37

Someone yelled my name. I couldn't answer. I couldn't look at them. I couldn't take my eyes away from the image in front of me.

From what I have done.

The tears fell down my face, even though I didn't feel like I could cry. My mind frozen in that ever lasting moment. The memories flooded in, the times we spent together, all three of us, happy, cuddling together. All those nightmares, sleepless nights, every time they had calmed me down, brought me back down to earth.

I wanted to scream, move, throw myself to them. Pull them into my arms. Anything. I was sitting like a statue, not being able to make a single sound, a single movement.

The hair that I grew to recognise from a single strand, their face, once looking at me with a pure love and affection. Only reminding me that I would never see that expression again.

Now... I will never be forgiven.

The gun was taken away from me, the person made sure to keep it as far away from me as possible and not end up at gun point with an emotionally unstable woman.

But I only kept looking at the blood.

Drop.

Drop.

Dripping down their head.

Slowly making the puddle bigger. Growing closer. And closer. Almost touching my feet.

I feel it dripping down my hands, from my fingers, onto the wooden floor. I didn't react, I just sat there crying, shocked and overwhelmed. I wasn't fighting back. My eyes blurry from the tears, my vision spinning as I progressively grew more dizzy.

I just killed someone who should be so dear to me.

Suddenly everything went dark, and I heard that soothing voice again.

"You are safe, Y/N."

A sudden warmth spread onto my eyes, slowly seeping further onto my face. My lungs suddenly burned as I let out a loud gasp of air, wanting to grab more of it. Realizing that I was still hyperventilating.

"No one will hurt you. Do you hear me? Don't think of it, focus on me."

The big hand blocking my sight, not letting me look past the darkness it had brought, but it didn't make it any better. The image still stayed, engraved into my mind. A memory I will never get rid of. I couldn't stop sobbing.

The guilt I have buried so long ago only now flowing back to the surface with twice as much force. I could only cry out louder.

"König-"

"Shhhh... It's okay. I am here, Ja?"

"We. Are here."

Another gruff voice reminded and I brought my hands up to remove his. Someone gently grabbed them and pulled them back down.

"Ah-ah. Don't move Hase. Rest."

They had no clue. They didn't know what I have just done.

"You are safe now, Princess."

My body kept on shaking.

"Nie... Nie, nie mogę-" - (No... No, I can't-)

"Hase. Focus on us."

"König, carry her out of here."

The warmth was gone for a moment, only to be replaced by something broader. My face pressed into his shoulder as his arms wrapped around me securely, making sure I do not look up.

"Keep your eyes closed, Y/N."

"I can't leave- nie odejdę!" - (I won't leave!)

"Hase, please. Listen to us for once."

I kept quiet, König brought a sense of security and Ghost gave me confidence in their words. I don't know how did they get there, but I was truly thankful. They are the only thing keeping the last pieces of me together.

But will they still stand next to me once they find out?

---

The gunshot could be heard through the whole rusty building, alarming everyone in the vicinity.

The two looked at each other, a knowing glance. The building might have been vast in corridors and halls, making it a maze to navigate, but what is a maze for people who lived in the shadows for years. After all König and Ghost did not earn their ranks and status by simply being a good soldiers.

A killing machine and a battering ram.

Quite a match, everyone would agree.

Especially when they are driven by despair and anger.

First they were searching, quietly making their way through the rooms, looking for a single sign of you.

But the gunshot gave them the direction, they knew where to go and they would find themselves by your side in minutes, even seconds if they could make it possible.

König slammed the head of the man walking in the same direction into the wall. Tilting it in such a painful way that it ended up cracking his spine. His body slumped down onto the ground, landing right under their feet. Lifeless and ready to be forgotten.

Ghost took notice of the behaviour, even for a man like him only adrenaline could give that kind of strength. However he spoke nothing of it, taking your safety as utmost priority, placing it even beyond their own sanity.

Which Ghost could not lie. This was new.

He had not once went head on to save his soldiers when possible, often almost ending in the hands of death himself. Yet never was he driven by love.

Perhaps similar thoughts would have followed in Königs mind if not for the fact that all he could currently think about was the need to have you near him. To have you safe.

No... a need wasn't a strong enough of a word. It was his desire. His Lust.

His obsession.

