**PSA before I begin this chapter: my friend dream-is-reality and I are hosting a contest! Take a look at our joint account TheSnowflakeAwards for more details - we're accepting judges and participants until December 31, 2020. We're in desperate need of both, so give it a look and tag your friends at least!
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Full disclosure: inserting emotion is something that's more of an instinct than a skill for me personally. From a young age, I was very overemotional, and it poured out into my earliest writing. (Pop quiz for those who know me well: what did I first write about when I got into storytelling?) I remember trying to help a friend of mine who struggled with a "dry" writing style and being confused about where my own blossoming skill in inserting emotion came from, and so I was only able to offer her basic tips.
Writing emotion is hard. I would advise new writers to take this chapter as down-the-road advice, and not worry too hard about it, especially on a first draft. Why? Because before you get emotional, you have to know your characters well. If you don't, anything emotional will sound forced and contrived. You also want to make sure you're not suffering from writer's block or burnout, or you'll struggle to stay invested emotionally (more on that later).
But let's say you're like my friend, who knows how character development works and does it well in her works, but you're just not feeling your story? I think there are some basic principles we can follow, but a lot of it has to do with practice and experience.
The Do's:
1. Brainstorm. As always, improving your writing starts in your journal. Make lists or idea webs and answer questions that relate to your characters' scenarios. If you found out you were lied to, how would you feel? Write down any "gut feelings" you experience, as well as external indicators. I personally find that anger feels like ants crawling in my stomach. Also, journal as much as you can about your own emotions, especially if they're strong. If you ramble, it's okay. Journaling is messy by nature.
2. Use figurative language. A word of caution, though - make sure all figurative language is original, appropriate, and is accurate. I don't like reading descriptions of depression as being "dead inside", just because it's overused (even if it's accurate sometimes). Think of all the things you associate depression with - list them down if you want. Then use a metaphor, simile, or personification involving the most original, appropriate (as in, it sounds good), and accurate item on your list.
3. Use gestures. Gestures are your best friend. If you can avoid stating outright what the character is feeling, and rely largely on actions, do it. I don't want to hear "She was angry" when I could be reading about how "scalding tears dripped down her cheeks, and her hands balled with tension". There's nothing wrong with personifying the emotion (Ex: terror seized him), but make sure most of the description is showing us what's going on instead.
4. Get into the character's head. Again, if this sounds unnatural, turn to your journal. Not sure what your character is thinking, or why they feel this way? Assuming you haven't made them act out-of-character, you've probably just hit a dead end. Don't panic. If you don't know how your character should be thinking, write down all the ways they could be thinking. Then once you have all the possibilities on the page, choose all the ones that work best with what you know about your character and use them.
5. Be prepared to edit. A lot. I think that revising my scenes to be more emotional is probably the bulk of where my diction editing goes. If it doesn't sound good at first, don't worry about it, especially on the first draft. Don't even make a note of it. Move on and worry about it after you rewrite your book, and keep practicing.
The Don'ts:
1. Don't use viewpoint intruders. I'm going to do a chapter detour on these bad boys, because they're the source of most of my book club critiques. Viewpoint intruders are interruptions of the character's point of view for unnecessary, internal actions. For example, saying He felt immense sorrow tug at his gut, rather than Immense sorrow tugged at his gut. Or She registered her gut burning with anger, instead of Her gut burned with anger. Different intruders cause different problems, but they can hamper the flow of the prose and take the reader out of the story.
2. Don't say "his heart" or "his soul" when describing emotions. Describing how actual body parts respond to emotion is fine; sometimes emotion can actually cause people physical pain or distress. But more often than not, when I hear his heart or his soul, it's either followed by a cliché or just sounds melodramatic.
3. Don't use clichés. After my next chapter, which will be a detour on viewpoint intruders, I'll talk more about how to avoid clichés in your books. But it's especially crucial to avoid them in your emotional scenes because it can make the emotion less impactful - or worse, take the reader out of the story. And that's something you as a writer can't afford to do. Clichés arise from universal concepts that are explained in an overused way. Below is phrasing you should avoid.
- Adjectives followed by "inside" (dead inside, crying inside, alive inside)
- "The emptiness is cold." (Double-no because it's also telling instead of showing.
- "The anger is a beast/monster inside me."
- "This pain is just too real." (There's just too much that time cannot erase - ok, I'll stop now hehe)
- "I don't even know what's real anymore." (Because they're so sad, not because they're suffering from psychosis.)
- "I don't know how to feel."
Please note that these are all very real concepts that are explained in tired ways. There are many ways to show emotional numbness. For example, talking about how tired the depressed person is, how they withdraw from others because they're so sad and they don't know how to smile or pretend to be happy. If you've heard someone else use the description you're using, cut and replace it.
In the next chapter, I'll be going on a detour about viewpoint intruders, and how they can cripple your story.