Chapter 80: Leave Your Lover

~“You’ll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name. Pack up and leave everything, don’t you see what I can bring? Can’t keep this beating heart at bay. Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me. Just leave your lover, leave them for me.” —Sam Smith.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Leave Your Lover” by Sam Smith.

HARMONY

Blaze said he needed space, but I can’t help but try to reach out to him. He’s not answering his phone, though.

The thought of losing him terrifies me. The shame from that photo he got makes it even worse.

I don’t think I’ll ever get past this. It’s probably going to leave a mark on me forever. If that’s what they were aiming for, they’ve succeeded.

I need to find Kite. I can’t believe he’d let jealousy drive him to do something so awful to me.

After crying for over an hour, I finally manage to pull myself up from the ground. My legs are shaky, and my knees are numb from squatting for so long. I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up sick after all this stress.

I pull my cellphone from my dress pocket and dial April’s number. She answers after about four rings.

“Hello?” Her voice is barely audible over the loud music and cheering in the background. I remember her mentioning she’d be out of town tonight.

“April...” I wipe away the fresh tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “Do you know where I can find Kite?”

“Hold on, Harmony. I can’t hear you.” Her voice rises above the noise, and I can hear it fading as she moves away from the crowd.

“Sorry, sweetie, say that again.”

I sigh. “Where’s Kite right now?”

“Um, let me ask Tia, hang on.” The music gets louder again as she moves back into the crowd to find Tia. After what feels like forever, she’s back on the line.

“She says he sometimes stays at Jaxton, so he’s probably there now.”

I nod and push my hair back, feeling frustrated. “Okay, thanks.”

“Sure. But are you okay? Why are you looking for Kite?”

“I just need to talk to him about something. Thanks again—I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up before she can ask any more questions.

I know April. She won’t stop until she gets the full story. And I’m not ready to talk about this. My mind is a mess.

I take a deep breath and leave Blaze’s dorm to find one of the people responsible for my pain.

The night is cold, and the crescent moon lights my path along with the yellow bulbs lining the lawns as I walk through the gates of Jaxton University.

My eyes are red and swollen, and my feet feel like I’m walking on air. Emotional pain really does take a physical toll.

I never thought my college days would be like this. If I had known, I would have never enrolled at Homewood. My life changed completely the day I set foot in that University.

I ask a few students where Kite’s dorm is, and a guy with honey-brown hair points me in the right direction. I thank him, and he asks if I’m okay, noticing my bloodshot eyes.

I tell him I’m fine, hoping he doesn’t ask any more questions. I’m not in the mood to talk. Luckily, he gets the hint and leaves without another word.

I knock on the door twice, and a guy with dirty blond hair answers. His eyes flash with a mix of lust and confusion as he tilts his head to the side.

“Expecting a chick over, Kite?” he yells over his shoulder, his eyes still on me.

I don’t need to hear any more. Knowing this is Kite’s room is enough. I push past the guy, who stumbles to the side with wide eyes.

Kite is just coming out of the bathroom in only a pair of sports shorts, drying his hair with a white towel. “What did you just…”

He stops mid-sentence and freezes when he sees me.

“H-Harmony.” He looks shocked, and I feel a surge of anger as I walk over to him. “What are you—”

I raise my hand and slap him across the face with all the strength I have.

His head jerks to the side, a red mark instantly appearing on his skin. His roommate gasps at the scene before clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Er, I’ll be at the snack bar.” He quickly leaves the room.

Kite closes his eyes and touches the bruise before looking at me with a soft gaze. “Harmony, why—”

“Why did you do that to me?!” I scream. My voice breaks with each word, and I see his eyes soften with what looks like sympathy.

“What did you gain from embarrassing me like that? Huh? Tell me...what did you gain? What did I do to deserve that, Kite?!”

He swallows and steps forward to reach out to me. “Harmony...listen—”

I step back as if he’s contagious. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. You know we didn’t sleep together! I didn’t have sex with you, it was all a trick, a trick you and Maddie played to ruin me.

“Why’d you do that to me? Why would you do something so cruel?!”

“Because I fucking love you—is that enough?”

“You don’t love me. Love doesn’t humiliate someone like this...”

