Chapter 95: I Love Her

~“Love can hurt, love can hurt sometimes. But it’s the only thing I know. When it gets tough, you know it can get tough sometimes. It is the only thing that makes us feel alive.”~

Chapter Theme Song: “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran.

HARMONY

I’ve never seen Blaze like this before, and I’m not sure how to handle it.

He’s not one to cry. I bet he hasn’t shed a tear since he was diagnosed with ASPD. But right now, right here, he’s breaking down in front of me.

I can’t stop the tears that fill my own eyes.

“Blaze.” I touch his shoulder, feeling it shake under my hand. “Blaze, look at me.”

His crying gets louder, his hand covering his face as he sobs into it. I let him release everything he’s been holding in.

These are years of pent-up emotions, from his childhood to now. He’s been through so much. So much neglect, abuse, and lack of love.

He shouldn’t have to carry all this alone. I want to help him, if he’ll let me.

Instead of interrupting him, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder, a tear slipping down my cheek and onto his trembling skin.

***

The cold water from the rusty shower head hits my bare skin, and I step back as the icy droplets sting.

I push my hair back and lift my face into the water, closing my eyes and savoring the sensation of the water running down my face and back.

Then the shower door slides open, and I feel Blaze step in, closing it behind him.

My heart starts to race so fast, I can barely stand.

It’s not like Blaze hasn’t seen me naked before, but my heart still isn’t used to us being naked together, so it starts to pound.

Now I’m shivering not just from the cold, but also from knowing he’s right behind me, so close I can feel his body heat.

My lips part, desire pooling below. We just had sex in his bed, but I could go again if he wants to.

I turn around, and the sight of Blaze’s naked body makes me swallow hard as he approaches me with a crooked grin. It’s still early. I should be getting ready for my next class.

I’ve already missed the first one, but I really need a shower. We’re both sweaty from what we did earlier.

I also promised him that we’d shower together one day, so by being here, he’s making me keep my word, isn’t he?

I can’t stop my eyes from wandering over his perfectly sculpted body. His muscles seem to grow more defined every second.

A light dusting of hair covers his toned legs. And when I see his...~thing~, I can’t breathe.

He’s so hard it looks almost painful. The tip is bright red and swollen.

I stiffen, my mind a whirlwind of confusion. “Blaze...”

His eyes darken. “Mm?”

I shake my head, shifting uncomfortably. “Nothing...”

There’s a mirror on the wall behind him, and even though it’s fogged up with steam, I can see my reflection clearly. My face is flushed and hot as if I’m in a sauna.

I never thought I’d defy my mom and not care about it. But Blaze Xander has always been the exception to every rule.

He has my heart, and honestly, he can keep it. I don’t want it back if it means being with him like this.

My mom’s words, her yelling, still echo in my mind. But I’m used to her verbal attacks whenever I do something she considers ‘wrong.’

I’m not surprised at all. Just worried that everything will fall apart because of her.

“You okay?” he asks in a voice that makes my throat tighten, and I nod. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him, our naked bodies touching.

I must be blushing like a ripe strawberry as he looks down at me beneath his dark lashes. The devil has never looked ~this~ good.

I think back to the day he took me to his childhood home in the desolate woods off the highway. He told me he was a ‘devil’ and that I should run away from him. Everyone told me to.

I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

He bites his lower lip, sucking on it while his strong hands move down my back.

My lips part, wet and red, as I look up at him, into his eyes. They’re filled with desire and hypnotic. Slightly red and swollen from crying.

He moves his hands lower down my spine and grabs my wet butt cheeks, squeezing and kneading them, spreading them slightly, and I let out a sigh.

“Blaze...,” I whisper. He makes me feel so weak.

“Yes?” he murmurs, pressing closer to me and looking at my lips.

The feeling of our bare skin touching is indescribable. My nipples harden against his muscular chest, our centers barely touching.

Without a word, he lifts me off the wet floor and positions me on his waist.

I instinctively wrap my legs around him, feeling his hard length poking me between my trembling legs. I shiver as he looks into my flushed face, watching my every reaction.

He wraps one arm under my butt, his bicep bulging, and lifts me slightly. Before I know it, I can feel his soft yet hard manhood nudging at my entrance.

My eyelashes flutter nervously as I bury my face in his neck. I can feel his pulse against my skin, and his heart is racing.

Blaze lets out a soft sigh as he spreads his legs slightly and gently pushes me down so that ~he~ slips inside of me, and I gasp.

