Nina
I waited outside Reid's hospital room, toying with my bracelets. I wasn't allowed to visit on the night of the accident, because I wasn't family. But I returned today, a plan forming in my mind.
With the past year washed away, Reid's memory of me was an empty canvas, wiped away by his head trauma. This could be my second chance at obtaining Reid's friendship. I was finally starting off with him on a clean slate, like Mallory. An even playing field.
Unlike Mallory, I was elated. The difference was I had nothing to lose. Her misfortune was my triumph.
I knocked on the white door and entered. Reid was upright in his bed against the pillows, looking out of his window. He turned to me, looking curiously at me. I saw no sign of recognition in his eyes. My heart simultaneously leaped and crashed in my chest. "Hello." I greeted awkwardly.
"Hey," Reid said, calm as anything. "You're Nina, right? Tony showed me pictures of everyone last night. I'm still trying to learn names. But according to my recollection, you're the life of the party."
"I would answer that with a yes and no. I like parties, but I like staying at home more." I answered, because Reid used to dislike parties. I loved them. This was an equivocation on my part, but so what? No one was there to contradict me.
Reid smiled, a full blown smile that I rarely saw. He never smiled like that around me before. His optimism was contagious. "I'm exactly the same. Or I was. It's hard to tell now, because..." he trailed off awkwardly. The energy faded on his face.
I tried to help him out. "I would think of this as a fresh start. Now you have all the time in the world to find out what you like and dislike. I can help, if you want."
"That means a lot, Nina. Thank you." Reid said softly. I felt a blush rising on my cheeks.
"It's nothing. We're friends, right?" I replied tightly. Guilt clawed at my throat, stopping me from talking further.
"Right." Reid agreed uneasily. I sensed something different to him; there was an unsteadiness that I'd never seen about Reid. "Would you tell me a bit more about yourself? I want to learn everything about everyone again. Were we close before? I can easily imagine that."
Every time he asked a question like that, I saw myself standing on a forked road. To tell the truth and go back to what we were before, or to take my opportunity and change the past. I would have lied every time, if it meant that we could be friends.
The devil on my shoulder whispered to me. Choose, choose.
"We were best friends. You would tell me whatever was on your mind." I answered without hesitating. It sounded believable to me.
"Then can I tell you something now?"
"Of course, Reid."
"I know I had a girlfriend," Reid said hesitantly. My heart sank. "Mallory. How did she react to my amnesia? I don't remember seeing her yesterday."
"I think she needs time to process," I hedged. "She was very distraught, so maybe you should just let her be alone for a while? Try to heal first before you bring up situations from the past."
Reid shrugged, looking uncertain. "I guess you're right. But I feel fine, I can talk to her now."
I looked away, gritting my teeth. Leave it to Reid to brush me aside, even without remembering who I was to him. "Mallory isn't here. Nick took her home yesterday, so I assume she's with him." I said.
Reid's expression became even more confused. "Nick?"
"Our mutual friend. He's one of the group." I said with indifference. Nick had never talked too much to me either. He was much like Reid in that way. "He and Mallory are just as close as we are, to be honest."
"Right. So they're friends, not anything more?" Reid said. He was gauging my expression, trying to get something from it. But I'd had too much practise at my poker face.
I felt the briefest flicker of guilt. I was taking advantage of him already. I was loyal to Mallory, even though I had to be true to myself as well. "They're just friends, Reid."
Reid's mouth turned upwards at the corners. He looked hopeful. "Okay, back to you, then. What's your major?"
I smirked. "Economics. Mallory and I met in an Economics lecture on our first day at Collard. Then I met you through her."
"I'm glad I met you, Nina."
I looked at him and to my horror, I felt tears brimming in my eyes. I looked away and cleared my throat. "Yeah. Nick majors in Business Studies, and Tony is a dropout."
Reid's jaw dropped. "You're joking."
I burst out into laughter, swiping my eyes with my hand. "I am joking, actually. Tony is in his last year in Pre-Med. No one would think he was that smart, at first glance."
"Hey, remember who you're talking about? That's my cousin," Reid chastised with a mocking frown. I laughed, and he shook his head with a grin. "But what can I say? Tony got my aunt's brains. I'm just above average intelligence."
"How humble of you." I commented, smiling.
Reid's smile became sad. "My ma told me that I'm studying History. I hated History in high school, so I had a hard time believing that."
I laughed, exhilarated. "You actually told me about this story. You failed around half of your high school finals, so History was your best bet. You also got a horrible recommendation from your teacher because you put a fart cushion on her chair at your graduation."
Reid stifled a laugh. "That sounds pretty accurate." His expression became more thoughtful and he leaned towards me, studying me with his eyes. "You know a lot about me, Nina. I'm beginning to think that you're stalking me."
I rolled my eyes. "You wish, loser. I'm just observant, and you're not that special."
