Chapter 81: Is That What You Want?

~“Are you lonely? Do you miss me anymore? Is your heart as empty as these arms that used to hold you? Are you tired? Are you weaker than before? Are you sinking? Cause I’ve been thinking that there’s something missing. It’s you. Now I’m without you, I’m feeling insecure about the little things. I guess the little things were what we lost. But all I remember brings me back to you and all those little things. I’m not anything without you.” —Alex & Sierra.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Back To You” by Alex & Sierra.

HARMONY

The shrill sound of my ringtone jolts me awake. I groggily reach for it on my nightstand.

Somehow, I’d managed to drift off a few hours ago.

I’d spent the whole night thinking about Blaze. With everyone else gone from the dorm, I had no choice but to let my tears flow over everything that’s been happening.

I sit up, rubbing my eyes, when I see it’s a call from April. I swipe to answer and hold the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Harmony?” April’s voice is filled with worry, and I can hear the sound of traffic in the background. “Kite’s in the hospital.”

I blink, confused. “What?”

“He got beat up pretty bad. He’s got a broken arm and leg, and a fractured rib. I’m on my way back to Homewood with Yuna. Tia’s at the hospital.”

I’m speechless, my mouth hanging open in shock. It’s like my brain has suddenly forgotten how to form words.

Kite’s in the hospital, but I just saw him last night. Did Blaze have something to do with this? I hope not. I don’t want him to ruin himself over me.

“Harmony?”

I shake myself out of my thoughts and blink. “Sorry, April. Is he okay?”

I can’t bring myself to care right now. What Kite did to me was so cruel, and I can’t get the image of myself out of my mind.

“Could be worse. Do you know what happened? You saw him last night, didn’t you?”

“Um.” I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. “I’ll call you back, April.” I hang up before she can say anything else and push back the covers.

I need to see Blaze. I’m sure he’s involved.

I take a quick shower, brush my teeth, and pull on a yellow summer dress. It’s the easiest thing to put on.

I look at my reflection. My eyes are puffy, and I look like I haven’t slept. Dark circles stand out under my eyes, and I could probably pass for a panda right now.

But I don’t have the energy to care about how I look right now.

I close the dorm door behind me and head to Blaze’s room. I know he’s mad at me, but I need to ask him about Kite.

Blaze isn’t a bad person, but he doesn’t treat everyone else the way he treats me. I need to remember that.

I knock on his door, my hands shaking. He’s probably just going to yell at me again.

When Blaze is angry, I always retreat into myself. I don’t know how his dad handles it.

The door opens, and James greets me with a big smile. “Harmony. Good morning. You look nice in your summer dress.”

I manage a smile. “Thanks, James. Is Blaze in?”

“Uh...” He looks over his shoulder, then his smile fades a little as he looks back at me, rubbing his neck. “Er...no, he’s not...but I can take a message.”

I frown. “He isn’t?”

Suddenly, a loud noise from what sounds like a video game comes from inside the room. Blaze is here, but he must have told James to say he wasn’t. ~That’s mean...~

I blink back tears and sigh. “James...I really need to talk to him.”

“Harmony, he’s in a really bad mood, and he’ll kill me if I let you in.”

“I know...but this is really important. He won’t hurt you if I’m here.”

He thinks for a moment, then finally steps aside, gesturing for me to come in.

I give him a grateful smile, and he moves aside to let me in.

As soon as I step into the room, Blaze looks up from the TV, and his face hardens.

His eyes sweep over me, then he glares at James, who looks apologetic.

“I’ll be outside,” he says, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

Leaving us alone.

Blaze goes back to his game, ignoring me as if I’m not even there.

He’s been avoiding looking at me since last night, and it hurts. I’m scared that the love I used to see in his eyes is gone.

I don’t know where to start, but I open my mouth and hope the right words come out.

“Blaze...was it you?”

I don’t expect him to answer, but he does. “Me what?”

“Did you hurt Kite?”

He scoffs and pauses his game to get up and go to the kitchen. “Don’t tell me you’re here to question me about your lover boy.”

~Lover boy~. That hurts more than he probably realizes.

He opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of water. I follow him. “Blaze.”

Blaze slams the fridge door shut and swivels around to face me. “Yes. Yes, it was me. And what I did wasn’t even half of what I wanted to. I should have fucking killed him.”

“Blaze...I don’t want you doing bad things because of me. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

He starts to stride towards me, each step radiating danger. But I hold my ground, despite the fiery determination in his movements.

He halts right in front of me, glaring down at me.

His eyes are icy and devoid of emotion, and I search his gaze with my own green eyes, desperately looking for a hint of the affection he once held for me. But I find nothing, and it stings my eyes with unshed tears.

“You want to play the innocent with someone?” he starts. “Then go find someone else because it won’t work on me. You’re a natural-born liar, Harmony.”

I swallow hard. “I know...I am sorry. I just don’t want you hurting someone because of me. I don’t want you to lose yourself. Because I don’t deserve you.”

He studies me for a moment, his eyes scanning me from head to toe, his expression unreadable. Then his face hardens, and he sets his water bottle on the counter behind me.

He leans in close, and I instinctively pull back a bit as his face nears mine, his familiar minty scent filling my senses.

“I’ve already hit rock bottom, so how much lower can I go if I’m already at the bottom of the ocean?”

I shake my head. “I don’t believe that...you haven’t sunk to the point of no return; you’re not a bad person.”

His expression softens for a brief moment before his icy gaze returns and he lowers his eyes.

“You think you know me, but you don’t. You have no idea who I am and what I’m capable of, Harmony. And I don’t think I know you either since you can be so deceitful.”

I sigh. “I said I’m sor—”

“Sorry, right?” His eyes meet mine. “Sorry doesn’t fix anything, or why would we need police and laws? I don’t need an apology from you.”

I remember the first time he said that. The day that boy nearly crashed into his car on the street, and I also remember what he said afterward.

~”I will do better, Harmony. I will do better for you”~

I wonder if he still feels that way.

He exhales and shakes his head, his face suddenly showing signs of exhaustion, and maybe, irritation.

“Just stay away from me.”

He turns his back to me, and I take a step closer. “Is that what you really want, Blaze? For me to stay away from you?”

“Yes. I don’t like liars.”

My face falls, and my heart follows suit.

“Fine. I’m going to a gynecologist right now, to see if something did happen. You don’t have to keep torturing me like this because I’m already torturing myself enough.”

“Yeah, it’s not my concern,” he replies coldly, opening his fridge to put his bottle back in.

His back is to me, so he doesn’t see the heartbroken look on my face as I spin around and storm out of his dorm room.