He begins to move me slowly up and down his length, his hardness filling me completely. I can feel him deep inside me. I bite my lip as his other hand finds its way back to my ass.

“Like this?”

I nod quickly.

He holds me as if I weigh nothing, lifting me off him and then sliding me back down, each time reaching a new depth inside me.

“Blaze...” ~Oh my God, he’s so good.~ I dig my nails into his shoulders and spread my knees wider to give him better access. Not that he needs it—I think he could hold me up with one hand if he wanted to.

He establishes a rhythm, sliding me up and then down again, his fingers leaving red imprints on my ass where he’s touched me. ~Oh my God, he’s going to ruin me.~

His muscles flex and bulge as he moves me, his breath hot and minty. He kisses my ear.

“You’re so sexy,” he whispers, and I melt.

I cling to him, feeling the blissful end approaching faster than I can comprehend, because what he’s doing to me feels too good.

The wetness of my skin and the wetness between my legs create a hot rhythm that has me on edge.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” Blaze asks against my neck, and I nod.

His breath is hard and fast as he thrusts his hips to meet mine. Then everything happens at once. A burst of light explodes behind my eyes, and for a moment, I can’t breathe or think.

I moan his name, tightening my thighs around him as I come undone.

But he doesn’t let me go, even as I thrash in his hands, shaking so hard I feel my breath leaving my body.

As I come back down to earth, Blaze continues to move inside me gently.

“Want to ride me on the floor?” he whispers against my cheek, and I nod again, unable to form words with the way my body feels like it’s no longer mine.

Blaze lowers himself to the wet floor and takes me with him. I breathe through my lips and slowly lower myself onto him again, and he bites his lip and leans his head against the wall.

“Do it like you don’t want to leave me,” he whispers softly, looking at me through half-closed eyes filled with longing. “Show me you don’t want to go, Harmony...”

A lump forms in my throat, making it hard to breathe, as I place my hands on his shoulders and start moving on top of him. I circle my hips, lifting up slightly so that I can slide up and down his length.

Blaze reaches up to my waist and rubs me there.

I watch as pleasure changes the color of his eyes to a dark blue, his skin flushing a deeper pink.

“You make me feel so good, Harmony...” He closes his eyes, his jaw clenching. “So good. I love you so much, you have no idea...”

I lean over, still moving gently as I press my lips against his. ~He has no idea what he does to me...~

^A few days later…^

BLAZE

I stand in front of Harmony’s mother’s house. The white, two-story home looks inviting, a stark contrast to the one I grew up in.

I’ve never been one to beg. I’ve never been one to ask for anything politely either. But I can’t lose Harmony. No fucking way.

So if I have to get on my knees and beg like a beggar, believe me, I will.

~Love.~ My mind is a mess, my nerves are all over the place, but I’m not stupid. I know that what I’m feeling is love.

There’s no other explanation for these overwhelming emotions flooding me, filling my veins and changing me into someone new.

It’s terrifying, but it feels good at the same time.

I couldn’t sleep all night, even with Harmony lying next to me, wrapped around me like a safety blanket. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t function, knowing she would have to leave me soon.

I don’t even want to think about who I’ll become if she walks away from me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I never want to be the person I was before I met her again.

I’m not trying to control her by being a creepy, obsessive guy. If she wants to leave, I won’t force her to stay, although I’d probably cry like a baby...for the second time.

But I know Harmony doesn’t want to leave me. Her mom is just trying to break us up.

I’ve had a taste of happiness, and the darkness doesn’t appeal to me like it used to. Emotions suck. But they make you feel alive, they make you breathe, live—they give you something to look forward to.

And for Harmony, I’m willing to feel them.

I ring the doorbell. My hands are sweaty. Am I nervous? ~Fuck.~ I haven’t been this nervous since Liz tried to pinch off a piece of my skin with tweezers.

I’m not a virgin. I’ve...been with a few women. But Harmony should know that she’s my ~first~ in a lot of ways.

The door swings open, and an older version of the woman I love so much narrows her eyes at me, probably debating whether to slam the door in my face.

Honestly, I was pretty rude to Harmony’s mom in our previous encounters, but people act that way when their happiness is threatened. She should understand.

Look, I don’t care if she likes Blake. I just...I want Harmony. I’ll ~always~ want her.

If they want us to be a family of outcasts, then so be it. I just don’t want her to take Harmony away from me.

“What do you need?” She plants her hands on her hips, her annoyance quickly giving way to concern. She doesn’t trust me as far as she can throw me. “What’s happened to Harmony?”