The need came in second. He couldn't live without you. It's like he can't catch a full breath when you aren't near. His lungs begging for more of your scent, as if it was the only air that let him continue.

The corridor stretched out as they walked and soon enough they found the source of the sound. Door wide open as a body is laying in the middle of it, the blood spreading slowly through the floor, sinking into the old wood, making the already dark oak only turn a shade more redder.

Their first reaction was to check who the body belong to, but Ghost calmed down as soon as he saw their clothes. They were awfully similar but not to the ones you were wearing. That's when the footage flashed before his eyes.

The holes in the wall made it even clearer that the shot came from inside and the soft sobs, ones that they would never get used to hearing.

"Y/N?!"

You were sitting there, backed up against the wall, trying to move as far away as possible, the gore would make anyone freak out, but it didn't look like that was the reason.

They could tell how terrified you were, and yet none of their faces seemed to grab your attention, as if in a trans. Ghost walked over to the shotgun, the weapon still laying too close for comfort.

Whilst König made his way to you, pressing his hand firmly onto your eyes as you never took them away from the body. He could imagine the shock you were going through, he once have been in that state before himself. Yet he couldn't determine what exactly has caused it. Was it truly just the gore?

The fact you were kidnapped yet again must have rung up many bad memories, but surely it couldn't bring you into such a shock. Perhaps he was wrong, after all he wasn't there to relive your traumas.

Ghost on the other hand has recognized the person, even with their face almost completely gone he could tell.

"König, carry her out of here."

It was for your own good, you didn't need to look at this mess any longer. Someone else would take care of it, he would inform Price after Christmas. After all there was no point in ruining his holidays as well.

---

The police tapes had enveloped the scene, the flashing light might have added some aesthetic to the whole place yet they brought no comfort to my being. Nothing could right now. I felt bare. Fully exposed for what I truly was.

A cold blooded killer.

So why did it hurt so much?

König's rough hands gently rubbed circles on my back, holding me close tightly, as if I were to fall apart if he only let go for a second. All the pieces off me had settled into place, yet they were shaking, not from fear but from sorrow. Guilt had finally started to crawl out of me, pushing and clawing on the cracks, wanting to get out by any means.

"Hase... The police said they can wait... we can come give your testament after you calm down..."

Right. I can't forget.I have to remember every single memory of this. I can't miss a single important point. Mention every detail they might need.

"They said there was only one person who survived..."

I whispered so quietly that König almost had not caught it.

"They are not your problem anymore, Shatzi."

I could hear him murmur something else.

"They got what they deserved."

Was König always so cold? I only ever remembered him so angry and hard-faced when I was caught on that damned mission. I would never be a lap dog for the military ever again.

Cold, right... I shivered as I remembered how much I was freezing, the winter was merciless this year, and me wearing only some old pyjamas in the middle of the snow wasn't exactly something I wished for. The small blanket and a jacket were wrapped around me but the only thing that brought me warmth was the huge man sitting beside me.

König hugged me closer as he noticed me shivering, I could tell he would pull me into his lap if only I had given the heads up, but I couldn't find it in myself to be more greedy for his love.

I finally looked slightly up as I saw Ghost crouching in front of me. A knowing look in his eyes, but what could he truly know.

"I talked with them... explained most of the details but you will still need to testify."

I nodded slowly, not like I was expecting otherwise, however I truly wished for this to have been an end.

"Y/n... I-"

Ghost cursed himself for acting soft for once.

"That woman... Who was she?"

His tone changed to his usual soldier like attitude. His coldness blocking the care and worry that managed to slip through his eyes. Someone needed to play the strong one, he had already accepted that role. It's as if he knew I needed a push, not a hug for me to start talking.

"She..."

The words couldn't slip out of my mouth, only tears could. Someone important. That they could guess.

"You kept saying you can't leave her there..."

"Ghost they can tell us some other time-"

"Y/n answer."

The two didn't seem to be on the same wave length, their bickering only allowed me to spiral further down my thoughts.

"Mamo-..." - (Mom-...)

It slipped out between my sobs and it made both of the men fall quiet. The silence only made me choke on the words more. I couldn't look at them, it already hurt so much, I couldn't bare to see the disgust on their faces, the fear. A rejection.

