Chapter 42: Family

~“Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid.”~

Chapter Theme Song: “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson.

HARMONY

It’s Friday, and there are no classes. I decide to head home for the weekend. I figure seeing my mom, my little brother, and catching up with Callum might lift my spirits.

I just hope they won’t notice the dark circles under my eyes or my swollen eyelids. I’ve done my best to hide them with makeup.

As I leave the dorm room, April wishes me a safe journey. I stand at the entrance to the school’s campus, waiting for my mom’s blue Honda to pull up.

The morning is bitterly cold, and the icy wind whips my curls around my face. I try to warm myself, huddling into my sweater.

I hear distant laughter and turn to see two boys walking towards me. I recognize James and quickly look away. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Especially not anyone connected to ~Blaze Xander~.

But my luck isn’t holding up. James spots me and jogs over, his smile bright.

“Good morning, Harmony.”

I turn to him, pretending I hadn’t noticed him until now. I force a smile. “Hey...”

He rubs the back of his neck, looking up at me sheepishly. “I heard about last night...”

I shrug, looking down at my shoes. “Yeah...I don’t want to talk about it. It’s really embarrassing.”

Everyone saw me crying and running away when that girl kissed Blaze. I must have looked like a fool.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. So, where are you heading?” He looks at my packed bag curiously.

“Home. For the weekend.”

“Ah. I see.” He nods, while his friend stands next to him, impatiently twirling a key chain.

I give a small smile, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave. But he just sighs and tries to keep the conversation going.

“Look, Harmony... Blaze is actually—”

Just then, my mom’s car turns the corner. I’ve never been so relieved.

I don’t want to talk about Blaze. Just thinking about him is enough to make me break down. And I’ve put too much effort into my makeup this morning to let my mom see me cry.

I wave at the approaching car, and James follows my gaze to the woman behind the wheel. “Oh, your mom?”

“Yeah.”

The car stops in front of us and the window rolls down. My mom, Haylee Skye, greets me with a bright smile. “Good morning, Harmony, baby.”

“Morning, Mom.” I open the door, and her eyes dart to James. He smiles and waves at her. She waves back, but I can tell she’s curious about him.

“See you on Monday, James.” I wave at him, and he salutes me with a smile.

“Okay, enjoy your weekend.”

I close the door, and my mom starts driving. I put my bag on the floor and pull my curls out from under my sweater.

“Who’s that boy?” she asks, glancing at James in the rearview mirror as he walks back into the school with his friend.

~Oh. Just the friend of a boy who I kissed and who touched me in my room during a power outage. And just so you know, he did all of that just to sleep with me.~

~Wow, your daughter is a lot stupider than you may have thought, Mother.~

“He’s a friend I met there,” I answer, quickly turning up the radio to avoid further questions.

The music fills the car and I lean back against the seat, staring ahead in silence, hoping she won’t ask more.

“Oh,” is all she says, and I pray she drops the subject.

Surprisingly, she does. Maybe she doesn’t want to spoil the mood since we haven’t seen each other in a while.

My mom worries about me talking to boys, afraid it’ll lead to me getting pregnant and dropping out of school. It’s one of her biggest fears.

A month ago, I would have thought it was ridiculous. But after almost losing myself to Blaze Xander, I realize she has a reason to worry.

I used to think I was grounded and levelheaded, that I’d never give in to peer pressure. But now I’m not so sure, seeing how easily I was taken advantage of.

“Anyway, I have a whole weekend planned for us, sweetheart. We haven’t hung out much since school and I’m so excited. I missed you, baby.”

She keeps her eyes on the road, reaching over to pat my cheek. I smile shyly, like a little kid. “Me too, Mom.”

I had forgotten how innocent I was before Homewood came along and washed it all away, introducing me to the harsh reality of sex, hormones, and everything that comes with adolescence.

College isn’t always a good place.

***

My mom and I spend all day Friday shopping, going to the spa, and doing typical girl stuff.

It’s great. I manage to forget about Blaze for a while. But he’s always there, in the back of my mind, whenever I see a black pullover, a pair of Nike sneakers, black wavy hair, icy blue eyes, dimples, full pink lips…

Okay, maybe I should say I think of him when I see everything. He never leaves my mind. Not once.