Reid leaned forward, eyes sparkling with humor. "But that means I'm a little important to you, right?"
I looked at him, wondering if he could hear the implication of his words. "Very much so."
I was smiling like an idiot when I shut the door to Reid's room. He gave me a rose from one of his 'get well soon' bouquets. I was giddy with luck. Reid was the same person that I met a year ago. This time, he wasn't opposed to me at all. There was no prejudice. This was the fresh start that I obsessed over for months. I held the flower to my nose, inhaling its sweetness. Things were looking up at last.
Tony appeared round the corner and smiled at me. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
I gasped, then held my palm to my chest. "You need to stop appearing everywhere. I think my heart just skipped a beat."
"That's obviously because you have feelings for me. Plus I'm here to see my cousin, not you." Tony protested, chuckling.
I pushed him away, smiling despite myself. "What a joke. How is everything?"
"It's okay. Thank you for helping me yesterday, but I'm fine now." Tony said, rubbing at his forehead.
I frowned, knowing Tony was just trying to make me feel better. I sat on a plastic chair outside Reid's room and patted the chair to its immediate right. "Talk to me."
Tony rolled his eyes, but he sat down without complaint. He was fairly tall and muscly, so the side of his leg brushed mine. "I've had my time to process, so I feel good. I just need you with me." he said. He looked so painstakingly worried that it tugged at something in my heart.
On an instinct, I pulled Tony's hand into my lap and stroked his palm with my thumb. His breathing quickened for a second, like he wasn't expecting me to do it. Then his limbs slackened and I could see his mind becoming quieter.
"I'm happy to hear that." I said quietly, looking tenderly down at his face.
"I'm happy when you're happy." Tony replied softly, closing his eyes. I watched his face, letting the twisting feeling in my stomach grow. Tony and I flirted here and there, but recently his attempts seemed more serious. He knew I didn't like commitment.
Now there was Reid, Tony's cousin, and Mallory's boyfriend. Liking Reid could hurt both of my dearest friends. I wanted to pretend that I didn't care about hurting people. The problem was that I cared too much.
It was time to start prioritising myself. My needs, above all else.
When I got back to my flat, I lay down on my bed, thinking about the past. As I sank into a dreamless sleep in my bed, I found myself sitting at the Collard campus cafeteria. I stared at the gleaming mimosa glasses in front of me.
Mallory sidled into the booth opposite me, smiling. She said something, but alarm bells were ringing in my head. No, no, no. This couldn't be that day. Not the day that changed everything. Why did my dreams insist on torturing me so?
I was so happy when Mallory asked me for a mimosa date. Our friendship was still burgeoning, but I was sure that we'd become something beautiful.
Mallory's blonde hair fell in golden locks past her shoulders; her eyes were bright and vivid with alertness. I was jealous that she always looked so cheerful. People like Mallory didn't need to strive for perfection like everyone else, because perfection was handed to them.
"Is everything okay?" Mallory asked, taking my hand in hers. I glanced up at Mallory and, shamed by the concern in Mallory's expression, pushed down my bitterness.
I smiled, tipping my glass down my throat. "Everything's perfect. What are we doing for the Econ project next week?"
Mallory gracefully ignored my obvious change in topic, and we engaged in conversation on their upcoming presentation. Mallory was an ambitious, hard worker, and she still knew how to have fun. I couldn't comprehend this form of duality.
My eyes flicked around the cafe. I people-watched on principle, simply because it was so interesting. Then, purely by chance, I saw a boy who looked more than interesting. He was leaning against the counter, talking to a barista with a charming smile.
I couldn't pinpoint why he was so attractive, but it was a similar feeling that I experienced with Mallory. They both exhibited an innate goodness, and projected it to everyone they met. Besides, there was something about this boy that instantly put me at ease. Maybe it was the brightness in his eyes.
I was working up the courage to walk over when he strolled right up to our table, smiled familiarly at Mallory and kissed her on the cheek. Mallory blushed and moved over to make room for him. Meanwhile, I felt sickened.
The boy's eyes flicked over me. He looked startled, like he didn't notice I was there. But then he smiled, once again at ease. I noted that his smile was more impersonal than the one he saved for Mallory.
"Ah, sorry. I didn't see that Mallory was already sitting with you." he apologised to me, the timbre of his voice low and calming. "I'll leave you guys to it."
"Don't worry about it." I tried to reply. My voice came out as a squeak, and I resolved to curl up on the ground and die, right then and there.
I was another face in the crowd to him, and I wasn't okay with that. I wanted to know him. Seriously know him, and maybe that was the jealousy or curiosity talking. Did anyone know their reasoning when they had a crush?
Usually I was confident with guys. I bet with my friends on getting the most numbers by the end of nights out. I won, most of the time. I kept my list of never-contacted numbers on multiple Notes pages.
