Chapter 76: Scared to Lose You

~“Now my body and mind are so distant, don’t know how to escape from this prison.” —Bea Miller.~

Chapter Theme Song: “I Can’t Breathe” by Bea Miller.

HARMONY

Blaze storms into my dorm room, kicking the floor mat out of his way. “I fucking hate that cocky son of a bitch!” he growls, his hatred for Kite clear as day.

His words only deepen the guilt gnawing at my insides. I rub my arm nervously as he turns to me, his eyes blazing with anger.

“Every time he looks at you, it drives me crazy, Harmony. He wants you, I can see it, and it pisses me off. One of these days, I’m gonna knock that smug grin off his face.”

His words are like daggers, each one stabbing me in the heart. I want to tell him the truth, he deserves to know. But how do I even start?

How do I say, “Blaze, I got drunk last night, woke up half-naked in a room with Kite, and he said we had sex. There was blood on the sheets, but I can’t remember anything.”

That would be like jumping off a cliff. So, until I figure out what really happened, I have to keep quiet.

Blaze flops down on my bed, and I take a deep breath before walking over to him.

“Blaze, you’re the only one I have feelings for,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t betray me.

“No matter what happens or what anyone says, you’re everything to me. I would never intentionally hurt you. I care about you.”

He looks up at me, a crooked smile tugging at his lips. “Why do you sound like I’m shipping off to war tomorrow?”

I bite my lip, and he pulls me down to sit next to him. He turns to face me, his icy blue eyes searching mine.

I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I’m scared he’ll see the secret I’m trying to hide.

“I need to ask you something, Harmony.”

I nod slowly. “Okay...what is it?”

He taps his finger on his knee, drawing my attention. I look back up at him, and he tilts his head to the side. “Why did you lie to me?”

My heart pounds in my chest, and I struggle to keep my reaction neutral.

“What do you mean?” My voice wavers.

“You told me you were at your mom’s last night, but Maddie said she came to your dorm. I’m not happy about her being here, but I’m more confused about why your stories don’t match...

“Why did you lie?”

I swallow hard. “I didn’t. Maddie came over, but then my mom showed up. I was glad to have an excuse to leave.”

Every lie I tell feels like a piece of me is being stripped away. Soon, there might not be anything left.

He stares at me for a moment, his gaze intense. It’s like he’s trying to see past my words, to find the truth. The truth I’m hiding.

I let out a sigh of relief when he finally nods. “Okay.” He smiles. “I believe you.”

I force a smile back. He pulls me into his arms and lays back, and I rest my head on his chest.

I close my eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I hope Kite was lying about last night. If he wasn’t, I might never get to hear this sound again. And I can’t bear that thought.

He runs his fingers through my hair. “Do you want to study the music sheet?”

His voice vibrates against my ear, and I nod. “Yeah...okay.”

I sit up, brushing my hair out of my face, while he sits up with a groan. “Where did you put it?”

“In my drawer, the top one.”

He reaches over to the nightstand, pulling out the drawer and grabbing the four-page document. He scans it, chewing on his lip in concentration.

“She gave you a list of songs you could sing.”

“Yeah, I saw.”

“Mm. There’s even ‘My All‘ by Mariah Carey and ‘Elastic Heart’ by Sia...”

“I can’t sing Mariah Carey. I’m not that good.”

Blaze frowns. “Are you kidding? You’re amazing, Harmony.”

I smile a little, and he waves his hand dismissively. “But sing whatever you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“I’ll try ‘My All,‘ but it’s going to be terrible.”

“It won’t. You’re always great.”

Yeah, except for when I get drunk and can’t remember what happened. You’re going to hate me for that.

“Stop doing that,” he says suddenly, and I look at him in confusion. “Stop doing what?”

“That thing you’ve been doing since I got here.”

“What thing?”

“Like you’re not really here with me. What’s wrong?” His eyes are filled with concern, and I quickly shake my head.

“Nothing...I’m just tired. And I miss my dad.”

He sighs. I know he’s not the most empathetic person, but I appreciate his attempt to comfort me. He’s trying. He sets the music sheets aside and gestures for me to come closer.

I move towards him, and he turns me around so I’m sitting between his legs.

He pulls me against him, his chest pressing against my back. I close my eyes as he whispers in my ear.

“I can help you forget, you know?”

I nod, not really sure what he’s getting at.

His meaning becomes clear when his cool lips press against my neck. I gasp, a shiver running down my spine.

He peppers my skin with soft kisses, occasionally nipping and sucking. I try to push away the dark secret I’m hiding, focusing instead on the pleasure he’s giving me.

His hand moves to cup my breast over my sweater, gently squeezing.

“Feeling better?” he murmurs. I nod.

“Mm.”

His lips continue their sweet assault while his hand drifts down to my thigh. He strokes me there before slowly moving back up, my skirt lifting as his hand travels underneath.

I close my eyes tightly. His touch is always a mix of heavenly pleasure and nerve-wracking tension.

With practiced ease, he slips his hand under my tights, his fingers tracing the edge of my underwear.

But the moment he slides his hand into my panties, touching me in that sensitive spot, I reach up to stop him.

“Blaze.”

Maybe I’m overreacting, or just paranoid. Maybe it’s silly and irrational, but I’m scared that if Kite and I did something last night, Blaze will notice a difference. And I’m not ready to lose him.

He can’t touch me yet, not until I see a gynecologist.

I look at him, my expression timid. His brows furrow. “What?”

I swallow, pulling my skirt back down and avoiding his gaze.

“Didn’t you like it?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s not that... I have class soon...math class.”

He looks at me, his gaze intense, as if he’s trying to read my thoughts. I hold my breath, meeting his stare with a defiant glare.

~Please, just drop it.~

He finally nods, but his gaze is still probing, and it’s making me nervous.

“Oh...okay. I forgot. We could walk to your class together, right?”

I manage a smile. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that...”

The constant lies and deception are starting to weigh on me. This is so hard, and I’m terrified. I feel like I’m on the verge of losing the boy I love so much. Maybe forever.