Chapter 27: Chapter 27

“So you have a name.”

“Of course I have a name, what did you expect? That I would be just «the voice inside Sussan’s head».”

“That would be more normal and it would make me less nervous. Now I see that I’m going to have to ask them to increase the dosage of whatever medication they prescribe me to stop hearing you.”

“That’s rude. I introduce myself, and all you can think of is getting rid of me.”

I smiled, catching Axel’s attention. For a few seconds, he had been observing me with barely concealed concern on his stony face.

“Is something wrong, Sussan?”

“Nothing,” I said as if it were barely important. “It’s just that I talk to the voices in my head.”

I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I wanted to test Axel and see how he would react. I noticed that his expression didn’t seem to change at all.

“I understand,” he said simply.

It bothered me.

“Aren’t you worried about the idea of me hearing voices?”

He kept his gaze fixed on the road. We weren’t far from the school anymore.

“I think it’s important that we listen to those voices we carry in our heads.”

“Well, this voice tells me that I don’t pay attention and that I’m crazy as a loon.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Axel said, shrugging his shoulders, his tone much more relaxed.

“As if I would trust your judgment,” I replied, annoyed by the way he was talking to me now.

We arrived at the school, and Axel promised to pick me up after class to show me what would be my new home from that evening on.

“It won’t be possible, you know,” I said, leaning against the car door. “I’m working this afternoon at the restaurant we came from.” I loved the expression on his face when I said that. “So, if you want to pick me up, it’ll have to be at night and at my workplace.”

He seemed fine with that and insisted on picking me up. I shrugged and turned to enter the school.

The day went by normally, except for the fact that Gea didn’t want to keep quiet.

“I’ve been silent for a long time,” she said when I asked for some peace.

“Well, you give me a headache.”

“Oh no, you won’t blame me for that.”

“Why wouldn’t I, if you insist on not shutting up?”

“Because from now on, I’ll be your advisor, and I won’t be able to keep quiet anymore, I’m telling you. I’ve been silent for far too long.”

“Are you some kind of advisor? How do I know if you’ll give me good advice?”

“I trust my abilities quite a lot, and here’s a first piece of advice: you need to trust and get closer to Ethan and Liam.”

“That’s never going to happen,” I replied. “Next week, I’ll be far away from this town, and the twins will become history.”

“You’re mistaken about that because Chloe will hurt you again unless you start trusting them.”

“But what kind of advisor are you? Didn’t you hear the part where Chloe hurt me for being with them? I was almost r***d, and I know next time I won’t be so lucky.”

“It’s her who won’t be so lucky, Sussan, because this time I’ll be with you completely, do you understand?”

“Isn’t it easier if there isn’t a next time? I leave this town, forget about the existence of the twins, problem solved, without anyone having to rely on luck to avoid getting hurt.”

“Don’t be so sure about that, Sussan.”

“I rolled my eyes and tried to concentrate in class to silence Gea. I managed to do it for a few minutes, but now it seemed that not only did I notice Gea’s constant and persistent presence, but I could also perceive, without her speaking, what she felt towards other people. Although most of them were equally indifferent to me, I noticed that she was more receptive to certain individuals and could even sense the mood they caused in her.

Definitely, I was going to need not only to increase my medication dosage but also to spend some time in a retreat center. This was too much. If I continued like this, I would develop some kind of multiple personality. Perhaps, by that time, I would already be bipolar.

The schedule for that day only allowed me to meet Aly in the last class, but I left earlier, overwhelmed by this new presence in my head that, even when silent, troubled me with its emotions. I couldn’t take it anymore and decided I needed to go somewhere with fewer people gathered.

I arrived nearly two hours before my shift at the restaurant, which, fortunately, was almost empty at that time.

I never thought my workplace would bring me so much peace.

But the tranquility didn’t last long. I knew Lia was about to enter the restaurant even before seeing her because I could smell her worn-out perfume and the scent of the soap she used on her clothes.

“You? Here? What are you doing?” I asked as I stepped out to intercept her before she could set foot inside the restaurant and cause any trouble for me.

“I was called by the school. They said you left without authorization.”

I sighed. Now that I was convinced I didn’t need school anymore, my mind had overlooked that small detail. I was about to ask her why she had come to find me at the restaurant when I realized that, in a small town, it was easy to find anyone.

“Well, I skipped the last class because I didn’t feel well.”

“So, you decided to come here to work?”

I shrugged and felt Gea’s animosity manifesting again, very strongly. I felt an uncontrollable anger towards Lia, so I had to take her by the arm and lead her to the back alley of the restaurant to avoid the scene I could already foresee.

“What are you doing, Sussan? What’s going on?”

I couldn’t help it, no matter how much I wanted to.

“So, that’s what it’s about, huh? You’re no longer the loving and caring mother you were until yesterday.”

Lia looked at me surprised.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about or what you’re insinuating, Sussan, but you know very well that none of this would be happening if you hadn’t called the social worker.”

Lia’s pretended superiority was evident. Now she wanted to blame me for what was happening in her life, and I easily knew it bothered her that I was going to live with Axel because that meant she wouldn’t see another dollar from the support payments. Gea was truly furious.

“Stop with the theatrics, Lia,” said Gea. “And since you mentioned it, I’m not insinuating anything, just being honest about the shitty mother you are and always have been. You’re only here not because you care whether I go to school or what happens in my life; all you want is to make sure Axel’s support payment reaches your account, that’s all. You’re not fooling anyone.”

Lia opened her mouth as if she were a fish out of water. She was now drowning in her own truth. I saw that she didn’t know how to respond, that she felt overwhelmed by my words, and that she feared whatever she was going to say, I would use it against her with the sole purpose of causing her more pain. Gea seized that moment of Lia’s weakness to approach her and pressure her. She confronted her, looked down on her, and pushed her until she was out of the alley where I had put her to protect her from public shame. Gea wasn’t going to be so considerate, and I feared what she might do. Luckily, Lia ran away before Gea could do anything else to her.

“It was just as I imagined,” Gea said. “In the end, when exposed, she turns out to be a coward. ‘Relax,’ you say? Of course not, it’s not yet time for that.”

“Do you have anger issues?”

“And wouldn’t you if you had spent several years trapped in the body of a teenager who keeps silent every time she wants to scream?”

“Well, I admit it. You’re right, Gea.”

I didn’t realize Angelo was in the alley until he approached cautiously.

“I see you’re still limping,” he said.

When I turned and met his gaze, I knew he wasn’t referring to the injury in my ankle.

“It’s been taken care of,” I said. “I’ll go back to work.”

Angelo shook his head and blocked my way to the back entrance of the restaurant.

“If you’re going back in, just promise me that your personal life won’t come with you.”

I sensed that Gea was calming down at the idea of returning to the restaurant and getting distracted with some intense work. It was a good idea to appease her. I nodded.

“Like I said, that’s already taken care of.”

Angelo stepped aside and let me in.

I had to avoid Aly throughout the shift so that my personal affairs wouldn’t continue to interfere with my performance at work because I knew Angelo’s eyes would be fixed on my back all afternoon. Axel arrived, as he had promised, to pick me up, and I promised Aly that we would talk at the first opportunity I had to calmly use my phone.