“She’s fine,” I assure her, “I just need to talk to you.”

“To me?” She cocks her head to the side, giving me a skeptical look. “Why? There’s no chance. No. I won’t condone this. You’re not right for my daughter, Blaze Xander, and I suggest you keep your distance.”

“Why, exactly?”

“Pardon?”

“Why exactly am I not right for Harmony?”

I really want to understand. When I cried in front of her that morning at Homewood, I realized that no one else could stir those emotions in me, and I truly want to be right for her.

I want to be with her forever.

I might be hesitant and a little awkward (which is new for me) about declaring my love for her to the world, but I’ll get there eventually.

Haylee lets out a sigh. “You know better than anyone why you’re not right for her. Have a good afternoon.”

She’s about to slam the door when I reach out and press my palm against it, forcing it open.

“I get it.” I swallow hard. “I understand. I don’t have a great track record with people.” I shove my hands into my pockets and sigh. “And, I know you have feelings for Blake...”

Her face flushes as she crosses her arms. “He told you that? Your father and I—”

“You don’t need to justify anything. Love is love.” I shrug nonchalantly. “You’re attracted to my dad, and you’re upset about Harmony and me because it complicates things for you.

“I ~do~ understand that. And do I hold it against you? No. I don’t. Because feelings...I mean, I don’t know much about them, but they’re not easy to control.

“So I get it. You’ve found something that helps you heal and you want to hold onto it.”

She looks away, uncomfortable, but still maintaining her tough exterior. ~God, I’m terrible at persuading people, but I’m trying.~

“It’s the same with Harmony and me,” I say quickly. “I’m not trying to play the victim here. But I’ve had a really...difficult life. My mom, she...she took her own life.”

She glances back at me.

“And even before that, she used to...hurt me. I’m not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me because I hate pity more than anything.

“But since I met Harmony, I mean, my life has taken a turn for the better. I love Harmony Skye. I’ve never loved anyone else the way I love your daughter.

“Honestly, I don’t love anyone else ~but~ your daughter. I ~can’t~ love anyone else but her. Please...please just let us be. I can’t lose her...”

My eyes sting as I stand there, feeling like a beggar pleading for food. Harmony’s mom looks at me, something different in her eyes, though she’s still trying to be tough.

“No. You can’t be with her,” she says, then moves to close the door again when I press my hand against it, forcing it open.

~Harmony is nineteen. Nineteen. She can choose who she wants to be with.~

But I don’t voice that.

I take a deep breath and slowly sink to my knees. ~I’ll beg, then. I’ll do anything. ~Harmony’s mom goes pale, her eyes widening. She glances up and down the street.

“W-what are you doing?”

I rest my hands on my knees and look down at the ground. “Please. I really, really can’t lose her. I love her so much, Mrs. Skye. I won’t love anyone else.

“I’ve just started to feel something...and I don’t want to let go of that feeling. Please...”

She shifts uncomfortably, crossing her arms. “Get up.”

“I don’t know how I’ll survive without her if she leaves. I’m not ready for that. Please...just don’t take her away from me.”

Haylee sighs heavily, her shoulders rising and falling, then she shakes her head repeatedly.

“I’m—I’m sorry, son. I just... Goodbye.” She reaches for the door and shuts it. Right in my face.

~Well, shit.~

***

Driving back to Homewood, something in my head tells me there’s more to be done. I feel incomplete.

Maybe because Harmony’s mom didn’t give me a clear answer. Maybe because she’s probably going to take her daughter away from me after the talent show.

I make a sudden U-turn, veering off the road that runs between Harmony’s mom’s house and Homewood and onto the neighboring street.

Now here I am, in front of Mal’s house.

What am I doing? What exactly am I doing? The thought of Harmony leaving me has been a rude awakening, and now I’m not acting like myself at all.

I’m trying to make amends with the universe, hoping it’ll show me some mercy and let ~her~ stay.

I know Mal won’t let me see Maddie right now, if ever, and I still despise her for what she’s done to Harmony, but I won’t feel at peace unless I make amends.

I open my glove compartment and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. I start writing.

Kite deserved me beating the crap out of him. I’d do it a thousand times over. He should’ve known better.

But Maddie isn’t right in the head, so of course, she didn’t know any better...

~Dear Maddie,~

~What you did was fucked up—~

I delete that, deciding it’s too...rough. Not that it seems rough to me. It’s just...Harmony would think so.

