Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Gea had been silent until we arrived at the bus terminal. I found myself staring at the brightly lit board, hours and dates flashing in my mind. I approached the employee. I took out a couple of tickets from my bag. I couldn’t help but let my gaze wander, my eyes flickering towards the multitude of cameras in the bus terminal. It was a silly thought, driven by paranoia and fear.

What if they managed to find me?

Lia and Dub were useless and wouldn’t spare any effort in looking for me, but it was Axel I was worried about. Judging by his impeccable suit and grand house, it was obvious he was wealthy. Would Axel make the effort and put enough money to find me?

I wasn’t sure. I had to pay extra for the faster bus. It would take three hours to reach the city I chose, luckily with no stops involved. Anxiety and paranoia clung to me along with the cool night air. My foot tapped relentlessly; my eyes fixed on the clock ticking away in the terminal. I had thrown away my old flip phone at the corner store before getting in the taxi, another precaution I decided to take.

Gea had been silent the whole time, only speaking when the bus stopped at the terminal.

“Don’t do this, Sussan,” Gea pleaded, her voice as stressed and nervous as mine. “I know why you want to leave; I understand. I’m telling you it’s the wrong choice.”

“I want to find out for myself.” I grimaced, “I never had a choice, with anything. If this is a mistake, I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“I won’t help you do this, Sussan.” Gea’s voice sounded weary and sad, almost making me regret my decision. “You’ll be alone.”

“I’ve always been alone.” I muttered, walking towards the parking lot. The smell of cleaner and air freshener filled my nose. “It’s time for me to make my own decisions.”

Gea fell silent, and I couldn’t help but feel like I had lost a part of myself. The silence was deafening. It was then that I realized how much I had grown accustomed to her voice, even in the few days I had known her.

“You’re doing the right thing.” I murmured to myself, boarding the nearly empty bus. “I’ll learn from my mistakes like anyone else. At least I finally had the freedom to choose.”

My stomach was churning as I walked through the narrow aisles of the bus. Only a few people remained, clearly impatient to leave. I sat in one of the empty seats, placing my canvas bag at my feet. My fingers fidgeted impatiently, the hairs on my arms standing on end. Fear and anxiety had become my closest companions since last week. They followed me, their silky voices whispering in my ears. I could feel the creak of the seat handle under my tight grip. I only let go when the bus left the terminal and headed towards the road.

I deliberately looked away, ignoring the large c***k I had caused in the handle. Three hours, three hours of nothing but silence. Boring music played through the bus speakers. I pressed my cheek against the cold window of the bus, a feeble attempt to calm my nerves. Just as my eyes began to close and sleep started to take over me, a nearby noise startled me. Walking down the narrow aisle was a young-looking guy, one whose dark eyes were fixed on mine. His hands brushed against the rough material of each seat until he reached the one I was occupying. A bunch of thoughts raced through my mind, all driven by paranoia.

“Did Axel send this guy? Does he know I left? Did Stacy tell what she saw? Of course not,” I thought to myself. “It hasn’t even been an hour. They probably think I’m asleep.”

The guy stopped once he reached my seat, his dark eyes looking at me. The guy was good-looking in a rugged way. His hair was a light brown shade, wavy and barely grazing his broad shoulders. Normally, a guy like this would send a flutter of butterflies over me, but I felt nothing. Only two faces appeared in my mind. Identical features, full lips, long lashes, sharp jaws. This guy had nothing on Liam and Ethan. With great strength, I pushed the two of them out of my mind and ignored the sharp pain that pierced my chest. Thinking about them would only cause me unnecessary pain.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” the guy smiled softly, showing just a glimpse of his dazzling smile.

“Sure,” I muttered, unsure if he could hear me.

The young man sat in the seat next to me, tucking his backpack between his legs. Any cologne he was wearing swirled around me, filling my nose. It was a pleasant smell, woody with a hint of something sweet. Another sharp pain shook me, reminding me that I had smelled something better before.

“I’ve been on this bus for four hours now,” the boy chuckled under his breath, shaking his head wearily. I glanced out of the corner of my eye as his wavy hair bounced and tickled his shoulders.

