Chapter 54: This Is Hard for Me Too

~“Watch me as my world burns down. You kicked me down and stole my crown. Though my heart is telling me to go, I just gotta let you know that you sunk my ship and then you let me drown.” —Boy In Space.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Drown” by Boy In Space.

HARMONY

I pull away from Kite, stepping back. His face falls, and he swallows hard, clearly hurt by my rejection.

“I need some time,” I say softly.

He starts to respond, but I’m already turning away, leaving the deck behind.

The rest of the day, I hole up in the hotel suite. There are two beds, so April and I share the room while Yuna and Tia bunk together in another.

I feel guilty. Kite’s footing the bill for my stay, and I can’t return his feelings. So, I decide to leave, to head back to Homewood.

I even start packing, but April talks me out of it. She says running away won’t solve anything.

I try to explain that it’s not about running away. It’s about not owing anyone anything.

But she convinces me to stay. I guess persuasion is a family trait.

When the event wraps up around eight, the girls and I hang out in my room. We chat and paint our nails. It’s a nice distraction, but my mind keeps wandering back to Blaze.

April notices and tries to distract me with jokes and conversation. It helps, but only for a little while.

***

Around midnight, April finally emerges from the bathroom after a long shower. She looks over at me, sprawled out on my stomach, my face buried in the pillows.

Yuna and Tia left a while ago, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

As she rubs lotion into her skin, she walks over to me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...,” I mumble.

~But we both know I’m not.~

She sighs, not saying anything. I can’t blame her. What else is there to say?

Blaze doesn’t want me. That’s the harsh truth.

Earlier, I told her what happened between Blaze and me. She said he’d talked to her about Kite kissing me. She thinks he’s just scared of commitment.

That doesn’t make me feel any better. It just makes me feel worse.

She crosses the room to her bed, sliding under the covers. She turns on her side to face me.

“Hey, you’ll be okay tomorrow, I promise. Okay?”

I nod, but I don’t believe it. The pain just keeps getting worse.

Maybe it’s because he’s my first love, but I didn’t know love could hurt this much. I thought it was supposed to be the best feeling in the world.

She reaches over and turns off the lamp. “Get some sleep, Harmony. Stop thinking about Blaze.”

I nod again, afraid I’ll start crying if I try to speak.

Soon, April’s asleep, and I’m alone in the dark, staring at the gray curtains covering the closet.

I’m alone with my thoughts, and it’s terrifying.

~Maybe some fresh air would help?~

I try to be quiet as I get out of bed, wincing when the mattress creaks.

I freeze, looking over at April. She’s still asleep. I let out a sigh of relief.

I slip on my sandals and leave the room, closing the door softly behind me. The halls are quiet as I make my way down to the pool decks.

The moonlight shimmers on the water. It’s beautiful, peaceful. I haven’t felt peace in a long time. I used to be quiet, introverted. I wasn’t in love, so I didn’t know this kind of pain.

Now, my heart belongs to someone else, and I’ve never felt so empty.

I sit on the edge of the deck, dipping my feet in the cool water. I look up at the stars, comforted by the thought that my dad is up there, watching over me. I wish he were here. He’d know what to say about Blaze.

My mom wouldn’t understand. She’d just start lecturing me about why she became a nun.

I look at the pool, cool and inviting. I didn’t get to swim today, with everything that happened.

I should have put on my swimsuit before I left the room, but my pink underwear set is almost like a bikini.

It’s late, and everyone’s asleep. A quick swim couldn’t hurt.

I take off my T-shirt and shorts.

I step into the pool, shivering as the cold water reaches my chest. Goosebumps pop up on my skin.

I pinch my nose and dive into the deep end.

Underwater, everything is peaceful, quiet. It’s like I’m the only person in the world.

No worries.

No cares.

No stress.

For once, I’m not thinking about Blaze. I’m just enjoying the water.

But then, a cramp shoots through my leg.

I haven’t swam in a while, so my muscles are probably tight.

I should have warmed up before getting in, but I was too focused on escaping my thoughts.

My leg cramps up, and I try to shake it off, but the pain only intensifies, sending waves of panic through me.

My lungs are screaming for air, and water rushes into my nose as I struggle to reach the surface.

But the cramp in my leg is relentless, dragging me deeper with every desperate kick.

I can feel my strength ebbing away, and the edges of my consciousness start to blur.

I can’t die like this. This is the most ridiculous way to die.

Will anyone save me? Probably not. The whole resort is asleep by now. Maybe this is destiny. Dying by drowning is better than dying from a broken heart, right?

But then, out of nowhere, the water around me stirs as someone dives toward me.

I can’t make out who it is because my vision is fading, but I see a flash of dark hair before my eyes close, and I surrender to the darkness.

BLAZE

I haul myself out of the pool, Harmony limp in my arms.

The thought of what could have happened if I hadn’t been watching her from the moment she left her room sends chills down my spine.