I miss the person I was before I was pulled into the world of love and heartbreak. I was so simple and relaxed.

Now my mind is always racing, thinking about a boy who only used me to take the most precious thing I have.

I yearn for my peace of mind, but it seems to be held hostage by Blaze Xander, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get it back.

***

Today is Saturday and Callum finally swings by. We sit on my porch and chat while my mom whips up dinner.

Callum Haynes is the embodiment of perfection in my eyes. He’s good-looking—with rich, chocolate-brown hair and a pair of golden, amber eyes that could make any girl swoon.

His personality is just as impressive, making him seem like a dream come true.

“So, how’s college treating you?” he asks, stretching his arms along the back of the bench we’re sitting on.

“It’s okay...” I mumble, barely audible. I’d rather not talk about Homewood right now. Actually, I’d rather not talk about it ever. I just want to forget about that nightmare of a university for today.

“What about you?” I try to shift the focus away from me.

“Well.” He takes a deep breath. “It’s amazing.” He starts grinning like he’s having the time of his life.

~Wow. Must be really amazing. Can’t say the same for me.~

“It’s just incredible. I’ve met so many new people, my classes are awesome, and my professors—they make the lectures so engaging. It’s a fantastic experience.” He nods.

~Well. I met a few people, one of whom used me for sex, my classes are boring, and my professor almost assaulted me in his office. College life, huh?~

I’m so jealous of how he can speak so highly of his college experience. I wish I could say the same about mine, but Homewood has been mostly a disaster.

“That’s great,” I tell him sincerely. If only he knew how envious I am.

“By the way...” He nudges my shoulder playfully. It’s something we used to do a lot; I’m surprised he still remembers. “Guess who has a girlfriend now?”

I gasp for effect. “Wait...seriously?”

He laughs as his face turns red, his eyes sparkling with joy. “Yep, yours truly.”

I smile. “Wow, good for you, dude.” I nudge him back, and he chuckles.

Whoever that girl is, she’s really lucky. Callum is a true gentleman and treats women with utmost respect. ~Unlike someone else I know~.

He looks at me. “What about you, any cute college guys?”

I look at him, unsure whether or not I should tell him about Blaze.

When Callum and I were younger, we used to talk about everything—share secrets and all—but I’m not sure if we’re still that close. I decide to give it a shot, just to see if we still have that connection.

“Well...I met this guy...”

His face lights up as he turns to me, eager to hear more.

“Um, well...it’s complicated. I probably shouldn’t talk about it.” I shake my head, feeling silly.

His face scrunches up in confusion. “Does he have a girlfriend?”

“No, he doesn’t. Well, I mean, I don’t think he does. But he doesn’t like me the way I like him. Turns out he just wanted to sleep with me.”

Callum’s face hardens. “What an asshole. Seriously?”

“Yeah...” I look at my hands, and I can feel the lump forming in my throat again.

He sighs and places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “Don’t worry about it, okay? You’ll get over him. You’re amazing.”

~Get over him? I don’t see that happening anytime soon.~

I manage a small smile. His words are encouraging, but they don’t make me feel any better.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. Forget about him, okay? Let’s go watch some movies, like we used to?”

He’s trying to cheer me up, and it makes me smile. “Yeah, okay.”

***

“Are you ready, sweetie?!” my mom calls out to me as she stands in front of the mirror in the hallway, putting in her small pearl earrings.

It’s Sunday and we’re about to visit my dad’s grave. Callum spent all of Saturday with me, and after he left in the evening, I went to bed early after April called to check on me.

I told her I was okay, and she advised me not to worry about Blaze. I told her I wasn’t, but right after she hung up, I cried myself to sleep.

Being away from college isn’t as healing as I thought it would be. I keep replaying all the events that happened between Blaze and me. The distance only makes me miss him more.

“Almost.” I slip on a pair of ivory flats to match the light blue dress I’m wearing as Elijah races down the stairs, making battle noises as he pretends to fight the air with his imaginary sword.

