I'm on my way." He hung up and I sobbed into my hands. Terror. Anxiety. Love. Anger. Was all filling me with the most emotions I've felt in a long time and I wanted to know that my baby girl was okay. I needed to know she was okay.
Carter
Pulling into the hospital car park, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would break my ribcage. Why was Jess in surgery? What was going on? All week, I'd been an emotional mess thinking I'd lost the best things that have ever happened to me but I suppose, Phoebe reaching out to me when she needs me the most proves I'm still something to her? I got out as quick as I could, locked the car and ran into the hospital. I had been here before, many times so I rushed to the surgery waiting area. My heart broke seeing Phoebe curled in on herself. She had Jess' teddy wrapped in her arms and her face was red and wet from crying. She saw me and as she did, her face relaxed, slightly. She ran into my arms and broke down into tears again. I could feel Jess's teddy between us and it filled me with fear.
"Please tell me she's okay, please," I begged Phoebe and clutched her.
"I do-I don't know," she cried and shook her head. She stood up straight, wiped her eyes and held onto the teddy so tight her knuckles were white.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Appendix," she sighed, moving some hair behind her ear and wiping her eyes. She looked exhausted, metally and physically.
"Let's go sit," I mumbled. I took her hand in mine and caressed the back of it with my thumb whilst leading us over to the chairs. She sat down beside me and sighed heavily.
"Jess doesn't know."
"Jess doesn't know what?"
"That we fell out. That we argued. She has no idea. She thinks you've been busy with work- please don't tell her Car. She can't know about what you said. It hurt me but it would destroy her." I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. What I said destroyed me too.
"Pheebs. I'm sorry. What I said wasn't a reflection of you. It wasn't anything to do with you. I know that and I've always known that but with me- I can't I can't stop thinking it. I can't stop thinking I am one," I muttered.
"A Pedophile?"
I nodded, once.
"You better not be a god damn pedophile Carter. I swear to-"
"I'm not. Be quiet." I groaned and shot her a glance. She blushed, looked around nervously and slid into herself before taking a shaky breath. "With my last little, she wanted to do all these things sexually. She'd make me do them with her. I was a new caregiver, I didn't know it was wrong, I didn't know it wasn't what I wanted. W-we were having sex one time. She'd been naughty so I spanked her and then- then I was edging her and things and she kept talking little and calling me daddy and every time the name came from her mouth my stomach would knot a little tighter until I threw up on her-"
"You threw up on her during sex?" Phoebe said. I could hear she was trying not to laugh and I couldn't help but smile at myself. I suppose it was a little funny.
"Yeah, I did."
"What did she do?"
"I don't really remember. I ju-I just remember the next morning when I woke up. She was downstairs so I went down and she'd made breakfast and asked if I was feeling better and things. But when we started talking about it and she began slipping again I hated myself, thinking I was sexualising this child, who wasn't really a child, but I couldn't snap out of it. So I had a panic attack this time and told her how I felt. How I couldn't do it sexually without feeling like a pedophile. She explained to me I wasn't one but we agreed to cut it off because she wanted someone like that. I haven't spoken to her since."
"I'm sorry Carter. B-but that doesn't explain why you called me one," she sighed. She put her hand on my shoulder and caressed it softly.
"When you said Jess's name and stuff. I guess I just. I thought you were thinking about her and I've only really known her properly when she's little. She's hardly big these days, you've said so yourself so when someone says Jess- I think little one- you get me? When you said her name I thought you were thinking about little her during sex and it freaked me out. I never meant to call you one baby. It just slipped out and I know you're not one. I know I'm not one either. I just can't help it," I sighed and curried my head in my hands. Phoebe hugged me and kissed the side of my head.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay. I forgive you. Just please, never let it happen again. I completely understand where you're coming from with the whole thing. I was like that too once but you get over it pretty quickly. You just need the right support system around you and Jess and I can give you that."
I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around her.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"I'm sorry too. I should have let you explain," she whispered and hid in my neck.
"It's okay. It sorted now," I stroked her back and held her.
"I feel sick. She's been in there so long."
Just like that, a doctor came up to us. "Are you Phoebe?" Phoebe sat up and had a conversation with this doctor. She turned to me with a smile on her face.
"Come on, she's in her room," she grabbed my hand and pulled me up before taking us to a corridor.
Phoebe.
Seeing my baby all better made my heart explode. I knew she wasn't 100% okay but hopefully, now, the sickness will stop, the pain will stop and the grouchiness too. She was asleep in her room when we went but already, she looked better.
A few hours later, she was awake and colouring in a new book Carter got her from the hospital shop. We had all eaten but Jess was being very quiet and non verbal. She was a sweet thing really but she seemed off and I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Do you feel better lovely?" A doctor questioned, walking into the room. Jess just nodded before moving some hair behind her face. I moved from the seat next to Carter and sat beside her on the bed.
She looked up at me with her big, doe eyes and I could see sadness, fear and tiredness behidn them. I leaned down, kissed her head and whispered in her ear.
"Is everything okay?"
She shrugged slightly and kept on colouring.
"What's going on in this little head of yours?" I tapped it and giggled before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"I wan gwo hwome," she whispered softly and leaned into me. I looked up to the doctor who was talking to Carter.
"- if all is well, she should be home tomorrow. We're going to need to show you both how to dress her surgery scar safely and other general things but I can get a nurse in to do that tomorrow morning."
"I wan gwo home now," Jess muttered, tears pooling in her eyes.
"I'm afraid that can't happen sweet. We need to make sure everything is okay and you're going to be safe at home," the doctor replied. Jess just sighed and kept on colouring, clearly blinking back her tears.
"I'm afraid I do also have to tell one of you that only one can stay with Jess tonight. Phoebe is that one," the doctor said. I smiled at Carter, already having explained this to him.
"Yeah. I need to get back to the dogs anyway." He pushed himself up off the sofa and walked over to us. He kissed my lips gently and then went round and kissed Jess' head.
"Daddy, wips pease," Jess pouted and looked up at Carter. Carter giggled and kissed Jess's lips before slinging his bag over his shoulder.
"I'll see you both tomorrow." At that, he walked out of the door, followed closely by the doctor. Jess let out a big sigh and wiped her face. I sighed too and held her close to me.
"I know it's tough princess but mummy's going to be here alllll night," I also picked up her yellow bunny and sat it on the plastic table where her colouring book lay, "as will Rosie." She smiled a little and reached for Rosie.
"Rosie? An mama?" she mumbled, snuggling further into me.
"That's right baby. We aren't going anywhereeee," I smiled and bopped her nose.
"Otay, otay good," she mumbled, putting her thumb in her mouth and snuggling into the fluffed up pillow. I held her whilst she fell asleep.