Everything has been blurring together for days now... Or maybe weeks? I don't even know what day it is half the time.
It's all just one endless loop, that never seems to be able to end, and I'm so tired of it all.
You both keep trying to talk to me when I don't want to fucking talk. Why can't you understand that? Just leave me alone, is that so fucking hard?
Phillip says something incoherent, and I stare blankly at the food in front of me, the sight making me want to puke.
My eyes focus and unfocus a couple times too many, and my ears start to ring, and I start to feel dizzy.
I abruptly stand up not even glancing at anyone as I walk towards the doors to leave the cafeteria.
I think I stumble into the doors... I don't fucking know anymore.
I walk into the bathroom and grip the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
I really look just like the very man I try so hard to not be.
I hate it.
I hate myself.
I just want to-
"Travis?"
Are you fucking kidding me?
"What, Sal?" I look at his reflection in the mirror, standing a few feet away from me. Usually, he calms me. But lately? He's been pissing me off just like everyone else.
"You know I'm here for you, right?" Sal steps forward, before pausing. "If you ever need a place to stay... You can always come and stay over with me."
I turn to face him, leaning against the sink so I don't sway or some shit. "I'm fine, Sal. You don't have to worry about me all the fucking time."
Sal nods slowly, and I take a small step toward him. "I know it's hard to open up about it, and I won't force you to."
I scoff, rolling my eyes. "I said I'm fine, Sal." I repeat, my words harsh. Way harsher than I intended.
Sal takes a step back, putting his hands up in defense. "Travis... You're going through a lot right now, and you need to talk to one of us."
My brows furrow, anger starting to bubble up. I don't know why I'm so angry at him. "Shut the fuck up, Sal."
"Travis, you say you're fine but you're clearly notâ You can barely even stand up st-"
"You don't fucking understand me! Don't act like you know anything about me when you don't know shit!" I suddenly snap at him, my hands balling into fists at my sides as I take another step towards him, my body inches away from his.
Sal stares up at me, slowly reaching a hand out towards me when I suddenly shove him, his head hitting the wall behind him, a small grunt leaving his lips.
I freeze instantly, my heart dropping.
Oh.
"Sal- I'm so sorry." My voice cracks as I step back, my hand moving to tug on my hair as I shake my head violently. "I'm so sorry."
I turn to leave, a thousand thoughts running through my mind, my heart pounding in my ears, a giant lump forming in my throat.
"Travis, I'm okay!" Sal shouts after me, sincerity in his voice but I can't turn around. I can't stop walking.
If I look at Sal... I'll see myself in his eyes. Scared of the person standing in front of me.
I'm just like him.
I throw open the bathroom door, speed walking to get the hell out of this fucking school before I start sprinting down the halls.
I'm turning into him.
I am just like my father.
I'm a monster.
I faintly heard the bathroom door open, Sal shouting something at me before I could hear Larry's deep voice.
I could never be the person Sal and Phillip think I am.
I can never change.
My fate was decided the moment my mother left us.
No...
I can't blame my own mistakes on her.