I’d been tossing and turning in bed for the better part of an hour, and after trying to distract myself with an episode of ~Boruto~ on my phone, I gave up and let my thoughts wander to her.

Her innocent smile. Her infectious laugh. The way her whole face turns red when she cries.

Guilt was eating me alive, and I felt terrible for kissing her, touching her, and then expecting her to just forget about it.

I’ve had my fair share of flings, but I’ve never felt this torn up after ending things with a girl.

Usually, it’s as easy as ABC, but with Harmony, it’s different.

After a few more minutes of restlessness, I got out of bed, pulled on a T-shirt, and decided to take a walk.

As soon as I stepped out of my suite, I saw her—the girl who’d been haunting my thoughts—turning the corner of the hallway to go downstairs. I quietly closed my door and followed her at a distance.

I shoved my hands in my shorts pockets and watched as she sat down on the edge of the pool deck. She tilted her head back to look at the stars, and I wondered what she was thinking.

Leaning against the wall, I watched as she started to undress, completely unaware that she had an audience.

I cleared my throat quietly, trying to swallow the lump that had formed there, and shifted uncomfortably as her curves came into view.

The pink bra and panties she was wearing did little to hide her body.

I felt a stir in my shorts, and I looked away for a moment before forcing myself to look back at her, the moonlight making her skin glow.

She left her clothes in a pile on the deck and slipped into the water. She swam toward the deep end of the pool, and after a while, she didn’t come back up.

Fear gripped me, and I hurried to the edge of the pool, looking down to see her struggling underwater.

My heart pounded in my chest as I laid her lifeless body on the cold ground. I hovered over her, my wet hair dripping onto her face as I gently shook her.

“Harmony!”

Nothing.

“Harmony, wake up.”

I was panting as I leaned down to listen for her heartbeat. It was there, but faint. I put two fingers under her nose.

~She’s barely breathing. She’s barely fucking breathing. Shit.~

Panic surged through me as I started chest compressions, trying to ignore the sight of her breasts peeking out from her bra.

I felt my face heat up, and I cursed myself for acting like a virgin when she was on the brink of death.

I took a deep breath, placed my hands on her chest, and started pressing, ignoring the feel of her soft skin under my hands.

“Harmony, wake up. Come on, Harmony.”

I checked her pulse again. It was steady but slow. My hands were shaking.

“Fuck...Harmony, wake up.” I started chest compressions again. “Come on, baby. Please...”

I pinched her nose shut and breathed into her mouth, then started chest compressions again. I repeated the process over and over.

When there was still no response, my eyes started to burn with worry.

~I can’t fucking lose her.~

“Fuck...please, wake up.” I breathed into her mouth again, then sat up and started chest compressions with more force.

And then she stirred, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. I let out a sigh of relief as she started coughing up water, turning her head to the side as her body convulsed.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as she slowly opened her eyes. Her face was pale, and she seemed to be having trouble focusing on me.

My panic subsided as I pulled her into my arms, closing my eyes as a tear slipped out. It felt warm, but it could just be pool water.

Her breathing slowly returned to normal as I held her tighter, burying my face in her wet hair and silently thanking her for not dying. ~If I lost her, I would have lost myself too.~

The feeling of her body relaxing against my wet T-shirt was pure relief, but then she stiffened and pushed me away.

I fell back onto my hands, looking at her with soft eyes.

“Don’t touch me,” she muttered.

Her face was pale as she tried to stand up, almost tripping over her own feet. I quickly stood up and reached out to steady her. “Be careful, Harmony.”

“Don’t touch me, Blaze!” she yelled, slapping my hand away.

Her eyes were filled with pain, and I knew I was the cause. I did this to her. I broke her.

My eyebrows knit together in a soft frown. “I’m sorry, Harmony.”

“Are you really?” Her tears are streaming down her face. “You don’t seem sorry. You seem perfectly fine without me. I can see it.”

~Fine without her? She has no clue how much this is tearing me apart.~

She clutches her forehead, her face contorting in pain. Worry washes over me and I instinctively move closer to her. “Are you okay?”

She backs away as if my proximity could cause her more pain.

“You don’t look good. I’m concerned about you.”

“Don’t be. Go to that girl you slept with!” she retorts.

I cock my head to the side, puzzled, as she turns to leave.

“Girl I slept with? What are you talking about, Harmony?”

She disregards my question, continuing to clutch her forehead as she stumbles away from me. Her steps are shaky and uneven, and I trail closely behind her.

“Harmony, let me—”

Suddenly, she loses her balance and starts to fall backward. I swiftly extend my arms to catch her.

Her head lands against my chest, and I turn her body around to cradle her against me. I lift my finger and place it under her nose. She’s still breathing, thank God.

I slide one hand behind her back while the other wraps around her leg, hoisting her into my arms and carrying her up to my room.