“Seems like you could use some company. Where are you coming from?” I found myself asking, purely to stop thinking about everything else. My voice was louder than I expected it to be. Though I felt weak inside, my voice didn’t convey an ounce of fear or concern.

“Florida,” the boy laughed. That’s when I noticed his sun-kissed, golden-tan skin.

“It’s been a long journey. Damn, I still have a long way to go. Where are you headed?”

“I’m still not sure.” I chuckled dryly. “Still figuring that out.”

“You seem a little young to be traveling alone on the bus,” the boy smiled, his playful chocolate eyes.

“I’m nineteen, if that makes you feel any better.” I shrugged, the lie effortlessly rolling off my lips. Lying had become something I was good at. Liar, liar, liar. You are a liar. The word echoed in my head, filling my stomach with guilt.

“I’m just messing with you, but I do feel a little better,” the boy laughed, flashing me a million-watt smile. A smile like that would’ve made my face blush, but it had no effect.

“What brings you from Florida?” I found myself asking. A part of me felt guilty for talking to this guy. I couldn’t have cared less who he was or what brought him here. All I wanted was a distraction, something to keep me from drowning in my own anxiety.

“Visiting my mom. My dad is sick and needed my help,” the boy shrugged, his lips twisting into a frown. “I’m taking a gap year from college anyway, so I don’t mind lending a hand.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I almost cringed at how insincere I sounded, my words coming out choppy and harsh. “Do you like Florida?”

“Oh, I love it. The heat, the sun, the ocean. The storms are a letdown, but you can’t have it all,” the boy shrugged, letting out a chuckle. It seemed he hadn’t noticed my lack of sincerity or didn’t care to point it out.

“I’ve never been to the sea,” I murmured thoughtfully, wondering if I could take a flight somewhere near the ocean.

“Have you ever been to the sea?” The guy teased, his hand over his heart as if I had personally offended him. “Have you lived here all your life?”

I sighed. “Not always, but it’s just that I never had the opportunity to go to the beach.” I chuckled dryly.

“Have you thought about going back to where you come from?” the boy asked, his brown eyes filled with curiosity and sincerity.

“Actually, I haven’t.” I shrugged. “It’s a long journey, and there are too many memories there.” What I didn’t mention was that if someone were looking for me, my old home would be the first place they would search. Now I wanted to live in a place where no one knew my name.

“I understand.” The guy nodded, and I believed him. There was a shadow in his eyes, one that felt strangely familiar. “By the way, my name is George.”

“Stephanie,” I nodded, adding more lies in my story.

Liar, liar, liar. You are a liar. Another wave of guilt washed over me, and Aly’s face appeared in my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take for the overwhelming emotions to fade away.

When would my own guilt dissipate?

When would the cruel voice at the back of my mind be silenced?

“Well, Stephanie, I hope you find what you’re looking for.” George smiled, with an expression that held a pain similar to mine. A small part of me wondered what ghosts haunted him, what the cruel voice whispered in his own mind.

“Me too,” I murmured, forcing my mind to detach from the past and think about the future. George accompanied me to my stop. I listened most of the time as George talked and told me about his life. He was heading to his mom’s small cottage in Northern Virginia. He had traveled to Florida to attend college, and the waves were calling him by name. He had even participated in a couple of surfing competitions, getting second place in one of them. I had learned a lot about George, but I refused to give away much about myself.

George had asked me about hobbies I might have, which made me stumble and fall into an uncomfortable silence.

What hobbies did I have?

School, homework, work, saving money. These things weren’t hobbies, they weren’t enjoyable. Realizing it was like a punch in my gut. I had no hobbies, no passions. There was nothing I truly enjoyed doing. I never had the time or security to explore the things that mattered to me. Such a simple question caused such confusion within me.

Once we arrived at the terminal and got off the crowded bus, I asked George to call me a taxi. After wiping the confusion off his face, he took out a phone from his pocket. He had lied again, claiming that my phone’s battery had died and that my charger was left at home. George offered me a reassuring smile and waved goodbye as I got into the taxi. I returned the gesture but couldn’t force a smile to form on my face. A part of me wondered if I would ever smile again.

“Of course, I will.” I mocked myself; the silence in the taxi was deafening. “I need to feel safe and protected first, happiness will come later.” I told myself that lie until I arrived at the airport.