I was the queen of stamping on hearts. Ironically, this was the one time I couldn't compete, let alone win. I had more respect for Mallory than that, because she always looked out for me.
Mallory elbowed her boyfriend playfully, flashing her brightest smile. "Nina's being too nice. You're trespassing on girl's day out, Reid."
Reid grinned and sent Mallory a verbal jab back, which sent them both into a storm of laughter. I sat there, smiling painfully and stirring my glass while they talked together. I recognised this familiar vice of mine; the green-eyed monster currently wreaking havoc in my stomach.
Jealousy.
My dream dissolved, Mallory and Reid's keenly familiar faces disappearing into emptiness. The sky darkened from its sweet blue, patterning itself into stars and a cloudless black sky. My memory became blurry, and I realised what this memory was.
If the last dream was pain, this was a knife in my back. The night where, after an extensive night of partying, I embarrassed myself beyond belief. I ruined Reid and I's cordiality forever.
I was getting into Reid's car to go home, giggling a little too uncontrollably. Getting drunk did strange things to me. I became delirious, watching Reid's face swim in front of mine. I reached out to touch his cheek.
Reid stared at me oddly for a few seconds, then disappeared from my blurred view. I closed my eyes, then I heard the vague sound of the car starting. I wondered where Mallory was, then I was inexplicably happy that my friend wasn't here. But Reid was here for me.
I turned my head, grimacing at the sharp pain that was already surfacing in my head, to see Cleo sleeping next to me. Thank goodness I trusted Reid's goodness, otherwise this situation could have turned sideways in a second's notice.
"Reid." I slurred, my lack of control softening each and every syllable. We were driving down a dark road now. Reid turned his head to look at me. Was I imagining the concern on his face? "I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" I heard him reply, but I was too tired to think about anything. I turned my head to the side, watching the lamp-posts follow my eyes, and relaxed. My mind went down the twisting dark tunnel of sleep again.
I dreamed of my boyfriend, back in high school. Before I met Reid and Mallory.
"How could you ask him out?" I heard myself say, tears running down my cheeks. My impeccable makeup, done meticulously in preparation for prom, was wrecked by this sight.
Opposite my figure, down the hallway, my sister Taylor smirked. Her round lips curled derisively as she watched me sob, running her hands down her tight maroon slip dress.
"It's not my fault that Evan here likes me more." Taylor said mockingly. She drew Evan's body flush against her hip. I watched Taylor's claws dig into his side, and my crying became quieter. Evan was my boyfriend. But whatever I had, Taylor wanted.
My dreams faded back into Reid carrying me up the stairs to my apartment. I felt my body sway with every step. I looked blearily up at Reid's awkward expression as he carried me down a corridor.
"Where are you taking me?" I tried to ask, but the words slipped around my mouth.
Reid glanced down and his eyes widened. "How are you feeling? You were pretty out of it tonight."
Strong feelings surged up in my chest. I wasn't sure that I could hold onto control. I touched Reid's hand lightly, feeling his skin flinch under my fingertips. "Better now you're here."
Thankfully, I regained control over my words, clamming my mouth shut. Reid's expression flattened. "Is it okay if I set you down? Can you walk?" he asked me.
I sighed, holding my hand to my head. "I'm still a bit dizzy. Could you take me to my bedroom? My keys are in my pocket."
"Okay." Reid said warily. I felt him cautiously put his hand in the pocket of my coat, feeling him take hold of the metal keys.
He asked me to put the key into the door because he was still supporting me, and I complied. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of Reid being here in my home. He helped me take my shoes off, then carried me into my room.
As Reid guided me into my bedroom, I smiled up at him. "My hero."
"Just for tonight." Reid replied. I knew that he meant it innocently. I frowned, wondering when he would take the hint.
As Reid turned to leave my apartment, I sat up groggily in my bed. "Wait a second?"
Reid turned back, glancing over at me briefly. "What is it?"
I held out a hand and Reid, after thinking to himself, cautiously walked over. I smiled sadly. "Just take my hand?"
Reid backed away. "I'm sorry, Nina, but I have to get back to Mallory."
This was my last chance. With every last inch of strength in me, I got out of bed and walked towards Reid. I took his face in my hands, pulling him down to kiss him.
Before our lips touched, Reid pulled me off him and backed away, staring at me with anger and confusion in his eyes. "You're drunk, Nina. You need to stop this."
He spoke assertively, to try and dissuade me. But in the haze of my mind, I already knew this wasn't right. I stumbled backwards, falling to the ground. In my bleary vision, I saw Reid walk away from me, rushing down the corridor. I knew this was the last time that Reid would call me his friend.
The acute pain of this dream woke me from sleep. I reached up to touch my face, and I found the skin under my eyes wet with tears. My regret was palpable, swallowing me whole. The consequences of my actions were catching up to me.
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