I was heading into the bar because Mara texted, said sheâd been there since noon drinking with her roommates. It was after practice and the other guys were with me. They headed inside, but I held back when my phone buzzed.
It was a picture of Titi all smiles. They were at a party, or I was guessing from the balloons and the rainbow painted on Titiâs cheek.
I stared at my phone, but I couldnât give her the response she wanted. Or maybe she needed. I just couldnât.
âCruz?â
I looked up, and instantly scowled. Sabrina Burford was coming out of the bar, a tentative look on her face. Then, her chin firmed, and she came closer. âI saw the guys and noticed you were still out here.â Her eyes went to my phone. A small frown came over her face. She folded her head, some of her hair falling forward. âI know you didnât want me to go see your mom and sister, but I had to. Iâm sorry. Iâm not sorry for going, but Iâm sorry that I went when you didnât want me to go. That doesnât make sense.â She looked away, a sad expression coming over her. âI knew your sister was⦠Iâm trying to say that I knew Sarah was different. But I liked her. Sometimes she could be mean. I saw that side of her, but I also saw times when she seemed tortured. I didnât understand, and I donât know if I ever will, but I know Titi was in the car because of me. Iâve not been perfect. Iâm a bitch, stuck-up, you know. But I am who I am. And I just wanted you to know that I was always kind when I was around Titi. My mom only had me, and I always wanted a little sister. With Titi, it felt like I had a little sister.
âLook, Iâm not here asking for your permission, but your mom is okay with me continuing to visit. Iâd like to do that.â Her eyes flashed at me. Determined. âIâm going to do that. Sarah would want me to do that.â
âYou donât know what Sarah would want.â
She shook her head. âYouâre wrong. Sarah wasnât always mean with me. We had fun times, and sometimes I think I know her in ways you never will. And I do think sheâd want me to continue seeing Titi. Sheâd want me to do it because she canât, just like when she was alive. She knew I was the sister that she couldnât be. Itâs half the reason I spent so much time with Titi. Your sister cared, in her way.â
âMy sister is dead. I donât think she gives two fucks about us.â
âYouâre wrong. I know you think she didnât care about you, but she did. She wasnât nice to you all the time. I know she was jealous of you, but she was also proud in her way. Thereâs a drawer in her room where she printed off every article there was written about you. Ask your mom about it sometime. She knows itâs there.â She held up a hand, heading back for the door. âIâll see you inside, or not, if thatâs what you want.â
I gave her a look, but I didnât respond. No matter what she said or what she did, Burford and I wouldnât be buddy-buddy. But maybe I didnât need to hate her as much as I did.
I texted my mom.