Dialogue is one of the most powerful tools you as a fiction writer have. It can be the key to revealing backstory, communicating a juicy plot twist, or showing character progression. But as with everything in writing, dialogue can be misused. This chapter is intended to help you avoid those mistakes. And just like anything, practice and having someone to help you correct your errors will help you. This chapter is just intended to make you aware of those common pitfalls.
Something I often see in writing dialogue is that characters will be talking about something, and it doesn't seem to affect them or the story in any way. I can immediately spot this in books, and it always leaves me confused or annoyed, especially if it happens frequently. Real life is filled with small talk and "Blah-blah-blah", but in writing, everything on the page has to be substantial. And that includes what your characters are saying to each other. Let's take a look at one example.
Rodney walked up to Susan. "Hey, how's your day been?"
She shrugged. "It was alright."
Rodney shoved his hands in his pockets. "Okay. See you after school!" They parted ways to go to their classes.
What's wrong with this exchange? There's no meat. This might be something that happens in real life, but it's not something that should be in the book. This exchange doesn't do anything to further their characters or advance the plot, so cut it. It's boring and will leave readers confused.
Now, I don't understand small talk, but I'm not against it either. Below is the same scene, but with some added touches. See if you can notice the difference.
Rodney walked up to Susan, clenching his shaking hands. He tried to stamp down the butterflies in his stomach, and cleared his throat so his voice wouldn't crack. "Hey, how's your day been?"
She shrugged, gazing down. Her pretty blonde hair blew in the wind. "It was alright."
Rodney shoved his hands in his pockets, his mouth suddenly dry. "Okay. See you after school!" They parted ways to go to their classes, and he grinned so wide his face hurt. Now he could brag to all the boys in his grade that he'd talked to his crush and they hadn't.
See the difference here? The dialogue is the same, but what's going on inside Rodney's head is different. Now we know that he has a crush on Susan, and he also seems to be insecure about it since he feels the need to talk to her to validate himself to the other boys. He's also a bit shy, as we can see by his clenching hands. This scene reveals something about Rodney as a character, so you can keep the small talk.
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You know the "he said," "she said" phrase after a piece of dialogue? That's called a tag line. We use tag lines as writers all the time. There are many schools of thought on what tag lines are appropriate to use and when, but I think I can offer some general tips on using them well.
1. Grammar.
I know no one likes grammar, but we have to touch on it a little bit here. Dialogue infractions are the most common, and that's because they have so many rules attached. And if you don't write with good grammar, don't expect people to read your book. In fact, most will drop it after the first chapter. Here are basic rules to keep in mind.
- Dialogue is always surrounded on both sides with quotes. (Example: "Come to school with me," Mary said.)
- If there's a tag line after the dialogue, the dialogue ends with a comma. (Example: "You can go out and play," Mom said.)
- If there's no tag line after the dialogue, the dialogue ends with a period. (Example: She crossed her arms. "You're so full of yourself, Jamie.")
- Dialogue shouldn't end in an exclamation point unless the character is literally shouting, or otherwise talking in a noisy or sudden way. Some people say you shouldn't use any, but I say use exclamation points sparingly - publishers don't like a lot of them in the text. (Example: "Stop acting like such a brat!" she yelled.)
2. What about "said"?
Some authors say to get rid of said, but I disagree with them. "Said" is a good placeholder word for when you can't think of another word to use. If a character is asking a question, "asked" or "inquired" does the trick too. If a character is replying, "replied" works fine. But try to switch up what words you're using in order to create the right flow. People don't want to drown in a sea of said's.
3. What about noisy tag lines?
Noisy tag lines are things like "snapped", "shouted", "hissed," "roared", and the like. Limit the uses of these tags in your work - just like describing something through showing, they're a way of highlighting dialogue for maximum effect. Too many and the whole page will be highlighted, which does you as a writer no good. Consider:
"I wanted to come to the ball!" she wailed.
"You couldn't have come anyway!" he bellowed. "We're different enough as it is!"
"But why?" she cried. "Why do we have to be different?"
"I don't know," he growled. "That's just the way things are."
To fix this, he growled is probably the tag line you want to keep. You can accentuate the way they talk in different ways.
"I wanted to come to the ball," she said, her voice trembling slightly.
"You couldn't have come anyway," he sighed. "We're different enough as it is."
"But why?" she asked. "Why do we have to be different?"
"I don't know," he growled. "That's just the way things are."
Notice how the last line sticks out from the rest. The man doesn't seem happy that they're too different to go to the ball together. Dialogue tags give you clues about the characters - use them wisely!
4. What about adverbial tag lines?
Adverbial tag lines are things like "said noisily", "shouted angrily", and the like. Adverbs in general should be cut unless absolutely necessary. Consider:
"You look like a stupid baby!" she said rudely.
It's pretty obvious that what she said was rude. This is a very common mistake new writers have when writing dialogue. Your readers aren't dumb. They understand a lot more than you think - try using a gesture if you want to highlight how rude she was. People talk with gestures in real life, so try using that instead of an adverb if you can.
She giggled. "You look like a stupid baby."
5. No tag lines.
If only two characters are talking, you don't need a tag line every time they speak. Sometimes you'll want to interrupt the action with a gesture, but for the most part, you can have them talk back and forth until one character says something that stops the conversation or turns it in a different direction. Consider this passage from Alura:
Light Spinner scowled. "This conversation is finished, Micah. Drop the matter."
Cold dread seeped into his stomach, but he ignored it. I'm just trying to be a good friend. Am I really that annoying in the classroom? "But Light Spinner - "
She stood, eyes narrowing. "Micah, listen to me - "
"Your hands are shaking - "
"It's no matter -"
"Just let me help you -"
"I said, we're done!" she yelled, her voice carrying in the rafters. Her clenched fists bore plasma, and Micah backed up, heart pounding. Both girls' gazes snapped up from their tests, eyes wide.
In this passage, there were three lines where no tags were needed. This is because we knew that Micah and Light Spinner were the only characters talking to one another. But on the last line...oh, snap. He's upset her enough that she shouts, and that deserves a tag line to accentuate how angry she is. It takes a bit of practice to make that tension happen, but it's well worth it.
In the next chapter I'll be discussing the other crucial part of dialogue: how you can make each character's voice stand out in your book.