Larry's hand gently rests on my shoulder, but I can barely feel it. I can barely feel anything. I failed him.
My fingernails dig into the skin on my palms as I watch him get lowered into the ground. Rain hits his coffin and sometimes it splatters onto me, but I don't notice.
The last time we were in the rain together... Was when I told him how I truly felt about him.
A huge lump forms in my throat as I know this is the last way I will ever see him. Getting lowered into the fucking ground.
I want to jump into the hole with him, get buried alive just to be with him again. Just to see him again.
My eye manages to look away from him for a split second, just to look at Kenneth. Why was he here? That abuser should not be here. He should be in jail. Rotting for what he did. The only reason he's gone is because of Kenneth.
My knees buckle, and I collapse to the ground, a sob breaking out of my throat as I struggle to breathe.
Images flash through my mind of that night. Of how I found him. Of how I found my boyfriend.
"Travis?" My voice wavers through the quiet house as I step into the threshold. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. It was too quiet. The hairs on my back stood up as I looked around at the dull looking house.
Alcohol bottles were scattered all over the living room, and the whole place reeked. I can't believe he lived like this.
I glance back at Larry outside the house, and he didn't meet my gaze because he was watching for Kenneth, since we don't know when he's coming home. The difference between me and him is like light and day. It looks so different out there compared to in here.
I notice a broken picture frame out of the corner of my eye, but I was focused on finding him.
My weight creaks under the steps as I walk up them, my heart pounding in my ears. I check his room, but it was empty.
My hand grips the door handle to the bathroom. Something in my gut told me to run; told me to flee and to never look back. But I know I can't. I know I have to-
I open the door and I think my heart stops.
I think I start screaming.
And now he's being covered in dirt.
And his father is "innocent."
I gasp for air as tears fall down my face, my prosthetic not helping this fucking situation at all.
Larry crouches down, wrapping his arms around me and embracing me tightly, his hand combing through my messy wet hair.
He's gone. Travis is dead. It hurts to even think of his name, to even think of the last time I saw him. The last conversation we had.
My arms wrap around Larry, my fingers gripping his shirt, another sob leaving my throat.
It wasn't supposed to end like this. He wasn't supposed to give up. He wasn't supposed to die this way. He was supposed to be happy, I thought I was helping him.
But I guess not even one happy thing can save you from all the shitty things.
"What are you crying for, boy?" His voice fills my ears, my head shooting up to look at him. Rain hits my prosthetic, a few droplets hitting me in the eye.
"Fuck you. This is your fault." I choke out my words, my hands now digging into the wet grass beneath me.
I want to kill him. I want to see him suffer just like how he made Travis suffer. But I know that won't bring him back. Nothing will bring him back.
"My fault?!" Kenneth looks around, his arms swinging out in a slight shrug motion, but also gesturing to himself, acting shocked that I would accuse him like that. But I could see the slight fear in his eyes. "Maybe it's your fault! My son probably ended his life because of you!"
Larry stands up, his hands balling into fists as he glares at Kenneth. "Don't say that shit, man. Just let us mourn, and let your son rest. You put him through enough shit."
Kenneth grits his teeth, his eyes landing on me in disgust. "No faggot should deserve to be here." Kenneth grumbles before stomping away, acting like he's the bigger person and we're the pathetic teenagers that don't know shit.
By now, all that was left of Travis was dirt. Dirt and a headstone and nothing else.
He's gone. He's gone, and he's never coming back. I'll never get a kiss from him, never wake up to his arms around me, never walk to school with him... I'll never grow up with him.
I feel like a child. I want to scream, I want to kick and cry and hit Kenneth with all my force. I want to do anything to bring him back.
But I can't. The fresh dirt proves that I can't. I lost him but what did that earn? Kenneth walking free, and my heart broken?
"Sally!!" Larry shouts at me, his hands on the side of my face, lifting my head up to look at him.
My throat feels raw. Was I screaming? When did I start screaming? People were staring. Kenneth was staring.
But I don't care. I just want him back. I want him to be the one I'm staring back at. But it's not.
"Look at me. Look at me, Sal. I'm here, I'm right here." Larry whispers, his eyes glossed over with tears as he stares at me. His hands tremble against my prosthetic. Probably from the cold rain and how I'm acting.
"Let's go, Sal." He gently reaches out for my hands before he stands up, making me stand up with him.
I don't want to go. I can't leave Travis. I can't leave him there alone, I left him alone once and I can't leave him again-
Larry has to drag me back to the car.
~~~
That night, I felt something tucked away underneath my pillows.