Chapter 168: Dormitory

In the end, the point was this.

Is it lust or love.

That is the question.

In fact, this kind of dilemma is something anyone might ponder at least once.

But isn’t there a saying like this?

“You don’t have erotic fantasies about someone you truly like.”

At my words, senior Ju-hee, who was drinking coffee, flinched in surprise.

A sparsely populated café nearby.

We had come in for a moment to have a conversation.

I emphasized it once more as if it were a truth.

“Did you know? You don’t have erotic fantasies about someone you like.”

“…Is that so?”

Senior Ju-hee seemed startled as if hearing it for the first time, but I nodded without hesitation.

That’s how it is.

You don’t fantasize erotically about someone you truly like.

“So you must not confuse sexual desire with love. Got it? Have you ever used that person for self-soothing? Then it’s time to reassess your feelings.”

“……”

Senior Ju-hee’s shoulders immediately droop.

Honestly, this was also case by case. Anyway, it was said this way to encourage her to rethink and organize her thoughts.

‘Wait a minute.’

Then suddenly.

I realize a hidden truth.

Judging by the reaction now, doesn’t senior Ju-hee mean she’s used me for self-pleasure?

Suddenly, I imagined Senior Ju-hee calling my name with a moan while moving her hands vigorously.

Smack!

‘Crazy!’

I immediately slap my cheek to come to my senses.

No matter how it is, this is not right.

That’s why I intentionally chose a cafe over a bar, isn’t it?

Using senior Ju-hee’s misunderstanding, I could say, ‘Then, shall we check it out, Senior?’ and take her to a hotel.

To the confused senior, I could say, ‘Feelings are inherently hard to define. What’s important is what you feel’, and excite her with physical contact.

Or, I could even suggest, ‘Shall we ponder this over with a drink?’ and after drinking heavily at a bar, lead her to ruin with a carefree attitude!

Honestly, it seemed very easy!

‘…And the probability looks high.’

I wonder how this woman is in bed?

When continuing to think alone, there are often cases where lines are crossed.

Since this was exactly such a time, I steadied myself once more and responded while watching the confused senior Ju-hee.

“Senior, but there’s nothing to be embarrassed about with that.”

“Huh?!”

The senior, who kept drinking coffee, seemed to think it was embarrassing and awkwardly responded.

“As a person, it’s natural to feel that way. You’ve lived much more fiercely than others, so you might be mistaken because you haven’t had time to know this.”

“……”

“It’s not embarrassing. There are people who are too honest about their sexual desires.”

Such as Seo Yerin.

Maybe because I saw Seo Yerin’s true nature, senior Ju-hee’s concerns felt somewhat trivial.

That’s probably why I can give advice without feeling burdened.

In my head, countless fantasies I just recalled were still swirling around.

If I pushed senior Ju-hee a bit harder, it seemed like I could take her to a hotel anytime.

“It’s late now.”

After downing the remaining coffee in one shot, I smiled and said to the senior.

“Let’s go back to the dormitory.”

After that, we headed to the dormitory together.

There was no separate conversation on the way.

Sometimes the senior glanced at me, but that was about it.

In front of the dormitory before we knew it.

I hadn’t had dinner, but I wasn’t hungry.

I just wanted to go back and lie on my bed. My body wasn’t tired, but I was mentally exhausted, and I wanted to get away from senior Ju-hee as soon as possible.

“Then I’ll go. It was fun today, Senior.”

When I smiled and greeted senior Ju-hee, who was staring at me, she took a step closer.

“Ha, just once.”

By now, senior Ju-hee’s reddened face felt familiar.

With a voice full of longing, the senior asked me.

“Can you hug me just once?”

“……”

“I want to confirm whether I’m mistaken or not, as you said.”

The senior’s request was sweet.

I felt like reaching out and hugging the senior without realizing it.

So.

“No.”

I refused.

“I don’t think that would be possible.”

There is someone I like.

Even though I couldn’t clearly define my own feelings, I understood the senior.

Still, there needed to be a boundary.

“……”

It was the first time.

Seeing the senior’s face look like she was about to cry.

Unlike the senior who was always confident even in front of thugs, she seemed like she might collapse at any moment now.

I quickly went into the dormitory.

Step by step.

The sound of footsteps felt unusually loud, and the inside of the dormitory was excessively silent.

Even though I felt guilty for leaving senior Ju-hee alone.

It was a peculiar situation where I was certain that what I did was right.

I thought I should quickly go back, play games, or watch YouTube to refresh my mood, and entered the room.

“You’re back?”

Choi Yiseo, who was lying on the bed looking at her phone, got up slightly.

“Aren’t you coming too often to my room?”

Ever since moving to the dorm, there’s a tendency of her to come too often. I understand it’s convenient to come since it’s closer to my room when she comes to school.

Now, she comes almost every other day, which is rather bewildering.

“I just came to take a break after helping the freshmen. It’s a bit awkward to lie down in places like the lounge.”

“Are you still helping the freshmen?”

I mentioned that she’s helping too often, but Yiseo smiles and changes the subject.

“Did you have a good time with senior Ju-hee?”

