Chapter 46: It’s Not Logic When It Comes to You

~“I can’t say no. Though the lights are on there’s nobody home. Swore I’d never lose control then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow.” —Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope.~

Chapter Theme Song: “Blue” by Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope.

HARMONY

Blaze is a sociopath. I’ve heard about it in movies, but I never thought I’d meet someone with the condition in real life.

It means he doesn’t have empathy or any of those feelings that make you “human.” He doesn’t care for anyone, trust anyone, and sadly, he doesn’t love anyone.

That’s why he uses girls and why he can’t tell me he likes me.

Now that I know this, I understand that his approach to me, his desire to get between my legs, wasn’t intentional. He really can’t help it.

From what I’ve read and seen in movies, I know that sociopaths can be violent. That explains why he’s often short-tempered and why he wouldn’t hesitate to stab someone.

I also know that they make perfect delinquents. All these things about him that people judge him for are beyond his control, and he doesn’t deserve the criticism.

“Is the news that shocking?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but you wanted to know, so I told you.”

I shake my head. “I won’t...”

He looks at me, his expression doubtful. “You won’t what?”

“I won’t leave you. That’s not enough for me to just walk away.”

“What would be enough?” he asks, turning to face me. “Would me killing someone be enough?”

~He’s trying to scare me, but I’m not afraid.~

“Nothing,” I say. “Nothing will be enough for me to leave you.”

His expression softens at my answer, and he looks almost...~relieved~?

“I still can’t trust your words,” he mutters. “Even though we made an invisible contract earlier.”

“Do you want to seal it then? With something that could replace a pen and paper?”

He looks at me. “Like what?”

Without a second thought, I lean in and kiss him.

He’s surprised, and he blinks in confusion. But soon he closes his eyes and starts to kiss me back.

The kiss is slow and pure. It’s not about sex. It’s about my loyalty to him and my promise that I won’t leave him, even knowing his dark secret.

We pull apart, and he looks down at me, searching my eyes with his.

I swallow. “The contract is sealed.”

I start to pull away, but he grabs my arm and pulls me closer. Our eyes meet, and it feels like our souls connect.

“Do you know what you just did?”

I nod.

“You just signed yourself away to me,” he whispers. “That’s like selling your soul.”

“Except that my soul is still mine.” I give a small smile.

His lips twitch. “Then what did you sell to me just now? Your heart?”

If only he knew that I’d given him that the first day I met him. But I can’t say that. He wouldn’t understand, would he?

I sit up straighter. “I don’t understand something.”

“What?” He pushes his hair back from his forehead.

“You can’t feel ~care~ for anyone, right? But that day you fought Leo in the caf for April. Isn’t that caring for her?”

“Well, that’s the peculiar thing,” he says.

“I work with logic. So, logic says ‘you should protect your family members,’ so I do that. Because if I don’t, it would be too weird and my condition will be out in the open.

“Based on observation, people defend their relatives, so I guess that’s what I work by. But I can’t feel the actual care for her like I want to; it sounds bad, but I can’t help it.

“I think part of it was also the selfish fact that I am so arrogant that I thought Leo was more disrespecting me by touching my cousin to get back at me.

“I was more concerned with the fact that he was trying to piss me off than actually caring about April... It’s complicated, I know.” He shakes his head.

“No, no, it’s not. It’s interesting,” I say honestly. “I just find you intriguing, that’s all. But you defended me against Mr. Jones. Was that logic as well?”

He shakes his head again. “No. It wasn’t.”

“Really? Then what was it?”

“I don’t know. I mean, April is my cousin, so logic would make me defend her, but normally I wouldn’t care to defend any other female. I am naturally unbothered when it comes to people.

“But you... I don’t work with logic when it comes to you. I work with a weird and foreign feeling that I can’t quite describe. It’s just this feeling and a need to protect you, or I can’t seem to focus.”

I stare at him. His words are reaching somewhere deep within me.

“So you...” I drop my gaze, too shy to look into his face while I ask what I will next. “So you care about me, then?”

There is a small pause before he finally replies. “Yes...I do.”

I meet his eyes. “How...how come?”

He shrugs his shoulders, seeming genuinely confused. “I don’t know. I told you before that I feel something. I didn’t say that to have sex with you, Harmony.”

I nod. “I know...I know now.”

A small silence falls upon us before he speaks again. “I am sorry.”

I gaze at him. From what I've seen in movies, sociopaths rarely apologize, and even when they do, it's usually insincere.

It's a word they often use as a tool for manipulation, a way to get what they want from someone else.

But Blaze’s face is so serious, so intense, that I know his apology isn’t a lie.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“For all the ways I’ve hurt you these past few days.”

I shake my head. “No...it’s okay. I think I get you now. I really do.”

“That doesn’t make it right. I made you cry a lot.”

I move closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek, and I feel his body relax under my touch. “No. It’s really okay, Blaze. Let it go, because I have.”

He smiles at me, his dimples nearly knocking me off the bed. He’s so handsome.

His bright eyes drop to my lips, and he leans in to kiss me. I let out a sigh as his skin meets mine, feeling so good that I wonder if we could create life just by kissing.

The fresh scent of his mouth combined with the tangy smell of beer is intoxicating, and I realize I prefer tasting alcohol from his lips rather than from the bottle.

Our lips and tongues move together in a perfect rhythm, our bodies drawing closer. I can feel the heat radiating from him.

His hands rest on my waist, squeezing gently, but then he suddenly breaks the kiss and puffs out his cheeks.

“Uh...” He looks away. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

~Wait, we were just kissing, and now he wants to watch a movie?~

My eyes drop to the noticeable bulge in his pants, and my cheeks turn bright red.

~Oh. That’s why he stopped.~

“S-sure,” I stammer, my voice betraying my discomfort.

He runs a hand through his hair and quickly gets off the bed. “I’m going to change. You can pick something on Netflix while I’m in the bathroom.”

I smile. “Okay.”

He walks over to his dresser, pulls out a fresh set of clothes, and disappears into the bathroom. I grab the remote, trying to calm the blush spreading across my face.