“I’m sorry, okay? But I do love you, and I hate seeing you with Blaze. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“And you do? After what you did to me? You’re insane, Kite! I hate you.”

His face falls at my words, and I turn to leave when he grabs my arm. “Wait.”

I shake off his hand and step back. “Touch me again, and I’ll report you.”

He lets out a sigh. “Okay, I messed up. But I hope you understand it’s because I care about you... I want you, Harmony, more than you can imagine.

“I’ve never chased a girl before, but you? You mean the world to me and seeing you with him drives me nuts.”

“Clearly, since you’ve turned into this crazy person! Well, I hope you’re satisfied, because Blaze hates me now, okay? You got what you wanted!”

I can feel the tears welling up, so I turn to leave. But he darts in front of me, extending his hand to stop me.

“Wait, I’m sorry. Listen, I know I messed up, but I can give you what Blaze can’t—love and loyalty. Why won’t you leave him and be with me, Harmony?

“I want you, and I can’t let you go. Blaze can’t love you the way you deserve. What can I do to make you see how much you mean to me?”

I shake my head at his absurdity. After everything, he’s still being such a self-absorbed, psychotic jerk.

“You’re crazy.” I spit out. “I. Hate. You.”

A deep hurt flashes in his eyes before he slams them shut. I step around him, brushing against him as I leave.

BLAZE

Damn it.

In the past, a swig of booze would soothe me whenever something pissed me off. But now, looking at this glass of whiskey, all I can think about is that time I offered Harmony a drink in my room during that party.

It’s like pouring salt in an open wound, and the pain in my chest intensifies.

Here I am, sitting on a stool at a bar some distance from school. The place is loud and packed, but I feel disconnected. Lost.

The image of that jerk’s arms around a naked Harmony is burned into my mind, and no amount of sleep or alcohol will make it go away.

This is exactly why I was afraid of these stupid feelings in the first place. But there’s nothing I can do about them now. I can’t just ‘stop feeling’ when it comes to her. I can’t switch them off.

I get up to leave, and the bartender calls out to me from behind the counter. “Um, excuse me? You didn’t pay.”

I snarl. “And I didn’t fucking drink it either, so pour it back into the damn bottle.”

“No, sir, we can’t do that, you have to—”

I reach over the counter to grab him by his collar, and his eyes pop open in sheer terror.

Calmly, I pick up the glass from the table and force it between his lips until he has no choice but to swallow the liquor down, some of it spilling onto his white shirt.

He chokes, almost gagging on the liquid. I let him go roughly when the glass is empty, and he stumbles back, wiping his mouth and trying to recover from the sudden violence.

“Problem solved.” I turn to leave when someone grabs my shoulder from behind.

“How dare you do that to someone? Do you own this bar or something?”

I roll my eyes and puff out my cheeks. Just when I’m definitely not in the mood for this crap is when these people decide to test my patience.

Without even looking to see who grabbed me, I seize the offender’s hand and flip him over my shoulder and onto the floor.

He lands on his back, and I notice he’s wearing the same uniform as the guy he’s trying to defend. He must be a bartender too.

I move over to him and stand above him as he clutches his back in pain.

Grabbing him by his collar, I yank him up roughly, and the image of Kite hugging the girl who belongs to me flashes across my mind again, all too clearly.

~That fucking son of a bitch.~

I start to pummel the bartender with punch after punch until he’s a bloody mess beneath me. Bones cracking, blood spilling.

My knuckle splits and bleeds as I hit him hard and relentlessly, but somehow, I can’t feel anything.

This feeling of rage isn’t new to me. I’ve felt this way before.

I’ve done terrible things to people who’ve pissed me off in the past, and whenever I do, I never feel the physical pain it causes me. It’s this numb feeling I can’t control.

A few men rush over and try to pull me off the now-bloody man who seems to be unconscious, but I’m not done yet. I struggle to break free so that I can let off some more steam.

But beating up this stranger doesn’t give me any relief, and I realize I won’t feel better unless I find Kite and do the same thing—or worse. I shove the men away from me and storm out of the bar.

