Mallory
I stayed at Nick's apartment during the week after Reid's accident. Nick knew I didn't want to be alone, so we were always together. Even if we didn't talk, the nights culminated in movie marathons on his couch. It got a little awkward sometimes, but we settled into a routine. I was still adjusting to Nick's importance in my life because we weren't friends before the crash. But through Reid's accident, we found each other.
One morning, I was assembling a stack of pancakes at the counter when Nick entered the kitchen. His expression was serious and sad, and I immediately assumed the worst. Nick was going to tell me that Reid's memories were gone. He was never coming back.
"Mallory, you have to breathe." Suddenly Nick was everywhere around me, rubbing my back lightly and wrapping me in his arms. I didn't even notice that my breathing was erratic, my heart rate spiked. I felt a light sheen of sweat break on my face, my throat closing up. Tears filmed my eyes.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. I sat clumsily down on a stool, clutching Nick like he was my safety net. I felt light as a feather, about to give way at any moment.
I closed my eyes, breathing in and out. I was fine. I was safe. Nick withdrew from me once I'd calmed down, his eyes wary as he assessed me.
"Nina just called me. Reid was discharged from the hospital yesterday. He's living with Tony at his parents' house." Nick told me softly.
My heart plummeted. I couldn't ignore Reid's presence anymore. He was at his old home, living in the room where we'd shared kisses as seventeen-year-olds, and our expectations for the future. If I closed my eyes, I could still recall the layout of his old bedroom.
"I said that I wouldn't doubt you, but I need a reason to trust you. Please tell me who you're avoiding, by staying here." Nick said. His tone made it clear that this was a request, not an order.
I exhaled, rubbing my palms lightly on my thighs to dispel some of my anxiety. "Just the idea of seeing Reid again makes my stomach turn over. I keep on trying to picture the worst situation that could happen, and then I remember that it already happened. Reid's so far away from me now that I can't reach him anymore."
"But you have to keep trying to reach him. Not for anyone but yourself." Nick said encouragingly. He put his hands on my shoulders, making me look into his eyes. I could see the compassion in them, the sincere meaning in his words. Nick never said anything he didn't mean. He was telling me to hold on. To keep on believing in my relationship, even when my personal conviction was waning.
I slowly nodded. "Thanks for taking care of me. I know I've been a mopey, unbearable mess, but I promise I'm going to get back up."
His eyes were dark and sombre as he looked into my own. "For the record, you weren't unbearable, or mopey, or even a mess. It's normal to feel devastated in a situation like this. I know you'll get back up, Mallory." Nick said with an oddly wistful smile. "You always do. I'm here if you need me."
I smiled tearfully. "I'm here for you, too."
After breakfast, which was pleasant with Nick there to cheer me up, I decided to gather my courage and visit Reid. Enough was enough; time was getting the better of us. I needed to make the first move, because Reid was too vulnerable to try to bridge the gap between us himself.
I drove to Jada's house. I steeled myself before knocking on the front door. The wood was familiar as my own front door's.
Jada answered the door, blinking in surprise once she recognised me. "Mallory, dear. Have you come to talk to Reid?"
"Yes." Even I was shocked by the determination in my voice.
Jada lowered her voice. "I'm saying this in your best interest, but are you sure this isn't too soon? He was discharged from the hospital only two days ago. Give yourself some time, honey."
"I mean no disrespect, Jada, but I don't see how letting time pass will fix things. I feel like this is long overdue on my part. I didn't have the courage to speak to Reid a week ago, but I have it now. I'd like to see him." I asked, keeping my tone as polite as possible. I was frustrated by everyone's opinions on Reid and I.
Jada sighed. "I think you might be right. He's in his bedroom."
She stepped aside so I could go in and take my shoes off. I didn't miss the way Jada's lips were eternally pursed with worry, or the stress lines that had deepened on her forehead. She gave birth to Reid in her early twenties, so Jada was barely past her mid-forties now. But she looked so much older, from the mental toll of her son's memory loss.
I walked through Reid's old home like I was in a dream. Echoes of Reid, back when we were eighteen and free in this house, reached out to my mind.
I barely noticed myself walk up the stairs, following the path down the hallway to Reid's room. I watched my hand curl into a fist, to knock on his door softly. I waited pensively for Reid's voice in silence.
After a minute of no response, I opened his door and peeked in. Reid was sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard, looking out of the window. He glanced my way once he noticed someone entering, his eyebrows rising once he realised it was me.
"Hey." I greeted, giving him an awkward little wave. This was what I feared, really; the tense, awkward contact. For one isolated second, I wondered if Jada had been right, if I should have let Reid approach me first. At least then, we'd both be ready for it.
But thankfully, Reid showed me that I was right to be there with him. His expression melted into relief, and his mouth tipped upwards at the corners. He still had that inexplicable charm about him, the charisma that drew me in when we met. Reid still made me want to know more about him, even though I thought I knew everything already.
"Hi. Mallory, right?" Reid greeted warmly. And his voice, oh, it was exactly the same. Nothing had changed physically. He was the Reid I knew, from his natural mannerisms to the calming, steady timbre of his voice.