~Dear Maddie,~

~What you did wasn’t right. But I know you don’t understand that. Doesn’t mean I forgive you. You don’t really love me. Your mind is just fooling you into thinking you do.~

~I’m not worth it anyway. There are plenty of good guys out there who will love you for who you are. But I love Harmony, and I can’t see myself ever letting her go. That doesn’t mean you aren’t...~

I bite my lip, searching for the right word.

Damn. This is hard.

~…a decent person, but I believe there’s someone out there for everyone. Wish you all the best, hope your mind clears up, and I’ll apologize to Harmony for you.~

~I still can’t forgive you. But I understand.~

~Wish you all the best,~

~Blaze~

Cheesy as hell. But I’ve been cheesy all day, so one more time won’t hurt.

I get out of the car, close the door, and walk up the steps to Mal’s house. I knock once, then twice.

The door opens to who I expected. He probably saw my car parked out here for over forty minutes.

“What do you want?” Mal’s nostrils flare, and his skin is already ghost-white. He’s itching for a fight, but I’m not in the mood today.

“Are your parents home?” I ask, tapping the paper against my hand. It’s the weekend, so I figured they’d be home.

Maybe I’d have a better shot at giving Maddie the letter myself if they were. Mal can’t stand me.

“No,” he says, his voice dripping with anger. “You should leave, Blaze.”

“I have something I’d...” I glance down, flipping the edge of the folded paper with my thumb. “I’d like to give something to Maddie.”

“Are you out of your mind, Blaze?” He shoves me in the chest, and I stumble on the porch step.

~Wow.~ I bite the inside of my cheek. Why the hell do I want to smile? ~Bad timing, Blaze.~

“You better leave. Or I swear, I’ll call the cops.”

“Calm down. I don’t want trouble.” I slip a hand into my pocket. “Just give her the letter, then.”

“No. I won’t,” Mal growls, then turns to walk away.

“Look, I’m just trying to clear up some things, okay? I’m not looking for trouble.”

“You are. What you’re doing is stirring her up, Blaze. As if you haven’t done that enough.” He turns to me, spreading his arms.

I chew on my lip and tilt my head.

“You’re lucky she’s on her meds and is a bit out of it right now, or I know she’d have heard your voice earlier and come running down here. You can’t just show up here.

“You’re really trying to destroy my sister, aren’t you?” He shakes his head, his eyes glossy. “Look, I love my sister, man. I don’t know if you know what that feels like.”

~Sibling love? I don’t, really. But I’m trying.~

“But without her...I’m lost. So please...leave her alone.”

I nod, understanding his perspective. I take a step back. “Ah, yeah, sorry...” I turn around and start walking away.

When I step off the gravel walkway, Mal makes a noise behind me and calls out to me. “Xander!”

I turn to him. He uses my last name, like saying my first name would’ve been a betrayal to him and Maddie.

“Give it to me,” he says dismissively, and I walk back up, smiling just a bit.

“I doubt she’ll understand what you’ve written. Her mind...isn’t working so well...”

I squint against the midday breeze and hand him the piece of paper. “I’m sorry,” I say and wish I could feel it. But I can’t.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you took my sister’s virginity and drove her crazy too.”

I puff out my cheeks.

As I turn away again, he says: “Are you going to the music club talent show tonight?”

I stop and turn back to him. “Yeah... Harmony’s performing. Did you forget? Aren’t you in the band?”

“Yeah. But I’m not exactly in shape to perform. I have a sick sister to take care of. My parents are out of town. Dealing with some paperwork for her.

“She’ll be leaving next week. A school somewhere far from here, where she’ll get the help she needs while undergoing therapy.

“You get it, right? You’ve messed up my sister, Blaze. And I don’t think I can forgive you.”

I let out a sigh and nod once. “Understandable. And I’m sorry.”

“Are you really?” Mal probes. “Are you really sorry, Blaze?”

I want to be. God knows, I wish I was. But I can’t feel anything. I just know I ~should~ be sorry. I just know it’s ~right~ to feel sorry.

“I’m trying,” is all I say before I turn away from Mal’s pained face and jog the rest of the way to my car.

I sit in the driver’s seat, staring ahead for a while. I turn my gaze to the window and watch as Mal walks back inside and closes the door. Then I start the engine.

Harmony’s going to ~perform~ tonight, and she’s going to ~leave~ tonight. I have to prepare my heart and mind for it.

I pull on a suit, even though I can't stand the stuffy attire. I need to look decent for her. It's the least I can do, considering everything she's done for me.