I head back to Homewood and go straight to Maddie’s dorm room. Impatiently, I bang on the door a few times, running my fingers through my hair. Fidgeting. If she doesn’t answer soon, I’ll kick the door down.

~Kill her. Just stab her in the stomach and kill her.~

I shake my head.

~Just wrap your hands around her neck and squeeze.~

I knock again, louder this time. Clenching my jaw.

Finally, the door opens. Her face lights up when she sees me, a mix of surprise and pleasure crossing her features. The shock fades, and she smiles.

“Blaze...what are you doing here?”

Judging by the satisfied look in her eyes, she thinks her little plan has worked. But she doesn’t know that the only thing saving her is my logic, because my ASPD keeps giving me these dark thoughts in my head.

It won’t stop talking to me, and I’m trying to block it out, but damn! It’s so hard...

I push past her into the room, and she steps back in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

~Use the vase on her nightstand and smash her in the head.~

My face is blank and emotionless as I close the door behind me. Her eyes follow the action, and she notices the bruises on my knuckle.

“Are you okay? You’re bleeding...” She reaches for my hand, but I shove her wrist away from me.

~Choke her. Just wrap your arm around her throat and squeeze.~

My eyes harden on her, and she instinctively steps back. “Blaze?”

“What did you do to Harmony?”

She shakes her head, backing away from me. My anger is palpable, and the fear etched on her face is a satisfying sight.

“I didn’t...I didn’t do anything.”

“You think I’m dumb enough to buy that? Didn’t I tell you to keep your distance from her?”

“Blaze, listen, it wasn’t me, okay? She was drunk and wanted to be alone with Kite, so she borrowed my room—”

“Don’t lie to me! I know Harmony better than I know myself, and I know she wouldn’t do that, drunk or not.

“I also know you well enough to know you’re messed up enough to plan this. It had to be you and that jealous bastard Kite.”

“It wasn’t—it wasn’t me...” Her back hits the wall, a dead end, and her fear escalates.

I place my hand above her head, and she shrinks back, her eyes wide with fear as she looks up at me.

“Last time, I warned you to stay away from her or I’d mess with your head. But you thought I was bluffing.”

“Blaze, it’s not like that, it wasn’t me, she—”

“I will never want you.” I interrupt. “Why? Because you’re a crazy, insecure, sick person who needs to see a shrink. You’re ugly, inside and out.”

She swallows hard, her eyes filling with tears. My words cut her deep, and the sight is oddly satisfying.

“My biggest regret is ever sleeping with someone like you. The memory is so repulsive and traumatic that I want to throw up every time I think about it.

“The sex was terrible, and your naked body barely stirred my dick, but because I could easily get between those unattractive legs and take your virginity, I didn’t want to pass up such an easy score.

“So, I had to imagine I was with another girl while I was inside you so I wouldn’t fall asleep.”

Tears stream down her cheeks, and she squeezes her eyes shut. “Stop, please.”

“You were naive to think it would last forever. You weren’t even good enough to sleep with twice. You’re easy, and you have no self-respect since you spread your legs so quickly for a guy you barely knew.

“It was the worst experience I’ve ever had. Your moans were so annoying, they sounded worse than my neighbor’s cat crying, and I just wanted to tell you to shut up.

“The whole time you were under me, shaking and sweating, I was just thinking about blocking your number the next day.

“You weren’t worth keeping around because you couldn’t satisfy me in any way, and I didn’t want to waste my time because sleeping with you was a total waste of my time.”

“STOP IT!” she screams, shaking her head and sinking to the floor. “Stop it, please!”

I grit my teeth. I’m not finished.

I kneel in front of her, watching her blankly as she cries and screams. She presses her shaking hands to her ears, her head hung low between her knees, rocking back and forth.

I pull her hand away from her ear and replace it with my lips.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” I whisper, and she sobs softly, shaking her head over and over as if she’s having a mental breakdown.

“If it does, then try killing yourself again, yeah? Because that’s the only thing you’re good at.”

I let her go, and she cries louder, burying her head between her knees and rocking back and forth. She’s mumbling incoherently as she sobs, rubbing and scratching her arms fiercely.

I stand up and leave her room to find the other bastard behind this.

Kite.