Warmth washed over my body, dousing my heart in comfort. "Yes. And I know I've heard your name, but could you remind me?"
Reid laughed at my little joke and I was finally relaxed enough to smile, relieved that we started off well. Sure, there was that brief, horrible awkwardness at first, but this was closer to how we were, together. Making jokes, talking in his room like old times.
He patted the space on his bed opposite him, a silent request. I complied, crossing my legs. We sat in silence for a moment, wondering who would start talking first.
"So how-"
"I'm here-"
We started talking at the same time, and stopped once we realised it. My mouth tipped upwards at the corners, my smile widening until I burst into giggles. Reid chuckled softly with me, and we settled into a more comfortable atmosphere together.
"You start." I offered, smiling.
Reid grinned. "Well, I was going to ask how you've been. I know it probably wasn't that great," he added upon seeing my expression, "But the past week must have been better for you."
I frowned, worried. "Did something else happen?" Then I realised how tactless I sounded. Even if nothing else had been added to Reid's problems, they were big enough on their own. I blushed, embarrassed by my mistake.
Reid shrugged, not seeming too bothered. "Aside from my surgery and amnesia? No, not really. It just sucked, meeting a bunch of people who obviously knew me well, but I didn't know them. Don't pity me." he added quickly upon seeing my expression. "I'm dealing with it."
"I never said you weren't." I said quietly.
Reid sighed tersely, looking on edge. "It's just hard. That's all."
I took his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb gently in circles across his skin. He used to do the same thing for me when I was upset. "It was always going to be hard. But I promise that I'm done running from us. If you want me still, then I'm here now. I'll wait if you ask me to."
He watched our hands and chuckled softly under his breath. He looked into my eyes and confessed, "You know what the funny thing is? Some part of me has already realised that I want you. Maybe even need you."
I smiled shakily. "It works both ways."
Reid's expression clouded over, a shadow passing over his face. "Really? Do you feel the way I feel? Like I've known you forever, even though I can't remember anything about you? Do you know that I love you without understanding why?"
That was all I wanted to hear, but it was too bewildering to try and dissect in my mind. "Don't say anything about love right now. You're confused." I told him.
"Of course I'm confused, Mallory, don't you think it'd be strange if I wasn't?" Reid snapped. He realised the harshness he was directing at me and became apologetic. "I'm sorry, I just- I'm struggling. Let's talk about something else."
As it was, I wasn't going to change the subject and run away from the problem. I looked at Reid head on, preparing myself for a potential battle. "This isn't us, Reid. We never used to argue."
Reid scoffed. "I bet that's because we never had any reason to argue, right? But now we do. I don't know if we can restart a relationship on broken foundations."
"Don't say that." I whispered. "You don't mean it."
"And what if I do, Mallory? What if I'm not the person you thought I was?" the fierceness in his voice melted, and I saw the fear in his eyes. "I'm not as selfless as you. I can't give you what you deserve. I'm terrified, you know. I'm so damn scared of starting a relationship because I have no idea how to navigate one. I don't understand how you made me agree to dating in the first place."
I stayed quiet for a moment. "You asked me."
The fire in Reid's eyes faded into melting embers. "What?"
I sighed. "I didn't ask you out. It was the other way around."
Reid looked momentarily shocked by my statement, then pushed his expression into neutrality. "I forgot. Tony told me that in the hospital." he laughed bitterly to himself. "Something else that I'll never understand."
I tried to ignore the sting of his words. "Did you ask Tony about how we started dating?"
He shook his head, frustrated. "We can't focus on the past right now, Mallory. I need to take back control over my life. I need to understand how we can move forward. I need to know that this won't be us trying to force a relationship and calling it quits in the end. I'd like to save myself from any unnecessary heartbreak."
"I see what you're doing." I said quietly.
His eyes became guarded. "What am I doing?" he asked. It was a defensive retort. He was retreating from me, because he understood that I knew some shred of the truth.
"You're scared of your own emotions. You're being a coward. But I never remembered you as someone to run away from your problems." I argued, tipping my chin up.
His eyes blazed. "Really, that's what you think? You try handling everything I'm feeling, then call me a coward. See if you can cope with anything more. You have no idea what it's like."
"You're right, I don't. But I know how it feels to wake up every morning and realise that a piece of my heart is missing. Even when-" my voice caught in my throat, refusing to speak further. I didn't want to hurt Reid, but the emotions pouring out of me were uncontrollable. I exhaled, speaking slower to drive home my words. "Even when you're right in front of me."
Reid shook his head slowly, his eyes emptied of their usual cheerfulness. The acute pain on his face was unbearable for me to see. "This is too much, Mallory. Can you leave, please?"
He worded it as a question, but I knew he wasn't looking for an answer. So I did the only thing I could do, and left Reid's room, closing the door gently behind me.
As I reached my car on the street, I turned around to look at Reid's window. He wasn't there, so I got in and drove away. I didn't care about the tears streaming down my cheeks.
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