So she knew.

I tried to answer lightly, but suddenly recalling senior Ju-hee’s appearance just moments ago, my words got stuck.

Seeing me like that.

Choi Yiseo, who noticed something had happened, looked at me briefly and then.

“Come here.”

She called me, stretching her arms out.

“I’m not in the mood for that.”

I felt a resistance to immediately embrace another woman after what had just happened with senior Ju-hee.

But Choi Yiseo walked over to me with determined steps and hugged me tightly as if clinging to me.

“Is it tough?”

There wasn’t anything more behind it.

She simply asked softly, as if to comfort me, causing a sigh to escape from me unwittingly.

“A bit?”

“What’s tough?”

“Just…not being able to do as much as I want for the people I care about?”

After all, I was only one person.

“Could it be that even thinking like this is simply my selfishness?”

I can’t say something absurd like I’m going to embrace everyone.

“I’m sorry. Is it okay if I think about it a little more?”

“How can our Woojin say such bad things while pretending to be nice?”

Choi Yiseo says playfully with a smile.

I apologized, but Choi Yiseo didn’t respond. Instead, she tightened her arms around me.

Every time I talked with Choi Yiseo, I felt my heart lighten.

She tells me about my selfish side, indecisive side, and honest desires without reservation.

Yet, her tone, emotions, and actions don’t change at all.

It felt like she was comforting me, saying that it’s okay to be like that.

She affirms me in a way different from Seo Yerin.

Saying that it’s possible.

I carefully embrace Choi Yiseo, who is expressing herself with her whole body.

How long did we stay like that?

I lowered my hands to grab Choi Yiseo’s thighs and lifted her straight to the bed.

Plop!

As I laid her down, Choi Yiseo looked flustered.

“W-wait! I didn’t mean it like that?!”

“Yiseo, do you know?”

Because of senior Ju-hee, it’s complicated.

I know that doing this is morally wrong.

Emotionally, I was still dizzy, but…

“Love and lust are different.”

Lust is honest.

What can I do?

Love and lust are similar colors, but with slight differences.

As I buried my face in her chest, Choi Yiseo grabbed my hair and yanked back sharply.

“I don’t have clothes to change into, and I need to go now, okay? So let’s hold back?”

“I’ll finish quickly.”

“I said I don’t want to!”

“Then I’ll have to make you want to.”

When I said that even Choi Yiseo could get excited, she finally sighed and spoke.

“Start with a kiss.”

Choi Yiseo released my hair.

I placed my hand on the bed and kissed Choi Yiseo, who was lying down.

We exchanged a deep kiss.

Now, even Choi Yiseo was quite skilled at entwining tongues.

I felt even more excited at the thought that I had corrupted her.

After ending the somewhat lengthy kiss.

I looked down at Choi Yiseo.

Thud!

She pushed me to the side and sprang up.

“Phew, phew! Recharge complete! I’m going now, Woojin?”

“Don’t talk nonsense! I’m really aroused!”

“I told you, there’s no time! You take forever once you start.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gotten me excited!”

“Woojin…”

Choi Yiseo, looking pitiful, asked me sadly.

“I’m already full of emotions with just a kiss, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not.”

“……”

“The heart and the body are different.”

“Anyway.”

Choi Yiseo, who immediately decided to stop pretending, picks up her phone to leave.

As she replies briefly to the messages she has already received several times, I question her sharply.

“You’re excited right now too.”

“Huh, what?”

Choi Yiseo’s gaze turns towards me as she replies.

Labored breathing, disheveled hair, slightly running sweat, even unconsciously trying to hide the wetness by constantly closing her legs.

Clearly excited Choi Yiseo.

“Let’s just say that you can’t go because you’re not feeling well today.”

“I really want to do that too. But I can’t. Just watch some adult videos, Woojin. I see you’ve increased your collection.”

You’ve already checked that.

Choi Yiseo, seemingly upset about the existence of adult videos, finishes her reply and immediately goes outside.

“Hey, this is really serious! Look at this!”

I hurriedly try to show how serious it is by taking my pants off.

“You, you crazy person!”

Choi Yiseo, startled at seeing me just before removing my underwear, fled the room.

“……”

Standing half-naked, I sigh and tap my forehead.

I feel like I’ve returned to reality.

Recalling the gaze of the senior who looked at me sadly just now, I clumsily put on my underwear and pants.

‘Did I have any beer stocked?’

I’m pretty sure the last time I drank beer was with Oh Dae-sang hyung.

Of all times, the fridge is always out of beer at moments like this.

With an empty heart, I check the fridge just in case and find six cans of beer.

And a bottle of wine.

“Hmm?”

I clearly remembered drinking it all, so I was curious to see beer and wine with Post-its on them.

- (¯ㅁ¯)

Drink in moderation!

- This is for us to drink together! ٩(°ꇴ°)۶

“Ah.”

The handwriting was definitely Choi Yiseo’s.

Beer bought for me to drink and wine bought for us to drink together later.

Seeing that made my heart heavy for no reason.

“Ah, seriously.”

I scold myself again for foolishly letting Choi Yiseo go.

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