I smile and shake my head as my mom appears in the doorway to the living room.

“Do you think these red shoes go with this cream dress?” She opens her arms wide, twirling around so I can check her outfit.

I laugh lightly. “Mom, we’re going to a cemetery, not a dance.”

She frowns. “Even though your father is gone, I still want to look nice when I visit him.”

Her words make my heart ache and my smile fades. I feel so bad for my mom sometimes; she’s been struggling with my father’s death.

I can relate. I miss him so much, and if he were here, he’d have a lot of advice for me.

My mom isn’t exactly the best person to talk to about boy problems—she’s a bit strict when it comes to that topic.

The day my dad collapsed from a heart attack in our kitchen is still fresh in my mind, a memory that will always replay no matter how old I get.

It haunts my dreams most nights and leaves me waking up to a wet spot on my pillow.

Eli tugs my arm, pulling me out of my thoughts. He pushes his shoe forward and I realize he wants me to tie his shoelaces.

I can’t help but laugh. “Eli, how old are you? You should know how to tie your shoes by now.”

I bend down to tie them for him, and my mom just shakes her head, picking up her purse from the couch. “He’s just being a baby. I’ve shown him how to do it. Alright, let’s get going, it’s getting late.”

BLAZE

~“Blaze, you’re such a jerk!”~

Harmony’s words and the pain in her eyes have been stuck in my mind since last night. She was right. I am a jerk and she deserves better than me.

But I’m too selfish to let her go.

I’m furious that she promised she wouldn’t leave, but then she just got up and walked out so easily.

I was wrong, and even though I hardly ever admit that, I know I was awful to have treated her the way I did.

Even though she’d be better off without me, seeing her with Kite just pisses me off.

And I’ll be damned if I let him swoop in and steal her away. He needs to find someone else to mess with.

I thought that making her jealous by messing around with other girls would get her attention. I thought it would make me feel better, but it’s done anything but.

I remember when I didn’t care about anyone; when nothing mattered. But now it does, and it hurts like hell.

“Blaze, couldn’t you have at least worn a tie?”

My dad’s complaint pulls me out of my thoughts. I roll my eyes and look out the window, watching the trees fly by.

“You’re lucky I even showed up,” I mumble.

Why do I need to wear a tie? Am I getting married? I put on a black jacket over my white shirt, and even though it’s not tucked in, I think I look fine.

He should be grateful that I even agreed to go to the cemetery with him.

I don’t know why I said yes. Ever since I met Harmony, I’ve been doing things I’m not used to. I feel like I’m falling apart.

“Anyway, I’m glad you decided to come,” he says. “It’s nice to spend some time together while we visit your mother.”

I clench my jaw. “She’s not my mother.”

He looks at me and then sighs. Sadness is written all over his face as he looks back at the road. He doesn’t say anything because he knows it’s pointless; he won’t change my mind.

There’s a moment of silence before I swallow and look at him, deciding to ask him a question. Maybe I can get something out of this cemetery visit.

“Can I ask you something?”

He looks surprised. We don’t talk much, and me asking him a question is like the sky falling.

“Oh, yes. Yes,” he says quickly.

~Why does he have to be so eager?~

I sigh. “Um... What would you call it if someone wants to see someone every day, cares a lot about their feelings, and gets mad when they hang out with another guy?

“Or what if they feel like they want to slit the guy’s throat when he’s around her? Is that just lust, or something else?”

He looks stunned, blinking rapidly. “Wow. You’ve been feeling like that?”

“No, I’m asking for a friend.”

“Oh.” He nods slowly, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me. I don’t care, I just want an answer.

“Well, it sounds like he’s in love with this girl. Those are all signs of being in love.”

“Okay. But what if the person can’t feel ~love~?”

He looks at me, and I can tell he knows that question gives me away, but I still don’t care.

“Um...well, maybe this girl is the exception. There’s always one person who can challenge your nature, and that person could be your soulmate.

“Some damage can be repaired, and maybe this girl is what he needs to find his lost emotions.”

I nod. “Okay. Got it.”

I look out the window, squinting against the bright sunlight. He smiles and watches me for a moment before looking away, still smiling.