"Zabiłam ją- Zabiłam własną matkę-" - (I killed her- I killed my own mother-)

The words that once couldn't escape my mouth have now lingered on top of my lips, not letting any other words pass by as I cried. The tears streamed down, creating a path after path having the previous ones dry up. And even though I kept speaking in Polish, among all the gibberish they could make out the word Mother.

I slowly raised my head as some wrapped their arms around me, the embrace was tight, protective. It felt as if someone was trying to squeeze the pain out of me. But that would never happen.

"It wasn't your fault."

The blanket on my shoulders fell to the ground as my hands clung onto them, for the first time I have fully broke down in front of them. I hoped for those words, never expecting to ever actually hear them.

---

The drive wasn't long. The two decided that the best for me would be to stay somewhere else then my house. Especially that police was currently checking for the clues of the break in.

I walked into the hotel, wearing Ghost's hoodie, which obviously was too big for me. If not for one of the police officers calling in here and explaining the situation we would have been sleeping in the car.

The woman at the front desk checked us in despite the late hour and I couldn't thank her enough. She looked a little terrified as she saw me so shaken up in between both Simon and König, but since it was a call from her friend she didn't question us.

I walked into the room, not knowing what to do with myself. What was I supposed to do now? Live as if nothing happened?

"Let's take a shower, Schatzi..."

König had wrapped his arms around me as Ghost locked the room and placed his bags near one of the beds. We were given a three people room with three separate beds, even though it was clear we would all be probably sleeping together.

The bathroom looked nice, clean although not too bougie.

"Do you need help...?"

I nodded. I wanted to get clean, but i had no more strength to do anything on my own.

"Alright Hase, tell me if anything is uncomfortable."

König's touch was gentle, his calloused hands brushing against my skin. The sound of the water hitting the ground calmed me down a little, but not enough to bring me out of that trance. It all felt out of place.

Or rather I felt out of place. Like I shouldn't be there. As if something else entirely should have happened and yet... I was here.

Standing outside the shower as the men who cared for me slowly pulled off my dirty clothes. Their fingers tracing every old and new scar I have acquired.

And I couldn't do this.

"Stop... proszę." - ( please.)

It all came to a halt and I swallowed, barely getting my saliva through my throat as his puppy eyes looked for the hint of what he has done wrong.

"Hase..."

"I will... I want to be alone..."

König reluctantly pulled away, nodding as he left along with Ghost. They both looked as if they had many things to say and yet, they stepped away to allow me the space I needed.

I walked under the shower and allowed it to try and wash of all my sins. Somehow it had yet to work.

---

"Do you think they will be fine?"

"Only time will tell."

The two have pushed all three beds together, turning them into one giant bed. Ghost hoped that you would at least let them comfort you through the night. But the cries coming from the bathroom made them both restless. They were too eager to stop them, to try and push you into the comfort of their arms, to make you forget and wipe those bad memories away.

But what you needed was time, and it was something they could not make to go by faster.

"I want to rip those fuckers to shreds!"

König started following it with some german nonsens that Ghost couldn't exactly make out.

"You already did."

He sighed as the taller man, cursed even more under his breath, walking around the room in circles.

Ghost was looking for an answer in his own trauma. You would you hold onto it just as he has? He didn't want that. He wanted to help, make you feel better. Assure you it was never your fault.

Perhaps he could have done that to his self, he wasn't there when his family was killed, but you?

You were the one who pulled the trigger.

Just how excruciating must it been?

"How did you know?"

That's when the Austrian finally stopped, the question catching him of guard. König's demeanor changed by a 180 degree. The man was clearly hiding something, yet he hoped König hadn't played a part in her kidnapping.

"How did you know Y/n was there?"

"What a stupid question. I got her location through my phone."

"They didn't have their phone."

The silence was only making the tension grow, just what did König had to do with all this?

"The bracelet."

He huffed out not too happy with his little secret out.

"Bracelet?"

Ghost waited for him to continue.

"The one I gifted them for Christmas... It has a tracker."

The sudden thump coming from the bathroom followed by the silence, only filled with the sound of flowing water had ripped them both out their thoughts. However it didn't stop Ghost from thinking. Did you know about it? Did you agree to this? Just what else was König capable of doing?

Just how far would that man actually go?

Word count: 2862